Chair Shots and Miscarriages of Justice: WWE Survivor Series 2016

CHAIR SHOTS AND MISCARRIAGES OF JUSTICE

WWE SURVIVOR SERIES 2016

BY: DOUBLE M

History set to be made as the WWE rolls out its version of eating too much at the Thanksgiving table by overloading the outside of the ring corners at Survivor Series in Toronto.  Three traditional matches featuring RAW’s best women, tag teams, and singles superstars against Smackdown Live’s finest.  So load up on leftovers [assuming Silent Owens hasn’t eaten it all] and dawn your Gobbledy Gooker hat.  Remember The Gobbledy Gooker?? JBL should be big enough to bring that back right?  Seriously Google or YouTube it up it’s one of the goofiest things you’ll ever see next to The List of Jeri- umm, err, ahh, yea nevermind.

BEST MATCH:  Sami Zayn vs. The Miz.  Best opportunity for something big as Sami Zayn has the chance to upset The Miz and bring the Intercontinental Championship back to RAW.  Interesting matchup here as I’ve heard a few rumors floating around Al Gore’s invented interwebs that there might be a trade involving The Miz to RAW.  It is from Adam Schenfer and the people who made that Hockeybuzz.com sight were they rip off TSN insiders, Yahoo Sports, and ESPN but for wrestling.  But those are rumors for your assumption.  Toronto was all fired up for Sami Zayn however it’s Miz who controls most of the fight after taking out Zayn’s leg.  Speaking of controversy Miz wins haven’t come without controversy as Maryse has been involved in quite a few of his wins in one way or another.  This was no different as just after a hilarious taunt by Zayn to Maryse, Miz took out the Prize Fighter’s leg and didn’t let up the whole time.  Kind of a throwback to some of the old guard and a strategy that plays well into Miz’ heel persona.  True to Zayn’s persona he put up a good fight with a couple of hellashish clothes line reversals, star shot over the top rope and small package reversal from the figure four.  Gotta question the Blue Thunder Bomb, seriously for something that’s billed as a finisher I haven’t seen Sami come close to winning with it.  Speaking of figure fours and Sami Zayn pulling out the stops, did anybody else catch Miz seeming to help Zayn lock the hold in at 55:30?  In any event all for not Maryse saved the day by ringing the bell and Miz getting the win on the roll up.  Blah.  Hit him with the Skull Crushing Finale roll up endings are the worst.  Unless it’s after an enjoyable session with a lovely lady.  Other than that good fight.

WORST MATCH:  Brock Lesnar v. Goldberg.  Clash of two monsters and it lasts as long as a 12 year old popping his cherry?  After all that hype to not last even 2 minutes???  A push, 2 spears and a jackhammer done????  Vert de furk????????  Bad enough to have it happen with Lesnar against Orton but to follow it up again like this?  The hell is “Creative” thinking.  I get it if they wanted show Goldberg was back and badder than ever and to create buzz, but they couldn’t have cut something else so fans actually got their money’s worth?  I’m guessing Goldberg is The Beast’s cryptonite.  

BEST MOMENT:  The look on Seth Rollins after 1) Silent Owens was DQ’d after whacking Styles with The List of Jericho and 2) Y2J RKO’d after picking up what was left of said List of Jericho.  2:34 into the ppv, watch Seth Rollins during that sequence.  “Dear god we’ve been put in a tough spot because of a list”.  Not because of a rivalry, not because of taunting.  Face-palm courtesy of the The List of Jericho.

MOST DISAPPOINTING MOMENT:  Shane McMahon’s high risk chances.  Shane we need to have a chat.  It’s not 2000.  I know you’re trying to “lead by example” and all but seriously man you’re going to kill yourself.  Hand off your ‘Coast-to-coast’ to one of the younger boys, but I tell you now your kidos don’t need to see you with that glazed over look you had after Reigns’ spear to counter you going coast-to-coast.  

PARTING SHOTS:  

-No Toronto that wasn’t the Abominable Snowman it’s just Sheamus.  Speaking of which….

-Cyber Monday sale your ‘Sheamus Flaming Dumpsters’ still available at the Chair Shots merch shop for 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592 easy payments of $998!!!!

-Are there no littering laws in Toronto??  Good grief what a mess from all those Breezango fashion tickets.

-Here’s a scary thought: Enzo going to a Tim Hortons.

-The fuck is a James Ellsworth? Did Eugene spawn and this is what came out??

-Braun Stroman.  Crazed hillbilly or a muscled up version of Eric Matthews alter-ego from Boy Meets World ‘Plays With Squirrels’.  Or maybe he just has gas.

-Carmella’s music hits:  WWE Universe goes to the food vendors/ bathroom.  

-Brian Kendrick your ‘Captain’s Hook’ finisher is a head lock.  Anybody who taps from that ought to be shown the door.  Now that faceplant off the top rope to set it up?  That’s a finisher.

-Anybody else hear the Jaws theme when Randy Orton was stalking Jericho

-If we learned nothing else from this event, it’s that the people of Toronto can count to 10.

-Nice showing by American Alphas, kudos for rising to this occasion.

Angry Rating Scale:  7.  Quite a few good spots all around this one but the close outs to pretty much all the matches were…. odd, lacking, unfulfilling.  Maryse ringing the bell so Miz could roll up Sami Zayn, Luke Harper getting involved with the singles tag match, how brief the Lesnar-Goldberg match was, Corbin’s involvement in the Cruiserweights [didn’t know he qualified].  Eeeh not so much.

~Double M