WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Villains of the Squared Circle (1986)

WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Villains of the Squared Circle (1986)

Coliseum Video compilation – hosted by Gene Okerlund, Bobby Heenan, Big John Studd, and King Kong Bundy. The cover of the tape features Randy Savage, Roddy Piper, King Kong Bundy, and a bunch of evil looking cartoons (evil because they have HANDLEBAR MUSTACHES!)

Jake Roberts v Scott McGhee: From April 1986. Jake goes right to work, unloading on McGhee with a long series of right hands and a gutbuster (called a 'backbreaker' by commentator Gorilla Monsoon). Jake keeps working him over with a shoulderblock, but a second misses, and McGhee dropkicks him. Vertical suplex and a gutwrench suplex get two, and Jake bails out to the floor, but Scott is right on him. Back in, McGhee with a hiptoss and a kneedrop for two, and Jake begs off and tries to go for the snake before McGhee drags him away for a slam. Another kneedrop misses though, and Jake quickly capitalizes with a short-clothesline. McGhee makes one last ditch effort at a comeback, but Jake stops him short, and hits the DDT for the pin at 4:07. Afterwards, McGhee gets the snake treatment. Just a squash, but energetic. ¼*

Pat Patterson v Tor Kamata: From August 1980, on Showdown at Shea. Kamata beats the hell out of Pat in the corner, and hits a dropkick to set up a flying splash, but Patterson manages to dodge, and hit a flying kneedrop for two. Patterson with a backdrop, so Kamata tries throwing a handful of powder at him, but it hits the referee and Patterson wins by disqualification at 2:20. Not a horrible match, but kinda pointless given that it was already six years old when this tape came out, and featured no introduction to put it into context. Plus, the heel lost. DUD

WWWF Title Match: Pedro Morales v George Steele: From June 1973. Steele tries a sneak attack at the bell, but Pedro sees it coming, and dumps him out to the floor. Steele comes back in with a weapon in hand, and jabs the spike into the champs gut - flooring him. Steele capitalizes with a bodyslam as Pedro sucks wind, and the referee steps in to search for the weapon - finding nothing. Morales is cautious in engaging Steele again, but manages to corner him with a punch before getting whacked with the spike again. Steele unloads a series of turnbuckle smashes, but Pedro responds in kind, busting the Animal open (with George doing a really obvious bladejob, too). Pedro shows no mercy, and continue to ram the bloody Steele into the turnbuckles, and the referee eventually stops the bout due to blood loss at 8:16 - awarding it to Morales. Lots of stalling, and the finish was total bullshit (he was bleeding less than Luger at Bash '88) but the crowd was into it. DUD

Andre the Giant v Ernie Ladd: From April 1976 - back when Andre looked and dressed like a super-pimp. Ladd goes right into stall-mode at the bell, and stays there for a good while. Like, seriously, they don't even make contact until about two minutes into it when Andre (who has a bigger afro than black-Ladd, by the way) grabs him for some slaps. The Giant slows things down (because THAT's what this match needed) with a nervehold, leaving poor Ladd with a face full of Andre's nuggets. Andre with some forearms in the corner, and he hooks on a bearhug - another resthold, sure, but at least it looks suitably impressive since both guys are huge. Ernie comes back with some rights, but Andre smacks him away with a chop, and goes after the knee. Andre's knee-work basically consists of him jumping on the part, but he's so big that you can't really argue with it. Andre with headbutts, but Ernie manages to jab him with a loaded... thumb... to takeover. Andre gets tangled up in the ropes to allow Ladd to abuse him with the... deadly... thumb, but Andre whaps him and hits a backdrop. Splash misses, but Ladd's had enough, and decides to hightail it to the dressing room - Andre winning via countout at 11:52. Way, way too long, and very boring - with a bad ending, to boot. -*

Gorilla Monsoon v Lou Albano: From June 1973, and it wouldn't be the 70s without lots and lots of stalling. Albano tries to hold the Gorilla off as long as possible, but the big man corners him, and we clip to later when Lou whacks him with a weapon to take control. Albano ALSO has a loaded thumb here, but Monsoon shrugs him off, and slaps the piss out of him until Albano falls to the floor and gets himself counted out at 2:58 shown. God, can we get out of the 70s, please?!

Handicap Match: Andre the Giant and Chief Jay Strongbow v Three Guys: Not to be confused with the burger joint, of course. From November 1973, and I’m sorry, they didn't bother with graphics, and I have no idea who these three guys are. Every website out there lists this as Andre/Strongbow v Lanza/Stasiak, but this isn't that, so I have nothing to go on, unfortunately. The heels Pearl Harbor them at the bell, but Andre and the Chief quickly shrug them off and give chase around ringside. It turns into a brawl with all five men in, until the referee manages to restore order, and give us Strongbow and one of these goobers. Goober gets right to stalling, of course, but ends up in the wrong corner, and abused by Andre. Giant tags in all official-like, but it quickly turns into a brawl again, and Goober grabs a weapon, but Andre pops him in the jaw to send him flying out to the floor. Another brawl, and this time Andre keeps everyone at bay while Strongbow slaps a sleeper on one of the goobers for the win at 5:30. Yawn. DUD

