WWF Royal Rumble 1991 (Version II)

Original Airdate: January 19, 1991

From Miami, Florida; Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper

Opening Match: The Rockers v The Orient Express: The Express take Marty Jannetty out during the entrances, and quickly double-up on Shawn Michaels, but Marty comes barreling back in with superkicks to save, and the Rockers hit Tanaka with a tandem-backdrop. They go for the kill, but Kato pulls his partner out, so the Rockers dive onto them with stereo topes! The dust settles on Marty and Kato, and they feel each other out, with Jannetty controlling a side-headlock. Criss cross goes Kato's way with a rollup, but Marty blocks, and a reversal sequence ends in Jannetty hooking a backslide for two. Tanaka takes a cheap shot to allow Kato to strike, but a miscommunication allows Marty to catch an incoming Tanaka with an armdrag into an armbar! Tag to Shawn for a northern lights suplex, and he works an armbar as well. Criss cross ends in Tanaka nailing him with a very well executed jumping forearm for two, and he grounds Michaels with a chinlock. Shawn escapes and hits Tanaka with a high knee, then snapmares him over for two before applying his own chinlock. Tanaka fights free, so Shawn tries a sleeper instead, but Kato comes in illegally with a 2^nd rope flying axehandle to break, and Tanaka is able to capitalize with a legsweep. Shawn fights him off in the corner, which brings Kato in illegally again, but this time Michaels is ready with a flying moonsault press! The Rockers clean house with stereo dropkicks, then dive out after the Express with stereo flying bodypresses! Dust settles on Michaels snapmarring Kato over for two, then passing back to Marty for a tandem-backelbow for two. Shawn with a hanging vertical suplex for two, but an attempt at a monkeyflip is thwarted by Tanaka - allowing Kato to execute a hotshot! The Express cut the ring in half on Michaels, but Tanaka telegraphs a backdrop, and Shawn is able to deliver a facebuster! Kato knocks Jannetty off the apron to prevent a tag, but Shawn fights off a double-team, and reaches Marty for real! Dropkicks galore, and a powerslam on Kato gets two. Jumping backelbow gets two, and Roseanne Barr the door, we've got a kettle on! The Rockers tandem-superkick Kato to setup a rocket launcher, but Tanaka runs over and knocks Shawn off the top - Michael bumping all the way down to the floor! That allows the Express to work Marty over again, but Kato's attempt to use a slingshot to send Marty into Tanaka is countered when Jannetty sunset flips over Tanaka for the pin at 19:14! Fantastic finish there! Strong opener, too. A few dull spots, but lots of eye-popping and innovative stuff throughout. *** ½ (Original rating: *** ½)

Big Boss Man v Barbarian: Boss Man is all hot and bothered at the bell, but runs into a knee during the initial lockup, and Barbarian hammers him on the ropes. Irish whip gets reversed, however, and Boss Man blasts him with a big boot, then uses a backelbow to knock Barbarian to the outside. He stalls out there with Bobby Heenan, but Boss Man won't have it, and slides out - whipping Barbarian into the steps. Boss Man tries to vertical suplex him back in, but that goes about as well as you'd expect. Barbarian tries capitalizing with a flying axehandle, but Boss Man slugs him out of the air, then clotheslines him over the top! Back in, Barbarian manages to reverse a whip and hit a vertical suplex, and a hard-hitting short-clothesline follows. A right hand knocks Boss Man out of the ring, but he ends up with his ankle tied in the ropes as he falls, and Barbarian unloads on him. He frees him for a ram into the post, but Boss Man beats the count back in, so Barbarian greets him with a backbreaker for two. Bearhug, but Boss Man manages to slug free, so Barbarian pounds him back down for a pair of elbowdrops for two. Back to the bearhug, but Boss Man headbutts his way out, and delivers a leg-feed enzuigiri for two. Cross corner whip sets up an avalanche, but Barbarian dodges, and schoolboys him for two. Boss Man returns fire with a hotshot for two, and a criss cross results in a double-knockout. Barbarian gets the better of it and clobbers Boss Man with a flying clothesline, but he manages to get a foot on the ropes at two! Barbarian keeps after him, but runs into the Boss Man Slam - only for Barbarian to get the ropes at two! What year is this? You just didn't see guys brushing off finishers like that in midcard matches during this era. Barbarian with a piledriver to setup a flying bodypress, but Boss Man rolls through for the pin at 10:06. The long bearhug spot in the middle kind of hurt it a bit, but this was a lot better than I would have expected. ** ½ (Original rating: *)

