- Back on the WrestleMania track with the 2nd installment,
WrestleMania II, in 1986. I remember a great Bulldog's/Dream Team tag match
here, so lets see what we have, huh? (This was written in 2000, for reference)
- My system: ***** - Excellent **** - Great *** - Good **-
Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- Live from New York, Chicago, and Los
Angeles. Yeah, as weird as it sounds.
- Your Hosts (for the New
York portion), Vince McMahon and Susan Saint James.
- Vince announces Ray Charles to sing America the Beautiful,
to a big pop.
- Piper does a REALLY funny interview, hyping the boxing
match with Mr. T tonight.
- Opening Match: Don Muraco vs. Paul Orndorff: They
have a posing contest to start, then start off REALLY slow. Crowd is hot, and
gets into all their "50 bodyslams per minute" match. Paul controls,
working him over. The fans LOVED Paul at this point, BTW. He wrenches the arm,
as I think: WrestleMania I he main events, WrestleMania II the opening match?
Long arm working period by "Mr. Wonderful." Finally they quicken the
pace, and start to brawl, leading to both falling to the floor, and a LAME
double count-out ensues at 4:10. LOUD "bull shit" chant to that.
Whatever, *.
- Finkel hair track: Thinning at this point, much less then
the year before.
- WWF Intercontinental title, Randy Savage vs. George
"The Animal" Steele: Good ovation for Steele, and Savage gets
good heel heat. George is in love with Liz, which is the basis of this match
tonight. Randy play's the cowardly heel early on, bailing at every turn. George
finally catches him and does the wrestling hold of holds..... bites the leg.
What a technical master, Stu Hart MUST have trained this guy. Steele controls
with his boring stuff, but Savage's selling saves it a bit. He gets distracted
by Liz, and Savage sneak attacks, and does his thing, including as great flying
bodypress of sorts. The tide turns, so Savage crawls under the ring and comes
out the other side, only to get bitten again. Man, lots of people brought
flowers for Liz back then, didn't they? Steele main peace of offense: Biting...
no, really. Eventually he eats a turnbuckle, and uses the stuffing on him. Liz
AGAIN distracts him (albeit not intentionally) allowing Randy to hit a double
ax handle. Big Elbow hits (beautifully), but gets two. Steel hulks up, and
kicks the hell out of him, but a Ric Flair like pin (two feet on the ropes)
gets Savage a quick three at 5:10. 3/4 *. Same ending as the WM I IC title
match. Fun, but not a good match.
- Jake "The piece of crap" Roberts vs. George
Wells: (I used to hate Jake Roberts… I don’t anymore) Man there are A
LOT of cops to escort the wrestlers to ringside, no? They waste no time, as
George goes to kicking ass off the bat. Jake comes back, and stiffly tosses him
to the floor, where some brawling goes. Man Roberts didn't suck then, or get
old and fat. (Fuck him for being human!) Wells turns the tide, and works on
him. He even does a flying head scissors. Jake was selling really nicely here.
Eye rake gets Jake the upper hand, as the crowd is gone. DDT connects shortly
after for three, and Wells gets the snake treatment. This was actually okay,
albeit short at 3:15. ** 1/4. (There’s Insanely Liberal Rating number one
for the night)
- Hulk Hogan got like 3 interviews tonight, BTW. The first
is with Jesse Ventura. They don't seems to like eachother very much.
- Boxing Match, Mr. T. vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper: Joan
Rivers is the ring announcer, Darryl Dawkins is a judge, as is Cab Calloway,
and G. Gordon Liddy. And "Herb" is the Time Keeper. I've never heard
of ANY of these people (except Rivers), but Herb gets a big pop. Can I get a
little history on these guys? T has Smokin' Joe.
- Round one is basically what boxing is: lots of
punching. Piper should be good at that. It goes pretty back and forth, not
really with anyone controlling, but T is on the defensive most of the time. T
gets his shots in, but Piper is controlling pretty much. Near the end of the
round, T starts to take control and the bell sounds, as Roddy sends some hard
punches in. Pretty equal round.
