Friday, December 20, 2013

HITMAN383 Rant for WWF WrestleMania III



- Okay guys, quite possibly the biggest wrestling event EVER is my next review ... WrestleMania III. This is THE event of the 80's folks.

- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Great *** - Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.

- Live from Pontiac Michigan.

- Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura.

- WOW, the Pontiac Silverdome is PACKED with over 93,000 people. When Vince say's "welcome to WRESTLEMANIA III" the building nearly comes down. That is just a TON of people.

- Aretha Franklin sings "America the Beautiful" and I fast forward.

- Yeah, celebs I know! Mr. Baseball and Mary Hart! Unlike WrestleMania II, I KNOW who they are. (But Ozzy Osbourne I didn’t know. And you can thank Seinfeld for Mary Hart)

- Opening Match: Can-am Connection vs. Bob Orton & Don Muraco: Wow, EVERYONE is drawing big heat! I mean, when have you hard a pop like that for TOM ZENK?!? (Inside of his brain cells) Don starts with Rick, and powers him around to start. Rick comes back with some fast paced stuff, electrifying the crowd. Why doesn't the WWF go back to the Silverdome? The faces use some tandem offense on the heels, and they bail of course. When the dust settles it's Zenk and Orton, which Zenk easily wins. Heel Miscommunication spot allows Zenk a two count, and more double teaming controls for the Can-am's. Muraco cheats to win, and they control for a while. Double KO spot comes next, and Zenk makes the hot tag, and Rick is a house of fire on both heels. Pier six breaks out, which the Can-ams win, with some cool doubles stuff. Cross body on Don, during the confusion, ends it to a MAMMOTH pop. Now THAT'S scary. Pretty fun match, ** 1/2

- Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules: This is the battle of the full nelson's, as both claim THEIR full nelson is the most powerful. Gotta love those little carts that they ride in. I miss those, as we only saw them at WM III and VI. They wrestle around to start, and Jack takes control with some chops. Not Benoit-like, but still decent chops. He goes for the Nelson, but Herc bails. Herc comes back with a big clothesline drawing "ohhhs" from the fans. He whomps ass for a while, with his slow offense. He makes a few arrogant covers, for two's, and then Haynes comes back with shots to the mid section. It backfires, as Jack sells a back injury, allowing Hercules to work it for a while. This is SO SLOW. Lots of slams and punches from the pale one. He gets the full nelson on, but he can't get the finger's locked, and Jack breaks. They lumber around with a bunch of clotheslines for a few minutes, leading no where. Jesse even makes not of all the clotheslines. Jack then hooks on *HIS* full nelson, and HE gets the fingers locked. They do that for a bit, but it spills to the outside, where he applies it again, and both are counted out. Bad ending, decent match. *. (Seriously. If you can’t pull the blowoff trigger at WrestleMania III, what are you waiting for?) Herc then nails him with the chain, and Billy BLADES ON CAMERA! Still, a pretty good juice, but he did it on camera.

- Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver, and Haiti Kid vs. King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo, and Lord Littlebrook: Great JUST what I need, midgets AND two bad wrestlers. Vince know's how to make me happy, doesn't he? (Actually, he generally does) That's okay, Steamboat and Savage are on here later. Tokyo's dressed like TAKA here. Haiti and Tokyo start, and then all the little guys get in, and a criss cross goes down causing (to steel a line from Scott) MIDGET MADNESS! Beaver gets in with Tok, and they do nothing. Just do little slaps. Littlebrook tags in, and actually tries to make a match out of this comedy. Bundy then wants to fight the midgets, and Hillbilly comes in and the place EXPLODES. Jim works him over, and all the faces covers for one. Some boring stuff between the big boys goes down. Beaver keeps edging Bundy on, and King Kong kicks his ass, which gets him nearly booed out of Michigan. All the midgets are pissed, but Beaver really did have it coming. He kept hitting Bundy. So the faces win by DQ. Same as Sur. Series '94, all the Midgets go with Hillbilly. DUD.

- King's crown match: Harley Race vs. Junk Yard Dog: Uker freaks over Moolah, wanting her bad. Really bad interview by the heels before hand. Race has Jerry Lawler's music here, too. Fans go crazy for the Dog, and he kicks ass to start. Heenan distracts him, and the chase is on, which allows Harley to take control. Back and forth punch fest from both guys. Race wins that, and both do some good bumping on the floor. JYD comes back, and whomps ass, even working in an abdominal stretch. Harley likes head butts, no? Harley is working in some Flair-esqe bumps here, impressing me. JYD uses his head (literally), but turns his back and gets Belly-to-bellyed and pinned by Race, nearly rioting the crowd in anger. Dog then has to bow to Harley, but just does a curtsy, and then kicks everyone's ass, and steels the royal robe. Not a bad match, * 1/4.

