WWE Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and Stairs (December 2014)

From Cleveland, Ohio; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, and Jerry Lawler

Opening WWE Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Luke Harper v Dolph Ziggler: Hey, remember when Intercontinental Title Ladder Matches meant something? Harper immediately goes for a powerbomb, but Ziggler counters into a superkick, but Luke has it scouted, and hangs back. Both guys react to the stalemate by diving out to the floor and putting a bunch of the million available ladders into the ring - Dolph ending up whipped into one on the outside. Luke climbs, but Dolph tips him over, so Harper blasts him with a big boot, then takes him out to the floor for a powerbomb onto a ladder plank, but Dolph blocks, so Luke redirects into a scrapbuster on the floor. Luke climbs again, but Dolph pulls him down again, so Harper whips him in the face with a closed fist, then slaps him around in the corner. This has been all Harper thus far, which is usually a giveaway that the babyface is going over. Dolph tries climbing to the top rope, but Harper dropkicks him all the way down to the floor, then tosses a ladder down after him for good measure. Stupid spot follows, as Harper tries a tope, but hits ladder. That spot's not stupid on its own (see: Benoit/Jericho), but considering Ziggler was holding the ladder up before Harper even started running, it makes no sense - as opposed to the Benoit/Jericho version, where Jericho surprises him with a chair out of nowhere. But then, that version of the spot was stupid for totally different reasons, of course. Anyway, Dolph climbs, but gets tipped over just as he reaches the top. The match grinds to a halt as Harper moves a bunch of ladders around to setup a powerbomb onto one, but Ziggler blocks with a dropkick. He follows with a fameasser on the ladder, but Harper blocks with a brutal powerbomb across a ladder balanced on the middle rope. Luke delivers a ladder-assisted slingshot, but it ends up busting Dolph open, and since this is 2014 we have to stop for medical attention while Luke stands around like an idiot instead of simply climbing. I get why they do this, and I'm all for everyones safety, but boy, does it take you out of the match, and ruin the flow. Harper climbs, but Ziggler rushes up the opposite side of the ladder for a slugfest resulting in both men falling. Luke tries yet another powerbomb onto the ladder, but Ziggler pulls out the Kidman counter with a facebuster - though without the benefit of proper execution. He climbs, but Harper knocks him off so they can play dueling ladders instead. Harper controls, but ends up getting a ladder superkicked into his face, and Dolph charges him with a ladder to knock him out of the ring, and onto the ladder plank from earlier. Ziggler climbs, but gets tipped over again. That probably should have been the finish. Neat spot, as Harper tries climbing, so Ziggler uses another ladder to leapfrog himself ahead of him on the ladder. Harper quickly regroups by climbing another ladder, but Ziggler superkicks him off of it, and grabs the belt at 16:40. Good bumping from Ziggler throughout, but very spotty, with lots of awkwardness, and little flow. **

WWE Tag Team Title Match: The Miz and Damien Mizdow v The Usos: Yay, Mizdow! Literally the only entertaining thing about this promotion right now! And he's in rare form tonight, miming being held in an armbar with gusto on the apron. Miz gets worked over with a flurry of offense from the challengers, and Mizdow's miming of a hanging vertical suplex is truly a thing of beauty. This guy is literally carrying this entire division on his back. Miz manages a DDT to takeover, and the champs work to cut the ring in half, but it doesn't last long before a four-way brawl breaks out. Usos look to finish with a superkick/splash combo, but Miz rolls out of the ring and decides to save the title via countout. The Usos respond with stereo dives, but end up getting whacked with the champs' Slammy awards for a disqualification at 7:25. Did we really need an ending THAT shitty on pay per view? ½*

Stairs Match: Big Show v Erick Rowan: Rowan comes in hot with a pair of splashes in the corner and a spinkick to put Show on the floor, but following him out proves to be a mistake, and Rowan gets slammed out there. Show whips him into the steps, but Rowan manages a baseball slide, and he starts stacking up a bunch of the steps to build a sorta wall, but Show posts him before he can play with it. Show beats him with some more steps for a long while, but Rowan manages to block a Chokeslam onto the steps, and bodyslams the big guy onto them. Rowan then tries slamming the steps directly onto his head, but luckily Show manages to roll out of the way to block. For those keeping score: a trickle of blood is enough to stop the match, but trying to straight up murder your opponent may or may not warrant a two count. They spill to the outside for Show to knock him through the stair wall from earlier, then back in Show Chokeslams him at 11:14. Really slow, dull, heatless match. And why the fuck is Big Show going over young talent in 2014, let alone squashing them? DUD

