WWF Royal Rumble 1999

By early 1999, the Attitude Era was in full swing, and The WWF was now firmly in control of the ratings war against rival WCW. The booking (led by Vince Russo, in what was coming to be known as ‘Crash TV’-style that put little focus on long term planning) was becoming increasingly erratic, but to a middle schooler, the WWF’s product was more and more exciting every week – particularly because I had lost all patience with WCW over 1998.

From Anaheim, California; Your Hosts are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler – as perennial Attitude Era commentator Jim Ross was out battling Bell’s Palsy.


Opening Match: Jesse James v Big Bossman: The New Age Outlaws would spend most of 1999 pursuing singles careers, which fell relatively flat, and they went back to the old, dependable catchphrase formula before the end of the year. Not that that stops James from doing the sing-along intro anyway, even without Gunn there to do his bits. James was fresh of beating Bossman for the Hardcore Title on TV here, and this is the rematch. Perplexingly, though, it is neither for the title, or a Hardcore Match - which kind of defeats the purpose. But, as noted in the introduction, them were the styles of the time. Bossman with a bunch of hairpulls to take early control, but, hey, if you're gonna be the white guy rocking cornrows, I says it's fair. Maybe even deserving. Nah, scratch that. Totally deserving. Bossman dominates with power moves, but a blind charge misses, and Road Dogg crotches him on the ropes. Ten-punch count, and a dropkick, so Bossman grabs his nightstick to clean house. Guess he just logically thought this was a Hardcore Match. Can't blame him there. Dogg responds by crotching him again, but a backelbow puts him on the outside. Bossman drags him back in, and grabs a bearhug. James slugs free, so Bossman drops him with a spinebuster. Choke time is rudely interrupted by a sleeper from the Road Dogg, so Bossman goes to the eyes to teach him some manners. Well, an eye for a resthold, and all that. Bossman tries to go upstairs, but gets slammed off, and James hits a diving forearm. Jiggy kneedrop for two, but he walks into a Bossman Slam at 11:52. Decent, well paced stuff. No real psychology to speak of, but it worked for what it was. *

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Ken Shamrock v Billy Gunn: Gunn had hit on Shamrock's kayfabe sister to set this up. Shamrock charges in for a slugfest, so Gunn throws a diving clothesline. That doesn't slow the champ down, however, and they get into a schoolyard brawl. Gunn with a lariat for two, and a hanging vertical suplex gets two, but a blind charge misses - allowing Shamrock to literally kick his ass. Bodyslam, and he continues with the kicks to the body. Rigid spinkick gets two, but Gunn counters a backdrop with the Fameasser for two. Dick focused ten-punch count, but another blind charge misses - and Gunn goes tumbling to the floor. Shamrock posts him out there, and then into the steps for good measure. Hey, it's justified. Chick was his pretend sister, and Gunn showed her his bottom. How else could he respond but by trying to kill him? Gunn doesn't agree with Ken's primitive outlook, however, and faceslams him into the announce table. Back in, Gunn tries to keep control, but Ken sweeps the leg, and starts going after it to set up his Anklelock finisher. He decides that the best way to go about that is with a front-facelock, so Gunn cradles him for two. Shamrock with a fisherman's suplex for two, and he fires off a couple of shots to the leg to slow Gunn down again. Referee gets bumped as they work a double knockout, drawing in Val Venis (also interested in Shamrock's sister) to DDT the champ. Not really the best way to warm up to her UFC Champion brother, but it was the 90s. People did weird shit. That eventually gets Gunn a two count, and he hits a cross corner clothesline. Flying axehandle gets dodged completely - giving Gunn a nasty spill to the ankle on the way down - and Shamrock pounces with the Anklelock to retain at 14:24. Maybe a bit too long, but decent, well paced, back-and-forth action. * ¼

WWF European Title Match: X-Pac v Gangrel: Big criss cross allows Pac a hiptoss, and he unloads his favorite spot: the crotch chop. God, you couldn't move in 1999 without seeing five of those going on in the hallway of my middle school. Not only because of the WWF's popularity, but also the rampant sexual abuse going on at every corner. Memories! Pac with a side suplex, and the baseball-slide legdrop for two. Lightning kicks, but a blind charge misses, and Gangrel hits a nice double-underhook belly-to-belly suplex. Chinlock, as X-Pac appears to be spotting. Not quite sure how Gangrel's stage mouth blood ended up around his crotch, but, well, there it is. Flapjack, but Gangrel misses a flying elbowdrop, and walks into a spinkick. X-Pac with a crisp jumping clothesline, and another spinheel kick. Bronco Buster (ah, a reenactment of earlier! How nice of them), but Pac gets crotched when he goes up top. Gangrel tries a superplex, but gets tossed off, and Pac hits a flying bodypress for two. Gangrel makes a last ditch effort at a comeback, but walks into the X-Factor (a sitout facebuster) at 5:53. Energetic, well worked match. **