WWF Title Match: Ultimate Warrior v Sgt. Slaughter: Warrior blitzes Slaughter and General Adnan before the bell, and rips apart the Iraqi flag for good measure - earning, perhaps, the biggest pop of his entire title run. Warrior keeps casually destroying Slaughter, and a cross corner whip sets up a backdrop. Another cross corner whip sees Sarge take a bump over the top, as Sensational Sherri joins us at ringside. Warrior doesn't notice her as he's busy beating up Slaughter on the outside, and back in, he starts unloading shoulderblocks - only for Sherri to trip him up! That suckers Warrior into giving chase up the aisle - where Randy Savage is hiding out! He beats the fuck out of Warrior and leaves him to die, as Slaughter had made promises to the Macho Man for a title shot if he wins, but Warrior refused to. I get the strategy, but leaving him for dead all the way near the entrance set seems a bit flawed, given that he very nearly got counted out in the process. And, as we all know, the title cannot change hands on a countout or disqualification. Warrior beats the count, but is greeted with a backbreaker, and Slaughter works him over in dull fashion. Punch, kick, punch, kick, bearhug, kick - you know the drill (instructor). Warrior tries a bodyslam, but actually sells his back giving out, and Slaughter hits a series of elbowdrops to the part. A sloppy backbreaker sets up a series of stomps to the back, and Sarge slaps on the Camel Clutch, but they're WAY out of position, as Warrior is already in the ropes as he applies it - causing the referee to have to pretend not to see it for an extended period of time. That was just dumb. And I don't even think they were out of position, I think that was just the stupid nature of the spot, thereby allowing Warrior an out without having to kill Slaughter's finish. Warrior starts throwing clotheslines upon escaping, and the jumping shoulderblock hits - drawing Sherri back out. She distracts Warrior from the apron before he can finish Slaughter off, so he decides to press-slam her out of the ring - right into an incoming Macho Man! That was the best bump of the match, thanks Sherri! This allows Slaughter to attack from behind with a high knee, which knocks Warrior right into a scepter shot from Savage, and Slaughter adds a weak elbowdrop to finish at 12:46. They couldn't have at least allowed him to finish with the Camel Clutch? Warrior was half conscious! The match was a total piece of shit, but at least they did it on the right card, because they'd never have gotten away headlining with this under normal circumstances, where there isn't a big draw gimmick match to headline. ½* (Original rating: ¾*)

Koko B. Ware v Mountie: I like how Mountie is simply billed as from 'Canada.' Big country, guys. Koko sticks and moves to start, and sends Mountie out of the ring with a dropkick. Back in, Ware works a wristlock, but a charge ends in him getting backdropped over the top to the outside. Piper is just hilarious on commentary here, noting that he's 'never seen no Mountie carrying no cattle prod,' and diagnosing that Mountie has an 'identity crisis,' and should 'go see a therapist.' Speaking of hilarious, Jimmy Hart taunts Koko's parrot Frankie as Mountie works Ware over in the ring, and it's funny as all fuck. Koko backdrops out of a piledriver attempt, but Mountie still manages to snapmare him over for a punt to the ribs. Backdrop, but Koko counters with a swinging neckbreaker, and he starts mounting his comeback. Bodyslam sets up a missile dropkick, but Koko gets distracted as Jimmy threatens Frankie, and doesn't cover. 2^nd rope bodypress gets two, but he quickly runs into what looks like a messed up scrapbuster at 9:12. This was a total house show match. ¾* (Original rating: DUD)