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Pedro Morales v Don Muraco:  From January 1983, as Morales attacks him during the entrances, and beats the piss out of poor Don before even taking his title belt off. Pedro with a sunset flip for two, and a hard right hand puts the challenger on the floor, and Pedro teases diving out after him from the top rope, but Don hides under the ring. Damn, that would have been sick for 1983. Hell, it would have been pretty wild TODAY, especially when you consider that the floor was all exposed concrete back then. Inside, Don tries to outmaneuver the champ during a criss cross, but gets stomped. Morales goes in for the kill, but takes a mule kick, and Don chokes him with his torn t-shirt, so Pedro blasts him with a mule kick of his own. A blind charge misses, however, and Muraco goes to work on the knee as we clip to him trying the figure four, but getting launched into the post as a block. Morales fires up with a modified backbreaker, and he slaps on a Boston crab, but the knee gives out before he can really wrench it on. He tries a powerslam, but the knee gives out again, and Muraco topples him for the title at 8:25 shown of 11:34. This was pretty much a total squash for Pedro with a fluke win for Muraco. Decent match - a bit clipped, but I can still safely call it at ½*

Don Muraco v Billy Mack: From the early 1980s. Mack tries to get some offense in early, but runs into a boot off of a cross corner charge, and gets pounded. Nervehold by the Rock, and a bodyslam sets up a kneelift. Back to the nervehold, but Billy escapes, and walks into a dropkick. Muraco with a forward falling suplex and a tombstone piledriver to finish things at 3:06. Someone order squash? DUD

Kung Fu Challenge: Ricky Steamboat v Mr. Fuji: From Saturday Night's Main Event, November 1985. Only 'Kung Fu moves' are allowed. 'They both look Asian! Book it!' Steamboat easily controls, but Fuji blows him low, and lays in. He tries a suplex, but Steamboat reverses, and finishes with a flying dropkick at 3:16. Yeah. DUD

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Tito Santana v Randy Savage: From October 1985 in Puerto Rico - outdoors, and during an epic rainstorm. The rain had calmed a bit by this point, but the entire ring is filled with gigantic puddles. Savage stalls at the bell, but Tito manages to get him in the corner for a few right hands. More stalling from the challenger, until Santana manages to get him down with an armbar. Randy makes the ropes to trigger more stall tactics, as Randy basically just sulks around ringside - not even bothering to work the crowd or acknowledge Tito. More stalling as Savage tries hiding a weapon in his kneepad, but Santana gets wise to it, and hides on the apron. Savage manages to sucker him into locking up, and quickly pops him with the phantom weapon, but Santana manages a quick inside cradle at 8:08 to retain. I wasn't expecting much given the fact that the ring looked like a Slip-and-Slide, and it didn't let me down. DUD

Terry Funk v Aldo Marino: From June 1985 - this is Funk's WWF debut. And he wastes no time, kicking the shit out of ring announcer Mel Phillips for putting on his cowboy hat during the entrances (Funk had a really elaborate cowboy outfit, and when ring attendant Mel Phillips’ arms got too full, he improvised by putting Funk's hat on his own head. Big mistake). Marino tries to step in, but that just gets him an ass kicking, as Funk turns his attention to the official opponent. Terry punches and kicks the crap out of him too, and tosses Marino out to the floor. Aldo makes the big mistake of dropkicking Funk on the way back in, but Terry side suplexes him before he can get another spot in. Funk with a vertical suplex, and a spinning-toehold finishes at 3:07. Notable for being Funk's WWF debut, as well as having a FEMALE referee - this was one wild way to introduce the Funker to the WWF fans. ¼*

Iron Sheik v Corporal Kirchner: From April 1986. Sheik attacks him at the bell, and uses pieces of his entrance gear to choke the Corporal. Sheik with a backdrop, but Kirchner leapfrogs him, and hits a bodyslam to takeover. He drags Sheik into the corner to crotch him on the ringpost, and unloads with headbutts to set up a vertical suplex for two. Gutwrench suplex gets two, but a dropkick misses, and Sheik humbles him with his own (and better) gutwrench suplex for two. Abdominal stretch, but he can't get it all the way on, and Kirchner hiptosses free - only to miss an elbowdrop follow-up. Sheik with a backdrop, but Kirchner counters with a sunset flip for two. Sheik begs off, but manages to sucker Kirchner out onto the floor, where partner Nikolai Volkoff whacks the Corporal with a cane for a disqualification at 4:56. Not a fan of either guy, but this was decent. ½*

Andre the Giant and SD Jones v Bid John Studd and Ken Patera: From November 1984. Jones starts with Patera, and takes him to the mat in an armbar before tagging out to Andre. The Giant unloads a pair of headbutts to Ken's arm to work the part, but Jones gets caught in the wrong part of town, and double-teamed. He gets backdropped to the floor just as he makes it to Andre, but the tag is legally made, and Andre is a house of arson. The heels double-team, and Jones is out on the floor - unable to help. That allows Studd and Patera to have their way, drawing a disqualification at 3:52. Afterwards, manager Bobby Heenan passes Studd a pair of scissors, and Andre gets his haircut while the ring fills with trash from the fans. I've never understood why wrestling fans were so touchy about haircuts, frankly. It's hair. It doesn't hurt, and it grows back just the same. You’d think beating a guy with a chair would draw more ire, but no. Must be an 80s perm thing. The match was less a 'match' than just a quickie to set up the angle, and that's fine. DUD

BUExperience: The WWF had some amazing heels and evil characters over the years, and this could have and should have been amazing. Instead, we got a bunch of out-of-context matches and clips, spent too much time in the 1970s, and didn’t see a single good match. There were a couple of good Piper promos (the Frankie Williams and Jimmy Snuka stuff, for example), and there’s some cool stuff like Funk’s debut, an IC title change (though, already on a previous Coliseum release), and the Puerto Rico rainstorm show, but overall, this is not a good addition to your Coliseum Collection, sorry.