WWF WrestleMania VII (Version II)

Original Airdate: March 24, 1991

From Los Angeles, California; Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan

Opening Match: The Rockers v Barbarian and Haku: Shawn Michaels starts with Haku, and uses his speed advantage to try and outmaneuver him, but gets kicked, and trapped in a headlock. Criss cross allows Shawn to try a Thesz-press, but Haku catches him, and corner whips him. Front-powerslam, but Michaels escapes, and another criss cross ends in him hitting a jumping shoulderblock. He tries following up with a wristlock, but Haku slugs his way out, so Marty Jannetty tags in for a tandem hiptoss - only for both Rockers to run into a double-clothesline from Barbarian! Nice sequence there. The Rockers fire back with tandem superkicks for both guys to clean house, and the dust settles on Marty and Barbarian. Barbarian slugs him down right away, but Jannetty uses his speed for a rana for two (with an assist from Shawn), so Haku fires off a cheap shot. Marty tries a rana on him as well, but this time Michaels gets cutoff by the referee while trying to assist, and Barbarian sneaks in to help Haku drop Marty across the top rope with a hotshot! Nice! That's enough to allow them to cut the ring in half on Jannetty, but Barbarian misses a flying headbutt, and Shawn gets the hot tag! Swinging neckbreaker gets two on Haku, and a sunset flip follows, but Haku won't go down, so Jannetty runs in to lend a hand with a clothesline. That brings Barbarian in, and Roseanne Barr the door! The Rockers clear him out with a tandem superkick, and a missile dropkick by Marty on Haku sets up a flying bodypress from Michaels at 10:33. The usual peppy Rockers match, very reminiscent of their WrestleMania outing against the Twin Towers two years prior. Hard work all around here. *** ¼ (Original rating: **)

Kerry Von Erich v Dino Bravo: Bravo attacks before the bell, and clotheslines Kerry over the top. Dino follows to continue the assault on the outside, but gets caught with an atomic drop on the way back in, and Von Erich tries the Iron Claw, but Bravo blocks. Kerry corner whips him instead, but misses a charge, and Dino delivers an inverted atomic drop to setup a pair of elbowdrops for two. Von Erich looks drugged out of his mind here, with all his movements looking out of synch. Bravo with a sidewalk slam for two, and a 2^nd rope flying axehandle follows. Another, but this time Kerry counters with the Claw, and the Discus Punch finishes at 3:11. I think he was supposed to counter on the first axehandle there, and missed his mark. This was just filler, and was energetic, but man, Von Erich looked terrible. ¼* (Original rating: ¾*)

Warlord v Davey Boy Smith: Power-showdown to start, as they size each other up. Davey manages to get the best of it and shoulderblock Warlord out of the ring, then back in, he tries a crucifix, but Warlord counters with a Samoan drop. He adds a series of three elbowdrops for two, and a corner whip sets up a bearhug. Davey slugs free, so Warlord responds with a hotshot for two, then delivers a nice belly-to-belly suplex. Chinlock, but Smith escapes, and fires off a nice standing dropkick to setup a series of turnbuckle smashes. 2^nd rope flying punch sets up a bodypress for two, but Warlord backdrops out of a piledriver - only to get sunset cradled for two. Smith tries a charge in the corner, but eats boot, and that's enough to allow Warlord to get the Full Nelson on! The big angle going into this was whether or not Davey Boy could escape it. And escape he does! Warlord is shocked, and tries a slam, but gets countered into the Running Powerslam at 8:14. Kind of slow and lumbering, and a bit too much resting, but not terrible. * ½ (Original rating: *)

WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Hart Foundation v The Nasty Boys: Bret Hart starts with Jerry Sags, and the Nasty Boy doesn't waste any time throwing a cheap shot during the initial lockup, but Bret manages a Thesz-press as they criss cross. That brings Brian Knobbs in illegally, but Bret cuts him off with an inverted atomic drop, and sends him to the outside. Sags tries a big boot, but Hart catches the foot and sweeps the leg to setup a stomp downstairs. Tags to Jim Neidhart and Knobbs, and they get right into a slugfest - Neidhart getting the better of it with a hiptoss, and sending Brian to the outside with a shoulderblock. The Nasties regroup out there for a bit, and back in, Sags hammers Neidhart in the corner, but telegraphs a backdrop, and Bret gets the tag. He unloads a turnbuckle smash to setup a ten-punch count, and a Russian legsweep sets up a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop for two - Knobbs saving. Hart kicks his ass in the corner, but makes the mistake of turning his back, and he gets clobbered! The challengers cut the ring in half, but a tandem move is dodged, and Hart gets the hot tag - Roseanne Barr the door! Hart Attack looks to finish Knobbs, but Sags blasts Neidhart with Jimmy Hart's megaphone in the chaos, and the Nasties win the title at 12:10. Solid enough, though the Nasties reliance on multiple extended reverse chinlocks during the heat segment was a major negative. * ¾ (Original rating: * ¼)

