WWF In Your House - Beware of Dog (May 1996)

Well, speaking of storms. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Basically, the WWF was holding a pay per view, but a biblical storm knocked out power to the arena – and pay per view feed – after the second match, leaving everyone in the building watching the guys restructure the show as a house show in the dark, and everyone at home with no signal. They rescheduled the show a couple of days later in a town a couple of hours away, and aired the matches that they managed to shoot before the power outage on pay per view – then ran the rest of the card for all the buyers who were, understandably, outraged. It was quite a clusterfuck, and I’m pretty sure if Vince McMahon could have fired God over it – he probably would have. In fact, that pretty much explains his feud ten years later, with none other than this pay per views headliner, and the big man himself. McMahon would have his revenge on not only God, but on the man who headlined this crappy show – all at once. And they say he doesn’t hold a grudge…

From Florence, SC (night one), and North Charleston, SC (night two), your hosts are Vince McMahon, and Jerry Lawler (night one), and Jim Ross, and Mr. Perfect (night two).


Free for All: WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Godwinns v The Smoking Gunns: From night one. This was during the weird period when the WWF kept sticking the tag titles onto the pre-show, even at WrestleMania. The Godwinns have Sunny with them, and the rest of the crowd has an erection with them. The girls, too. Phineas starts with Bart Gunn, and we get a handshake to hammer home that it's a face/face match. Big criss cross goes nowhere, as we get a view of the arena - and it's half empty. Guessing the storm was keeping people away, though the WWF wasn't exactly setting the world on fire at this point, so. All four men literally work an armbar, but I can't say I blame them. Not really a big vote of confidence in the whole division when you keep sticking the title matches on the pre-shows, every month. That goes on until Sunny hops up onto the apron to make out with Billy Gunn, which distracts Phineas long enough for Bart to hit a side suplex, and win the tag titles at 4:57, in perhaps the most anemic title change I've ever seen. Afterwards, Sunny tries to play it all off as a mistake to the heart broken Phineas, but we would later learn she was working them - jumping from their pen to the Gunns' coral in her endless quest for gold. Match was literally a five minute armbar. DUD.

Opening Match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley v Marc Mero: From night one. This was the angle that introduced the world to Sable, Mero's real life wife, and Attitude era hottie. Mero jumps him right away, and dumps him to the floor. He follows out with a slingshot bodyblock, and back inside with a slingshot legdrop for two. Hunter takes the Flair flip for two (come on, Marc. You were in WCW for ages. You should know no one gets pinned off of a fucking Flair flip.) Blind charge leads to Mero posting himself, and then HHH doing it again for him. Single-arm DDT, and HHH works the shoulder. Mero tries a backslide to come back, but his shoulder gives out, and Hunter rams it into the ringpost a couple of time. Meanwhile, resident horn dog Jerry Lawler interviews Hunter's call girl for the evening, but by the looks of things, everyone in SC ordered in for a the stormy night, and Hunter was left with one of the girls' mothers. Always politely decline in those situations, and wait out your punishment from the MSG Incident with your right hand. If you’re a lefty, you’re weird, don’t masturbate – I don’t want to think about it. You could Hunter continues the relentless shoulder work, though really, with Mero, taking the legs away would be the better way to go. He gets caught up top, though, and Mero brings him down with a top rope rana. Headscissors takedown, but Marc lands right on his shoulder, and actually sells it! Backdrop (making sure to only use the uninjured side of his body), and a flying sunset flip for two. HHH bails, so Mero follows with a flying seated senton, but hits nothing but floor - injuring his leg. Inside, it's Pedigree time, so Sable starts crying on the floor, refusing to watch. HHH won't have that, and drops Mero to go force her attention to his domination of her husband. Hmm, and she’s the one carrying the whip. Pedigree attempt again, but Mero counters with a slingshot for the pin at 16:23. Good opener - with really solid psychology throughout from Triple H, and he worked it well, keeping his shoulder-spots - while not terribly exciting – unrepetitive, and engaging. The ending was a little shaky, but it worked. ***.

