WWF The Wrestling Classic (November 1985)

The Wrestling Classic was the WWF’s second foray, after WrestleMania I, into the pay per view market – putting on a one night, sixteen-man single elimination tournament. Though, really, the show was about capitalizing on the super-hot feud between Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper – who would be meeting for the WWF Title – as the tournament itself was meaningless, with the winner not receiving a title of any sort, or even a token title shot. They do give away an actual Rolls Royce to a fan as part of a sweepstakes during the show, which you’d think would be the obvious prize for the tournament, but no. That would make too much sense, and stuff.

I wasn’t even one years old when this show took place, but did see it on VHS about ten years ago - and not since. I don’t remember being particularly impressed with it at the time – but let’s take a look.

From Chicago, Illinois – Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, along with Vince McMahon, Lord Alfred Hayes, and some poor, ill-fated blonde who run down the brackets and offer 'analysis' - which consists mostly of gross sexual harassment from Hayes, Mad Men-style, right in front of the owner of the company, no less.


Opening First Round Match: Corporal Kirchner v Adrian Adonis: Kirchner gets the best of a couple of lock-ups, and works a mat-based side-headlock. Adonis throws him a side suplex to escape, and grabs a chinlock. Kirchner with a suplex to escape, but Adonis counters into a neckbreaker to advance at 3:22. Not exactly an arousing opener, there. DUD.

First Round Match: Dynamite Kid v Nikolai Volkoff: Dynamite jumps him with a missile dropkick during Nikolai's rendition of the Soviet National Anthem, and advances in 0:09, giving us Kid/Adonis in the Quarter Finals. This probably should have been the opener, as it set the pace for an evening of quickie matches, and the crowd loved it. DUD.

First Round Match: Randy Savage v Ivan Putski: Savage stalls to start, bailing on the tie-up, so Putski spits at him. Savage is probably the one guy you don't want to pull that shit with, but he gets rammed into the corner coming in. Putski unloads, but Savage supermarket sweeps him in the corner, and gets the pin with both feet on the second rope at 2:47. Keep moving along. DUD.

First Round Match: Davey Boy Smith v Ricky Steamboat: The announcers had been touting this as a 'scientific encounter' in the buildup, so expect to see a couple of Bunsen burners busted out. Reversal sequence to start, and Steamboat gets two off of a backslide. Davey with a press slam for two, and he grabs a front-facelock. Press slam again for two, to wear him down, and he goes back to the facelock. Suplex, but Steamboat reverses into a gorgeous hanging vertical suplex. Splash, but Davey lifts the knees. He hits a pair of dropkicks, but a third gets him crotched in the ropes, and... the referee stops the match... at 2:53?! Apparently he decided that that was enough of showing up everyone else, and decided to have an abortion, live on pay per view. The official decision is 'Davey is too injured (in the nuts, folks!) to continue,' and Steamboat advances to face Savage, though, come on! Wrestlers take low blows like blow jobs. Match was headed somewhere, but didn't have a chance to get there - and screwy ending didn't help. ¾*

First Round Match: The Iron Sheik v The Junkyard Dog: Sheik jumps him during the introductions, and chokes him with his robe. The strategy fails, however, as he doesn't count on the JYD BARKING UP!! headbutts all around! Butt bump! But a falling headbutt misses, and Sheik slaps on the Camel Clutch! No! Somehow, even though Sheik has yet to work anything remotely back related yet, the hold fails to garner a submission (somehow!), and Dog hits another headbutt to advance at 3:27. This match was like skimming over an actual match. DUD.

First Round Match: Terry Funk v Moondog Spot: Funk cuts a patronizing promo on Spot (whose gimmick was that of a backwoods hick), telling him that he'd be better off just going home - and is even nice enough to hold the ropes open for him to leave - but Spot outsmarts him and advances to face the Junkyard Dog by countout at 0:27. Cute bit, that took advantage of the time limitations, and played off of the characters. Moondog Spot would go on to have the distinction of being a wrestler to die while performing - at Jerry Lawler's 'Birthday Bash' show in Memphis about eighteen years after this. DUD.

