WCW Bash at the Beach 1999

From Fort Lauderdale, Florida; Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan.


Opening Match: Disco Inferno v Ernest Miller: This was sold as 'loser can't dance anymore,' but neither guy could handle those stakes, so the announcers let us know nothing is on the line. Well! Sign me up then! They still have a dance contest to start, and Disco takes control first - putting Miller on the floor. Back in, Disco hits an inverted atomic drop, and a standard version sets up a clothesline for two. Miller fires back with a sidekick for two, and dumps Disco to the floor for manager Sonny Onoo to abuse. Miller blows him low and hits a superkick for two, but a fistdrop misses, and Disco bites the hand (that doesn't feed him, since I doubt this feud drew a single dime). Disco with a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop for two, and a Russian legsweep gets two. Miller with another superkick for two, so Disco tries the Last Dance (a stunner), but gets countered into yet another superkick for another two. Miller grabs his ruby-red slippers, but Disco steals them and whacks him for two. Miller gets the deadly shoe back on for a roundhouse kick, and that's enough for the pin at 8:07. Total junk. Both guys just weren't clicking, and it was boring as hell. Turning it into a low rent Shawn Michaels/Steve Austin match didn't help, either. DUD

WCW Television Title Match: Rick Steiner v Van Hammer: Steiner unloads in the corner with closed fists, but misses a clothesline, and gets knocked to the floor. Hammer pulls him in with a suplex for two, but Rick gets him on the mat for some choking, and they go back to the floor for Steiner to ram him into the guardrail. He pulls up the floor mats for a DDT onto the exposed concrete, and covers on the floor - apparently thinking it's still the month before, and that Hammer is Sting. Hey, it happens. Inside, Hammer hammers him with forearms and a cross corner clothesline, and a flying clothesline gets two. Powerslam, but Steiner bites his balls to block (seriously), and finishes with a flying bulldog at 4:52. Thankfully short, because that was just horrible, Indy level stuff. DUD

WCW United States Title Match: David Flair v Dean Malenko: Flair has an entourage to rival any A-list movie star here, with no less than five people in his corner. Malenko has the fans' respect, though. Dean controls with mat-wrestling in the early going, and stomps a mud hole in the kid when he gets uppity. Malenko with a cross corner clothesline into a vertical suplex, but Ric Flair and Arn Anderson break up the Texas Cloverleaf. The rest of the entourage run in to lay Malenko out, and referee Charles Robinson (also part of the entourage) takes over to count the pin for David at 3:05. All storyline here. DUD

Eight-Man Elimination Match: The No Limit Soldiers v The West Texas Rednecks: Rey Mysterio Jr starts with Barry Windham, and the height difference is almost hilarious as they lockup in a collar-and-elbow. Windham controls, but Rey uses his speed to fly around, and catches Barry with a moonsault for two. Tag to Curt Hennig to chop the kid, but Rey manages to pass to Brad Armstrong - Brad dropkicking and bodyslamming Hennig. Tags to Bobby Duncum Jr and Swoll - Duncum controlling with a series of clotheslines and a snapmare into a pair of elbowdrops for two. Tag to Kendall Windham to blow Swoll low, but a cross corner charge misses, and Swoll tags Rey. Kendall decks him before he can get anything in, and hits a big boot to flatten him. Tags to Konnan and Hennig, and Konnan bulldogs him to set up a springboard seated senton from Rey. He and Konnan double-team Hennig and Duncum, and Swoll gets an awkward looking pinfall on Duncum after Mysterio hits a springboard legdrop at 6:25. The dust settles on Konnan and Barry - Barry controlling with a snap suplex for two. He and Hennig hit a double-clothesline, but a backdrop is blocked, and Konnan passes back to Brad. Armstrong unloads, but quickly walks into the Hennig-Plex at 9:07. Back to Konnan, but Curt rakes his eyes before he can mount any offense, and tags Kendall with a pair of legdrops for two. Kendall with a scoop slam, but a 2^nd rope kneedrop misses, and Konnan DDTs him for the pin at 10:51. Barry's in with a DDT of his own for Konnan, and a sleeper, but Konnan stuns him to break and they end up on the floor for a ridiculous double-countout at 13:05. Ridiculous not because it's a double-countout, mind you, but ridiculous because they essentially casually walk to the back instead of brawling. Hennig is left with Swoll, and left swollen after a series of closed fists. Barry tries running back in, but quickly gets taken out by the Soldiers, and Rey finishes Hennig with a splash off of Swoll's shoulders at 15:00. Well paced, but not much else. ¼*

14-Man Junkyard Invitational: The idea here is that they fight in a junkyard (outside of the arena somewhere), and the first to escape by climbing over a fence wins. We've got: La Parka, Brian Knobs, Jerry Flynn, Fit Finlay, Rocco Rock, Johnny Grunge, Silver King, Horace Hogan, Steven Regal, Dave Taylor, Mikey Whipwreck, Hugh Morrus, Hak, and Ciclope. The junkyard is not exactly what you might call 'well lit,' and the shaky camera doesn't help matters (nor do the random fires lit in barrels, which give off so much smoke you can't even tell whose who) - the action essentially just random bodies flying in and out of the frame with weapon shots. Eventually, a car gets crushed in a compactor, and Finlay manages to climb out to get the win at 13:52. This got boring really fast - basically a poorly made fifteen minute action movie, complete with pointless explosions. DUD?