- Round two starts with the ref. having to wipe
Pipers face, because he has too much Vaseline on his head. Okay... Roddy works
pretty stiffly on T, and they look legitimately pissed. (As we later learned, Piper didn’t
care for T at all in real-life, so that’s probably not far off) Rowdy
does some Vader-like body shots, and is really kicking ass. With a minute left,
he knocks him down, with some hard shots. T gets up at 7, and they keep going
with Piper winning as the bell tolls. Piper DOMINATED that round. I mean just
massacred him.
- Round three starts with a feeling out period, and
then T goes to work on the body. He dominates here, with some good shots, but
now you can see the punches are being pulled. He knocks him down, and Roddy up
at 8. They mess around, before T gets pissed, and knocks him to the floor with
a big right. He comes in, with 30 seconds left, and they brawl around to the
bell. This was T's round.
- Round four starts with some HEAVY punches traded,
with no one really winning. Crowd is buzzing as Piper hits a big one. T comes
back, and both men are groggy. Ref. gets bumped, and Piper slams Mr. T for the
DQ. Everyone piles in the ring to break it up, and a huge brawl ensues. It's
boxing, so you can't really rate it, but I'll go *** for entertainment.
- Next Portion, Live from Chicago, Illinois.
- Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund and Cathy
Lee Crosby. Whoa baby.
- WWF Ladies title, The Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet
McIntyre: Moolah draws HUGE heel heat, oddly enough. Moolah quickly kicks
ass with some big snapmares, and slams. Velvet comes back, and hits a back
elbow, and a slam. She goes up stairs, but misses a splash allowing Moolah
three. Man that was FAST PACED. Too short to be anything, though. *. The replay
shows Velvet nearly busts out of her top during the splash. (I
was obsessed with boobs back then. Not much has changed)
- Flag Match, Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirchner:
Dear G-D, Volkoff draws big heat. This crowd is great tonight. The rules here
say the winner gets to raise his countries flag. Again, this crowd is INTO
this, popping big for the Corp. Nikolai goes to work early on, absolutely
kicking ass left and right. Kirchner comes back, popping the arena, but doesn't
do much. Gene keeps calling Gorilla by his real name, Gino. (I
used to love when guys would do that) Ref. bump allows Corp. to use
Freddie Blassie's cane (to a huge ovation) for three. They tried, but NO, it
did not work. DUD.
- Since this only has like four matches at each portion, I
wonder if they gave them a bunch of dark matches? (Nope)
- 20 man Battle Royal: I won't go thru everyone's
separate entrances, but I'll make comments where necessary. Pedro Moralas
barely gets a pop, oddly enough. Dan Spievy looks JUST LIKE a young Steve
Austin. I mean, DEAD ON. Killer Bee's get a good pop. Bret and Anvil are in
blue, not pink yet. Bruno is in this, and gets a big pop. The place SHAKES for
William Perry! I mean, whoa! As big a pop for the MAMMOTH Andre the Giant, who,
as always, is all smiles.
- Okay the match, everyone brawls around and everyone gangs
up on Perry, but can't get him out. Haku gone, and some football player just
WANTS to fight Andre. BIG mistake buddy. The Hart Foundation do some double
teaming, as Perry tosses Atlas. Jon Studd gets in a TON of offense on Perry, and
Pedro gets dumped. Spievy tossed, and out goes Brian Blair and Hillbilly Jim.
Fralic (some football player) gone, and out goes Sheik. Bruno fights Studd, but
can't toss him, and gets tossed himself. The Harts almost get tossed by Perry
(drawing a huge pop) and then he kicks Studd's ass, but gets tossed on a fluke.
Crowd IS NOT happy, and Will shakes his hand, but pulls him out. Right booking
to keep the fans happy. Down to four, and Andre fends off all three. The Harts
double team Russ Francis, and toss him. They then go to work on Andre, but it
backfires as the Giant tosses both to win. Not bad, ** 1/4.