Main Event: WWF Title Match: Shawn Michaels v Davey Boy Smith: From night one. The power went out after HHH/Mero, and the rest of the show went on in darkness for the live crowd, but came back on in time for the main event, so this got sandwiched into the middle of the pay per view broadcast on night two before the live stuff. This was part of a really strange angle, as Davey accused Shawn of sexually harassing his wife, Diana, and wanted revenge. That would, in any normal world, make him the unequivocal babyface - so you would think they would tweak the angle into something like Diana saying that Davey is a hothead, and that it isn't true, or SOMETHING, but no – they pretty much went with Shawn is accused of sexual harassment, but he's so goofy, and cool, so ha, ha, ha - Anything Can Happen in the WWF! Bulldog jumps him to start, since, you know, he sexually harassed his wife, and shit, but Shawn uses his speed to put him on the floor, and hits a slingshot bodypress to follow. Davey regroups out there, and inside, Shawn works a headlock. He jaws with the referee, looking to be upset about something or other. But, hey, dude, it's fucking 1996 Shawn Michaels, who can keep fucking track. Nice reversal sequence, and Michael hits an enzuigiri for two. They wrestle over a wristlock, with Davey rolling it through for a couple of near falls, and then finally powering out with a slam. Backdrop, and a hairpull slam, as I guess Davey was high enough to think this was for the WWF Women’s Title. Overhead backbreaker, and Shawn tries to counter into a crucifix, but gets dropped like Samoan. Bulldog works a chinlock, which Shawn more or less ignores, and jaws with the referee again about something. Shawn gets tripped up off of a criss cross, and Michaels goes flying out of the ring, in a relatively simple, but really visually impressive spot. He was like a bouncy ball there - off of the mat, through the ropes, and onto the floor. Back inside, we have a double knockout spot, but Shawn gets there first, and hits the diving forearm. Slam sets up the big elbow, but Davey's up, so he changes gears into a flying axehandle. Referee gets bumped shortly after, and Shawn catches him with his flying elbowdrop. He revs up the band, but Owen Hart runs in, so Shawn plays that song for him instead. That allows Smith to jump him, as another referee runs in to take over, and he goes for the running  powerslam, but Shawn counters into a German suplex for the pin at 17:21. However, both of the Officials were counting at once, and one counted Shawn's shoulders down, while the other counted Davey's, and you know where this is going. Shawn retains by draw - rematch at King of the Ring. Best part of this whole bit is Diana hightailing it into the aisle with the title belt, and defiantly holding it up in the air - stone-faced, like some civil rights leader - only to have WWF President Gorilla Monsoon calmly walk up and snatch it away from her. These two have had some beauties together – and Shawn Michaels during this period, despite a collection of personal problems that would make a street junkie jealous, and being a general nightmare backstage – was pretty much untouchable once he stepped through the ropes. This one, while not bad, wasn’t one of those beauties. Odd pacing, strange angle, bad ending – let’s just blame it on the weather. ** ½.

Caribbean Strap Match: Steve Austin v Savio Vega: From night two. Steve Austin isn't 'Stone Cold' yet, but managed by Ted DiBiase, and billed as his 'Million Dollar Champion.' Austin tries to bail after a tie up doesn't go his way, but it's a strap match, so Savio pulls him right back in. Well, they had to establish the gimmick for anyone in the audience who, you know, was too stupid to see the giant leather strap tying them together. Vega with a backdrop, and he whips away. Suplex, and Savio gets him to three corners (of four!), but Austin crotches him with the strap to stop the momentum. He gets in some whipping of his own now, but Vega tackles him, and they roll around on the mat, schoolyard-style. Or, like two homos in their underwear. Whichever. To the floor, Austin dumps him on the rail, and tries to head in, but he has a 300-pounds of Caribbean-stool as an anchor, and gets tied up. He suplexes him back in instead, and drags him to two corners, but Vega with a clothesline to turn the tide. Austin tries a backdrop to the floor, but basic physics causes him to get dragged over the top with him, in a cute spot. Vega with a suplex out there, and he literally drags him in to hit two corners. Savio tries for a superplex, but gets headbutted off, but Austin is too whipped to capitalized, and gets crotched on the top, allowing Savio to finish the sequence with a super-duperplex. Great sequence - fighting with their teeth and using nails (or however that expression goes) over what could have been just another spot. Savio gets three corners off of that, but runs into a spinebuster. Austin gets two corners off of that, so he tries a tombstone. They trade reversals, until Savio tumbles over the top, and they end up tied up with the strap. Austin solves that problem by diving off of the top rope to the floor after him, but hits the rail. Inside, Vega carries him to two corners, so Austin counters with a sunset flip, but Vega reminds him pinfalls don't count (reminds him with his fists), and hits the third. Austin doesn't enjoy being on the receiving end of that kind of 'reminding,' though, and piledrives him. He slaps on the Million Dollar Dream (his finisher at the time, pre-Stunner), but Savio manages to drag him to three corners while in the hold. Austin stunguns him, and ties him into a noose. He drags him to the corners, but Vega hits them all behind his back, making them 3/3 on the way to corner four. They get into a scuffle there, and Austin - unaware that Vega had been touching the corners in his wake - launches him into the final corner, giving Savio a hard fought win at 21:27, and banishing Ted DiBiase to WCW, as per the pre-match stipulations. The match was solid, but the gimmick actually got in their way, as they were working a hell of a match – only to be forced to do it around various strap spots, and the corner touching stipulation. It did end up as a nice bit of important character development for Austin, though, as we would later learn that he purposely let Savio win, in order to rid himself of the Million Dollar Man - a big part of what would become the Stone Cold character. Though, that begs the question - why put yourself through a twenty minute+ ass kicking, when you could do that in two? ** ¾.