WWF Women's Title Strap Match: Sable v Luna: Shane McMahon (engaged in a feud with Sable, when she drew the ire of the McMahon's) comes out to make the ring introductions, and, since Luna had attacked Sable on Sunday Night Heat earlier, suggests she forfeit the title then and there instead of competing injured. Well, no one can say they don't care about their employees, I guess. Tug-of-war ends quickly, when Sable starts whipping her (Luna wearing a thong probably didn't do her any favors there), and Sable quickly makes two corners before getting choked with the strap. Luna gets two corners, but Sable reels her in, and starts spanking again. Blind charge misses, though, and Luna hits a backbreaker to set up more choking. She drags her to the corners, but Sable touches them along the way as well (you'd think heels would have started picking up on that bit of strategy at some point), and when a 'deranged fan' (later revealed to be kayfabe Sable-stalker Tori) to nails Luna, and Sable to hit the final corner at 4:43. Quick and painless. DUD

WWF Title I Quit Match: Mankind v The Rock: Both had been feuding since their Survivor Series double-turns (Rock to heel, Mankind to face), and after Mankind managed to win the big one on RAW a few weeks before this (in one of the more memorable moments of the Monday Night Wars - as WCW Nitro announcer Tony Schiavone gave away the finish, along with a disparaging remark about how Foley would 'never put butts in seats' that blew up in their faces when viewers changed the channel to RAW in droves, while WCW ran one of their least well received angles - the Kevin Nash/Hulk Hogan 'finger poke') to setup the rematch. Mankind socks it right to him, and hits a bulldog. Mounted punches, and he sticks the microphone in Rock's face, but he tells him to fuck off. Not literally in those words, of course, but close enough. Mankind responds by pounding him with the microphone itself, and a Cactus Clothesline puts them on the outside, where Rock reverses a whip into the stairs. Rock gets distracted playing guest commentator, allowing Mankind to jump him with a chair. Does he quit? Nope. Though, to be fair, did he really think a couple of clotheslines and a lone chair shot would do it? Inside, Mankind with a double-arm DDT, and he grabs the sock out of his pants. Even with the unfortunate side effect of a smaller looking penis, he still manages to get the Mandible Claw on - but that only succeeds in knocking Rock out, so he can't submit. He wakes him up for a brawl into the crowd, but ends up taking a powerslam over the rail off of a blind charge. Rock grabs the ring bell, laying it against Mankind's head, and ringing it. Hey, good strategy. That could trigger a migraine. Maybe migraines with possibility of vertigo are what it takes to get Mankind to submit for the first time. Rock's no fool. Rock Bottom through the Spanish announcer table, but the table breaks, and they both go crashing through it. Mankind recovers first, and posts the challenger, as they brawl towards the entrance area. Fans throw signs at them - possibly hoping to help one of them attain victory by paper cut - but sadly, they don't try it. Instead, they just have a slugfest, and Rock DDT's him on the floor. Yeah, sure that they try, but an innovative paper cut finish is somehow off the table. Mankind still won't quit, so Rock grabs a ladder - only to get it shoved onto him. Mankind tries diving elbow onto it, but Rock moves, and Mick goes crashing onto the steel. Still won't quit, though, so Rock decides to use the ladder to climb up onto a ledge in front of the next level of the arena, near the entrances. Mankind follows, but ends up getting shoved off, and going crashing into a bunch of electrical equipment. In a cute touch, they kill the arena lights for a minute, as if Mankind's ass literally knocked them out. That draws out Shane McMahon to check on him (see: make sure they aren't getting sued), but Rock won't have it, and keeps pounding, as fans throw more signs at them in the aisle. They're aching for a paper cut finish, and these jobbers just won't play along. What a crock. Rock methodically beats him back into the ring, and decides that now the real fun starts. He handcuffs Mankind's hands behind his back (now the real kinky fun starts!), and starts throwing the helpless Mankind around. Mankind uses his ass to takeover, and drops a knee to the nuts, so Rock responds with a lariat - particularly impressive, because Mick took the bump normally, even with the positioning of his arms making that seemingly impossible. Rock grabs a chair, and drops a vicious People's Elbow onto Mankind's chair covered head. He still won't quit, though, so Rock starts going ballistic with the chair. Five vicious, unprotected shots leave Foley dazed (you think?!) and bleeding, so Rock adds three more just to really fuck him up. He doesn't even bother to ask if he quits, instead leveling him with two more shots - knocking him out. Rock finally sticks the microphone in his face, and Mankind screams 'I Quit' not once - but three times at 21:46. We'd later learn that Mankind never actually quit, but that the Corporation played a tape of him saying the lines from a buildup interview. Sneaky, sneaky. The match is quite notorious for the brutal ending - heightened by the fact that Mick Foley's wife and kids were sitting in the front row (off camera, but being taped by a documentary crew for what would become Beyond the Mat), legitimately terrified, screaming their heads off, and crying. As a match, psychologically, it doesn't go too far with the chair shots - as the whole buildup centered around Mankind never having quit during any match, ever (not even when losing his ear in the ring, etc) - so they needed something ultra dramatic to finish. However, observing it as a fan today (and even back then, really), it isn't enjoyable to see a dude get his head smashed in (those weren't gimmicked chair shots - they were 100% real, and unprotected), especially while his family is in legitimate despair. *** ¼