Tables Match: John Cena v Seth Rollins: If Cena loses, he is no longer top contender to the World Heavyweight Title. That'll be the day. Slugfest to start, and Cena snaps off a bulldog, but walks into a sleeper slam before he can follow-up. Seth pounds him in the corner, but John rebounds out with a lariat (triggering a nice, Marty Jannetty-like sell job from Rollins), then goes for a table, but Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury pull it away - the distraction allowing Rollins to attack with a barrage of stomps and a stinger splash. He goes for his own table, but Cena knocks it out of his hands with a punch - only to have Noble and Mercury prevent him from using it for himself. John tries a powerbomb, but the goons save again, and Seth DDTs him. Oh shit, it's going to be one of THOSE matches, isn't it? Because, if they're escalating the outside interference this much this early, you know it's going to hit 1999 Russo levels of overbooking by the finish. Rollins tries putting in through a table, but Cena counters with a shoulderblock, and he slams him. FU, but the goons cut him off again - thus giving him a proverbial FU. Brawl over to the entrance set goes nowhere, but Cena manages to vertical suplex Noble over there to make it only two-on-one for a bit. For Cena, that's practically an advantage! Seth sets up some tables on the floor and tries suplexing Cena through them from the apron, but John reverses to bring Rollins in hardway. Backdrop puts Rollins on the floor again, so he grabs his trusty Money in the Bank briefcase to unload on Cena with. Curb Stomp through a table, but Cena counters into an FU off the top and through a table, but the referee is down so no dice. Noble and Mercury return to attack again, but Cena casually puts them through tables. Wow, forget 1999 Russo, this is 1995 Hogan. Okay, so now for another FU on Rollins, but Seth counters into a powerbomb off the apron, but John blocks again, and both guys fall off the apron and through tables at 18:25. More referees run out, however, and we do the Royal Rumble '94 finish with both guys getting their hands raised until a referee conference results in the match continuing. Okay, so Seth immediately knocks him to the floor and hits a tope, but an attempt to use the announce table is countered with an FU - but the table doesn't break. Cena digs out another table, but Big Show walks out before he can use it, and he destroys Cena as the crowd sleeps. But guys, he beat Erick Rowan earlier! Clearly we should fear him! He tries a Chokeslam through a table, but now Roman Reigns comes out of the crowd (to a surprisingly subdued reaction), and Cena FUs Seth through a table at 23:30 as Reigns spears Show. This was overbooked like crazy, but at least it wasn't boring. * ¼

WWE Divas Title Match: Nikki Bella v AJ Lee: Nikki overpowers her during the initial lockup, then actually rolls to the floor to taunt her with pushups. Wow, even Scott Steiner never bothered to leave the damn ring to show off. She's something else, this Nikki. Also, rolling out to the floor kinda prevents AJ from seeing said pushups, which effectively negates the taunt. Back in, AJ takes her down with a headscissors, but ends up getting spinebustered for two. Nikki hits a backbreaker for two, and a well executed snap suplex sets up a visually impressive wrap around the post for two. Bow-and-arrow, but AJ escapes, so Nikki hammerlock-slams her for two, then slaps on a chinlock. AJ escapes with a front-facelock, but Nikki railroads her into the corner, so AJ sunset cradles instead for two. Thesz press and neckbreaker get two. Tornado DDT for two, so Nikki tries slowing her down with a 2^nd rope enzuigiri, but AJ quickly regroups with a bulldog for two, then hits the Shining Wizard, but Brie Bella puts her sisters foot on the ropes to save. The referee throws Brie out for interfering, but that allows Nikki to pepper spray her challenger, and finish with the Rack Attack at 7:38. Well, they're both pleasant to look at. There's that. ¾*

Chairs Match: Kane v Ryback: Dueling chairs to start, and Kane controls, but gets reversed into a corner mounted chair, and Ryback Thesz presses him. Splash and a running powerslam setup a 2^nd rope splash, and I guess that must've felt real good, because Ryback proceeds to add two more before beating Kane with a chair. Ryback tries another 2^nd rope splash, but Kane has had ENOUGH, and swats him out of the air with a chair. Good for him. Kane snake-eyes him onto a chair for two, and settles for a DDT onto the chair for two when Ryback blocks a suplex attempt. Kane hits him with a chair for two, as the crowd (understandably) loses all patience with this match. Ryback manages a belly-to-belly suplex, but Kane knocks the chair away from him, and beats him like he's Rocky at the Astrodome. Kane tosses a bunch of the chairs setup on the floor into the ring (guess he didn't want to ring crew guys to feel neglected) for a chokeslam onto a bunch of them, but it backfires, and Ryback beats him with a chair. Spear, but Kane whacks him with a chair, and hits the chokeslam for two. Tombstone, but Ryback counters with a lariat, and Shell Shocks him at 9:55. This was, shall we say, 'not good,' as both guys spent ten minutes plodding around, with an occasional chairshot to breakup the monotony. DUD

