WWF Royal Rumble 1995

By 1995, after a rapid and thorough depletion of the WWF’s roster due, in part, to the steroid trials over the last few years - as well as competition from WCW - the WWF didn’t even have enough performers to properly hold the annual Rumble. Many workers were hired for one shot deals simply to fill the 30-man commitment, so to add to the ‘excitement’ (see: avoid extended periods with a ring full of jobbers) they reduced the Rumble entry intervals to only one minute.

From Tampa, Florida; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.


Opening WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Razor Ramon v Jeff Jarrett: Jarrett tries to jump him while he disposes of his toothpick, but gets slapped around, and hit with a blockbuster. Chokeslam, and Double J bails to regroup with his Roadie (future Superstar 'Road Dogg' Jesse James). Back in, Jarrett frustrates Ramon with a couple of armdrags, and then does the unthinkable: messes with Ramon's hair. Man, between that and fucking with his toothpick, he's just a weed drought away from getting murdered. Jarrett outwrestles him again, so Razor responds as he best knows how: punching him in the face. Jarrett goes back to the floor to the loving arms of Roadie again, who suggests trying a test-of-strength. Okay, well, so at least we know there was no weed drought, then. Razor works an armbar, but gets caught with a series of dropkicks. Clothesline gets two, but an enzuigiri misses. Jarrett keeps focus, dodging Ramon's quick elbowdrop follow-up, and hooks a chinlock. Ramon with a backslide to come back, but again, Jarrett stays right on him with a clothesline. Sunset flip for two, and a well executed dropkick gets two. Sleeper – good strategy since Razor is certainly familiar with passing out - but it seems he's built up immunity, as he quickly fights out. Jarrett dodges a blind charge, but gets crotched for his troubles, and Razor works the other head with a 2^nd rope flying bulldog for two. Second blind charge, but this time Jarrett sidesteps, and launches him to the floor - injuring his knee. Roadie sneaks up from behind to clip the bad knee, and Ramon gets counted out to retain at 11:00. However, Jarrett isn't satisfied with the victory, as he doesn't win the title by countout, and demands Ramon get his ass back in to continue. Ramon can barely stand, but Jarrett questions his manhood, drawing him back in. Razor suckers him into a rollup for two, and a small package - but Jarrett gets at the knee, and hits a kneebreaker to keep the champ down. Figure Four looks to finish, but Razor won't quit, and they get into a slugfest. Ramon with a side-superplex, and he goes for the Razor's Edge, but the knee gives out, and Jarrett cradles him for the title at 18:03 - shocking me as a kid, as I considered Jarrett a total non-contender - especially against Razor Ramon. This was actually a great bit of booking, as it gave Jarrett instant credibility (since winning the title still meant something), as well as working as a wonderful twist into the standard 'bad guy wins a match cheaply, then gets slaughtered when he demands an immediate rematch' routine. It also served to put both guys over - as Ramon came off like a tenacious fighting champion. Well paced match, with good selling of the injury by Ramon throughout, carrying a well worked angle. ***

The Undertaker v IRS: This was set up when IRS interfered in 'Taker's Casket Match blowoff against Yokozuna at Survivor Series. IRS loses his nerve now that he has to actually faceoff with the Undertaker, and almost immediately bails to the floor. He makes the mistake of going after Paul Bearer out there (aligned with The Undertaker here, for anyone Bearer-tracking), but it turns out to be a ploy - luring 'Taker into a chase, then jumping him. He walks into a big boot, however, and 'Taker tosses him around. Ropewalk forearm draws Schuster manager Ted DiBiase onto the apron, but 'Taker dodges the distraction, and IRS ends up on the floor again - bitching to DiBiase about his shoddy managing. Ted responds by bringing two 'druids' to ringside to distract 'Taker, but, really, everyone knows that druids are only effective distractions in bunches of eight, or more. To the floor, IRS rams him into the steps - allowing the druids to get their shots off - and inside, hooks a rope-assisted abdominal stretch. IRS with the Write Off (a jumping clothesline), but he misses a follow-up splash, and they do a double knockout spot. The druids throw IRS on top, but it only gets two, and 'Taker takes them both out with ease, but gets caught with another Write Off. Third one, but 'Taker counters with a chokeslam for the pin at 12:20. Man, you know IRS wasn't a threat when he doesn't even get the tombstone treatment. Afterwards, fellow Million Dollar Corporation member King Kong Bundy comes down, allowing DiBiase to steal the urn - and set up a match between 'Taker and Bundy for WrestleMania. Match was like doing your taxes: took too long, filled with distractions, and tons of write offs. Also, it sucked. DUD