WCW World Tag Team Title Handicap Match: The Jersey Triad v Chris Benoit and Saturn: Diamond Dallas Page starts with Saturn, and get right into a lengthy slugfest until Saturn knocks him to the floor with a superkick. Tags to Benoit and Bam Bam Bigelow, and the Bammer hammers him in the corner, but misses a cross corner charge, and takes a drop-toehold into the middle turnbuckle. Benoit dropkicks him out to the floor, and Bam Bam is keen to pass to Kanyon while Benoit tags Saturn back in. Saturn stomps a mud hole, but Kanyon counters every suplex attempt he tries until Benoit decks him, and Saturn manages an exploder suplex. Tag to Benoit for a lariat, and he adds a brilliant snap suplex to set up an elevated crab. Benoit with a slingshot and a couple of brutal chops ahead of tagging Saturn in for a double-snot rocket spot. He and Benoit cut the ring in half, but a chase on the floor lures Saturn into a triple-team, and Bigelow unloads a headbutt and a hanging vertical suplex on the way back in for two. The champs cut the ring in half, but Kanyon gets belly-to-belly superplexed, and Saturn tags. Benoit is a house of arson, but gets overwhelmed in a triple-team, and a flying clothesline from Page gets two. The Triad cut the ring in half on their new, Canadian victim (New Canadian Victim - from Mattel!) but Benoit keeps kicking out of everything. Finally, he manages to dodge a flying moonsault from Bigelow, and gets the tag to Saturn. He's a planetarium of fire as a five-way brawl breaks out, and the challengers finish Bigelow with a flying splash/flying headbutt combo, but Page breaks it up with a flying elbowdrop. Saturn gives him a Northern lights suplex for his trouble, but Kanyon blocks the Death Valley Driver with a handful of powder, so Benoit gives Page a German suplex for two. The referee goes down as they brawl, and that allows Page to whack Saturn with a trashcan, and the Triad finish him with a flapjack/Diamond Cutter combo at 23:16. Much better than the Great American Bash match - Benoit looked phenomenal out there (every move done with crisp precision), and it had plenty of time to develop. The ending sequences were wild, too. ** ¼

Boxing Match: Roddy Piper v Buff Bagwell: Two minute rounds, and Mills Lane acts as the special referee. Piper looks like your granddad in his undies at this point - the lack of kneepads especially making him look like a geezer.
ROUND ONE: The usual back-and-forth pulled-punchfest, and Piper gets the first knockdown. Bagwell comes back with a series of rights and lefts, but the period expires before he can knock Roddy down.
ROUND TWO: Piper controls after Ric Flair rubs something devious on his gloves between rounds, and knocks Bagwell down again with a minute to go in the count. Buff gets up, and Piper pounds him in the corner, but Bagwell rallies as the period expires.
ROUND THREE: Piper unloads, but Bagwell's mother steps in to protest, and bites Piper's ear (Lane was the referee of the infamous Tyson/Holyfield fight) to set up the Buff Blockbuster for the pin at 4:36. Uh huh. DUD

Main Event: WCW World Title Match: Kevin Nash and Sting v Randy Savage and Sid Vicious: If anyone pins Kevin Nash or makes him submit, they win his WCW Title. Sting starts with Savage, and they're on the floor within seconds for Savage to take a bump into the rail. Inside, Sting gives him an earringer and an inverted atomic drop, so Savage tags Sid. He pounds Sting with forearms, but takes a bodypress out of the ropes, and Sting clotheslines him to the outside. Back in, Sting goes for the Stinger Splash, but Sid blocks, and slaps on what could vaguely be described as a bow-and-arrow. He shifts into a reverse chinlock before it gets any more embarrassing, but workrate savior Kevin Nash breaks it up before it gets into Yokozuna territory. Sting manages a dropkick on Savage before making the tag, and Nash comes in hot with a sidewalk slam for Sid, and a cross corner clothesline for Savage. Bootchoke, and Sting tags in to take little Randy on a fieldtrip out to the floor. Savage manages to dodge another Stinger Splash out there, and Sid press slams him across the rail for good measure. Back in, they take turns working the Stinger over, but Sting manages to headbutt Sid down low and tags Kevin. Nash is a house of arson again as a four-way brawl breaks out, but Sting takes a chokeslam from Sid, and a low blow from Gorgeous George allows Savage to finish Nash with the Flying Elbowdrop at 13:20 to win his last world title - though sadly, the reign would only last a day before he dropped it to Hulk Hogan the next night on Nitro. Terrible match - slow, plodding punch-kick stuff. DUD

BUExperience: The tag title match is pretty good; literally everything else sucks. Couple that with endless backstage filler and overlong video packages and you don’t have a winner, sorry. DUD