First Round Match: Tito Santana v Don Muraco: Tito Santana was the Intercontinental Champion at this point, though that isn't on the line here. Muraco dismantles him, but gets caught with a bodypress for two. Sunset flip get two, so Muraco tries a neckbreaker, but Santana counters with a backslide for two. Don takes an impressive Flair flip, and Tito goes to a wristlock - which is kind of an odd hold to go into after they've already moved into the bigger stuff. Muraco responds by dropping him clean across the top rope, and hitting a lariat for two. Powerslam, and Muraco advances at 4:00. Ah, but the referee decides he saw Santana'a foot on the ropes, so Tito cradles him from behind for the pin at 4:16. Jesse brings up a good point on commentary, as the referee really should have told Muraco he saw Santana's foot before restarting the match. Considering the guy was in complete control, and essentially lost to a cheap shot, not only a fair point by Jesse - but that makes Tito look terribly weak. Decent for what it was, within the time limitations, otherwise. ¾*

First Round Match: Bob Orton v Paul Orndorff: Orton is current WWE Superstar Randy Orton's father. Orndorff is named Paul. Orndorff works Orton's the 'bad arm' - which he had in a cast for an extraordinarily long amount of time, and was in the habit of whacking other wrestlers with – but runs into a boot, and gets stomped into a two count. Orton with a mat-based headscissors, but he crotches himself on a blind charge, and Orndorff hits a faceslam. They spill outside, and Orton whacks him with the cast, giving Orndorff the disqualification victory at 6:27, to face Tito Santana. I know the gimmicked cast was a great angle, but I say if guys can go after it - as Orndorff did, targeting it for the first few minutes of the match - why not let him use it? Either say that arm is out of play entirely, or don't let guys target a guy's 'broken' arm, and then disqualify him when he fires back. Dull, kicky-punchy match. DUD.

Quarter Final Match: Adrian Adonis v Dynamite Kid: Dynamite throws him around with a series of armdrags to start, and Adonis bails to the floor to regroup. Inside, Adrian with a slingshot into the corner, and a slam for two. Suplex gets two, as Jesse Ventura leaves the broadcast position to go backstage and give advice to Randy Savage about his upcoming match. And, hey, Jesse's timing couldn't have been better, as Adonis grabs a chinlock right as he's headed up the aisle. Kid side suplexes out, but misses a great looking falling headbutt, and Adonis starts working the knee. Sharpshooter before it was the Sharpshooter, but Kid makes the ropes, and gets a fantastic sunset flip for two. He posts Adonis, and hits a 2^nd rope flying knee for two. Crisp snap suplex and a falling headbutt force Adonis' manager Jimmy Hart (maybe he taught him that Sharpshooter?) to get involved, but Kid outsmarts them both, and rolls Adrian up to advance at 6:00. Kid looked unbelievable here - better than most of the roster today - executing crisp, elegant moves - even if the match as a whole was nothing special. *.

Quarter Final Match: Randy Savage v Ricky Steamboat: Savage hides behind valet Elizabeth to start, and throws her into Steamboat to take the advantage, drawing big heel heat. Steamboat catches him in the corner, however, and headscissors him over the top, to the floor. Atomic drop out there, and inside Steamboat chops away, but gets caught with a side suplex. Flying axehandle meets fist, so Savage bails, but Steamboat suplexes him back in. Flying bodypress for two, and he tries to bail again, but Steamboat's all over him, so Savage reaches deep into his tights for a pair of brass knux (eww...) and clocks Steamboat in the face with his dick-knux to go on to face Dynamite at 4:00. This was just non-stop, and obviously these two could have put something more substantial together given time - which they would, in a benchmark setting match at WrestleMania III. Still, for what it was, this was a fuckton of fun. * ½.

Quarter Final Match: The Junkyard Dog v Moondog Spot: Spot jumps him coming in, but misses a splash off of the 2^nd rope, and a series of headbutts finish at 0:45, despite the fact that there was no referee present in the ring, and Dog had to count the fall himself. That came off badly, and not at all like the polished product Vince McMahon was pushing so hard at the time. In fact, all the referees tonight come across strangely, as they don't appear to be WWF Officials – wearing non-WWF Standard ring wear, and I haven't seen a face I recognize yet. DUD.

Quarter Final Match: Tito Santana v Paul Orndorff: They actually bother bringing out one of the referees for this one, at least. Santana works a long mat-based side-headlock to start, until Orndorff counters into an equally long (and dull) hammerlock. Orndorff with an atomic drop, and a toe-hold. Leglock! They eventually spill outside, and both get counted out at 8:00, giving the Junkyard Dog a bye to the finals. I know that the three lines or so above don't necessarily make you think they went eight whole minutes, but, oh yeah, they did. I can appreciate the story of Orndorff working the leg, and getting more aggressive on fellow babyface Santana as the match went on – but he did it in the most boring way possible, and it they didn't even pay it off, as the match ended with both getting counted out. - ½*