WWF Title Match: Diesel v Bret Hart: This was a simple, elegant angle - as Bret had lost the WWF Title to Bob Backlund in a controversial manner at Survivor Series, and while he has off recovering from the 'injuries sustained' during the bout, Diesel picked the title up from Backlund. So, naturally, now these two meet. Bret Hart was always 'my guy' as a kid, and I was super excited for this one. So excited, in fact, that I remember asking my Sunday School teacher if I could add a prayer for the title match into my rotation with a straight face. The look on her face alone answered my question: Yes. Pray hard.   Before the match, Diesel pays his respects to NFL icon Lawrence Taylor - sitting at ringside as Diesel’s personal guest - which become important later. Also, wasting no time jumping right onto the ‘hey, get my buddies free front row seats’ perk for a guy about to help nearly bankrupt the WWF. Bret goes right at him with a takedown, so Diesel throws a shove, triggering a slugfest. The big man wins, and slams Bret, but Hart keeps coming, so Diesel clotheslines him to the outside. Hart still keeps coming, so Diesel makes with the punches. Bret responds by supermarket sweeping him, and ramming his knee into the posts. Inside, he hooks a leglock, before switching to a more dramatic figure four. Diesel makes the ropes, so Hart drags him back to the center of the ring, and just slaps it on again to be a dick. Diesel inches his way to the ropes again - selling the agony beautifully along the way - but Bret takes his time to break. He keeps after the knee relentlessly - enough to get Diesel to bail - so Bret follows out with a tope. He posts him for good measure, but Diesel reverses a whip into the steps. Inside, Diesel keeps after him - hammering in the corner - and a well executed sidewalk slam gets two. Backbreaker submission, but Bret fights out. Diesel responds by unloading on him in the corner again, but Hart keeps firing shots off at the knee to slow him down. Visually impressive overhead backbreaker, but Hart counters into a sleeper, so Diesel gives him the big boot. Elbowdrop gets two, but a blind charge misses, and Hart hits a 2^nd rope clothesline. He goes up again, but Diesel pulls him off for a press slam - only to have the knee give out, and Hart topple him for two. Bret bails to the floor to regroup, but again it's just strategy to get Diesel close to the ropes, where he sweeps him again - this time using his wrist tape to tie his feet, and fire off some uninterrupted abuse. The referee frees him, so Hart with a bulldog for two. Russian legsweep gets two, and backbreaker sets up the 2^nd rope elbow for two. Sharpshooter, but Diesel dives into the ropes to slow him down. Bret clotheslines him to the floor, and tries a plancha, but Diesel impressively catches him in midair - ramming him into the ringpost. Inside, Powerbomb, but Diesel nemesis (and newly minted main eventer) Shawn Michaels runs in, causing a disqualification at 16:00. He abuses the knee before getting cleared out, and the referee declares that the match must continue, since main event DQ finishes are bullshit. Bret goes right at the knee - driving his own into it - and he hooks another figure four. Diesel is too worn to try for the distant rope break, so he instead starts punching Hart in the ribcage until he lets off. Bret keeps after the leg, but misses a blind charge, and gets dropped with a gutwrench suplex. Big boot misses, however, sending the bad leg flying into the post, and Hart adds a chair shot for good measure - desperately trying to build sympathy for Diesel - though the crowd is still pretty solidly behind the Hitman. Sharpshooter, but Owen Hart runs in - throwing Bret chest-first into an exposed turnbuckle for a second disqualification at 21:00. The referee - fairly, since he did it when there was interference on Diesel - decides to restart the match again. Both guys are dead, but Diesel gets to Hart first, simply covering him for two. He tries to ram Hart into the exposed buckle, but Bret kicks the leg, and returns the favor. Slugfest goes Bret's way, but a second goes Diesel's - as they both get frustrated. He ties Bret up in the rope, and stalks him with a chair, but the referee frees him before he gets a shot off. Inside, Bret plays dead (with a subtle wink to the crowd that he's luring Diesel into a trap), and indeed does, shooting off a cradle seemingly out of nowhere for two. Another rollup, but the referee gets bumped, and Shawn, Owen (along with Bob Backlund, Jeff Jarrett, and the Roadie for backup) all run in - and that's enough to get the match thrown out at 27:18. Both men worked a great, psychologically sound match - with Hart playing up what the announcers continually referred to as his 'more aggressive style,' desperately trying to generate sympathy for Diesel, even working full heel at some points. Vince McMahon should have read the almost literal writing on the wall here though, as the crowd was solidly behind Bret - filling the crowd with tons of his signs and t-shirts. Their rematch at Survivor Series is generally considered the best of their series for the bigger bumps, and definitive ending - but I slightly prefer this one, even with the non-ending. ****