Main Event: #1 Contenders Royal Rumble Match: 90 Second intervals this year. Steve Austin and Vince McMahon get numbers one and two - as Vince had personally drawn Steve's number. He also gave himself last entry, but WWF Commissioner Shawn Michaels (bastion of integrity) overturned things, and assigned McMahon the second draw. Not explained is why he didn't also give Austin a fair redraw (Jack Tunney would have never stood for that shit), but they had intrigue to build, logic be damned! In response to all this, McMahon issued a $100,000 bounty for any man to eliminate Austin, and coined the 'no chance in hell' phrase that would become the hook to his theme song, which he uses to this day. Austin predictably obliterates the surprisingly ripped McMahon, which I think was the first time we saw Vince without a shirt on, and realized how hard he was hitting the 'roi... gym. The Roi Gym. The Return on Investment Gym. 'You put in the time, they'll make you look prime!' Also, it’s owned by a guy named Roi. Golga (John Tenta as a South Park obsessed masked man) gets #3, but Austin doesn't appreciate the interruption, and dumps him. McMahon tries to bail into the crowd, but Austin pursues him - leaving the ring empty. Meanwhile, Droz draws #4, but he has no one to play with, as Austin and McMahon are brawling to the bathroom. It ends up being a trap, as McMahon has the Corporation waiting there with a beat down to force Austin to sign a twenty year deal, and have all title defenses in Montreal. #5 is Edge (still relative JTTS at this point), and obviously he goes for Droz. They get into working a decent little match, as Gillberg (one of the WWE's funnier parodies) makes his overblown entrance - before getting dumped by Edge is short order. Meanwhile, we go back to the bathroom (risky area to block off, considering the lineup in the ring was probably driving a bunch of people there) to see that Austin has been laid out by the Corporation. Steve Blackman draws #7, but the focus is still on Austin - laying facedown in a public bathroom - as the EMT's attend to him. Frankly, I think the dangers of laying facedown in a public bathroom are much greater than anything Test could do to you. Dan Severn gets #8, and goes right for Blackman - but again, the camera crew is focuses on Austin being carted out of the arena on a stretcher. Tiger Ali Singh brings the star power at #9, as Austin gets taken away in an ambulance. The Blue Meanie gets #10, just to remind me how much I hated this fool as a kid - though the bWo in ECW was generally an entertaining concept. Mosh gets #11, but Mabel decides to kick his ass before he can come through the curtain, and takes his spot. Well, if you're gonna do that, why not target number thirty? Especially since we knew it was gonna be Chyna - the first female entrant into a Rumble. He quickly gets rids of Blackman, Severn, and Singh, as Jesse James gets #12. He manages to dump Edge, but the lights suddenly die (is Foley at it again?!?!), and the Undertaker's goons (Bradshaw, Faarooq, Mideon) run in to pull Mabel out. They deliver him to 'Taker, who whispers something in his ear ('my face still hurts'), and then carts him to the back. This would lead to Mabel's induction into the Ministry of Darkness as 'Viscera' the next night on RAW. Gangrel gets lucky #13, but gets quickly dumped by James. Kurrgan draws #14, and Jesse doesn't have quite an easy of a time with him. Al Snow is #15, and he gangs up with James on Kurrgan - only to have Road Dogg stupidly shove him out in the process, which leaves him alone with the giant again. #16 is Goldust, and he kicks the shit out of James on general principles. The Godfather draws #16, and even brings a small ho-train (just the caboose, really) with him. Not that it helps him much, 'cause #18 entry Kane dumps him like a... dump of shits. He clears the ring, in fact, but asylum workers run out with straightjackets to try and commit him, so he kills them all, and eliminates himself. Maybe they should commit him, 'cause that was a pretty crazy turn. Ken Shamrock draws #19, and since he's a Corporation member, McMahon feels safe enough