- WWF Tag Team titles, The Dream Team vs. The British
Bulldogs: The Dream Team are Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine for those
who don't know. Dynamite Kid is loved by all for his wrestling ability but I
haven't seen him enough to know what he's all about. The Bulldog's have Ozzy
Osbourne, and a huge face pop. Who's Ozzy? Either way he looks gay. (That
wasn’t a joke, I legitimately didn’t know who Ozzy Osbourne was) Davey
(who looks SO young) starts with Greg, and they trade offense. Davey controls,
and tags Dynamite who proceeds to work beautifully. Crisp moves, well timed,
that's great wrestling. Snap suplex was gorgeous too. Davey comes in, and
Valentine bails. Greg comes back, and tags out. Beefcake wrenches the arm, but
Bulldog hits a press slam. He tags out, and Kid gets a few two counts. The
Bulldog's ruled. Davey with a Hennig-plex for two, but Brutus makes a blind tag
to allow Greg to kick some ass. Tide turns as Dynamite goes to work, and a
double shoulder block gets the Bulldog's two. The Dream Team cheat to win, but
it backfires, and Dynamite gets two off a sunset flip. Forward piledriver by
the Hammer gets two, but that was a really cool spot. Just thinking outloud:
how did Dynamite lose his ability to walk? Dynamite slams Greg off the top in a
Ric Flair-like spot, and all four men brawl. The crowd heat here is great.
Davey comes in, and hits the Running Powerslam (with extra bounce) for two, and
goes thru his offense. Davey takes a shoulder first corner bump, and the Hammer
kicks some ass. Man, Beefcake barely got in there yet. He gets tagged in, and
hits a paralyzing drop on Davey. That was VICIOUS. Tandem offense by the champs
get them some two counts on Bulldog. Miscommunication spot where Greg gets
tossed into Dynamite (and he hits HARD, as he doesn't even get back in the ring
to celebrate) gets them three on Greg to a MAMMOTH pop. The place goes crazy.
Really good match, *** 1/2. (This one totally holds up, and I gave it a
very similar rating in the BUExperience)
- Next portion, Live form Los Angeles.
- Your hosts are Jesse Ventura, Alfred Hayes and Elvira.
Who? (Elvira,
dummy. You just said!)
- Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules: The ring announcer
here is Lee Marshall (who's thin.) Herc waists no time to attack, and takes it
to him. Herc still had the "Barbarian" thing going on. The arm-dragon
is alive and well tonight, using a bunch of them. They do a fun little
wrestling sequence to excite the crowd, and more arm drags by Ricky. Man
Jesse's voice is BOOMING over the head set. Lower his volume, damn it! (Why?
So we can hear Elvira better?) Ricky wins a criss cross, but Hercules
comes back with a clothesline, and controls. It isn't to bad, but kinda slow.
He makes an arrogant cover for two, and gets pissed, but The Dragon comes back
with a chop that rocks the house. Herc cheats to win, and works him over some
more. He hits two press slams, and gets cocky. He goes up stairs, but it
backfires, and Ricky goes up himself for a Flying bodyblock for three. HEY,
this didn't totally suck. **. Back then, the ring announcer would announce the
decision about 5 minutes after the match, so when he does, Herc gets pissed as
if he didn't know he lost. That goes on a lot tonight.
- Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer: Oh good G-D, please
no. Uncle "Fat Ass" Redneck actually gets a good pop. Elmer starts
off kicking ass, and Adonis actually works a Flair Flip in. Weird spot: Elmer
hits him, but falls on his ass because he's so fat. Adrian is bumping all around the ring
tonight, making the first minute or so watchable but then it slows down. A lot.
Cheep shot turns the tide, and after some slow hijinks, the big fat splash
spells doom for Elmer. 1/4 *.