Ted DiBiase and Virgil v Dusty Rhodes and Dustin Rhodes: This is all kinds of weirdness, as you have the character created as a rib on Dusty against Dusty himself, along with Ted DiBiase, who was always sort of the WWF's version of Dusty's most famous nemesis. The heels attack before the bell, but get reversed into each other, and the Rhodes family clean house. The dust (ahem) settles on Virgil and Dustin to start, and the young Rhodes sends him to the outside following a dropkick. Back in, Dustin catches him with an overhead elbowsmash, and he sends Virgil over the top with a clothesline. DiBiase tears into his servant out there, and demands a tag on the way back in - which Virgil gives him. Kind of hard to believe Dustin was only twenty years old at this point. Ted schools the younger Rhodes, but telegraphs a backdrop, and eats a facebuster. That allows the Rhodes' to pinball him in the corner with elbowsmashes, and Dusty tags in to grab a sleeper - Virgil saving. Tag to Dustin, but he misses a cross corner high knee on Virgil, and the heels cut the ring in half working on the knee - Dustin doing a phenomenal job of selling. A miscommunication during a double-team causes Virgil to accidentally nail DiBiase with a clothesline, and Ted loses it - smacking the shit out of his employee, and dumping him to the floor. That allows the tag to Dusty, and he's a buffet of fire, but quickly misses a charge, and gets schoolboyed at 9:58. And then, of course, we get the big angle afterwards, with Virgil finally turning face on DiBiase after one humiliation too many. It still works so well, even over twenty five years later. This was the end of Dusty (and Dustin's) stay in the WWF, and effectively the end of the elder Rhodes' in-ring career as well. * ¼ (Original rating: *)