- Vinny-Mac interview's the Hulkster, and makes weird faces at Hogan and his whacked-out interview. (Haha, yeah, Vince’s ‘acting’ strikes again) Still, a powerful segment.

- The Rougeau Brothers vs. The Dream Team: The Rougeau's are actually the faces here. Dream Team have Johnny Valentine, and Dino Bravo. Brutus starts with Raymond, and the faces control, quickly working some double's stuff. Greg gets tagged, and has a brutal slug fest with Jacques, and more tandem stuff hamper's the heels. I REALLY like the Rougeau's double team offense. Eventually it backfires, and Hammer clobbers him. Beefcake gets tagged, and they cut the ring in half, with quick tags, and generally beating ass. Heenan then joins the commentators in the box, claiming he's two for two tonight, and that Hogan's belt is HIS damn it! The Rougeau's come back and the heels cheating backfires, allowing a SWEET ASS "butt bomb" spot (Otherwise known as a ‘seated senton,’ but I guess Butt Bomb does have a certain ring to it), into a roll over for three, but the ref. is distracted, so Dino breaks it up, and Greg gets the pin. Beefcake is pissed about the cheating, so the heels walk out on him. This starts his face turn, which would end later on that day. Fun match, ** 1/4.

- Haircut Match: Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis: This is billed as Piper's last match.... EVER. Yep, that's right. The video package before hand shows the build to this match, and it is one hell of a hot feud, make no mistake. Adonis is HATED, and Piper is cheered VERY loudly. Everyone rides carts out, but Piper walks because HE CAN! (Why wouldn’t he be able to? He’s not disabled) I think he stayed retired until about 1989, and then came back. Piper kicks MAJOR ass on Adonis to start, and goes after Jimmy Hart sending the place into an absolute frenzy. Adrian steels Pipers belt, and kicks ass on him. DAMN THIS CROWD IS HOT. I mean, UNBELIEVABLY. Adonis and Jimmy try a double team, but it backfires, and they bump to the floor nicely. This is ALL Piper, as he whomps on both heels. Adrian comes back, and does his stuff. Jimmy Hart was such a great heel manager, cheating at every turn here. Sleeper gets hooked, and Piper fades, but won't stop fighting back. Adrian lets off prematurely thinking he's won, and Beefcake comes in to revive Hot Rod. Roddy kicks serious ass, and applies the sleeper, putting EVERYBODY on their feet. He fades, and we're out. * 1/2, but a REALLY hot match. Brutus then cuts Adrian's hair, and plays with the hedge clippers. This started the "Barber" gimmick. As Piper leaves, a fan runs in the ring to shake his hand, and Piper play's it cool shaking his hand and giving him a hug, and then security kicks the guys ass, of course. (Hope it was worth not only the ass-kicking, but missing the rest of WRESTLEMANIA fucking III for, pal)

- Finkel hair track: about the same as last year.

- 15 minute intermission. Why did they have intermission during PPV? Whatever.

- Gorilla, Mary Hart, and Bob Uker are in the box after intermission, as Jesse is at ringside so Finkel can introduce him to the crowd. And he complains about Hogan's ego? (Jesse could be a huge hypocrite sometimes, but you couldn’t help but love him)

- Six Man Tag Team match: The Hart Foundation and Danny Davis vs. The British Bulldogs and Tito Santana: The Hart's were tag champs at this point. Monsoon say's Danny's banned for life, but he'd ref. by 1993. (And well before that) The faces blitz the heels to start, popping his place. The dog goes after Jimmy, and actually looks to really bite him. Ouch. Bret and Tito start, as Jesse steels Matilda (the dog.) That goes no where, and Bret tags out to Jim, as Tito tags Davey. Bulldog whomps ass, and Tito's back in to use some arm bars. He gets caught in the heel corner, and gets his ass kicked. The building gets darker throughout the night, BTW. Davey comes in, and viciously kills him. Bret and Dynamite go, as I go "yeah baby!", and Kid pretty much murders him. Bret cheats to win, and comes back, to tag Anvil. He hooks a Sid-like chinlock, and then the Hart's nail the Demolition Decapitator. Davis comes in, and gets his shots at Dynamite, then quickly tags out, and shows off like he did something. Kid is playing Ricky Morton to all the heels at this point, as they kick the hell out of him. Dynamite decides to comeback, and tags Tito as the place goes NUTS to see the faces beat on Danny. You see Danny, the crooked ref., cost Tito and the Dog's titles to Savage and the Hart's so this is the blow off. G-D DAMN THIS PLACE IS CRAZY!!!! Davey goes thru his offense on him, and Davis is actually bumping nicely. Running Powerslam looks to end, but Jim saves. Pier six erupts, and Davis bops Davey on the head with the megaphone during the frenzy for three. Wrong ending, not bad of a match. ** 1/2. The Silverdome is NOT pleased.

