HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1996

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Survivor Series 1996. This is the third of the “lucky seven” series I have going here at the rant center, and is another show I’ve never seen before. I have seen the Bret/Austin match from it individually before, but I have never seen the entire telecast, so here we go! (Written in late 2001)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- Live from New York, New York (Madison Square Garden, drawing 18,647 people and a .58 buyrate)

- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, and Jim Ross.

- Opening Survivor Series Elimination Match: Davey Boy Smith, Owen Hart, Marty Jannetty, and Leif Cassidy vs. Doug Furnas, Phil LaFon, Henry Godwinn, and Phineas Godwinn: This is like 1996’s answer to the tag team series match, I guess. (That being the huge multi-team matches from ’87 and ’88, though this is more the 1996 version of the two tags/two tags match from 1992 than that) Marty and Phil start off, and Marty looks drunk already. Phil takes it in stride, however, and works the arm. Lariat knocks him out, and he tags Cassidy in. Cassidy is Al Snow, for those that weren’t watching the WWF at this point. Al has his way with LaFon, so he tags out to Phineas, as the commentators have firing season on the Clintons. He gets suckered into the heel corner, however, and the entire side does a number on him. Cassidy with a big clothesline, and he drops a leg. Jannetty tags in, and hits a diving back elbow, followed by a faceslam. Upstairs, but he misses a flying elbow drop. That allows him to tag Henry, and a reverse DDT puts Marty out at 7:18. Owen charges right in, knowing the name of the game in this stuff, and hits a big spinkick to put Godwinn right out at 7:24. The OTHER Godwinn gets in, however, and dumps the King of Harts. He cleans house on the heels, but Smith hits the running powerslam on him, and puts him out at 8:09. Furnas is in, and a big criss cross allows Doug to miss a dropkick, in gruesome fashion. I mean, ouch! Cassidy hits a back elbow on the guy, and hits a belly to belly variation for two. Furnas hits a spinebuster, however, and Leif tags Owen in. Spinkick kills Doug, and a Hennig-plex gets two. Davey’s in to hit the hanging suplex, and then right out to tag Cassidy. He hits a cross corner clothesline, and a gut buster. You got to know Leif is the next one to go here. And, just as I type that, he misses a move, and LaFon tags in. He quickly hits a super-T-bone suplex (where Cassidy ends up on his FACE!!), and he’s done for the night at 12:48. Davey’s in, but LaFon hits a spinkick for two. Rolling cradle gets two, so Bulldog hits the alley-oop. Tag to Owen, and a criss cross allows Owen to hit his beautiful belly to belly for two. Neckbreaker, and a 2nd rope elbow gets two. Enzuiguri plants LaFon for two, and Davey Boy tags back in. Phil goes right into a crucifix/sunset flip spot, however, and eliminates the Bulldog at 16:27. Smith, ever the sore loser, clips LaFon’s knee before he leaves, leaving him to his partner. Owen is a shark, of course, and posts the leg immediately. He works the part, and applies the Sharpshooter, but Furnas comes in, and Owen breaks it up. LaFon with his own spinning enzuiguri (nice one, there), and the tag to Doug. Dropkick gets two, and an overhead suplex gets another two. German suplex hits 1000 hard, and puts Owen out at 19:45. Damn do I miss Furnas and LaFon. These guys should be tracked down and used TODAY even. They are unbelievable. The match dragged in the beginning, but really got great once it became Furnas/LaFon vs. Owen/Smith. ***.  (My rating in the BUExperience was a lot less enthusiastic. Thinking I should give this a rewatch when the Network starts in a couple of weeks)

- Kevin Kelly (The Kelly Kelly of 1996!) interviews a man making his WWF debut tonight: Rocky Miavia, aka The Rock. He’s still a nice rookie college boy at this point, however, and doesn’t even make FUN of Kevin Kelly! Now THAT’s weird.