WWF Tag Team Title Match: Bam Bam Bigelow and Tatanka v The 1-2-3 Kid and Bob Holly: This is a tournament final for the vacant titles, after previous champions Shawn Michaels and Diesel broke up at Survivor Series. Tatanka and Bob Holly start, feeling each other up. Wait, no, out. Out. Feeling each other out. Tatanka throws a sidewalk slam, but a second try allows Holly to take him down with a headscissors. He follows with a pair of dropkicks, so Tatanka bails to Bigelow. He charges right into a drop-toe hold, and Holly tags Kid. Bigelow responds by pitching him across the ring. Beautiful spot follows, as Bigelow launches Kid into the air - nearly hitting the damn ceiling of the place – and but on the way down, Kid counters into a rana. He unloads with the lightning kicks, but walks into an enzuigiri. Tatanka tags, and the heels cut the ring in half, as the match drastically slows down. Bigelow misses a blind charge, allowing Kid to backdrop him to the floor, and the faces dive with stereo flying bodypresses. Holly with another dropkick for two on Tatanka, but Bigelow pulls down the ropes as Holly runs them - sending him crashing to the floor. Back in, Tatanka works him over. Bigelow avalanche quiets him down, and he casually tosses him over-the-top, battle royal style. Holly tries a sunset flip back in, but gets buttsplashed for two. Holly's so disoriented he tries to make a tag in the wrong corner, and just like when wandering into the wrong part of town in real-life, gets beat down by a Native American Indian and a tattooed skinhead. It’s a national problem. Double knockout allows the tag to kid, and he nails Bigelow with a spinkick. Missile dropkick, and he stops to take Tatanka out with a somersault plancha, before hitting Bigelow with a flying bodypress for two. Four-way brawl breaks out, allowing Bam Bam to press slam Kid clear over the top, to the floor. Inside, he goes for the flying moonsault to finish, but Tatanka accidentally knocks him off the ropes, and Kid gets the pin off of it at 15:45 - in a good ending to their 'Cinderella Story' adventure through the tournament. The Smoking Gunns would get the titles the next night on RAW, however, pretty much rendering the entire thing an exercise in futility. Afterwards, Bigelow - still reeling from the loss, and looking to take it out on someone - walks around the ring threatening fans, and gets in Lawrence Taylor's face, giving him a hard shove, in what was sold as a shoot. Well, I warned you he might be a skinhead. Match was a bit too long, but still very well worked, filled with great highspots (especially from Kid), and some nice bumps. ** ¾

