WWF In Your House - No Way Out (of Texas) (February 1998)

At the ’98 Royal Rumble, Shawn Michaels had taken a (legitimate) career ending back injury in a match with the Undertaker. However, this time, no one was going to buy the ‘surrendered title’ bit, and he would have to go out there and put Steve Austin over properly. That wouldn’t come until next month, however, and this show was more or less filler to sell WrestleMania, without so much as a real title match booked.

 
My interest in the show in the time was so little that I don’t even remember it. I was firmly ‘off’ of the WWF after Montreal, and watching the brilliance that was WCW – though that was really only an exercise in punishing myself.

From Houston, Texas – Your hosts are Jim Ross, and Jerry Lawler, who announce right off the bat that Shawn Michaels is injured, and won’t be competing in the advertised main event tonight. Which is nice of them to let you know. You know, after they’ve securely stashed your pay per view dollars.


Opening Match: The Headbangers v Marc Mero and The Artist Formerly Known as Goldust: This was during a weird period for Goldust (okay, that wouldn't help you much...) where he was having an identity crisis, dressing like he just came from a Marilyn Manson concert, and being led on a leash by Luna Vachon. Actually, that's about as equally weird as the original Goldust character, now that I think about it. Mero and Mosh start off, and Marc goes into his Golden Gloves routine. He misses a blind charge, however, and gets dumped, setting up the long awaited Johnny B. Badd/Goldust cuddle. Inside, he gets caught with a flying clothesline, so Goldust tags in, but he gets backdropped and hit with some of the 'Bangers' patented double-teams. They manage to pull down the top rope off of a criss cross to dump Thrasher, and Goldust drops him onto the stairs. Inside, Mero grabs a chinlock, as I start to long for a Godwinns match. Mero with a really sloppy sitout powerbomb for two, and he goes for the TKO, but Thrasher counters into a DDT. Both men get the tag off of that, and Mosh is a house of arson. Thrasher decides to forget that whole part where he was just beaten on for a good ten minutes, and immediately comes in to help finish the heels off, but Luna crotches him on the top rope to help remind him. Meanwhile, Mero hits the TKO, but Luna and Mero's valet - the increasingly insanely over Sable - start PMSing on the outside, and that distracts Marc long enough for the Headbangers to get the win at 13:27. Ugh, what a horrible opener. Mero depreciated so much after the injury, it's almost hard to believe you're watching the same guy out there. Sloppy, badly paced match, that went on too long. ¼*.

Light Heavyweight Title Match: Taka Michinoku v Pantera: Sunny is the guest ring announcer, as apparently a lack of a tag title match has her slumming her sluttyness for a lesser title. She still puts on her Sunday-best, however, and, even gives champion Michinoku a kiss – sending Jerry Lawler into a beautiful jealous fit on commentary. Chopfest to start, but Pantera dumps him, and dives out after him with a senton. Inside, Pantera with a headscissors takedown, but Michinoku dumps him, and hits a springboard press. Back in, Taka with a series of crisp dropkicks, but he gets dropped to the floor as Pantera headscissors him off the apron, then hits a tope through the turnbuckles. That was quite a series of spots - both coming off excellently. Inside, Pantera with a double-underhook backbreaker, and he goes to a camel clutch. He switches to a surfboard, and backdrops Taka into the aisle. He follows with a crisp senton, and a backbreaker back inside. Flying elbowdrop hits the lower back as if guided by a laser, and he looks to finish, with a top rope rana. He lets off at two to go for a moonsault, however, but that only gets two, so he tries another - which misses. Those were two of the most perfectly executed moonsaults you will ever see, though, so well worth seeing them twice. Taka goes for the Michinoku Driver, but the back gives out, and he gets cradled for two. Magistral cradle for two. Rana, but Taka powerbombs him for two, and hits a missile dropkick. Michinoku Driver finishes at retain at 10:09. Good match - well paced, with solid psychology, and filled with crisp work, and marvelous spots. ***.

The Godwinns v The Quebecers: Oh, fuck, I spoke too soon. Phineas Godwinn starts with Jacques, and gets caught with a Northern Lights suplex, so he trades off to Henry Godwinn. He fights over an armbar, which he does win by using his arm - only with a clothesline. The Godwinns cut the ring in half, working Jacques shoulder, as the crowd snoozes because both teams are heels, and neither are particularly interesting enough for them to want to get behind as de facto faces. Jacques finally gets the tag off Pierre, but the crowd can't even be bothered to politely clap for his house of arson routine. Piledriver on Phineas, and the Quebecers hit the Cannonball, but Henry makes the save. Big brawl breaks out, and a cheap shot from Henry allows Phineas to pin Pierre at 11:15. The Godwinns were done as a team, and The Quebecers were four years past being relevant - this was just filler, as they were doing three hour In Your House's by this point, but most of the interesting section of the roster was busy in multi-man tag matches at the top of the card. ¼*.

