- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF SummerSlam 1989. I’ve never
actually seen the card, myself, so this ought to be interesting.
- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.
- Long stupid opening, as we see all the fans entering, with some generic background music. This was interesting, why? We follow with wrestlers hitting spots, intertwined with normal people doing summer activities. This is as stupid as it’s ever gotten in the WWF, and that’s pretty damn stupid.
- Live from East Rutherford, New Jersey.
- Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura. Just picture Tony in WCW, only apply all his hyperbole to WWF stuff. (He wasn’t as bad in 1989, but he was never great in the WWF, that’s for sure)
- Opening Match: The Hart Foundation vs. The Brain Busters: Oh Yeah! Big pop for the Harts, and good heat for the Tag champions, but this is not for the gold. (As I noted in the BUExperience, little touches like making this non-title because it was ‘signed before the Busters won the belts’ make it seem more like a legitimate sport, and I love it) Bret starts with Tully, and Hart controls with arm drags. He works the arm some, so Tully tags out, and Arn hits a drop toe hold, only to get hammerlocked, so Bret can work the arm. Tag to the Anvil, who also works on the arm, as Tony calls Arn the “power house” on this match. Uh huh. Sure, I mean I get him and Hulk Hogan mixed up all the time. (Only their hairlines) Bret works him over in the corner, and tags Jim, which allows a tag to Blanchard, but this is 1989 so the ref calls them on not holding the tag rope, or something. Bret and Tully again, so Neidhart comes in with a kick to the groin. Back to the arm, which I can appreciate. Neidhart with a faceslam, and the tag to the Hitman. Tully does his best to tag, but he tags with his foot, so the ref doesn’t allow it. HEY, this isn’t the NWA Tully … get used to it. Blanchard tries to chop the Anvil, but that fails miserably, and Blanchard bumps in the corner. Tag to Bret, signaling more arm work. Tully wrestles out, and gets Bret in an overhead wristlock, which Bret bridges back with. Awesome spot, which you never see anymore. The champs try to cheat, so Hart dumps both out, popping the crowd. Back in, Hart win s a slugfest, so Blanchard makes a blind tag, and Anderson slams him. Vaderbomb hits the knees, and we have a brawl with everyone now! The Harts win that, and Bret literally beats Tully back in. Kick to the groin by the Hitman, and the tag to the Anvil. Blanchard tries a springboard bodypress, but gets caught, and killed in the corner. That draws Arn in, which draws Bret in, but the Foundation makes a mistake, and Neidhart misses a charge. Anderson goes to work on Jim, and tags Tully in for a flying elbow smash. Sid-style chinlock applied, but Jim powers out (Jim Powers!), only to have Tully makes the blind tag. I love the Brain Busters. Anderson with a shot downstairs for two, as Neidhart kicks out by pressing him five feet across the ring. The Buster’s dominate in the corner, and a criss cross allows Neidhart a hell-uva lariat. He can’t make the tag, however, so Bret nails Arn off of a criss cross! You go, Bret! Both tag out, and Hart goes to work, hitting a back elbow. Slams for both heels, and clotheslines follow. Dropkick for Arn, and a 2nd rope elbow to Tully (for a big pop). Snap suplex gets two, as in comes Arn. All 4-brawl, won by the Harts, so Bret atomic drops Tully. Bret assists Jim in a slingshot shoulderblock on Tully, while Arn sits injured on the floor, so Jim slams Bret on Tully. Cover, but the ref is caught up with Heenan, allowing Anderson to nail Hart, and pin him, at 15:56. Fine match, but still disappointing. Considering the ending, I don’t see why they didn’t just change this to a title match. ***.
- Backstage, Dusty Rhodes (with a Police hat, and Nightstick) sends threats at the Honky Tonk Man. What, was he confused what gimmick was his, or something? He’s not the Big Bossman. (Or black, but that’s never stopped him before)
- Dusty Rhodes vs. The Honky Tonk Man: This is Dusty’s WWF PPV debut, and he gets a big pop upon his entrance. Dance contest to start, as Dusty uses some, shall we say, African American moves. (See?) Damn boy, maybe that shit will work down south, but we’re in NEW JERSEY, you dumb ass. Rhodes works the arm, and MESSES UP HONKY’S HAIR! Oh shit, that’s it! Atomic drop, and the 10-punch count (which we really don’t see enough of today, considering how it pumps up the crowd). A weak anklelock-type move from the Polka-dot wearing fat man (which we’re reminded of with an un-needed close-up of his ass), and he goes after Jimmy Hart, as the crowd dies. That allows Honky to whack him with the mega-phone for two, and then he goes to work for a stretch, so we can get close-up’s of HIS ass. Damn it! (Somebody needs to rehire that camera man to shoot AJ Lee matches) Long, long chinlock dominates Honky’s portion, so Dusty escapes with a slam. He misses an elbow, however, so we go right back to the chinlock. Aww shit! Rhodes shoulders his way out, as the crowd looks around the building for something interesting to watch. ANYTHING interesting. You can literally see almost everyone looking up, or sideways, or backwards ... anyway away from the ring. Ref gets bumped, as the heels try a guitar shot, but Honky takes it instead, and Rhodes pins him at 9:38. What an unimpressive debut! I mean, couldn’t they pack this into 2-minutes? -** ¼.