WWF Title Match: Hulk Hogan v Roddy Piper: After their feud set up the first WrestleMania – but in a tag match – and they continued to tear up WWF TV for the rest of the year it was time for the blowoff to the hottest angle of 1985. No more cheap tricks, no more dragging it out, no more countouts, or disqualifications – this time Hogan would beat Piper, and GOOD! Even if they have to build an entire pointless pay per view tournament around that one match - people would still buy it. And they did. Brawl to start, and Hogan dominates, but Piper goes to the eyes, and throat. Hogan with a cross corner clothesline, and a side suplex, drawing unreal heat from the crowd - as you can see even the stoic security guards turning from their posts to sneak glimpses of Hulkamania. Series of elbowdrops, and he catches him in a bearhug, but Piper goes to the eyes again. Sleeper, giving Gorilla Monsoon a chance to explain the brain and oxygen to the home audience. Hogan is done. Finished. Kaput. New Champion. But... HULK UP!! I didn't see that coming, I'll tell ya. Atomic drop, but Piper reverses an Irish whip, and referee gets bumped. Piper whacks Hogan with a chair, but gets a taste of his own medicine, but Bob Orton runs in, and Hogan wins by disqualification at 7:00. Paul Orndorff runs in to make the save, with a chair, setting up tag matches across the country. So much for big blowoff. I'm the last guy you have to explain angles to, but Piper should have done the job clean, 100%, no questions asked. Extracurricular activity with Orton and Orndorff could have been handled after the match, and still had just as much impact. Match was well paced, exciting, and outside of the ending, fine. Later, in a backstage promo with Mean Gene Okerlund, Hogan would get out of a shower with Paul (to seal their super manly bond, naturally!) and announce that they have each other's backs! ¾*.

Semi Final Match: Dynamite Kid v Randy Savage: Interestingly, they've actually brought a WWF Official (in official WWF Official gear!) for this one for this first time tonight. Kind of an odd place to start, but okay, let's go with it. Jesse suggests that the Junkyard Dog come out and do push-ups during the bout, to make the finals a bit fairer. Can't really argue, as five minutes of push-ups might actually be more strenuous than a standard JYD match.. They do a couple of false tie-ups to start, and Savage bails to the floor to regroup. Inside, Kid with a crisp shoulderblock, and a magnificently executed backdrop. Bodypress, but Savage is in the ropes, so Kid sunset flips him, only to have Savage counter with a buttsplash. Kind of less effective when you're not, like, a big fat fuck - but points for effort. Double knockout spot, and Savage heads up top, but gets crotched, and Kid super-duperplexes him off, only to get cradled on the mat to send Savage to the finals at 5:00. Again, Kid looked terrific here, and that finish was way ahead of its time for 1985. This would be a dream match for wrestling fans, but the time constraints didn't let them do much with it - outside of a couple of nice spots. ¾*

WWF Wrestling Classic Final Match: Randy Savage v The Junk Yard Dog: They held the Rolls Royce drawing just before this to give Savage something of a break, though I still contend that it should have went to the winner (even if only in kayfabe terms, of course) as the prize for this tournament. Savage stalls to start, working the countout, which makes psychological sense, as Dog has wrestled fewer matches, and Savage's last match was literally the last thing to happen - car giveaways notwithstanding. JYD finally gets hold of him, and hits an atomic drop, then locks on a bearhug. Randy goes to the eyes to break, but the Dog keeps hammering the back, but gets caught with a hangman’s clothesline for two. Savage dumps him, and hits a flying axehandle. He posts him to make sure he stays down, but Dog keeps coming, so Savage drops another flying axehandle. Dog won't take the hint, though, so Savage whacks him with a chair for good measure - and now it's not even about the countout, he's just pissed. He chokes him on the rail, and rolls him back in for one more flying axehandle, but he gets nailed coming down. Dog CHOWS UP!! and it's headbutt city! He backdrops Savage to the floor, and that's enough for a countout at 9:00, in a nice bit of irony. They worked a nice bit with Savage killing him on the floor, and not being able to get the countout, and Dog pulling it out on the first try - but not a particularly great match, otherwise. ¼*

BUExperience: It’s not so much a victim of its time, as it is of time constraints. This had some great pairings, but the structure of the show didn’t really allow anyone to go over ten minutes – which is a shame. A one night tournament is usually my idea of a great time, but booking a sixteen-man bracket on a two-hour show is like hearing your favorite rock band is playing halftime at the Super Bowl. You’ll check it out because you’re curious, but you know there’s no way they can pack anything worthwhile within the format. DUD.