WWF In Your House - International Incident (July 1996)

From Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler.


Free for All Match: Savio Vega v Justin Bradshaw: Slugfest to start, and Savio plays the Bubba Gump of punches. Corner punches! Ten-count punches! Gut punches! Uppercut punches! Regular punches! They spill to the outside for On The Floor Punches, and Bradshaw tries some of his own, but THAT'S SAVIO'S THING, and he hits the post. Back inside, Bradshaw figures if the hands are failing - use the other thing - and slaps him with his dick. Okay, no – he actually just hits a big boot. Savio won't have that either, though, wanting to monopolize all of the appendages, and hits a couple of spinkicks. Bodypress, but Bradshaw slams him, and gets the pin with two feet on the ropes at 4:44. They kept the pace going, but not, like, going anywhere. ¼*. Afterwards, Bradshaw 'brands' Vega - which even as a kid looked dumb, because you could tell it was obviously just a stamp. Oooh, now he’s ready for night of clubbing! Even basic cartoons taught us that a branding iron had to have some sort of sizzle, or smoke, in order to be effective. Especially in hate crimes – which was the theme of many a’cartoon. Silly WWF.

Opening Match: The Smoking Gunns v The Bodydonnas: The Gunns were actually the tag team champions at this point, but this feud is more about Sunny than anything else, so they don't even bother putting the titles up. Hey, frankly, I'd rather have '96 Sunny than any gold belt, too - which might be the entire reason Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels actually fell out, really. The Bodydonnas clean house to start, but even despite having switched from blue tights to red, the crowd still doesn't get that they're faces (what are they, retarded?), and could not give less of a shit. Plus, the Gunns have Sunny. Bart starts, and they fights over an armbar with the 'Donnas. Billy comes in to slam Skip, and he nails the still unnamed fameasser. He showboats, however, and Skip takes over, so Sunny pretends to faint on the floor. That draws a concerned Skip over, and the Gunns nail a double clothesline on the outside. That gets them two, so Skip comes off the top with a bodypress, only to get powerslammed. The Gunns botch a simple double team leap frog, so they decide to bust out the really crazy stuff – punches and kicks. Billy off of the top rope, but he gets caught in an inverted atomic drop - which is a nice touch to pull on the guy who's fucking your ex. Tag to Zip, and he's a house of arson, but gets quickly tripped up by the Gunns. Bart looks to finish with the Sidewinder (sidewalk slam/flying legdrop combo), but Billy is caught up with Sunny, allowing Skip to hit a missile dropkick, and Zip to get the pin at 13:05. Ugly match - it worked the standard formula fine, but it had no flow, botched moves, was all punchy/kicky offense from the Gunns, and went on too long for what it was. ¼*.

Mankind v Henry Godwinn: This was still pretty early in Mankind's run, when he was engaged in a game changing feud with the Undertaker (wait, it's not over the stealing of the urn? And we're supposed to care?), and Mick Foley came off looking like a total psycho - speaking in a creepy voice, rocking back and forth at all times, and legitimately tearing chunks of his own hair out. Godwinn doesn't get that he's in the ring with a fucking horror show, though, and plays to the crowd to start, so Mankind jumps him, and starts biting. Godwinn catches him with a powerslam, but Mankind with a mule kick, and bulldogs him. Good looking elbowdrop, and he goes outside to pull the mats off of the floor. He takes Henry out there, and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Here's what I love about Foley - he does that to keep the crowd into it, but if you watch the spot, he takes the full impact of the concrete during the bump, keeping Henry as safe as a baby in his cradle. He tries the Cactus elbow, but Godwinn slams him off of the apron, to the floor. Inside, Henry tries the Slopdrop (an inverted DDT), but Mankind counters with the Mandible Claw to finish at 6:54. That move was put over like death in the beginning - when they sold it as Mankind having broken fingers from his mother smashing them in a piano as a child, and guys foaming at the mouth when they were put in it - before turning it into more of a comedy spot later, with Socko. Match had its moments, but this was just a squash. ½*.