- Backstage, Demolition and Jim Duggan (who is dressed like the Demos and a King all at once) threaten the Twin Towers & Andre. As for Duggan’s outfit, I have only one thing to say: The Gimp.
- Mr. Perfect vs. The Red Rooster: Poor, poor Terry Taylor. Why did he ever go through with this gimmick, anyway? I mean, was he making THAT much money at it? (Likely more than he ever did before that, yeah) I guess it’s better than nothing, however. Perfect dominates with some quick stuff, tossing the Rooster around. He mocks the gimmick, however, and gets decked. You go, Rooster! Long criss cross ends in the Rooster trying a slam, but getting toppled for two. Chop by Hennig, and a gorgeous standing dropkick. Slugfest won by Terry (with a rake to the eyes, however), so we spill outside. Hennig wins a brawl, and inside the Perfect-plex ends it at 3:07. I’m not sure why, but something was just odd about that ending. It was kinda out of nowhere to the point where I almost expected Taylor to kick out of the Perfect-plex. ½*, but it could have been better, had we cut down that Rhodes match a bit, and given it more time. (As I noted in the BUExperience, Taylor suffered a legitimate knee injury during the match, and they went home early)
- Add for Survivor Series 1989. That’s our next rant, BTW.
- Mean Gene is with IC champ Rick Rude, regarding his match with the Warrior up next. What, no swearing and/or things toppling over? (Once again, thank God for YouTube)
- Six Man Tag Team Match: The Rockers & Tito Santana vs. The Rougeau Brothers & Rick Martel: Tito starts with Jacques, but the fans want Martel to get in. Handshake offer from the “All-American Boy,” which wastes a bunch of time. Tito eventually decides not to do it, of course. Rockers get in right away for their tandem stuff, so in come the heels, but the faces quickly clear them all out with dropkicks! Marty and Jacques tango once it all settles down, and Rougeau dominates in the corner. 2nd rope clothesline, but Jannetty nails him, so Ray gets tagged in for his mule kick. Tag to Martel, who cheats to win, as the heels use every trick in the book, including the TAG ROPE!! (If you’re a heel tag wrestler and you don’t use the tag rope, you shouldn’t be a heel tag wrestler) Rick outsmarts him off of a cross corner whip, only to get dropkicked, and Tito tags in. Big pop for that, so he bails out, and tags Raymond. Criss cross allows Tito to clothesline him for two, and apply a side headlock. Criss cross again, but Jacques hooks his leg, and Ray clips the knee. Tag to Jacques, and they do a double chop. Martel comes in to drop Santana across the ropes, and stomps the life out of him. I really think they should’ve milked the Strike Force feud for more than they did, but whatever. Jacques in with a great dropkick, as Tito is becoming the Mexican version of Ricky Morton. Rick’s in, but loses a slugfest with Santana, and a sunset flip gets him two (along with a big pop). Martel combats that with chokes, and tags Ray. Backbreaker, and the Boston crab is on! Jacques takes the opportunity to drop a knee in the meantime (with the ref distracted, of course) getting Ray two. He’s tagged in officially, and hooks an abdominal stretch with leverage help from Martel. They continue the good heel tactics by coming in and punching him at the same time. Martel tags, and loses another slugfest, so the Rougeaus save the day again. Jacques tagged, and a criss cross allows Santana a bodypress for two. Ray with another mule-type kick for two, as they taunt the Rockers. Sunset flip by Tito for two, so Ray stomps the hell out of him. Chinlock hooked on, and a tag to Jacques, who hits a flying back elbow for two. Tag back to Ray, but a double team fails, and the crowd cheers Santana on for a tag! Ray tags Rick, and Tito makes the big hot tag to HBK. Backdrop by Michaels, and a dropkick connects! Criss cross allows Shawn a suplex, and he goes upstairs for a huge flying fistdrop. Marty tagged in for a splash, getting two, and now everyone brawls. The heels get sandwiched, and Tito hits the flying forearm on Martel, knocking him to the floor. Jacques rolls up Jannetty in the meantime, but gets reversed, so Martel nails Marty, and gets the pin at 14:57. Super-hot ending, but the wrong side won. Still, a very good match-up. *** ¼.
