NWA (WCW) Clash of the Champions XIII (Version II)

Original Airdate: November 20, 1990

From Jacksonville, Florida; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Paul E. Dangerously

Opening Match: The Fabulous Freebirds v The Southern Boys: Just like at Clash XII, this was originally scheduled as a six-man tag, but ended up as a standard tag instead. Jimmy Garvin starts with Tracy Smothers, and a big criss cross ends in Smothers hiptossing him. That draws Michael Hayes in, but Steve Armstrong cuts him off with a dropkick, and the Southern Boys clean house. Dust settles on Hayes and Smothers, and the Freebirds try a double-team in the corner, but Steve comes in with a double-flying bodypress to break it up. They keep bouncing the Freebirds around, until Hayes manages to knock Smothers off the apron and into the guardrail, and that's enough to turn the tide. The Freebirds cut the ring in half on Tracy, but Armstrong gets annoyed after the 'Birds distract the referee into a missing a tag, and comes in illegally to do some damage. Garvin ends up getting backdropped onto the elevated ramp way, but Hayes catches Smothers with a DDT during the chaos for the pin at 4:47. I don't think Armstrong even ever legally tagged in. Just the usual match between these two teams. Nothing more, nothing less. * ¾ (Original rating: ¼*)

Sting joins Tony Schiavone for a podium interview, but the Black Scorpion comes on over the arena sound system to lob threats at him. Sting's reaction is to take his top off. What a comeback!

Brian Pillman v Buddy Landel: Buddy hammers away, and quickly takes him down with a short-clothesline to setup a pair of kneedrops. Landel chokes him on the ropes then blasts him with another short-clothesline, but Pillman sunset cradles out of a cover for two. Brian with an inside cradle for two, and a backslide is worth two. A pair of clotheslines sends Buddy out onto the ramp, and Brian follows out with the Air Pillman, but Buddy backdrops out of a piledriver attempt out there. Landel knocks him into the rail with a high knee before dropping him throat-first across in, but a clothesline against the post misses, and Brian rams the arm into the rail! He tries bringing it back in, but Buddy sends him into the post to block, then brings him in for a pair of chops in the corner. Cross corner whip is reversed, however, and Brian hits a dropkick to send Buddy back to the floor - following with a springboard bodypress! Back in again, Landel tries to slow him down with an abdominal stretch, and a backbreaker gets two. Pillman fires back with a backdrop, so Landel tries a vertical superplex, but Brian slugs him off to block, and hits a flying bodypress at 5:48! So, so much better than their sluggish Great American Bash effort. *** ¼ (Original rating: ¾*)

Starrcade '90 promo

Big Cat v Brad Armstrong: Armstrong uses speed to try to evade the (less than quick as a) Cat, but runs into a shoulderblock as he comes off the ropes. Brad throws a dropkick to get away from a pounding, but Cat catches him during a bodypress attempt for a three-alarm no-release backbreaker. Bodyslam gets two, and Armstrong sells a cross corner whip like death. Bearhug wears him down for an avalanche, but Brad sidesteps, and starts mounting a comeback. Standing dropkick hits, but a second doesn't, and Cat slaps on a torture rack at 4:30. Pretty dull, but it had its moments. ¾* (Original rating: ¼*)

Dick the Bruiser will be the special guest referee for the main event at Starrcade. He's ain't afraid of no Black Scorpion. Only big black dicks. Since they're harder to bruise

Tom Zenk v Brian Lee: Lee looks almost unrecognizable compared to how we remember him from the mid to late 90s. He looks more like Crush than the Undertaker here. Zenk sticks and moves to start, but misses a flying bodypress (in a spot where it looked like Lee was way out of position), so they stop for a headlock to regroup. Criss cross ends in Zenk landing a dropkick, but Brian snapmares him down for a chinlock. Cross corner charge misses, and another mistimed sequence ends in Zenk hitting a kick before finishing with a missile dropkick at 3:10. A train wreck. DUD (Original rating: DUD)

Mike Rotunda is out to explain that he's inherited a lot of money, and will now consequentially be known as Michael Wallstreet, and managed by Alexandra York

Michael Wallstreet v Starblazer: Starblazer is Tim Horner under a mask, in the most bargain basement gimmick imaginable. I mean, who would ever buy a wrestler wearing yellow and red, anyway? Wallstreet controls with takedowns early on, but runs into a pair of well executed dropkick, and takes a break on the outside. Back in, Starblazer tries an armbar, but gets tossed to the outside during a criss cross, and Wallstreet works an abdominal stretch on the way back in. Michael tries a vertical suplex, but Starblazer counters with a schoolboy for two, as the announcers make various stock market related puns. They've really got their fingers on the pulse of the average WCW fan. Reversal sequence ends in them botching a Boston crab, and the Wall Street Crash finishes at 4:14. New gimmick, same old Rotunda. ¼* (Original rating: ¼*)

Gordon Solie wants YOU to read the WCW Magazine! Reading? Again, fingers right on the pulse there, guys

Pat O'Connor Memorial International Tag Team Tournament Qualifying Match: Sgt. Krueger and Col. DeKlerk (South Africa) v Botswana Beast and Kaluha (Botswana): Winners represent Africa in the tournament. This sounds like a match straight off of some bad local promotion. Feeling out process to start, until the South Africans run into trouble with the Beast. JR notes that the Sergeant 'is a brawler.' Too bad they didn't go balls to the wall, and name him 'Sgt. Brawler.' Speaking of brawls, one breaks out between the two teams, and Beast eats the pin at 5:49. Sorry there wasn't more play-by-play there, but the announcers couldn't be bothered to learn these guys' names, so why should I? DeKlerk was trying all sorts of cool stuff here, but most of it was really poorly executed, and the crowd didn't know who any of them were, so it fell really flat. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Sam Muchnick personally wants you to order Starrcade!