Marc Mero v Steve Austin: Austin was on the way up, having just won the King of the Ring, where he spouted off the 'Austin 3:16' line that would change his career forever. And sell enough t-shirts to ensure he never, ever has to work again. He's still pretty heatless at this point, though, with the fans more into Mero and his valet Sable. Reversal sequence to start, and they fight over armbars and headlocks. Austin bridges to counter a headscissors, which Mero counters with a backslide, so Austin counters with the next best thing - just punches him right in the fucking face. Big mistake though, leading Mero to go into his Golden Gloves routine, so Austin goes Plan B - chasing Sable. He takes control on the floor, and posts Mero with a slingshot into the ringpost. Inside, the FU elbow gets two. Early Austin is so interesting to watch, in retrospect. He gives the crowd the finger, but you can see he almost feels somewhat uncomfortable doing it, kind of like, ‘you guys are totally sure this is okay, right?', versus a few years later where one of the main selling points of the entire company was, 'hey, come see this guy flip you the bird! Also, he'll do other stuff!' Austin with a powerbomb, but Mero counters with a crazy rana dumping them both to the floor, then follows with a senton off of the apron. Springboard moonsault into the aisle, and a slingshot splash going back in for two. Ten-punch count in the corner, and he tries a rana, but gets crotched on the ropes. Austin goes for the Stunner, but Mero counter, and hits a slingshot legdrop. Steve gets sick of playing games, however, and chopblocks him, then the stunner finishes at 10:48. Mero had really developed into a fine wrestler during this period, and one who paid his dues (Johnny B. Badd gimmick, anyone?), until an injury less than a year later effectively ended his career. Match was a lot of fun – well paced, and timed. ** ½.

The Undertaker v Goldust: By this point, Goldust had lost the Intercontinental title to Ahmed Johnson, so he should be putting 'Taker over clean in return for the Beware of Dog job. Long stall session to start, as Goldust plays scarred - hiding behind the referee, and even threatening to bail into the crowd. Hey dude, go for it. We all saw the Beware of Dog match (well, six - nine people did...), and there aren't exactly petitions circling for a rematch. 'Taker finally catches up with him on the floor, and hits the world’s lamest chokeslam on the steps - basically sitting him down gently onto the steps, the way you might a toddler. Well, nice to see the Undertaker would be good in last minute babysitting emergencies. Inside 'Taker chokes away (that... that might not be so good with some kids...), and hits his always visually impressive legdrop for two. Ropewalk forearm, and Goldust gets caught in the corner, but manages to expose the top turnbuckle. Irish whip by Undertaker, but Goldust reverses it, and 'Taker goes into the exposed buckle. They spill to the outside, and Goldust gives him a proper shot with the steps, actually drawing a face reaction off of it. I guess the crowd doesn't appreciate PussyTaker either. Inside, Goldust works a reverse chinlock, but realizes we'll see enough of those in the main event, and takes a big boot from 'Taker. Inside cradles gets UT two, and he hits the jumping clothesline. Tombstone, but Mankind bursts through the ring (missing his mark, and leaving 'Taker covering Goldust for far too long without the referee counting), and pulls him under for a disqualification at 12:07. 'Taker then bursts through a hole in the other side of the ring, and they brawl to the back, leaving us with two gaping holes in the squared circle. Great, now Shawn Michaels is gonna refuse to go out there because of the 'unsafe working environment,' and we have no main event. Fuck you, Mick Foley. Match was actually worse than Beware of Dog – these two just didn’t gel. DUD.

