WWF Mania (December 31, 1994)

Original Airdate: December 31, 1994

Your Hosts are Todd Pettengill and Stephanie Wiand

So, it's the final day of 1994, and Todd and Stephanie decide to celebrate by hosting their own, makeshift, unofficial Slammy Awards! According to them, this will be a time to 'reflect on the happiness of 1994,' which is exemplified with a clip of Diesel winning the WWF Title. Yeah, just you guys wait

But first, Stephanie doesn't know what the Slammys actually are (which seems like something she should have learned BEFORE voting for them), so Todd explains that signify milestones. Stephanie wants to make a Slammy for the 'dreamiest' wrestler, but Todd throws cold water on it, and talks about Tatanka instead - presumably because there's no better way to kill a lady boner

First Slammy goes to The Undertaker for 'Most Intimidating.' No nominees, no acceptance speeches, just Todd opening an envelope and declaring him the winner. Wow, imagine what the Oscars would be like using that format! That segues to...

The Undertaker v Brooklyn Brawler: This is from that past Monday's RAW, with Gorilla Monsoon and Stan Lane redoing commentary. And drooling over Pamela Anderson. Good for them. Undertaker polishes him off with the Tombstone at 3:12. DUD

Todd promises us that there's a good chance IRS might not come back after wrestling The Undertaker at Royal Rumble. It's cruel to tease, Pettengill. Meanwhile, Stephanie thinks their Slammy setup (a bare metal rolling filing cart) isn't classy enough, and demands a proper podium - which she quickly receives. Hey, it's the same one from the classic 80s Slammys. Must have gotten it out of the warehouse

Todd's phone has apparently been ringing off the hook with people wanting to discuss the Royal Rumble. He should get new friends, or at least an unlisted number. Apparently Pam Anderson's phone has also been ringing off the hook, but it's just Doink calling her and trying to show her his Dink

Jeff Jarrett is in Las Vegas, and apparently hosting some kind of Double J Sweepstakes. Todd's pissed that he doesn't even MENTION his Royal Rumble opponent, Razor Ramon. Stephanie doesn't care, because she's got a 'scoop-scoop-scoop-be-scoop' (her words) on Double J - he'll be singing his new song 'Ain't I Great' this Monday on RAW. Todd thinks she's been 'fooled-fooled-fooled-be-fooled.' Again, his words

More Slammys! Oscar (of Men on a Mission fame) wins Best Entertainer. Oh, is this, like, a 'Special Olympics' version of the Slammys? Abe 'Knuckleball' Schwartz wins 'Worst Idea' - thus proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is kayfabe. IRS wins 'Sweatiest,' and... um... I've got no joke there, that makes perfect sense, actually. Owen Hart wins 'Rat' for his performance at the Survivor Series. Wait, so he's actually a three-time Slammy Award winner, then? WHAT?!?!? My whole world has just been completely shattered

Owen Hart v Buck Quartermaine: I'm still trying to get over the fact that Owen is actually a three-time Slammy Award winner. My only guess is that, like almost everyone else, he didn't watch Mania in 1994, and never even realized he won the damn thing. Owen with the Sharpshooter in 2:00. ¼*

Bret Hart cuts a promo from at home in Calgary, as he prepares for his WWF Title match with Diesel at the Royal Rumble. Stephanie is disturbed by Owen's actions at Survivor Series, because there's just, like, so much emotion, and stuff, guys

Holiday Wish Tour promo

Todd shows off his Christmas present: a WWF water bottle. It takes a special guy to show that off with a straight face. Also, why do I get the feeling that was actually the WWFs Christmas bonus in 1994?

Todd says sometimes Slammys are given because superstars soar to great heights, but sometimes not. Well, that really narrows down the process then, doesn't it? With that, Stephanie award Tatanka with the Slammy for 'Greediest.' 'Most Spectacular Match' goes to the Shawn Michaels/Razor Ramon Ladder Match from WrestleMania X. No argument from me there. 'Best Coliseum Video' goes to... whatever video was coming out that month. Apparently it's videogame tips from Razor Ramon, or something. I don't want to know

Kama vignette. He could beat up Mike Tyson! Just imagine what he'll do to wimps like the WWF Superstars!