Blindfold Match: Jake Roberts v Rick Martel: The gimmick here is that both men wear hoods, as Martel had blinded Roberts with a spritz of his signature perfume in the fall of 1990 - and despite Roberts' recovery - the punishment had to fit the crime. Oh, and punishing it was, as both guys have to play it 'blind' (the hoods were gimmicked - they could see), and spend the match 'blindly' pointing around, playing 'hot/cold' off of the crowd reactions. Lots of comedy bits with Martel missing moves, or frustrating bits like Jake JUST missing him - until he catches him with the DDT for the pin at 8:33. And yes, I just copied and pasted that from the v1 review. I did rewatch the match, but I draw the line at attempting play-by-play for it. This was the type of cutesy thing that was probably entertaining as hell for the live crowd, but didn't really translate to television. They both did a really good job of getting it over for what it was, but this probably should have run on the house show circuit instead of pay per view. Gotta be the easiest money either of them ever made, though. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Undertaker v Jimmy Snuka: Undertaker destroys him to start, hammering away on Snuka, and using chokes. Jumping clothesline leads to more choking in the corner, and a vertical suplex sets up an elbowdrop, but Jimmy rolls out of the way. He slugs back at Undertaker, but misses a bodypress, and goes flying out of the ring. Snuka flies back in with a springboard bodypress, but Undertaker catches him, and executes the Tombstone at 4:19 - making Undertaker 1-0 on his long journey to Brock Lesnar. To give you some perspective of just how long the Streak lasted, Brock was only a mere child of thirteen years old at this point. ¼* (Original rating: ¼*)

Retirement Match: Ultimate Warrior v Randy Savage: Warrior wisely walks to the ring for this, instead of his usual mad dash. Feeling out process to start, until Savage rakes the eyes, but Warrior shrugs him off, and send him to the floor with a shoulderblock. That brings Sherri onto the apron for a distraction, but Warrior shrugs off Macho's attempted blitz, and throws him around the ring. Inverted atomic drop and a standard atomic drop are enough to bring Sherri blatantly into the ring, so Warrior throws Randy INTO her to stop that effort! He keeps unloading on Macho, but telegraphs a backdrop, and Savage puts him down with a hangman's clothesline. Flying bodypress follows, but Warrior catches him, then opts to put him down - bruising his ego with a slap across the face rather than his backside with a slam! An irate Savage bails to the floor and starts throwing furniture around, but Warrior ignores him, and continues to methodically thump him once he re-enters. Cross corner charge misses, however, and Warrior takes a bump to the outside for Sherri to abuse. Savage dives with a flying axehandle out there in between Sherri shots, but Warrior gets annoyed, and shoves her down hard. Man, Sherri certainly didn't phone it in when it came to taking bumps or taking one for the team, did she? That allows Randy to shoves Warrior into the post, and a snapmare on the way back in sets up a kneedrop for two. Neckbreaker, but Warrior counters with a backslide for two, so Sherri distracts him again, but Savage's blitz is again thwarted. Short-clothesline sets up a splash, but Randy dodges, and delivers a facebuster for two. He grounds Warrior in a chinlock, as Sherri earns every penny she made cheering him on. I've noted this before, but I've really come to appreciate Sherri's contributions on these Version II reviews. She's like everything Maryse aspires to be, and more. Warrior escapes the hold, but runs into a double-knockout spot, and Randy is up first. Bodyslam, but Warrior counters with an inside cradle, so Sherri distracts the referee to delay the count - allowing Macho to kick out at two! Warrior argues about it, and eats a high knee - bumping the referee in the process! That allows Sherri to get even more liberal and blatant with her cheating, but a trip to the top rope backfires! Warrior stupidly chases after her instead of finishing Randy, however, and gets schoolboyed for two. Randy drops him throat-first across the top rope, then dives over the top to SNAP his throat across the rope! Bodyslam gets two, and he goes up - drilling Warrior with the Flying Elbowdrop! No cover, as he rushes up to deliver a second one. Again no cover, as Randy delivers a third one! Oh, come on! Number four and number five follow, and he finally covers, but Warrior gets a shoulder up at two! Both Randy and Sherri are flabbergasted, but Randy tries to stay focused - hitting Warrior with multiple axehandles. Unfortunately for him, Warrior is BLOWING UP!! Fists of Fury! Running Clotheslines! Press-Drop! Splash! Two?! Warrior can't believe it either, and starts questioning the heavens, and also his hands. He's conflicted as he talks to his gods, and decides to walk out of the match, but all this hemming and hawing allows Randy to recover, and he drills Warrior with a right! Sherri holds Warrior against the rail for Randy to hit with a flying axehandle, but he manages to power her off, and Macho crashes into the rail! Inside, Warrior goes for the kill with a jumping shoulderblock, but he hits it with such authority that Savage goes flying out of the ring! Warrior drags him back in for a second one - same result! Sherri desperately tries to lend a hand, but Warrior scares her away, and drags Macho in for one final jumping shoulderblock - pinning him with one foot across the chest at 20:46! Phenomenal! And then, as if that weren't ENOUGH, we get the post-match antics, with Sherri turning on Savage for losing, until Miss Elizabeth (in the crowd) runs in for the save, and reunites with Randy in one of the all-time great WrestleMania moments! This is easily one of my favorite matches/moments in wrestling history here. This is what they're talking about when they say 'sports entertainment.' **** ¾ (Original rating: ****)