NWA North American Heavyweight Title: Jeff Jarrett v Justin Bradshaw: This was part of a very bizarre angle where Jim Cornette brought the 'NWA' to the WWF, as part of a quasi-invasion angle, and started having 'NWA' wrestlers (who seemed an awful lot like WWF wrestlers, who were suddenly a part of the NWA), wrestle for NWA titles, and under NWA rules. Shockingly, it failed to make the impact that the other 'nW' thing was going on the other channel. It would have done crazy business ten years earlier, though - but points for effort, I guess. Bradshaw nearly kicks him back to Mexico to start, but gets caught with a dropkick, and a jumping clothesline. Jarrett with a 2^nd rope dropkick for two, and he tries a sunset flip, but gets whacked. Bradshaw goes to work, but Jarrett's manager, Jim Cornette, nails the knee with a tennis racket. Figure four, but Bradshaw shoves him off, only to walk into the worlds loosest DDT. If Jake Roberts were sober, and not already crying, he would break into tears seeing that one. Jeff with a flying bodypress, but he gets caught, and Justin hits a blockbuster. Powerbomb, but Cornette gets involved again, and Bradshaw gets a DQ win at 8:33. This felt like it should have been on Worldwide in 1988, not WWF pay per view in 1998. ¼*.

War of Attrition Match: The Nation of Domination v Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson, and The Disciples of Apocalypse: This was supposed to be a Survivor Series-style elimination match – which makes sense given the billing – but instead it's just a regular ten-man tag team match. Because spotty logic has ATTITUDE! The Disciples send Chainz, Skull, and 8-Ball to represent their stable, and the Nation is represented by Faarooq, D-lo Brown, Kama Mustafa, Mark Henry, and The Rock – who was Intercontinental champion, and quickly becoming one of the most interesting acts on the card. D-lo starts with Skull, and you can guess which guy the Texas crowd likes better. Skull with a swinging neckbreaker, and he brings in Shamrock. He throws a suplex, but forgets to cut the ring in half, and D-lo simply walks with his tail between his legs back to his corner. We get a Mark Henry/Ahmed Johnson showdown, and Ahmed slams him - popping the crowd big. Ahmed was a horrible worker, but people loved him throughout his runs, no question. Brown back in, and Ahmed messes up the frogsplash by rolling out of position, forcing D-lo to land on his legs. Shamrock and The Rock go (they had the biggest issue in the match at the time, and would meet at WrestleMania for the title), and Rocky wrecks him, before letting Kama come in to finish up for him. That doesn't work out, of course, and he walks into some double teams from Skull and 8-Ball (The Harris Brothers). The Rock has some better luck with Skull, and hits a still unnamed, still very primitive version of the People's Elbow. It's doesn't even get a pop yet, and is basically a transition move at this point. Though, in reality, it is a transition move – just one that he got over to an insane degree. D-lo misses a moonsault, leading a ten-way brawl to break out, and Shamrock gets a hold of The Rock. Belly to belly suplex, and he grabs the Anklelock to get the submission at 13:44. Watching this, it was pretty clear that they were prepared for working an elimination-style bout, and had to change gears at the last minute - which threw their game. Also, some goofy booking, as Shamrock/Rock was the big issue - and they closed with it, which was fine - but they let them at each other earlier, and not in any sort of dramatic fashion. Decent, if disjointed match that needed a lesson from some of the earlier Survivor Series events. *.

Kane v Vader: The crowd is hot for this one, and Vader jumps him before he has a chance to do his pyro routine, spilling to the outside. Kane dominates him out there, but gets caught with some forearm shots, and whipped into the post. Back inside, Kane catches him with a flying clothesline, and a suplex. He keeps control, with very slow, plodding offense, until even Vader gets bored, and starts shooting him some great looking jabs. Kane no sells it, however, and keeps plodding. DDT, and he goes for the chokeslam, but Vader blows him low. Splash sets up the moonsault – though he botches it, landing on Kane with his head. It still came off fine from a casual point of view, but that could have been a horror show - and obviously not from a workrate perspective. Kane no sells it, and they spill outside, where Vader sprays him with a fire extinguisher. Powerbomb gets no sold, and Kane with the chokeslam and tombstone to finish at 10:57, winning the rights to the red and black tights once and for all! This was basically an extended squash, with Vader nearing the end of his run, but still having more than enough credibility to put Kane over as a monster, in preparation for The Undertaker at WrestleMania. ½*.