- Review of the Warrior/Rude Intercontinental title feud, which spanned three PPV’s (in a time where there were only 4 PPV’s a year) and 7 months. You just don’t see feuds like that today, except MAYBE the main event stuff. (Now you do, but it’s more because the writers don’t have any other ideas, and the same guys just keep getting paired up over and over and over again. My least favorite thing they do these days is have a pay per view match, and then a string of re-matches the next night on RAW. Like, I went to Hell in a Cell ’13 a few months back, and nearly the whole card was done again the very next night on RAW)
- Backstage, the Warrior gets pumped up.
- WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Rick Rude vs. The Ultimate Warrior: Next year this would be the main event … and would end up sucking. Rude tries to avoid him to start, and tries a kick to the gut, but Warrior shrugs it off. Punches fail, so Warrior clotheslines him to the floor, popping the crowd like crazy. He tries to sunset flip back in, but gets nailed, and press slammed to the floor! The crowd is just LOVING this guy. No wonder Vince put the title on him 8 months later. (It had to be tried) Warrior kicks his ass out there, and bashes him with the title belt. Suplex out there, as Jesse and Tony have a terrific conversation about DQ’s outside the ring. Jesse (rightly) claims that hitting someone with the belt should be a DQ (remember this is still 1989), but Tony says since it’s outside, it can’t be. Jesse then starts to rant about how dumb Schiavone is (“You’re even dumber than Monsoon!”), and asks, “so, you could shoot someone on the outside, and not get DQ’d because it’s on the outside?” to rub it in. Tony just sits there, dumbfounded, after that verbal assault. (Still one of the best exchanges on commentary, ever. He sounded like he was crying. God bless Jesse Ventura) Classic stuff. Rude and Warrior go back inside, but Warrior just throws him to the floor again! Jesse: “Because Warrior doesn’t know HOW to wrestle inside a wrestling ring!” Good point, actually. Slam out there, and inside, he hits a flying double ax handle for two. He whips Rick from corner to corner, hurting his back, and slams him for two. Suplex gets two, and an atomic drop is beautifully sold, as only Rick Rude can sell it. He drops Rude on his ass (in a type of spot that looked like a full-nelson slam, minus the full nelson), and goes up, but gets knocked off by the champ. Rude hammers the back, and suplexes him over for two. More pounding on the back, and he applies the Sid-style chinlock. Warrior tries to power out, so Rude repeatedly jumps on his back to get a two count. Rude Awakening attempt, but Warrior powers out for a short-arm clothesline, only to miss THAT, so Rude applies a sleeper. Warrior fights and fights, but eventually fades, only to stunner his was out before the hold gets dull. Good for him. Everyone (ref included) gets bumped off of a criss cross, but Rude recovers first. Rick hammers him, but Warrior starts the no sell routine, and backdrops him. Series of clotheslines, and a powerslam, but there’s no ref to count the fall. Warrior wakes him up somewhat, and hits a nice piledriver to try for another fall. We get a VERY dramatic two count, only to have Rude get his feet on the ropes to avoid the pin! Running powerslam connects, but his big splash, but it hits the champs knees. Rude with a powerbomb/piledriver type move (cool spot, too) for two, so he heads up top. Flying fistdrop gets two, as the fans go nuts, because Piper is making his way out. Piledriver by Rude for two, and he turns his attention to the Hot Rod. Piper moons him, as a result, so Warrior German suplexes him off the second rope. Flying shoulderblock hits, and this place has gone bananas! Press slam, and the splash get Warrior the pin (and the title) at 16:00. Good, solid match-up. ***.
- Sean Mooney is in the crowd, and lets us know that the fans are, indeed, happy. Wow, that was real award winning, deep researched, journalism, eh? (I’ve come to appreciate Sean Mooney more as time passes. I’d take Mooney any day over the WWE’s current lineup of broadcast zombies)
- Backstage, Mr. Perfect gloats over his victory earlier on.
- Backstage, Piper gloats over his ass-age. (His ass was 35 at the time)
- Backstage, Ronnie Garvin gets complimented by Gene on his tux. Okay (…). Rude and Heenan interrupt, however, and bitch over the title loss.