Main Event: Six-Man Tag Team Match: Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, and Sid v Vader, Owen Hart, and Davey Boy Smith: Vader starts with Ahmed, but wants Shawn, and goads him into tagging in. Shawn doesn't dive right into a lockup, and indeed gets walloped when he does. Another go, and Shawn hits a rana. Diving forearm, following by a gorgeous bodypress, that takes both of them tumbling over the top rope. The execution on that spot was incredibly smooth. Shawn hits him with a baseball slide, and a slingshot bodyblock, as everyone on the apron gets in erection. Axehandle hits the rail, and Vader takes him in to the corner for some body shots. And, I'm not talking 'bout no Spring Break with some half naked co-eds - this is an angry large masked man pounding you. Shawn doesn't want any of that, though, and quickly bails to tag Sid - who does go for that sort of thing. He punches Vader literally as if pitching a softball, so you know where his mind is really at. He's like a great film director – sending little subliminal messages. Owen and Ahmed tag in, and Johnson busts out rolling German suplexes. And already has a wedgie. If there was ever a guy who needed to switch to longer tights, it’s Ken Patera. But also, Ahmed Johnson. Tag to Davey, but he gets spinebustered. Pearl River Plunge hits, but Vader makes the save, and gets tagged in all official like. He literally slaps him around, but he must have added in a 'boy' there somewhere, because Ahmed turns it around on him – and hard. Vader likes blacks servile, though, and quickly hits an avalanche to learn him proper. He tries a bodypress, but Ahmed CATCHES him, and slams him. Vader did all the work there, but it looked great, and the crowd loved it - which is all that matters. Owen tags in, and takes his head off with the spinheel kick, but gets press slammed, and Ahmed wisely defers to Sid. More softball punches, and Davey comes in. Bulldog with an impressive hanging vertical suplex for two, so Michaels tags in. Flying axehandle for two, but he posts himself off of a blind charge. Owen comes in with Shawn, and they do a fantastic seven way cradle reversal sequence (won by Owen, for two), that has them going all around the ring like they're trying to map it. Owen bodypresses him, but Shawn rolls through for two. Owen suplex, but Shawn victory rolls - only to be reversed for two. Bridge sequence, won by Owen, with a lariat. Davey comes in, ending that exhibition, and hits a cloud reaching backdrop for two. Powerslam gets two, and some heel double teaming leaves Shawn for dead. And in comes Vader. He finally lives out his perverted fantasy of getting Michaels in the corner, but Shawn just DOESN’T GET DOWN THAT WAY, so he takes a wicked bump over the top to the floor to avoid any more sexual molestation. They should teach that in those women's defense classes. Step one: kick in the nuts. Step two: Flair Flip. Inside, Vader tries to choke him out, and a splash looks to finish, but Ahmed runs in with a clothesline. Shawn crawls for the tag, but Davey Boy stops him. Overhead backbreaker, but Shawn fights out into a crucifix, only to get dropped like a Samoan. Running Powerslam, but Sid breaks up the count. Vader tags in, and Shawn finally gets the tag to Ahmed, but the referee doesn't see it, and in the chaos, the heels destroy him with a triple team. Owen missile dropkick hits Davey, however, and Shawn gets to crawling again. Hot tag to Sid, and he chokeslams everybody. Tag to Ahmed, and they double clothesline Vader, then launch Shawn off of the top with a flying splash. Not the smartest idea, though, given that Shawn is still near dead from the heat segment. And, indeed, as everyone brawls on the floor, Vader avalanches Michaels, and hits the Vaderbomb for the pin - and to set up SummerSlam – at 24:32. Excellent match, well timed, with quick tags, and booked well - masking weaknesses with those quick tags, and by keeping Michaels in for the bulk of it, letting guys like Sid and Johnson come in to do their bits, but not overstay their welcome. That being said, everyone (everyone) had their working boots on - even guys like Ahmed that you wouldn't consider a worker – really gave it a good go, I'd imagine angling with his new Intercontinental title push, which of course ended when he was injured not long after this. ****.

BUExperience: The main event is a big winner – and taking up a half hour out of a two hour show - you can’t really go wrong there. However – despite what my eleven year old self may have told you at the time – have you ever seen a less intriguing card? No titles on the line. The tag team champions wrestle, but it’s non-title. There’s a squash match. Undertaker and Goldust settle nothing (and would go on to be booked against each other again in September), and the main event is basically a commercial for SummerSlam – though a really, really good commercial – like one of those Super Bowl ones that everyone talks about the next day. Hell, it’s a show so disinteresting that the wrestlers couldn’t even be bothered to show up for it, forget a pay per view audience – as Jake Roberts no-showed his scheduled match with Mankind, and The Ultimate Warrior bailed on the main event, being replaced by Sid. I think that about says it all. **.