Main Event: #1 Contender's Royal Rumble Match: As noted, as a result of the extreme roster depletion, one minute intervals this year. To add intrigue, Pamela Anderson sits at ringside, promising to blow the winner. This is still pre-Attitude Era, though, so they say she's there to 'accompany the winner to WrestleMania.' Shawn Michaels and Davey Boy Smith draw numbers one and two, and Shawn goes right for him - angling for that blowjob – but gets press slammed. Eli Blu draws #3, and helps Shawn housebreak the Bulldog. Duke Droese gets #4, and walks right into a big boot from Blu. Jimmy Del Ray draws #5, but gets quickly slaughtered, and tossed by Davey, as Sione (The Barbarian, doing the 'New Headshrinkers' gimmick with Fatu) gets #6. He goes for Shawn, who teases a couple of eliminations. Tom Prichard draws #7, and spreads the love around. #8 is Doink - actually popping the crowd, since he's not a complete jobber - and he gets into it with Sione. Kwang draws #9, and unleashes his martial arts mastery on pretty much no one. Rick Martel gets #10, but he's strictly JTTS by this point, and wasn't even a regular fixture on WWF programming by 1995. Owen Hart gets #11, but Bret Hart runs out to jump him in the aisle as payback for ruining his shot at the title earlier. That allows Davey to dump him almost immediately upon entry (cruelly teasing us of a chance at star power), as Shawn dumps Droese. Timothy Well gets #12, and Sione gets rid of Rick Martel, and Doink. Luke draws lucky #13, but gets tossed by Shawn as soon as he hits the ring. That leaves Shawn and Davey alone, and Smith hits a hanging vertical suplex as Jacob Blu enters at #14. He, too, gets immediately dumped by Shawn, allowing Michaels to get back to his private war with the Bulldog. King Kong Bundy gets #15, and goes right for Bulldog. Mo draws #16, and charges Bundy - only to get backdropped out. Shawn and Davey double-team the big man, but he swats them away. Mabel draws #17, and avenges his partner by dumping Bundy. #18 is Butch, and he, too, gets tosses by Michaels in short order. Lex Luger draws #19, adding some much needed star power to this thing. He immediately tosses Mabel, and press slams Shawn, desperately trying to get the bored crowd into this thing. #20 entry Mantaur doesn't do much to help that effort, but he does beat on Bulldog. Aldo Montoya draws #21, and actually has the balls to go for Shawn. Henry Godwinn draws #22, and unloads on everyone, as the camera pans to Pam Anderson - wondering just who she'll have to fellate in just a few short moments. Seeing that, #23 entry Billy Gunn charges the ring, and goes right for the biggest threat: Mantaur. Bart Gunn gets #24 to help out, 'cause if not even the combined power of the Smoking Gunns can’t get it done, nothing will. Bob Backlund gets #25, but Bret goes all Operation Act of God on him - destroying him in the aisle. That allows Luger to casually dump him, as Steven Dunn gets #26. Bret and Backlund brawl back up the aisle, as Dick Murdoch gets #27, intriguing literally no one. #28 is Adam Bomb, as Shawn hammers Henry Godwinn. Fatu draws #29, and hearing Jerry Lawler say 'Fatu is number twenty nine to enter the Royal Rumble!' with a straight face is worth his draw alone. Crush rounds out the field at #30 - tossing both Smoking Gunns along the way - as Luger dumps Mantaur.  The camera pans to Pamela again, now looking terrified at the prospect of Dick Murdoch winning. Henry Godwinn helps her out of him jam with an elimination, and everyone slugs it out, waiting for the go-home signal. Meanwhile, the crowd waits to go home. Bomb and Fatu get tossed by Crush, as Michaels dumps Aldo, and then goes for Luger. Luger blows him off to toss Godwinn (he still has some self respect left), leaving us with Michaels, Davey Boy, Crush, and Luger - which is a decent field, though more so in hindsight than at the time, as Crush was barely in the WWF by this point, Luger had been regulated to midcard, Shawn was just out of the midcard, and Davey wasn't considered a title contender at all in early '95. Shawn and Crush team up to toss Luger, then set their sights on Davey, but Crush turns on Michaels, and Davey dumps him. Pamela cheers, as she's alright with blowing either of them. Davey beats Michaels from corner to corner, and teases press slamming Michaels out, but Shawn crotches himself as an alternative. Hey, guy wants it. Davey tosses him anyway - thinking he's won, with his music even kicking on – but Shawn is still hanging on the ropes, and impressively skins the cat back in (replays showed how incredibly close he let it come to actual elimination) to toss the celebrating Davey out for the win at 38:41 - becoming the first man to win with a number one draw, though it isn't even long enough to break the longevity record, and only a about ten minutes longer than the WWF Title match earlier, so not exactly a crazy feat. Afterwards, Shawn pulls Pamela Anderson into the ring for his promised blowie, but she’s a lady. She’ll save it for the drive-thru lane at KFC later. While the accelerated intervals were almost universally hated, they made sense considering the temp-filled roster they had to work with for this thing. It actually may have worked if the participants weren't almost wall-to-wall JTTS and outright jobbers, but as booked, there was almost no drama, and tons of boredom from the crowd. **

BUExperience: Hell, they could have called this thing ‘False Finish’ and it would have been a completely suitable title. Three (really four – if you want to nit pick) false finishes on one show is pushing it, but they all were well done, and certainly intrigued me as a kid, as leaving my grandparents’ house – who had ordered the show for me – I sat silently almost the entire car ride home, so mesmerized by all I had just seen unfold.  It still holds up, as even though the Rumble match itself is one of the worst promoted, it was wisely kept short enough to be inoffensive. Can you imagine that lineup doing two minute intervals, and running over an hour?

The rest is fun, too, with solid Intercontinental and Tag Title bouts, supporting an excellent battle for the WWF Title between Hart and Diesel. It’s certainly not the most well remembered show – usually only coming up in discussion of the Rumble intervals – but it’s actually quite a good card. ***