Lex Luger is out to talk about 'playing his coins right,' but the Big Cat is back to talk trash, so Luger decks him. Man, they had no shortage of guys lined up for Luger during this period, did they? Stan Hansen, Dan Spivey, Big Cat - he was a busy boy

Lex Luger v Motor City Madman: Big Cat brawls with Luger before the bell, and Madman attacks as the bell sounds. He works Luger over with forearms, but runs into a bodypress during a criss cross, and Luger clotheslines him down. Backelbow sends Madman onto the ramp, but Lex vertical suplexes him back in (barely able to properly lift the big man, and dropping him awkwardly), and a bodyslam follows, but an elbowdrop misses. Madman capitalizes with a clothesline and a sidewalk slam, but Luger backdrops out of an overhead backbreaker attempt, and hits a running forearm smash for the pin at 2:35. Quick enough to be harmless. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Starrcade '90 promo

The Nasty Boys v The Renegade Warriors: Jerry Sags starts with Mark Youngblood, and pounds him into the heel corner to pass over to Brian Knobbs for a tandem-vertical suplex. Mark catches him with a sunset flip for two, however, and Chris Youngblood tags in - the Warriors taking turns working Brian's arm. A cheap shot turns the tide, and Mark takes a bump over the top, but beats the count in. The Boys cut the ring in half on Mark, but the Steiner Brothers run in before they can put him away - causing a DQ at 5:02. They could have done that at two minutes in, and saved three minutes of my life, the jerks. Sadly, the Nasties bailed for the WWF before the blow off could happen. ¼* (Original rating: DUD)

Sid Vicious v Nightstalker: Huge babyface reaction for Vicious. We start with a test-of-strength that goes to a stalemate, and they do a power-showdown. Nightstalker grabs a bearhug, but Sid slugs out, and then blatantly stops to call spots on camera. Nightstalker fires off some knees, then goes after the arm, as Big Cat wanders back out. Sid side suplexes Nightstalker and decks Cat, but that allows Nightstalker to grab his axe (yes, a literal axe), only for a charge with it to miss. That brings Cat into the ring, and he's forced to lamely stand around while Sid gets his shit together, picks up the axe, and hits Nightstalker with it for the pin at 3:30. This was absolutely terrible, with both guys looking clumsy, awkward, and frankly pathetic. Why the fuck would you put Sid, of all people, out there to try and carry a total rookie on national TV? It's rare that such a short match could be this bad, but there it was. -**** (Original rating: -*)

The Fabulous Freebirds are here to raid your grandma's gym locker

Missy Hyatt hypes this weekends episode of Main Event

NWA United States Tag Team Title Match: The Steiner Brothers v Magnum Force: Magnum Force are two total jobbers, and one wonders why the championship committee would even sign them to a title bout. The Steiner's look like they're wondering the same thing, and aggressively squash them - Scott Steiner finishing with a Frankensteiner at 1:56. Just a squash. Afterwards, the Nasty Boys run back in for another brawl. ½* (Original rating: DUD)

We get a review of the Sting/Black Scorpion feud, leading Paul E. Dangerously bringing Sting out for yet another podium interview, and this time the Black Scorpion actually shows up, and turns an audience member into a tiger! Jesus, enough with the Big Cat already on this episode!

Starrcade '90 promo

Main Event: Ric Flair v Butch Reed: If Flair wins, the Horsemen get a rematch with Doom at Starrcade, and Teddy Long must act as his chauffer for a day. If Reed wins, no rematch, and Long gets Flair's limo and yacht. Doesn't seem like fair odds there. Reed overpowers him to start, so Ric tries unloading with chops in the corner, but Butch turns the tables, then slugs him down. Reed with a press-slam and a few clotheslines to send Ric out to the floor, where Ron Simmons is ready and waiting to put the boots to him. Reed charges him with a lariat on the ramp before bringing it back in, and a reversal sequence ends in Butch hooking a backslide for two. Ten-punch count sets up a hiptoss and a dropkick, so Flair goes to the eyes to slow him down, and slugs him down. He wastes no time dumping him to the outside for Arn Anderson to lay into, then back in, Ric starts cracking him with those chops. Again Reed manages to turn the tide and take control with his fists, and Flair flips to the floor for Simmons to beat on some more. Back in, Flair manages a snapmare to setup a kneedrop, but a second one misses, and Reed slaps on a figure four! Flair gets the ropes, but Reed doesn't give a shit, and the referee has to physically pull him off when he won't break at five! I love it! Butch with a hanging vertical suplex for two, and a bodyslam sets up a 2^nd rope elbowdrop - only for Flair to roll out of the way! Cross corner whip, but Reed comes barreling back out of the corner with a clothesline for two, and he unloads mounted punches on the Nature Boy to draw blood. Press-slam and a backdrop hit, and Reed adds another press-slam - Anderson pulling the referee out at two! Butch stays focused with a flying shoulderblock, but there's no referee to count! That allows a dazed Flair to backdrop him over the top, and Arn whacks Reed with a chair for Flair to pin at 14:18. Good match, but far too little too late with this show. *** ¼ (Original rating: **)

BUExperience: It’s interesting to see how these Clash specials evolved. The early episodes featured major matches between big stars, but as the promotion’s pay per view lineup expanded, it’s been reduced to some pretty mundane combinations. Not to mention, a veritable smorgasbord of goofy jobbers. And, holy shit, was this a terrible show. Not only boring, but painfully boring at points. As in, I felt physical pain from the amount of dullness. Not only is this one not recommended, but you should actually actively avoid it at all costs