- 2nd Hogan interview, this time with Alfred Hayes. Al seems
to annoy Terry. (I thought I was so cool using their real names. What a doofus)
- Terry Funk & Hoss Funk vs. Tito Santana and The
Junkyard Dog: Big pop for the faces. Terry gets all ECW and tosses chairs
around before the match. "Hoss" starts out with JYD, and the Funk's
try to cheat, but it backfires, and JYD slams everyone. Pier six erupts, and
the faces win, dumping the Funk's to the floor. After the dust settles, Terry
and Tito go, with Tito winning that. Then Hoss goes all Lucha Libre and comes
in without a tag, because his partners on the floor. Tito wins that, of course.
JYD tagged in, and he and Terry have a boxing match, with Dog easily wins, and
Terry does his goofy selling. They tease a four man brawl (between Terry's
bumps), but don't go through with it, as Dog tosses Funk. "Hoss" back
in, and the faces work him over with tandem offense. Hoss cheats to win, and
hits some European uppercuts. Criss cross won by Tito off a flying forearm, and
NOW we get a four man brawl. Big criss cross sequence ensues, and Terry nails
Santana from behind, to give Hoss control. Who the hell is Elvira anyhow? (If
only Wikipedia was around back then…) JYD fondles Tito, and helps him
in the ring, after he was dumped, but Terry controls. Tito reverses a suplex to
get control, but a double KO spot comes quickly after. Hoss gets a quick tag,
and takes it to him. Santana play's Ricky Morton to the Funk's for a while, but
gets a hot tag to JYD who cleans house, including backdroping Terry over the
top, to the floor, then slams him onto tables and chairs. Wild. A big brawl
breaks out, and the Funk's nail JYD with a megaphone for three. ANOTHER
bullshit chant to that. Wow, better then it had any right to be. ***.
- The cage is being set up (the blue barred one, because
Bundy's too fat for the mesh.) During the building, we get MORE Hogan
interview/hype with Mean Gene. Obviously pre-taped because Gene's in Chicago. Was Hulk really
doing those chin-up's, or was he standing on a box?
- Main Event, Cage Match, WWF Title, Hulk Hogan vs. King
Kong Bundy: Guest ring announcer: Tommy Lasorda, Time Keeper: Rick
Schroder, who nearly gets booed out of LA. HA HA! Ref.: Robert Conrad. Well,
I've only heard of Ricky. Big heel heat for Bundy, and Hogan nearly rips the
roof off the Sports Arena. Another question, is the Sport's Arena now the Staples Center? (No) Slugfest to start,
which Hulk wins, and goes to work on King Kong. This is ALL Hogan for the first
few minutes. Bundy comes back with some forearm shots to the taped ribs,
drawing BIG heel heat. The angle was Bundy hurt his rubs 5 weeks before, BTW. (Luckily,
Hogan’s rubs were fine, though he rarely gave them to anyone for the next
twenty years) He tries to escapes, but Terry stops him, only to get
clobbered on some more. We play that game for a few minutes, and Bundy chokes
him with his rib tape. The smile on Heenan's face as Bundy chokes him out,
BEGGING him to win so Bobby can have the belt is classic. Hogan comes back, and
does a bunch of chips and punches. He rams him to the cage, and Bundy BLADES ON
CAMERA, to juice all over. Question: Why would a 6'8", 300 pounder, with
24 inch arms resort to back scratches? (‘Cause he’s awesome) Hogan
mercilessly annihilates him, leading to the big slam, but King Kong's to heavy,
and crushes Hulk. They fight around a bit more, leading to Bundy hitting the avalanche,
and the big splash. Hulk vibrates on the canvas, but Hulk's up as King Kong is
escaping. More punishment by Bundy, but Hulk no sells a 2nd avalanche, and
slams him to a big pop. Big leg looks to end, but Bundy comes back. Only
momentarily though, as Hogan climbs out. I've seen worse. * 1/4. Bobby then
takes some abuse from Hogan, and actually bumps nicely. Crowd eats it up.
- Bottom Line: Well, it's WrestleMania II. Like
WrestleMania I, not too much in terms of great wrestling, though I do have three
matches at *** (one being the boxing match.) This one is good for history
though, and some good enough matches in between crap.
Mildly Recommended.
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