Main Event: Royal Rumble Match: Two minute intervals this year. Bret Hart and Dino Bravo get the party started, and the Hitman starts throwing dropkicks and an atomic drop, but he fails to get Bravo over the top. Dino goes to the eyes to get some breathing room, and an inverted atomic drop sets up some stompage. Yeah, stomp that yard, Dino! Elbowdrop misses, and Hart starts slugging him as Greg Valentine enters at #3. He's gone back to his usual blonde hair here, now that he's turned on Honky Tonk Man. He unloads on Bravo, and dumps him out in short order, then beats up former manager Jimmy Hart for good measure. He runs into an inverted atomic drop from Bret, but Hart fails to eliminate him. #4 is Paul Roma, and he goes right after Hart. He forms an alliance with Valentine to work the Hitman over, but then apparently suddenly gets the memo that the Hammer is no longer a heel, and starts pounding on him as well. Good for him. #5 is Kerry Von Erich, and he blasts Roma with the Discus Punch. One for Valentine as well (complete with the flop sell), as Hart bodyslams Roma to setup a 2^nd rope elbowdrop - only for Paul to roll out of the way. #6 is Rick Martel, and he goes right for fellow Canadian Bret Hart. Well, I suppose he is the biggest target, given his entry number, and all. This one is really off to a dull, aimless start, with only one elimination so far, and little star power. Saba Simba is #7, adding to the aimlessness thus far. #8 is Butch, which is sure to bring things up to that next level. Simba tries bodyslamming Martel out, but gets reversed over the top, and elimination. Bret and Kerry gang up on Martel in the corner as Valentine and Butch work over Roma, but no one gets dumped. #9 is Jake Roberts, and he goes right for Martel, of course! Finally, some intrigue! He annihilates the Model, but Rick manages to avoid the DDT, and bail to the outside. Roberts follows, but gets nailed by Valentine during the chase, and the Hammer goes to work. Jake fights him off and goes back after Martel, as #10 draw Hercules makes his way in. He saves Roma from Butch in the corner, as Martel gets Jake tied up in the ropes for some abuse. Roma tries a bodypress on the tied up Jake, but misses, and goes over the top in the process. #11 is Tito Santana, and this ring desperately needs some deadwood cleared out. We've only seen three guys eliminated thus far! Tito also goes for Martel, as #12 draw the Undertaker makes his way down. I think that deadwood problem is about to be solved. Bret is the first to go, and Undertaker turns his attention to choking poor Von Erich for an extended period of time. Jimmy Snuka is lucky #13, as Butch gets tossed by Undertaker. #14 is Davey Boy Smith, as Undertaker continues to choke anything that moves, and Jake continues to beat on poor Martel. #15 is Smash, and he gets into it with Davey, as Martel again avoids a DDT from Roberts, and manages to toss him! #16 is Hawk, and he throws down with everyone - which ends with him getting ganged up on by everyone. That was pretty funny. Shane Douglas gets #17, as Hawk dumps Snuka. Lots of aimless brawling going on. The buzzer goes for #18, but no one comes out. As we'd later learn, that was Randy Savage's spot. #19 is Animal, and he quickly pairs up with Hawk to clothesline Undertaker out. That earns a big pop, causing Hawk to miss Hercules charging from behind to knock him over the top as well. On the outside, Undertakers stalks after outside referee Shane McMahon. Hopefully that won't cause Shane to hold a grudge for the next twenty five years before settling things in a Hell in a Cell match. Because that would be bad. #20 is Crush, and he pairs up with Smash to work over Davey Boy. #21 is Jim Duggan, and why the fuck is Shane Douglas still in this thing? #22 is Earthquake, which should at least liven things up a little bit. He backdrops Animal out right away, as Davey slugs things out with Martel. #23 is Mr. Perfect, and he takes his sweet time getting into the ring, but quickly does some damage by eliminating Duggan. He blasts Smash with a dropkick next, but Tito attacks with a clothesline, and Perfect goes into oversell mode for anyone who touches him. Except Shane Douglas, because come on. Hulk Hogan gets #24, and that's the end of Smash's night! The crowd goes crazy as he goes after Earthquake, but Perfect saves the big man from elimination. #25 is Haku, as Hogan finally gets Valentine out, after over forty four minutes. He targets Martel next, but fails to get him out as well. Go for Shane, brother! Get that low hanging fruit! Jim Neidhart is #26, and he slugs it out with Hercules, as Earthquake gets rid of Tito. Douglas tries to get Martel out, and Rick somehow stops himself from falling over laughing. He really is an iron man! #27 is Luke, who promptly gets bumped by Earthquake, but never stops marching - in one of the more famous Rumble sight gags from over the years. Earthquake holds Hogan in a full-nelson, but Davey saves him from elimination, as #28 draw Brian Knobbs (fresh from WCW) joins us. Kind of weird that Knobbs was in this thing, but not Jerry Sags as well. He gets ganged up on by everyone, in an apparent bit of hazing. Some bodies need to go flying here, and soon. Hercules gets dumped by Knobbs as #29 entry Warlord joins the fray. He goes after Smith, as Perfect hilariously stops to get toweled off by Bobby Heenan. Nice! Hulk gets Crush out, then Warlord, as #30 draw Tugboat enters to round out the field. He goes right for Earthquake, but then quickly attacks pal Hulk Hogan! Hey, 'every man for himself!' Shane Douglas is finally gone, after over twenty six minutes in there, during which he didn't eliminate a single competitor. Tugboat almost gets Hulk out, but that just serves to piss the Hulkster off, and he dumps Tugboat, as Davey bumps Perfect off. Martel manages to eliminate Neidhart, as Smith gets rid of Haku - things picking up now. Martel makes the mistake of going to the top rope, and gets knocked out by Smith, though the Model sets the longevity record with over fifty two minutes in. Good bump, too. That leaves Smith, Earthquake, Hogan, and Knobbs as the final four, and Earthquake teams up with Brian to toss Davey, then they go right to work on Hogan. Earthquake Splash leaves Hogan in a bad situation, but the heels make the mistake of turning their backs, and miss him popping up! Big boot finishes Knobbs in short order, and Earthquake gets one, too! Bodyslam follows, but Earthquake topples him, and hits a pair of elbowdrops. Scoop powerslam leads to a cover by Earthquake, which is just a (stupid) setup for the HULK UP!! How dumb can you be? Big boot, bodyslam, and Hogan wins his second Rumble at 65:15. A really tedious Rumble, with tons of guys overstaying their welcome, and little in the way of excitement or star power. * ¾ (Original rating: **)

BUExperience: Look at it this way: the first two matches are good. The third match isn’t good, but is historically significant, and manages to be entertaining due to the angle. The fourth match is filler. The fifth match isn’t particularly good, but again is historically significant (for a bunch of reasons), and is capped off with a great angle. If you’re scoring this on points, that basically adds up to a two-star level show, maybe even three-stars. But then, you’ve got the Rumble match itself to consider. Running over an hour bell-to-bell, it takes up a third of the card, and is one of the weaker entries. Overall, I’d say that if you’re purely looking for in-ring action then this isn’t for you, but if you’re more of a sports entertainment guy, then there’s a lot to enjoy here

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