to come back to ringside. Ringside, mind you, as he leaves Ken alone in the ring to jaw with the fans, and literally takes a seat at the commentary table. #20 is Billy Gunn (minus his boot, to sell the ankle from earlier), and of course, Ken goes right for it. He manages a side suplex, though, and a press slam leaves Shamrock reeling - but he can't toss him. Fellow Corporation member Test draws #21, and obviously works to help Shamrock, as we cut backstage again to see 'Taker loading Mabel into a hearse, and an Austin-driven ambulance arrive. McMahon's double take upon seeing it on the monitor is pretty funny, and Steve goes right for him - but Shamrock intervenes. He gets tossed, but Corporation hired-gun (weren't they all?) Big Bossman gets #22, and chokes Austin. Triple H is #23, and goes right for Test to help DX-buddy Billy. Val Venis draws #24, as Vince continues to relax on commentary, shilling the hundred thousand dollar bounty. Oddly, no one seems to be especially interested, though, as Austin isn't in any particular jeopardy, and even tosses Billy Gunn. X-Pac gets #25, and goes for Test, as Venis finally decides to tackle Austin. Guess 'out of work porn star' isn't as lucrative as it sounds. Mark Henry draws #26, but decides to go for X-Pac instead of Austin. Guess that ten-year deal was enough to guarantee all the trips to McDonalds he needed. Jeff Jarrett gets #27, but he's already fucking Austin's wife, so no real reason to add salt to that wound. D-lo Brown draws #28, and he's smart enough to go for Austin. Test makes the save, so Austin dumps him for being retarded. Vince freaks out, so Jerry Lawler starts to contemplate running in to get it done. Owen Hart gets #29, as HHH tosses Jarrett. Chyna rounds the field out at #30, as Austin dumps a cup of refreshing water on McMahon at the announce table. Well, that does it. Actually, it doesn't, as Austin just goes back into the ring, and Vince just sits back down. Baffling booking there. Chyna dumps Henry for getting fresh with her, but gloats, and Austin tosses her. HHH doesn't appreciate that bit of strategy, though, and stomps a mud hole on Austin. He gets Stunnered, and eliminated, though, as D-lo makes another effort on Austin - but the crowd has completely lost patience, at this point just waiting for some sort of exciting conclusion. Owen goes for him, but gets backdropped out, and that leaves Austin, Brown, Bossman, and McMahon - still on commentary. Bossman and Brown briefly form an alliance, but Bossman gets greedy, and dumps him. Austin immediately clotheslines Bossman out, too, but there's still one more thing to do. He drags McMahon back in, but Vince blows him low. Well, frankly he owes him a lot more than that. He still gets Stunnered, though, and hit with the FU elbow. That draws The Rock out, and the distraction is enough to allow McMahon to sneak up, and toss Austin to win the Rumble at 56:38. McMahon's victory has been the continued subject of criticism by wrestling fans, but, realistically, Austin was the only logical contender, and giving him three Rumble's in a row would have been excessive - even by 1999 standards. This ending made more sense, leaving a cliff-hanger as to how Austin would make it to WrestleMania, as well as further developing his blood feud with McMahon. The booking also helped try to mask the non-contender field by focusing on the Austin/McMahon drama, but too many empty-ring scenarios resulted. Not to mention the fact that seemingly nobody gave a shit about the bounty, and if anything, Austin seemed like he had more to overcome in the '98 Rumble - where everybody did gun for him. * ¾

BUExperience: As noted, the Rumble Match has been torn apart by most observers since the day it aired, and, while it was unquestionably a bad Rumble, it made justifiable booking sense. The show has a bum rap, but the undercard holds up pretty well compared to most stuff from this period, and the WWF Title match was good – if excessively violent. The Rumble drags this one down, particularly since it was booked to be very angle heavy – which usually doesn’t hold up too long after the show has aired. **