- Andre and Bobby have comments for Hogan. Damn he's HUGE. I mean, monstrous They do a great spot building to the main event. Bobby's wearing a new jacket than before, as now it's white as opposed to black.

- Butch Reed vs. Koko B. Ware: Koko gets a good pop tonight. Again, let me state, HOLY CRAP this place is big. They start slow, testing eachother out. Reed takes control and kicks ass, and a criss cross ends in a Koko drop-kick to the floor. He goes to work with some rights, and keeps hitting a moving. It backfires, as Reed gets a boot in. Reed's offense reminds me of backyard wrestling, a bunch of kicks and stomps, and generally looking lost. Ware comes back again, and hits a high cross body, but Reed rolls thru for three. Koko kicks his ass for revenge, but Slick attacks. He lay's in a beating, until Tito Santana runs out, and nearly kills Slick getting a big pop. Match was nothing, DUD.

- By this point the building is nearly entirely dark.

- WWF Intercontinental title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat: There's a video about the feud before the match, and it really is a nice build. BTW, Ricky's doctor is the same doctor for Hogan at WrestleMania II. Dr. George Zahorian? The place is JACKED for this one. Randy is actually cheered loudly for a heel, which is prob. why they turned him face. Of course, Randy is a great heel so he makes them hate him during the bout. The place nearly collapses for Steamboat, though. They starts slow, feeling eachother out. Steamboat said he and Randy called this whole match off numbered spots. (And apparently Savage was insane with the details – going as far as writing out things like the initial lockup in his notes) Cool thing to know while watching. Randy bails, and comforts Liz, but comes back to get murdered by The Dragon. He bails again, and tricks him into playing his game, and Randy goes to work. Rick comes right back, and works the arm. He uses great psychology in his vicious working of Randy's arm. STIFF elbow turns the tide, and Ricky bumps around for the Macho Man. Randy uses psychology and goes after the throat (which he hurt with a ringbell on TV, which was the catalyst for this match.) Randy flies around for a few two counts, but Ricky returns the favor popping the Dome. Ricky chops the hell out of him, making me wonder if he's part Canadian. They do a REALLY fast paced wrestling sequence getting both guys some two counts. That was sweet, and long for something that fast. (The pacing was just phenomenal here) Ricky then actually bumps all the way into the third row. That was a nice fall. Macho flies all around the ring (and the floor) as only he can, while Jesse complains the ref. is in favor of Ricky. Steamboat comes back (to a BIG pop) but Randy thwarts that quickly. Steamboat backdrops him to the floor, in a nice spot. He whomps some ass, and the ref. counts three, sending the crowd into a complete frenzy, but the foot was on the rope. They keep cheering for like a minute, before they realize the match is still going. They do a bunch of sequences ending in two counts, and another botched three count pops the crowd. The fans are tired just watching all the reversals, and pin attempts. Ref. bump goes down, and Randy clotheslines him. He heads up (giving everyone a heart attack) and hits the elbow for 3, but there is no official. He grabs the ring bell (continuity?), but George Steele (continuity?) stops that, and Rick pins him, getting a GIGANTIC pop. Wow, *****. (I know I reduced this a bit in the BUExperience, but it’s still an absolutely breathtaking match, and probably the best widely seen bout up to that point)

- Jake "What the hell is this on my jacket?" Roberts (So that puts us after the release of Beyond the Mat – this is likely late 1999) vs. The Honky Tonk Man: Jake has Alice Cooper, and a big pop. This is coming off "The snake pit" when Honky attacked Roberts. Honky is hated, with trash being pelted at him during his whole entrance, like Andre later. Robert's blitz's him to start, not giving him a wink of offense. He comes back though, and works the arm. It doesn't go anywhere, as Jake hits a short clothesline. Gorilla: "Big Damien wants out of the sack!" Honky cheats to win, leaving Roberts for dead on the floor. He whomps ass for a while, which is extremely boring. He looks to finish, but Jake comes back waking the crowd up. Honky Tonk begs off, like any heel should, and Jake just kicks his ass in reply. He calls for the DDT, but Jimmy Hart stops it, allowing Honky to roll him up (while on the ropes) for three. Boring match, 1/2 *. Jake and Alice then kicks Jimmy's ass for revenge. (This wasn’t good, but there was no way they were gonna follow Savage/Steamboat anyway)

- Mean Gene announces a NEW World INDOOR attendance record, of 93,173. WOW, WOW, WOW! (I was really impressed with the building, for those who haven’t picked up on it yet)

