WWF Mania (March 9, 1996)

 

Original Airdate: March 9, 1996

Your Host is Sunny from the studio

The ‘Sunny Cam’ shows Sunny getting ready, as she’s booted Todd Pettengill, and is turning Mania in the Sunny Show

WWF Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinal Match: The Godwinns v The New Rockers: From the March 2 episode of Superstars, taped February 20 in Huntington West Virginia. Man, Al Snow was going through gimmicks like Jack Victory. This is his debut as Leif Cassidy, and it looks like he borrowed some of Marty’s old gear. And they don’t even match each other. A dog literally shits in the ring during the introductions, and they don’t even bother properly cleaning it up, which kind of shows you the level of respect the workers were getting during the period, I guess. Phineas Godwinn starts with Marty Jannetty, but Marty immediately passes to Cassidy for a double team. The Rockers try dominating Phineas with quick tags, but he fights them off, and tags Henry Godwinn. Marty hits him with a bodypress for two, but they fail to cut the ring in half, and Phineas tags back in. The Rockers with a combo, and Marty holds him in an armbar. It goes nowhere, and Henry gets the tag - Roseanne Barr the door. Cassidy hits Phineas with a flying bodypress, but Phineas rolls through for the pin at 3:33. Quite the debut for Leif. This never found a groove, it was just a collection of moves, with no flow or story. ½*

Call now to vote for the Slammy Award for Match of the Year and Leader of the New Generation

Shawn Michaels v 1-2-3 Kid: From Monday Night RAW on March 4 (taped February 19) in Cincinnati Ohio. Shawn must have already been promised the belt at 'Mania, 'cause he's already getting lazy, wearing the same outfit as he had on 'last week.' On point HBK would have changed between tapings. Kid takes a great bump before the match even starts, as he tries to attack Shawn during the entrance, but gets backdropped over the top - Michaels hilariously continuing his routine without so much as missing a beat. Kid grabs a headlock as the official match begins, and manages to take Shawn down with it. Michaels fights to a vertical base and escapes, but runs into martial arts strikes during a criss cross, and Kid spinkicks him for two. He gloats, allowing Shawn a sunset cradle for two, and Michaels adds a pair of armdrags into a press-slam before cactus clotheslining Kid over the top. Ted DiBiase helps Kid beat the count in, as we split screen to Bret Hart observing from backstage. Michaels dodges a slingshot, and gives Kid a powerslam for two, then works a mat-based headlock of his own. Kid escapes, and another criss cross goes his way, this time with a spinheel kick. Dropkick knocks Michaels over the top, and Kid dives after him with a springboard bodypress, with DiBiase right there to lay in with the cheap shots. Kid heads in to happily take a countout win over the number one contender, but that pesky Shawn beats the count, so Kid unloads with lightning kicks in the corner. Corner dropkick gets two, and a sliding legdrop is worth two. Kid grounds him in a chinlock, but Shawn escapes, so Kid uses a leg-feed kick to put him back down for two. Back to the chinlock, but Shawn escapes again, and this time dominates a criss cross with a jumping clothesline to signal the start of his comeback. Flying moonsault press sets up mounted punches, and a cross corner whip sets up a jumping forearm. His 90s comeback sequence is so much better than his 2000s one. Bodyslam sets up the flying elbowdrop, but Kid bails to dodge the Superkick, and Shawn chases. That allows Kid to take the high ground, and he hits a bodyslam to set up a flying legdrop, but Michaels moves, and the Superkick finishes at 11:52. Good match here, with the two pals working predictably well together. It's a shame we never got a proper pay per view match between these two. *** ¼

Buy your WrestleMania XII denim jacket. If you plan to never have sex again. Or for the first time

From the March 4 RAW, Goldust and Marlena hang out on the set of the old Piper's Pit, where they make all sorts of suggestive remarks directed at Roddy Piper. Stuff like Goldust noting that he 'almost erupted' when Piper broke the coconut over Jimmy Snuka's head, or that he spends lots of time alone contemplating Grapes of Wrath while looking Roddy in his 'skirt.' Even as a kid, I thought it was weird that Goldust was all of sudden completely focused on Piper, without so much as a word about Razor Ramon. This all builds up to Goldust playing Piper's bag pipe, and man, you know Roddy's gonna go nuclear on him. As much as it was annoying that the Ramon feud never got a proper resolution, it was saved by that fact that Piper was, perhaps, an even better pairing anyway