WWE United States Title Match: Rusev v Jack Swagger: Swagger goes right at him right hands, and goes after the leg - wrapping it around the post. He keeps after it by wrapping it around the middle rope in the corner, so Rusev bails to sucker him into a chase, but it backfires when Jack clotheslines him. 2^nd rope pump-splash misses, but Jack still goes for the Patriot Lock anyway, and Rusev is so insulted he casually counters into the Accolade. Swagger counters back into the Patriot, but Rusev kicks his way free, then adds a pair of superkicks for good measure. Accolade finishes at 4:47. Less a match, more a finisher exhibition. DUD

Main Event: Tables, Ladders, and Chairs Match: Dean Ambrose v Bray Wyatt: Ambrose attacks during the entrances, and kicks his ass back up the aisle for a whooping at the entrance set, then all the way back down the aisle. He tries to bring it in, but Bray bails, so Dean follows with a tope, then chases him into the crowd for a brawl. Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and... Fans? Ambrose uses the pre-show announce table to setup a dive onto Bray, then back to ringside, he beats Wyatt with a chair. He finds some random kendo sticks underneath the ring (because tables, ladders, and chairs isn't enough?), and goes to work on Bray with them, then hits a Russian legsweep. 2^nd rope chair-assisted elbowdrop, but a trip to the top rope ends in Bray knocking him down, and through a table setup on the floor. Back in, that gets Wyatt two, so he decides to even the score with some kendo stick shots of his own, then ups the ante by trying to put Dean's eye out with it. That's a tad extreme, Bray. Even goofier, is that he follows that spot with a schoolboy, and it only gets two. Should've used a magistral cradle. Bray grabs a ladder and charges him with it, then places him across it to setup a senton splash for two. Cool spot, though the camera angle exposing Ambrose blatantly getting into position for the spot kind of ruined it. Charge in the corner ends up missing, and Dean bulldogs him to setup a flying axehandle for two. Dean with a 2^nd rope guillotine legdrop for two (another spot that was nearly ruined because Wyatt was obviously setting himself up for it), but Dean runs into a lariat for two. They spill out to the floor, where Ambrose gets Bray onto a table, then puts him through it with a flying elbowdrop off of a ladder. Unfortunately, weapon shots and stunt dives have become so oversaturated that they've lost all meaning or shock value. That might have been a side-headlock for all the drama and excitement that spot contained. Dean ups the ante by doing the exact same thing again from an even taller ladder, then drags Bray back into the ring to finish, but the spot took a lot out of him as well, and Wyatt manages to Sister Abigail him on the way back in for two. Another Abigail, but Ambrose counters into a schoolboy for two, and hits the Dirty Deeds for two. Holy shit, these are some stupid finisher names. Are they pulling names from Matt and Jeff Hardy's discarded pile, or something? Dean then leaves the ring to drag a super large ladder over from the entrance set to finish Bray, puts Wyatt on the Spanish announce table, and then drives him through it with another flying elbowdrop off the top of the ladder. So, that ought to be enough, you'd think, but Dean wants to put a cherry on top by hitting him with a (flat screen) TV. Unfortunately, it must be some kind of cheap, knockoff brand, because the Samsang literally explodes in Dean's face - allowing Wyatt to introduce him to his Sister at 26:25. Not to single these guys out, but this is exactly why I hate these stuntman exhibition matches, because everyone has these wonderfully elaborate ideas for spots that sound cool on paper, but the execution always pulls you out of the match because of how glaringly obvious it makes the cooperation and choreography. **

BUExperience: The main event and the opener are okay (not ‘good,’ mind you, but ‘okay’), but the rest is a deep sea of DUDs, with a couple of floaters hanging around. This show reminds me of the early WCW Uncensored shows, where all the booking revolves around making the contrived gimmicks work, rather than using the gimmicks to further the booking.

DUD