'Best Tag Team' goes to Shawn Michaels and Diesel - who also win 'Worst Tag Team.' See, because they broke up. Though, really, Shawn could have lit Diesel on fire then taken a watery shit on him to put it out and they still wouldn't be worse than fucking Well Dunn. 'Mouthiest' goes to Jerry Lawler, along with clips of Diesel kicking is ass on RAW

Todd reminds us that Diesel may be WWF Champion, but he's still 'just a regular guy,' and has a great sense of humor. Also, he's great. Todd even has a foam finger to prove it

'Most Eccentric' goes to Bob Backlund. 'Smelliest' is a tie between Henry Godwinn and Duke Droese. OH FUCK! Why was that not a feud? Seriously, that's money left on the table! If I ever get that time machine, I now know what I'm doing first. Godwinn is more 'down home country,' according to Todd. 'Best Movie' is another tie as Stephanie wants Princess Caraboo but Todd wants Speed because Keanu Reeves is in it. 'Most Likely to See Jenny Craig' goes to Bastion Booger. Bastion Booger? Was he even still on the roster at the end of 1994? Were they afraid of hurting Yokozuna or King Kong Bundy's feelings, or something?

Davey Boy Smith v Tatanka: Also from RAW. Davey grabs an armbar right away, but Tatanka grabs the ropes. Hammerlock gets the same result, so he tries the armbar again, and this time as Tatanka tries to escape instead of grabbing the ropes, Smith blasts him with a shoulderblock. Hiptoss draws an insane pop, which upon visual inspection was clearly added in post production, because the crowd is barely moving. Smith with a sloppy crucifix for two, but Tatanka chops at him, so Davey delivers a hanging vertical suplex, and he goes for the Running Powerslam, but Tatanka pushes off the ropes to topple him for two. Tatanka stomps him to turn the tide, and a knife-edge chop gets two. Chinlock, but Davey escapes with a bodypress for two, so Tatanka tosses him out of the ring to cutoff the comeback. Back in, Tatanka bodyslams him to set up a flying tomahawk chop, but Davey gutpunches him on the way down, and unloads clotheslines - only to have Ted DiBiase pull down the top rope as he bounces off them, and Davey to go flying out. That draws Lex Luger out to protest, and he attacks Tatanka. That draws Bam Bam Bigelow out to even the odds, and the referee calls it a double disqualification at about 4:00 shown of 8:51. Never really went anywhere, as they were basically just killing time until the big finish. ¾*

Todd and Stephanie are, like, really let down by the finish of the match, but things get better as Luger & Bulldog against Bigelow & Tatanka WILL air this coming Monday night on RAW!

'Best Pay Per View Event' goes to WrestleMania X, though Todd thinks Royal Rumble was better. First, that's fucking insane. Second, I thought you guys were just picking winners. If you're actually fucking cracked out enough that you thought Royal Rumble was the best pay per view of 1994, then go ahead and award it to it. Like, he's really heartbroken over it, and I kinda feel bad for him now. I don't want to cry while watching Mania, WWF! Ted DiBiase wins 'Best Manager.' Alright, now I know they're just fucking with us. 'Best New Generation Spot' goes to Bret Hart for the 'go get 'em champ' commercial. Well, that one is pretty awesome. Stephanie really, really likes it, too. So, Bret hit that too, then?

On Superstars over the weekend, The Heavenly Bodies went over The Bushwhackers to advance in the Tag Team Title Tournament (or, 'TTTT' for short). They show the full match, but there's no way I'm reviewing another Bushwhackers/Bodies match in my lifetime, sorry. Let’s just call it a ‘DUD,’ and move on, shall we?

'Most Improved Etiquette' goes to The New Headshrinkers for learning how to wear a tuxedo, apparently. 'Most Devastating' goes to Bull Nakano

WWF Trading Cards are now available for $2.95 + S&H!

Hakushi v Reno Riggins: Fun squash, as Hakushi busts out his usual high flying offense, and finishes with flying headbutt at 1:50. Short and effective. ¼*

Stephanie likes Hakushi because his finish is a swan dive headbutt, and Stephanie likes swans. Sounds about right. Meanwhile, Dink wins 'Funniest.' That's either very cruel, or just plain incorrect. And, of course, Diesel wins 'MVP'

Todd and Stephanie close the show by accepting the award for 'Best Show'

BUExperience: What, no ‘Best Ring Rat’ award? I used to watch Mania every Saturday morning as a kid, and even though it’s total crap now, I would absolutely review more of them if WWE Network adds additional episodes in the future.

If you also grew up on this era, then you’ll probably get a kick out of this for nostalgic reasons too, everyone else take a pass