Vader v Yokozuna: From night two. This was set up by both of them being fat. Also, other stuff. But mostly that. Fat slugfest to start, and Vader tries to bail, but there's TALK OF PUDDING, so he sticks with it. Stall fest, while they make the pudding, so Yoko invites Vader to suck on his titties a'while while they wait. Vader doesn't need to be asked twice, but it's a trick, and Yoko bellyblocks him to the floor. Vader, pissed at being tricked out of some man-titty sucking action, gets all punchy coming back in, so Yoko literally punches him in his erection to stop that. Hey, go with what works. That just pisses him off more, however, as now he's gotta eat his pudding and fuck a tubby with an bruised dick. He comes hard, but Yoko uranage’s all over him, then drops him like a Samoan. It's ass force time, as he goes for the Banzai, but Jim Cornette (Vader's manager) gets jealous, and comes in join all the funky butt lovin'. He gives Jim Vader’s Banzai, but Vader won't have that kind of betrayal, and pulls Jim away. He'll deal with him later. First, he needs to finish playing with his new Asian bitch. Vaderbomb finishes at 8:53. Uh, yeah, this was nothing. ¼*. Also, the pudding never even came.

WWF Intercontinental Title Casket Match: Goldust v The Undertaker: From night two. 'Taker jumps him from behind, dumping him to the floor, and onto the gold painted casket. Inside, 'Taker continues the assault, with the ropewalk forearm. Goldust tombstones him out of nowhere to come back, but 'Taker rightly no sells it. Goldust hammers away, and tries a casket dump, but fails. Weird transition there, as they just went from Undertaker completely dominating to Goldust hitting a finisher, and taking over - kind of like one of those nasty old clip jobs you used to see on Coliseum Video in the 80s. Goldust backdrops him to the floor, and chokes him out with an electrical cable. Dude, the fuck?! You trying to kill the whole show again?! Just shoot him in the eye with a hunting rifle, or, you know, something much less specific - shit! Inside, Goldust with a sleeper, as the fans chant 'Rest in Peace' to encourage the Undertaker on. Even as a kid, I never got that one. I fully understand his gimmick, and all, but you're basically (no, screw 'basically,' you're 'entirely') chanting for the guy to die. He dumps UT in the box again, but 'Taker tips the whole thing over to counter. 'Taker with a jumping clothesline, and a Cactus clothesline in a nice bit of foreshadowing. He grabs a chair, but it gets kicked away, and Goldust powerslams him. Flying clothesline, and he tries a cover, but, of course, there are no pinfalls. He tries his own ropewalk forearm, but that’s the line (for the sake of reference: you can insult him, attack him, or even murder him – just don’t steal his signature moves), and 'Taker tombstones him. To the casket, but when he pops the lid, Mankind is inside waiting for him with his Mandible Claw hold, and he stuffs him in the box to allow Goldust to retain at 12:36. That was a pretty cool trick at the time (and it definitely beats nine guys running out and beating him down to make him do the job), and the entire Undertaker/Mankind program was great stuff – changing the Undertaker's stagnant style for the better. This match, however, while not bad, had no flow, until picking up a bit at the end. ¾*.

BUExperience: Not an explicitly bad show, by any means, if a tad boring, and with a really dull atmosphere – especially the first night, both before and (more understandably) after, the power outage, as I suppose getting soaked in a storm on the way in really dampened peoples’ mood. *