Hakushi v Justin Hawk Bradshaw: From the March 4 RAW. Bradshaw attacks right away, and stomps Hakushi down, as Roddy Piper calls in to respond to the Goldust stuff. Hakushi tries a standing dropkick, but Bradshaw shrugs it off, and keeps pounding him. Roddy notes that he didn't know Ed Wood was still alive, because clearly he directed Goldust's segment. Ha! He also notes that he's fought Adrian Adonis before, so he 'knows what Goldust is doing,' and that he'll be on RAW next week to address it in person. Meanwhile, Bradshaw keeps squashing in dull fashion, not giving Hakushi anything to work with whatsoever. Like, Hakushi hits the handspring elbow, and Bradshaw totally no-sells. Plancha gets no-sold as well, and Bradshaw bodyslams him on the floor. Back in, big boot and a lariat finish up at 4:04. And then afterwards, poor Hakushi has to endure the humiliation of getting hogtied and branded. Just a complete, total, and unapologetic squash here, as Hakushi finishes up his WWF run. ¼*

Ultimate Warrior is officially on his way back. He also may be made of electricity. That sounds dangerous. Kind of weird that the narrative is that Warrior disappeared right after WrestleMania VII, never to be seen again… until now. That’s… not even a little bit correct. I get maybe trying to pretend the 1992 return didn’t happen, but he was around for months after WrestleMania VII. Just odd

Bret Hart v Hunter Hearst Helmsley: From the March 4 RAW. Bret's WWF Title is not on the line here. Hunter's graphic during the entrances identifies him as 'HH Helmsley.' I feel like, with maybe one more little tweak, they could really have something. Bret powers him into the corner during the initial lockup, but HHH takes a cheap shot as they break, and he unloads on the Hitman in the corner. Cross corner whip follows, but a charge hits boot, and Hart comes off the middle rope with a flying clothesline to take control. He headbutts Hunter into the corner for some abuse, and a snapmare sets up a pointed elbowdrop. Another snapmare grounds Helmsley for an overhead wristlock, as Shawn Michaels heads back out to observe from ringside. Bret with a bodypress for two, so Hunter goes to the eyes, and dumps the champion out of the ring, right in front of Shawn. They get into a bit of a verbal confrontation, but Michaels still warns Bret of a sneak attack from Helmsley, and Hart fights Hunter off on the floor. Back in, Bret goes to an armbar, but HHH whips him into the ropes for a high knee, then drills him with a European uppercut. Helmsley unloads in the corner, and shakes the ring with a pair of cross corner whips, as Shawn advocates for Bret from the outside. HHH with a kneedrop for two, but Hart blocks a 2nd rope flying fistdrop by lifting his boot, and Bret mounts a comeback. 2nd rope pointed elbowdrop gets two, but Bret argues the count, and Hunter rolls him up for two. They spill to the outside, where Hart takes control using his fists, so HHH throws a boot on the way in. He tries a dive off the middle, but Bret catches him in the Sharpshooter on the way down, and we're done at 12:16. * ½

The Karate Fighters Slam of the Week is the Bodydonnas doing various moves. I hope they paid extra for all those slams

And we close with Billionaire Ted, as this week Ted goes on a TV game show, where he's matched up against a ditzy blonde. The gag here is that the host reads all sorts of racist, misogynistic, and otherwise generally embarrassing actual quotes from Ted Turner under the guise of 'trivia questions.' Really unnecessary stuff. The highlight here is when the host asks Nacho Man where Huckster is, and we cut to Huckster handcuffed to a ring post inside of an empty arena, crying out for help. See, now that's both timely and funny

BUExperience: I always liked Mania, but Sunny is a terrible host (you’d think her bubbly personality would translate perfectly, but it doesn’t), and while it was always a glorified recap show, now it’s a full on recap show, without even a hint of original content. Don’t bother.