Demolition v Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kiato: Demolition attack before the bell, and Crush works over Kiato, but runs into a high knee. That brings Smash in illegally, and a cane shot from Mr. Fuji quickly turns the tide back in favor of the Demos. They get back to cutting the ring in half on Koji, but Smash misses a corner charge, and Tenryu gets the tag. He hits a quick bodyslam to setup a flying back-elbowdrop, but Smash dodges, and Crush hits a backbreaker. The Demos work him over now, but Koji prevents Tenryu from taking the Decapitation, and Tenryu hits Smash with an enzuigiri and a powerbomb at 4:43. Just filler... the crowd was still filing back in from intermission during the whole match. ¼* (Original rating: ¼*)

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Mr. Perfect v Big Boss Man: Perfect stalls on the outside right away, so Boss Man follows him out, and sends him spiraling through the air with a slap! Inside, Boss Man keeps unloading, and he launches the champ over the top with ease! Boss Man misses a charge to allow Perfect a chop, but a cross corner whip is reversed, and Boss Man hits a straddling ropechoke. He takes his belt off to whip Perfect with a few times, but Perfect gets hold of it, and wraps it around his fist to return fire. He hits a cross corner whip of his own to put Boss Man down for a cravat, then follows up with an abdominal stretch. Standing dropkick gets two, and a snapmare sets up a somersault necksnap. Perfect-Plex, but Boss Man counters with an inside cradle for two, so Perfect drops him with a somersault neckbreaker for two. Flying splash, but Boss Man lifts his foot to block, and he sends Perfect somersaulting through the air with a turnbuckle smash before crotching him on the post! A right hands knocks the champ over the top, so Bobby Heenan gets involved, and Perfect capitalizes by sending Boss Man into the steps! That brings Andre the Giant out to prevent more interference from the Brain, but Perfect objects, and gets swatted! That allows Boss Man to cover, but Perfect gets a shoulder up at two, and here come Barbarian and Haku for the DQ at 10:45. Perfect's selling was stellar (as always), but the match fell kind of flat, and I really hated the finish. * (Original rating: ¾*)

Earthquake v Greg Valentine: Earthquake powers him into the corner to start, and a scoop powerslam gets two, but a charge misses, and Greg fires off some chops and elbowsmashes. He manages to take Earthquake down following a flurry of elbows, but gets distracted by Jimmy Hart while going for the Figure Four, and the Earthquake Splash finishes at 3:17. Total junk, but thankfully short. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