- We see a review of the Zeus, Savage/Hogan, Beefcake movie/wrestling feud. This was pretty freakin’ dumb, obviously. But Zeus is PRETTY scary looking, so we might as well book him on the top of every show, despite having no talent, right? Right? RIGHT? What do you mean bankruptcy? (Yeah, they weren’t even close to bankruptcy in 1989, sorry) Actually, if Zeus had some talent, this would have been pretty cool, since the ANGLE was fairly solid (aside from the movie part).
- That was probably the intermission portion of the show, considering how long it’s been since the last bit of in-ring stuff.
- Six Man Tag Team Match: The Twin Towers & Andre The Giant vs. Demolition & Jim Duggan: Gee, what’s with all the six-man’s tonight? The first one was pretty damn good, but this doesn’t have ONE good wrestler in it! (I wouldn’t go as far as to say that, and I don’t know what I’m bitching about at all for that matter. The perfect booking to mask limitations) Odd sign in the crowd: “Demolition will TOPPLE the Twin Towers,” along with a drawing of the WTC falling. Eerie. Duggan also has his face painted as the U.S. flag under his Gimp mask. Confused? See Pulp Fiction. Now. Anyway, Duggan starts with the Dusty Rhodes impersonator (Akeem), and hammers away. I wish we ended up seeing Akeem/Rhodes on major PPV … but alas … it wasn’t meant to be. Ax pounds the big man some, and then tags Smash who (you guessed it!) pounds away. Back to Jimmy for arm work, and Ax with a back elbow. He gets nailed, however, and Bossman tags in. Ax tags out, too, to Smash, who hammers Bossman. Bossman turns the tide, however, and hammers, drawing a “U.S.A.” chant. Yes, because Cobb County Georgia, must be in the COUNTRY of Georgia, and not the state. Yep, THAT makes sense. (I don’t know what’s worse, fans taunting Bossman was ‘USA’ chants, or cheering Bret Hart on with them) Andre tags in, and works over Ax with the usual offense. That means choke, BTW. Another “U.S.A.” chant, but atleast Andre is French. Bossman tags back in, as Ax gets into the Ricky Morton roll. Akeem gets his licks in, but misses an avalanche by a mile, so Smash tags in. He slams BOTH Twin Towers, but fails when The Giant comes in with a blow. I mean, hell, it IS Andre the FREAKIN’ Giant! Big brawl breaks out, and Akeem hits a 2nd rope splash on Smash, so Duggan whacks him with the 2x4, and puts Smash on top for the win at 7:25. Massive, massive pop for that. WAY too “punchy-kicky” to be anything, but it had enough energy to keep it out of negative stars. DUD.
- Yet another Survivor Series add. They were so freakin’ bland back in the day.
- Backstage, Ted DiBiase promises a win over Jimmy Snuka. I mean, yeah, I know Snuka was in his “big return” period, but why did poor Ted DiBiase go so far down the card in 1989? (No wonder everyone constantly thought he was jumping to WCW between 1989 and 1992)
- In the ring, Howard Finkel brings out Ronnie Garvin as the guest ring announcer for the next match. Oh, now I’m pumped. I guess this was because Greg Valentine is in the next match, and we all know how they feel about one another. (Not good, for those who don’t know)
- Hercules vs. Greg Valentine: Greg is pissed at the insulting comments Garvin made about him during his ring intros, which allows Herc to jump him. Slam gets him two, and the Hammer bails out to make faces at Garvin. Inside, Hercules roles him up for two, and Greg bails again, distracted by Ronnie. On the floor, Herc rams him into the timekeepers table, and back in. Greg catches him on the way in, however, and drops some elbows. Figure four, but Herc kicks him off, only to take a snapmare. He goes up, but gets nailed on the way down, and Herc tries a backdrop, but takes a forearm shot. Suplex, but Herc reverses into his own! Slugfest ensues, and the Hammer rolls him up (with two-feet on the ropes) for the pin at 3:04. Garvin, however, announces Herc as the winner, because he isn’t the brightest bulb in the box, after all. That causes a fight, of course, and Ronnie wins. Enthralling. DUD, but at least it was short.