Main Event: Non-Sanctioned Eight-Man Tag Team Match: Steve Austin, Owen Hart, Cactus Jack, and Chainsaw Charlie v Triple H, The New Age Outlaws, and Savio Vega: Obviously, as noted at the top, WWF Champion Shawn Michaels was supposed to be involved here, but a legitimate back injury (one that would end his career for over four years) kept him off of the card. The big surprise replacement is... Savio Vega - which to say was 'disappointing' would be like saying not being able to get it up while trying to fuck Mila Kunis is 'slightly annoying.' To be fair, the roster was so thin at the time, they didn't have too many alternatives, and had to make do - though pulling a bait-and-switch when your replacement is SAVIO FUCKING VEGA is pretty shitty, as a rule. Though, really, there's no reason Shawn couldn't have been there, in a wheelchair, if necessary. You know who would have done that for them, no questions asked? Bret Hart.  Both teams come down with various weapons of choice (Triple H brings Chyna's clit!), ensuring a good time for all. Well, for everyone except those unfortunate enough to run afoul of Triple H. This is Tornado Rules, and Austin jumps Billy Gunn right away, opening up an eight-way brawl, but Stone Cold cleans house with a trash can lid - which is more than a bit ironic. He takes on Triple H, and chokes him out with a broom, as Cactus and Chainsaw (Terry Funk, with a stocking over his head) work over Jesse James. Billy Gunn gets tossed through a table, and everyone trades chair shots. HHH goes postal on Charlie with a trash can, but he HOSIERYS UP!! so Hunter responds with a DDT onto the lid. Owen enzuigiri's him before he can capitalize, however, and grabs the Sharpshooter, but Jesse James makes the save. James follows up by powerbombing Chainsaw onto a pair of chairs (a spot that was always a lot of fun to play out with your action figures), and suddenly everybody decides to abandon the Tornado format, and go with a straight eight-man. Okay. The heels work over Funky Charlie, so the impatient Austin chucks a trashcan from the apron, hitting Billy Gunn square in the jaw to try and turn the tide. Well, guy isn't a multi-time tag champion for nothing. Trashcan tossing won more titles than inside cradles in ECW, anyway. The heels gangbang him to prevent it, though, considering the first portion of this match was essentially an eight-man street fight, and the fact that they explicitly told us that it's 'unsanctioned,' I don't see what's stopping the entire face side from running in, and just finishing the abortion of the wrestling nightmare that is William Gunn. Hot tag to Cactus, and he takes out everyone - including a stiff shot ON (not through, but on) a table for the Outlaws - and a Cactus clothesline puts them on the floor. HHH goes with him next, and hits a suplex for two, then brings in Savio to abuse him with some barbed wire – wrapping him up like a belated Manson Family Christmas present. The Outlaws try a double team with a chair, but a miscommunication leaves James laying, and Cactus gets the hot tag to Steve Austin - though, again, that seems kind of superfluous in an unsanctioned match. He's a house of arson, and a quick stunner on Jesse James finishes at 17:37. Afterwards Chyna gets in Austin's face (I warned you guys!), but gets stunnered, saving the entire crowd a trip to a gun shop. Or, in their case – their pockets. Hope Debra kept a copy of that spot for later. Match was a fuckton of fun, but would have benefited from sticking with the Tornado format it had going in the beginning (or, at the very least, picking one style, and sticking with it), as it hurt the psychology when you had a Tornado match, and then suddenly guys are working a heat segment, and their partners can’t make the save because they haven’t been tagged in. It did have a neat twist on the heat segment strategy, though - opposed to working one guy over for the entire match, the faces took turns taking the abuse - which kept things lively. Entertaining, and the crowd loved it. Austin could do no wrong at this point - highlighted by his crowd pleasing woman beating to close the show. *** ¼.

BUExperience: The main event’s a lot of fun, but even that’s not enough to save this show. It’s basically just a three hour add for WrestleMania, with all the big programs shuffled into big multi-man tag matches – which is a great way to go home on a show – but doesn’t really make for enthralling pay per view action, as the rest of the roster was so thin at that point we were left with blowoffs to feuds from C-shows, and bait-and-switches involving Savio Vega. DUD.