- The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff vs. The Killer Bee's: Slick manages the heels, and his suit is still all torn. Nikolai tires to sing the USSR's National Anthem, so Duggan comes out and kicks ass on the heels. Jim: "Volkoff, you ain't singing that National Anthem, because this is the land of the free and the home of the brave!!" And the crowd CHEERS Duggan's stupidity. Doesn't he realize, in the land of the free, he CAN sing it? (Wait, really? Tell me more!) This is basically just a little thing prior to the main, and a pier six starts it off, and the faces win it. The Bee's do a bunch of tandem stuff, which keeps this fast paced for the most part. Brunzell hits his sweet ass drop-kick on Sheik, but Nick comes in and the heels kill Brunzell. The fans HATE the heels, BTW. Sheik and Nick absolutely murder Brunzell, who plays Ricky Morton, for a long segment, but he makes the tag. Ref. doesn't see it, so the heels keep working him over. Sheik hooks the Camel Clutch, but Duggan bashes him with the 2X4, giving the heels the DQ win. Not bad, and I thought it would be a DUD before the Main Event. **.

- Another Andre interview. And ANOTHER good build to the Main.

- A Video package regarding the Main Event. GREAT way to build, as they show everything from when they aligned to this point. When Andre goes "I challenge you to a title match at WrestleMania" it was one of the biggest moments of the 80's, and when Hogan yells "YEEESSSS!" everyone goes NUTS~!

- Hogan interview. He gives a whacked out interview about how he's worried about the 90,000 people OUTSIDE the Silverdome. Weird, but good to build. (Less weird after you’ve heard dozens upon dozens of shoot interviews describing the amount of drugs kicking around at the time)

- Main Event, WWF World Title, Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant: Bob Uker is the ring announcer, and Mary Hart is the time keeper. THIS made wrestling folks. Well, it didn't MAKE it, but it put it on the map. (Not exactly, but it was certainly the pinnacle of the 80s, and one of the peaks of the wrestling business in North America in general) I mean, 93,000 people coming for ONE match. It's the biggest moment in wrestling history, WWF history, and WrestleMania history. Just, WOW! Andre and Bobby are nearly booed out of the PLANET. I mean, trash is pelted HEAVILY, threats are yelled. Talk about being a heel. Hogan, like Piper, walks out BECAUSE HE CAN (Again, did I think people were under the impression he was in a wheel-chair prior to this, or something?), and the roof nearly comes off the building for Hogan. Joe Marella gets to ref., and is DWARFED by these two. Today, Hebner would ref. a match of this caliber. Hulk goes to work to begin, but tries a slam 10 seconds in, and Giant drops on him for two. But he thought it was three, and many speculated it was, even though Hulk clearly kicks out. Andre goes on offense, as the crowd hisses and growls at him. Andre is terrible on offense, but he controls for the first five minutes. Hulk comes back, with everything he has, but can't knock him down. Clotheslines, punches, chops, he won't fall! The crowd goes nuts as he batters him, though. Giant hits a big boot to come back, and works him over with chops. He hooks a bear hug, which eats up another 4 minutes. Hogan breaks out, getting a pop the decibel level of which I've NEVER heard. Andre hampers the effort with a chop, and a kick knocks the Hulkster to the floor. Andre misses a headbutt (and hits the post) as Hulk exposes the concrete. He attempts a piledriver (yeah ... right) (Cocaine’s a hell of a drug…), and Andre backdrops out with ease. They go back in, and Hulk knocks him down for the first time out a clothesline, sending the fans into a frenzy. He does his Hulk-up thing, and slams the Giant. Now *THAT'S* a pop. Leg drop, and we're out. GIGANTIC POP, and everybody's on their feet. The match? 1/2 *, but for history it doesn't get any bigger or better. As the heels ride to the back, Bobby cries, as they are pelted with trash. Hogan poses, getting a great ovation. As Jesse say's EVERY year, "I might have to come out of retirement, and win this title." He say's it every WM (so far anyway.) Funny to hear. As Hogan rides out, everyone is STILL going banana's, and he rides out in all his glory, as they raise the little cart higher so everyone can see!

- Jesse and Gorilla rap up, and an Aretha Franklin song backgrounds a video package about WM III. Watch the building get darker!

- Bottom Line: Wow! 90,000 fans set an attendance record in the Silverdome, and a crowd like that seems to make everyone want to work harder, as everyone tried tonight. Savage/Steamboat was AMAZING, and even if nothing was above DUD I'd recommend this one on historical reasons. But it's good as a wrestling show for the most part, as it's fairly solid. I can't say HOW impressing this show is, and I've seen it at least 15 times to show you how much I love it.... and it STILL give me goosebumps everytime. I think that's the sign of a great show.

HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION EVER!

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