The Legion of Doom v Power & Glory: Blink and you'll miss this one, as the LOD fight off a sneak attack, and polish off Paul Roma off with the Doomsday Device at 0:58. Just more filler. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Ted DiBiase v Virgil: Hopefully this is going to pep up this show a bit, as they've had a really hard time getting back on track following intermission, and have been dead in the water since the Retirement Match. DiBiase tries to appeal to Donald Trump (in the front row) about his situation here, but Virgil ignores it, and throws jabs until Ted bails. Back in, an embarrassed DiBiase tries to match fists with Virgil, but ends up getting knocked out of the ring again. Virgil brings him in hardway this time, only to clothesline him right back out over the top. Ted forces the referee to dress Virgil down about using a closed fist to try and rattle him, then takes Virgil down by outwrestling him. Chops and a backelbow put Ted firmly in control, and a clothesline leads to a piledriver for two. Vertical suplex gets two, and a gutwrench suplex is worth two. DiBiase is working hard to carry this, give him that. He dumps Virgil to the outside to abuse him in front of Roddy Piper, but makes the mistake of shoving the Hot Rod down! Inside, Ted powerslams Virgil, but gets pulled out of the ring with Piper's crutch - getting counted out at 7:37. Afterwards, DiBiase punishes Virgil with the Million Dollar Dream until Piper saves, so suddenly Sherri runs in to align with DiBiase - helping him beat Piper down! The angle was great, but the match was lacking, and it kind of got mired down in the post Retirement Match mud as a result. ¾* (Original rating: ½*)

Mountie v Tito Santana: Tito catches him with the jumping forearm right away, but Mountie falls out of the ring before Santana can cover. Tito drags him back in for an atomic drop, and things are looking grim for the Canadian, so Jimmy Hart passes him the shock stick, and he buzzes Santana for the pin at 1:20. Boy, Jimmy Hart's sure earning his money tonight, isn't he? DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Main Event: WWF Title Match: Sgt. Slaughter v Hulk Hogan: Alex Trebek is the guest ring announcer, Marla Maples acts as the guest time keeper, and Regis Philbin sits in on commentary. Slaughter looks to have slimmed down quite significantly going into this. He still looks like an old man next to Hogan, though. Besides dropping pounds, I think a big cosmetic improvement would have been shaving his head completely bald, ala Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. Feeling out process to start, with Sarge doing some bumping around for the Hulkster. A shoulderblock knocks him to the outside, and Hulk follows to attack, so General Adnan tries to interfere, allowing Slaughter to grab a chair. Hogan no-sells it though, and Slaughter is begging off on the way back in, but he manages to rake the eyes to stagger Hulk. He puts him down with a backelbow, but an elbowdrop misses, and Hulk drops him with the axe bomber! Cross corner elbow and an atomic drop get two, and Slaughter wisely bails, but Hulk is right after him with a backrake. Back in, Hogan delivers a forearm smash for two, and a few turnbuckle smashes don't end well for the champ. Cross corner whip sets up a backdrop, and a high knee sets up a slingshot into the corner! Give it to them, this isn't a technical classic, but they're working hard to deliver. Cross corner clothesline and a ten-punch count stagger Slaughter for a turnbuckle smash for two, so Hogan tries a 2^nd rope flying axehandle, but Slaughter blocks. Hulk shrugs him off with an eyerake, however, and a bodyslam sets up a pair of elbowdrops. Hulk goes up to the top, but this time Adnan hooks his boot, and Slaughter is able to slam him off. Looked like there was a miscommunication there. I think Adnan was supposed to hook his boot on the first try (you can see him going for it), but someone missed their mark, and they had to redo it. Slaughter capitalizes by sending Hogan out over the top with a clothesline, and he follows after him for a ram into the post, then smacks the challenger with a chair a few times. He chokes him with some electrical cable before bringing it back inside, where Slaughter hammers the back. Backbreaker gets two, and Sarge applies a Boston crab, but Hulk gets the ropes after failing to power out. Slaughter with a sloppy flying kneedrop to the lower back, but Adnan is distracting the referee for some reason, and the count is delayed. Not sure what the deal was there. Slaughter goes out for a chair and cracks Hulk with it to draw blood (off of a plastic folding chair?), then drills him with a short-clothesline to setup the Camel Clutch. He gets it applied, but Hogan manages to power out, so Slaughter shoves him chest-first into the corner to cut off a comeback. He drapes the Iraqi flag over Hulk's body as he makes the cover, but that only triggers the HULK UP!! Flag Ripping! Fists of Fury! Big Boot! Legdrop! 20:23! This was certainly a satisfying blow off for the angle, but as a match, it overstayed its welcome a little bit. Not a bad match, mind you, it just could have stood to lose about five minutes. ** ¾ (Original rating: **)

BUExperience: The show starts off well enough, but after climaxing with the highpoint of the Retirement Match midway through, things never quite recover, and the second half drags significantly. Warrior/Savage is a must see, and arguably the greatest single half hour segment of wrestling ever produced, but unfortunately the rest of the card doesn’t quite hold up its end of the bargain, and leaves a lot to be desired

**