WWF Superstars (January 2, 1993)

Original Airdate: January 2, 1993 (taped December 14, 1992)

 

From Green Bay, Wisconsin; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler. Lawler's outfit is... something. And you know it has to really be something to be notable beside a guy like Randy Savage

 

Mr. Perfect v Berzerker: Perfect's back, and he still hasn't figured out how to keep his dick from poking out of his gear. Berzerker tries barking in his face to start, so Perfect triggers a criss cross, and knocks Berzerker to the outside with a dropkick. Perfect teases a dive, but opts out, and pays the price when Berzerker nails him in the midsection on the way back in. Perfect tries a corner charge, but Berzerker dodges, and he grabs his sword to try and chop Perfect's head off, but luckily misses. That was quite an escalation of hostilities there. Berzerker with a big boot, but a charge gets him backdropped over the top, as Ric Flair marches down to ringside. He's cut off by officials, but succeeds in distracting Perfect, though Berzerker is so useless that it takes him THREE sneak attacks before he can get a shot in on him via big boot. Berzerker with a slam for two, but a backdrop attempt gets countered with the PerfectPlex at 5:27. This was decent. * ¼

 

Gene Okerlund is in the control center with an update on Bobby Heenan, who is still so upset with Perfect that he's bringing in a hired gun to deal with him, someone he will unveil at the Royal Rumble. I guess they already knew Flair was on the way out, because it's kind of insulting to him that Heenan is promising someone else to deal with Perfect. Why, can't Ric get the job done?

 

Yokozuna v George Anderson: Savage wonders if Lawler still wants to enter the Rumble considering the likes of Yokozuna will be in there, but the King isn't worried about it, since he hasn't got any friends in the WWF anyway. "You're right about that," notes Randy. Speaking of the Rumble, Earthquake split screens in to promise that he'll out fat Yokozuna. Banzai Drop finishes at 2:39. Weird bit after the match, as Mr. Fuji hands him an envelope, which the announcers talk about being some sort of cash from his sponsors. That bit likely didn't last long, because I don't remember that part of the gimmick at all. DUD

 

Tatanka has figured out the key to winning the Royal Rumble: whispering. Don't scare that push away!

 

Bob Backlund will literally murder 29 men at the Rumble. Most believable thing on this show thus far

 

Bam Bam Bigelow isn't afraid of some cosplaying prison guard

 

Recently, Razor Ramon attacked Owen Hart backstage, and you can see more clips this Saturday on a new show called Mania. That show was my gateway to fandom, actually

 

Marty Jannetty v Tom Stone: I'm actually pretty forgiving of Randy Savage as a commentator, but he doesn't exactly sound too thrilled with his new role. You can just hear it in his voice. Lawler accuses Marty of being a 'woman beater,' which practically sounds like praise compared to what people accuse him of these days. Meanwhile, Doink the Clown shows up at ringside again, getting day drunk. You live your best life, clown! Rocker dropper sets up a flying fistdrop at 3:10. Pretty lengthy for a singles squash, but Marty worked with him, so it wasn't boring. Afterwards, Doink teases throwing water on Jannetty again, but the bucket is empty this time. Will the mind games never cease?! ¼*

 

Royal Rumble ad

 

Damien Demento v Mitch Bishop: Savage trying to make sense of where Demento is from is worth the price of admission here alone. Demento is hearing (and talking back to) the voices in his head, as the announcers speculate who that might be. Don't tell me that was yet ANOTHER Papa Shango angle that never went anywhere. This match is dragging badly, to the point where even the announcers are wondering why he's not going for the pin. Kneedrop finally finishes this endless squash at 3:00. Vince calling Demento's pin attempt a 'cover of sorts' is pretty funny, even if unintentionally so. DUD

 

Gene is in the studio with the Royal Rumble Report, and the big announcement this week is that the Steiner Brothers will face the Beverly Brothers

 

Crush v Dave Sigfrids: Sigfrids is actually pretty jacked up for a jobber from this period. He's shorter, but he even looks impressive beside Crush. Doink is back at ringside again, squirting kids with water, which Savage notes is 'not cool.' Why don't you go and do something about it instead of yelling 'SHAKA' over and over again like an asshole? Headvice finishes at 2:40. Afterwards, Crush grabs Doink and gives him a stern warning to leave the kids alone, which the clown laughs off. Well, of course. Playing jokes is literally his whole job! Why would Crush want to put a working man on the unemployment line? What a Shaka jerk. DUD

 

The Beverly Brothers are going to treat the Steiner Brothers like family at the Rumble

 

Virgil is so confident about his chances in the Rumble match that he's already ready for his rematch with Bret Hart at WrestleMania

 

Papa Shango summons the power of voodoo

 

Undertaker apparently has 29 freshly dug graves in preparation for the Royal Rumble. So they're straight up promising a mass murder on pay per view now? Maybe tone it down, leave something for WrestleMania, you know?

 

Backstage, Ray Rougeau catches up with Crush, who is all upset since Doink is not the kind of clown he remembers from being a kid, who were a 'pleasure to be around.' I don't think anyone, anywhere, anytime, anyplace has ever described a clown as such, so maybe Crush is just clouded by nostalgia

BUExperience: There wasn’t a huge amount of stuff going on this week, but I enjoyed the episode anyway.