- Backstage, Savage, Sherri and Zeus look into a cauldron and predict victory in the main event. No, that isn’t AT ALL stupid or childish. (Poor Randy, but he made the best of it, that much is for sure)
- Ted DiBiase vs. Jimmy Snuka: This one has “classic” written all over it, does it not? Tony gets all excited about the ovation Snuka gets, but it must be the drugs, because I don’t see anyone popping and/or going wild. Oh well, it’s TONY. What was I expecting? Ted tries a pearl harbor job to start, but fails, so Jimmy headbutts him out. Virgil tries a distraction job, but that fails too, and DiBiase takes an atomic drop to the floor. Ted back inside with a headlock, and a criss cross allows Jimmy to try his famous “double leapfrog” spot, but he fails miserably, and topples DiBiase. I THINK that just MIGHT be a sign of being washed up, but maybe I’m just smart. He keeps punching him, as a result, but atleast he doesn’t try the spot again. Ted goes low to take over, and gets all punchy-kicky. Superfly manages a backdrop, but takes a stun gun off of a criss cross. Suplex gets two, and he drives some knees to the back. Backbreaker gets two, and he slams him to set up a 2nd rope back elbow, but he misses that. Snuka headbutts his way into control, and slams the Million Dollar Man. 2nd rope headbutt hits, and he calls for the big splash. Up top, but Virgil distracts him, so Snuka chases him on the floor. He attacks Virgil out there, so DiBiase posts him for the count-out win at 6:25. ½*. Afterwards, Snuka gets some revenge on Virgil.
- Sean Mooney is in the crowd again, and gets mugged by the rednecks.
- Backstage, Hogan and Beefcake pose, and rant. According to Hulk, he and Brutus have been “hangin’ and bangin’” for the weeks leading up to this. Uh huh. (He also used to always say they were ‘bein’ cool and eatin’ fruit’ all the time)
- The Genius is in the ring to read a poem against Hogan and Beefcake. Okay…
- Main Event: Randy Savage & Zeus vs. Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake: The heels have Sherri, and the faces have Elizabeth, and I just THANK G-D this wasn’t a six-person tag. What’s up with Liz’s hair though? It’s all, 80s. Oh wait, this WAS the 80s. Never mind. Big brawl to start, with Zeus no sells all of Hogan’s shots. Slam fails (why, he’s slammed MUCH bigger men than Zeus), and he chokes him. The faces double team him, but that fails too, so Zeus bearhugs Hogan. Savage tags, and nails him with an axehandle, and then another one. This’ll be decent if Randy is motivated tonight. Between WM V-WM VII he was in a rut, if you will. Chinlock, as a “Hogan” chant busts out. He fights his way out, of course, but doesn’t even bother doing the “two arm drops” routine. Hogan dominates Savage, but Zeus knees him, and tags in. Bearhug (since that’s about his ONLY MOVE), which kills some time. This time they do the two arm drops spot, but Hogan doesn’t power up, instead Zeus topples him and gets some two counts. So, if Zeus was pissed that Hogan was gonna win in the movies, couldn’t he, you know, NOT AGREE TO DO THE MOVIE? I mean, it’s called a SCRIPT! Tag to Savage, who side suplexes Hulk Morton for two. He misses the Nash rope-choke spot, and some elbows, and tags the Barber. He uses a high knee for two, and hooks a sleeper. Man, what is with all these restholds tonight? Even if it IS his finisher. Poor Randy, too, since he’s made to look like such a weak link in this team. Randy escapes, and tags the big man, so Beefcake rakes the eyes. Sleeper, but Savage whacks him with Sherri’s purse to break the hold. Randy tags in to get a two count off of it, which Hulk breaks up. He beats up Macho, and chases him around the ring, then beats him up some more. Zeus comes in for some chokes (lots and lots of chokes), as I wonder what I did to deserve Zeus in general. Randy tags in, and a FAST-PACED criss cross leads to a double clothesline. Beefcake makes the hot tag, and Hulk goes off on Macho with a cross corner back elbow. Solid big boot, and a suplex back in, but Sherri tugs the leg, giving Macho two. Clothesline, and the big elbow drop, but the WWF champ no sells. Poor Randy. Atomic drop puts Macho on the floor, and in comes Zeus (he got a blind tag), popping the crowd. Hogan hammers, getting massive heat, but can’t knock him over! Clotheslines get him to one knee, so Sherri comes in, allowing Liz nails her! Randy goes upstairs in the meantime, but Brutus clobbers HIM, making his drop the loaded purse. He whacks Zeus with it, and does the big slam. Legdrop, and we’re out at 15:07. Afterwards, Hulk atomic drops Sherri, allowing Liz to whack her with the purse, and Beefcake to cut her hair extensions. The match sucked, but the crowd was into it, so what else really matters? ½*. I’ll review the cage match between the four in the near future, since I love you guys so much.
- Bottom Line: Three good matches in the opener, the first six man, and the IC title, but the rest is all a pass. Still, enough good stuff (especially for 1989) to get a small recommendation, but don’t run out and get it or anything, especially considering the main event.
- Very Mildly Recommended.
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