WWF Superstars (March 9, 1996)

 

Original Airdate: March 9, 1996 (taped February 20)

From Huntington, West Virginia; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Mr. Perfect

Ultimate Warrior is officially on his way back to the WWF

Fatu v Justin Hawk Bradshaw: Uncle Zeb jabs Fatu with the branding iron at the bell, allowing Bradshaw to sneak up with a lariat at 0:08. The funniest part of this is that the ‘brand’ smudged so badly that it rubbed off in full form on Bradshaw. They’re twinsies! DUD

Dok Hendrix is in the studio with the WrestleMania XII Slam Jam. According to Dok, Hulk Hogan went into a ‘downward spiral’ after losing to Warrior at WrestleMania VI. Gosh, shouldn’t we all be so lucky to go into a downward spiral like that 

Recently, Ahmed Johnson received an ‘anti-violence award,’ ‘from the neighborhood.’  Do they think about this stuff before they write it? 

Ahmed Johnson v Gary Scott: Mr. Anti-Violence immediately proceeds to kicking the shit out of Scott. Ahmed with a sitout tiger bomb at 1:10. Kind of a shame they didn’t have more for him at WrestleMania. Or, really, at all, until the Goldust feud in June. DUD

A look at Warrior’s WWF career. Or, well, specifically his wins over Hogan at WrestleMania VI, and Randy Savage at WrestleMania VII. And that’s all he ever did, if you believe the coverage we’ve been getting thus far

Davey Boy Smith v David Haskins: The heel turn of Diana Hart-Smith feels like a weird thing. But, I guess it did lead somewhere with the Shawn Michaels feud in the spring/summer. Bob Backlund campaigns in the crowd during the match, and Bulldog finishes up with the running powerslam at 1:13. DUD

Bret Hart/Shawn Michaels hype video. Good one, too, with Vince narrating, and taking a look back at each man’s life and career, leading to their meeting in Anaheim 

Handicap Match: Yokozuna v Reginald Walker, Mark Kyle, and Denny Parton: I always liked the Handicap match squash gimmick, but I think they should have occasionally used it for non-superheavyweights. Heel or face, it could work. What doesn’t work: Yokozuna as a babyface. He’s trying, but it’s a tough sell. Yokozuna with a few Banzai drops at 2:39. DUD

Goldust and Marlena hang out on the set of the old Piper's Pit, where they make all sorts of suggestive remarks directed at Roddy Piper. Stuff like Goldust noting that he 'almost erupted' when Piper broke the coconut over Jimmy Snuka's head, or that he spends lots of time alone contemplating Grapes of Wrath while looking Roddy in his 'skirt.' Even as a kid, I thought it was weird that Goldust was all of sudden completely focused on Piper, without so much as a word about Razor Ramon. This all builds up to Goldust playing Piper's bag pipe, and man, you know Roddy's gonna go nuclear on him. As much as it was annoying that the Ramon feud never got a proper resolution, it was saved by that fact that Piper was, perhaps, an even better pairing anyway

Mankind vignette. This character was a very interesting departure for the promotion, and Mick Foley made it work like no one else could

WWF Tag Team Title Tournament Quarterfinal Match: Razor Ramon and Savio Vega v 1-2-3 Kid and Tatanka: They hype that the Finals for this title tournament will take place on the Free For All at WrestleMania, which should tell you all you need to know about the importance of the tag title in 1996. Savio and Tatanka start, and Tatanka hammers him into the corner. Cross corner whip, but Vega reverses, and hiptosses him on the rebound. Tag to Razor, and Ramon tries to force a tag to Kid, but Kid hops off the apron to avoid it. Razor works a wristlock on Tatanka instead, and he passes back to Vega. Vega gets a standing side-headlock on, but Tatanka forces a criss cross, and Kid takes a cheap shot. That allows the heels to take control, and they work Vega over, cutting the ring in half. Vega catches Kid with a spinheel kick to allow the hot tag to Razor, and Roseanne Barr the door! Ramon tries the Razor’s Edge on Kid, but Tatanka saves, and Kid spinheel kicks him. Tatanka wastes time posing on the ropes to celebrate, and he sets himself up for the Edge at 6:08. What a terrible finish. Not much of a match, either. ½*

Dok is back with another Slam Jam. WrestleMania is still happening. In case you were worried 

The Karate Fighters Slam of the Week is Yokozuna delivering the Banzai drop earlier

Justin Hawk Bradshaw v Scott D'Amore: Bradshaw was unsatisfied with the level of competition earlier, and demanded another match to set this up. Bradshaw with the lariat at 1:11. Why are they still acting like the (obviously fake) branding iron is a real ‘brand?’ DUD

And we close with Billionaire Ted, as this week Ted goes on a TV game show, where he's matched up against a ditzy blonde. The gag here is that the host reads all sorts of racist, misogynistic, and otherwise generally embarrassing actual quotes from Ted Turner under the guise of 'trivia questions.' Really unnecessary stuff. The highlight here is when the host asks Nacho Man where Huckster is, and we cut to Huckster handcuffed to a ring post inside of an empty arena, crying out for help. See, now that's both timely and funny

BUExperience: It’s WrestleMania season. Best time of the year.