- Mankind vs. The Undertaker: This time, Paul Bearer is suspended above the ring in a shark cage. Looks like Cornette’s work. Mankind jumps him from behind, and beats on him for a bit. Hey, UT IS making the “all-leather” look debut here, with that, he looks like someone who would probably LIKE that sort of thing. UT then goes all technical to throw Mick off, and actually does a drop toe hold, and a wristlock. Now THAT’S different. He works Mick’s hand (because he gives the mandible claw with it), but he misses a big elbow. Cactus clothesline floors both men, but the ‘Taker beats him into the crowd out there. They fight out there, and Mankind charges him, but ‘Taker backdrops him back to ringside! It’s like Beach Blast ’92 all over again. All we need is a ramp to the ring. Mick hits a somersault plancha on the outside, and a running knee inside. UT comes back with a back elbow, and he bites at the claw hand. Man, now Mick can’t get a win, OR any love on the road. Poor guy. He’s pissed, too, and piledrives the ‘Taker with authority. Claw, but UT blocks it, and goes for the chokeslam. It fails, so he tries the tombstone, but Mick counters with the claw in question. UT counters THAT by dumping him to the floor, however. Ropewalk forearm hits, but Mankind hits a neckbreaker. He tries something from the top, but UT catches him in the chokeslam, but Mankind hooks the claw again. UT fades, and nearly goes out, but he manages to chokeslam his way out. Jumping clothesline misses, and UT is floored. Mankind follows, and tries a dive off the apron, but misses, and lands on the floor. Inside, ‘Taker hits a side suplex, so Mick pulls out some kind of spike. He jabs the ‘Taker with it a couple times, but UT still manages to tombstone (and pin) him at 14:55. Match was nothing you haven’t seen 300 times before. **.

- Survivor Series Elimination Match: Triple H, Goldust, Jerry Lawler, and Crush vs. Marc Mero, The Stalker, Jake Roberts, and Rocky Miavia: Sunny (back when she was MAD hot) is doing commentary on this one, and horny Vince makes his WWF debut about five years too early. (Oh God, Vince was at his most disturbing here) Angry old man J.R. also makes an appearance, unrelentlessly verbally bashing Sunny the whole time. I mean DAMN, is there some kind of issue there, or something? Mero starts for the faces, but the heels can’t decide who gets to start for them. Goldust gets the honor, and a big backdrop for his troubles. He attacks the arm, and tags in the Stalker (Barry Windham, in one of his Western roles) (I like how I make him sound like he’s Jeff Bridges, or something). He clotheslines the life out of the poor sap, so Triple H tags in. He tags right out to Crush, and Windham realizes how old he is, and decides to tag out to Mero, too. That goes nowhere, however, so Rocky tags in, and an era begins. He goes with the King, and does the Jimmy Snuka leapfrog spot, and then dropkicks him. Triple H tags in, and another era begins. Hunter kicks the shit out of the rookie, and hits a suplex for two. Rocky comes back with right hands, and a big backdrop, then tags Roberts. He cleans house on the heels, and hits a backdrop of his own. Short-arm clothesline, and he calls for the DDT. He tries for it, but HHH spears him into the heel corner, and tags out. Jake takes a beating from the heel side, but catches Lawler with a DDT, and pins him at 9:15. It’s just a flash in the pan, however, as the heels go right back on the assault. He manages to tag Windham, however, who hits a big cross corner whip on Goldust. Cradle suplex gets two, but Crush nails him from behind. That’s something Crush learned in jail. Anyhow, Goldust hits the Curtain call on Barry to send him packing at 11:58. M 1000 arc runs in with a kneelift, so Goldust tags out to Hunter. Kneedrop gets two, and a backbreaker follows. Crush tags in, and the string of job says he goes next. That or Jake the Snake. He hits a couple of backbreakers of his own, and drops a leg for two. The heels continue to have their way with the Wildman, as Jake tries to buy booze from a vendor. Finally, Mero busts out a flying headscissors, and a backdrop. Upstairs, and the moonsault puts HHH out at 18:33. Time constraints say that rapid fire eliminations are imminent now. Crush is in, but a dropkick floors him. Mero dives out after him, but hits nothing but floor, and gets hurt. Inside, Crush pins him off of it (something the announcers miss, due to replays) at 19:48. Jake’s in, but gets beat up quickly, and pinned by Crush at 20:07. Rocky’s all alone with Crush and Goldie, and the odds don’t look good. Crush with a suplex, but Miavia cradles him for two. Slam, so Goldust runs in, and the heels double team him. Heel miscommunication spot goes down, however, and Rocky bodypresses Crush out at 22:25. And then there was one. Shoulderbreaker, and Miavia becomes the sole Survivor at 22:56. Match was nothing special, but historically, it’s pretty important. * ¼.

- Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin: I’ve seen this one before, and I never really liked it, personally. Popular opinion will strongly disagree with me, however. But, as always, I am willing to give it another run through. Afterall, I didn’t like Flair/Steamboat from WrestleWar ’89 the first time either, and after deconstructing it, it earned volumes of respect from me. Hopefully, this one can do the same. Staredown to start, and Austin gives Bret the double bird, back when that sort of thing was still pretty taboo in the WWF.  Bret tries to outwrestle him as a form of offense, but Austin is game, and manages to counter everything Bret can do. They both go medieval on the other mans arm, as J.R. and Vince question why Steve received a “rather warm reception” during his entrance. (As a huge Bret-mark in 1996, I fucking hated the fans for cheering Austin. Of course, it would get worse as 1997 unfolded) More arm holds traded, until Steve changes gears, and just starts kicking the shit out of the Hitman. Short-arm clothesline, and he tries a camel clutch, but Bret snapmares him over, and goes back to the arm again. J.R. then gets the line of the night in: “Bret’s done a lot here in MSG. He won the WWF title here at WrestleMania X. Hey, Vince, I watched that one on PPV!” Ross has been on all night here, and he ain’t quittin’ now! Steve with a stun gun, and a slingshot under the bottom rope. He keeps working the throat, dropping an elbow right on it, and dumping the Hitman to the outside. Inside, Stone Cold applies a chinlock, making sure to make a cover now and then, forcing Bret Hart to expend the energy to kick out of it. Slugfest won by Austin, and he stomps a mudhole. Bret manages to catch him with an atomic drop, and a big clothesline, however. Reverse roll up for two, and a Russian leg sweep gets two. Bulldog, but Austin shoves him off, and Bret takes his sternum first bump. Nice build into that bump, too. Austin tries a suplex, but gets blocked, so Steve puts him upstairs. He follows, and tries to superplex him off, but gets dropped with a faceslam. Bret hits a flying elbow from up there for two, and goes for the backbreaker, but gets the eyes raked. After seeing SO many Bret Hart matches, you can come to really appreciate when Bret is working hard, and has to struggle like this between his big moves, instead of doing them one after the other. Here, five or six spots can come between each move. Anyway, Austin dumps him outside, and uses the post to hurt Hart’s back. Bret gets pissed, however, and uses the guard rail to REALLY lay out Stone Cold. Bret is relentless, however, and continues kicking the shit out of him, but Steve slingshoots him into the Spanish table. He attacks him ON it, and they brawl under the freakin’ table! Slam on the table, and Austin drops an elbow off the apron on him. This match is like a template for HHH vs. Foley at Rumble 2000, or something. Steve suplexes him back in, and goes to the 2nd rope to hit Bret 1000 ’s famous elbow drop for two. Another elbow drop gets another two count, and Bret takes a good cross corner bump. Bret is a master at those. Nash-rope-choke spot gets two, and Austin goes to the abdominal stretch. Ropes are used, of course. He gets caught, but unlike a normal wrestler, he shows no shame, instead, pushing the referee for questioning his tactics! Slugfest again, this time won by Hart, and he hits his own stun gun. A version of the Eddie Guerrero cradle gets two, and a piledriver gets two. You know, looking at him, Bret is looking pretty pudgy for his comeback, here. Backbreaker (see how it failed earlier, and NOW he finally makes it?), and he goes up top. Austin nails him, however, and chops him up there! HE then completes HIS earlier failed spot, and hits the super-duperplex. Now THAT’S poetic wrestling. Austin cradles into a pin, but Bret reverses for two. Bret tries for a German suplex, but Austin catches him with the stunner! It only gets two, however, so Austin covers a couple more times, just to make sure. They fail, too, however, so he goes into the Texas Cloverleaf. Things look grim, but Bret makes the ropes! Austin tries a cross corner whip, and Bret tries the old “baseball slide out” trick, but screws up, and takes a big bump into the post. That gets two, so Austin goes to a surfboard to work the part. Bret escapes, however, and goes to the Sharpshooter! Steve’s in the ropes before he can even get it on though, so Bret hooks a sleeper instead. Austin breaks with a chin crusher, and hooks the Million Dollar Dream. Bret fights it, and then runs up the ropes, and cradles him for the pin at 28:55. Yep, it earned my respect, and in my opinion it’s even better than the WrestleMania match. And this also is the last great moment in Bret Hart’s career, as it’s all heel turns, and downhill from here. **** ¾.

- Survivor Series Elimination Match: Savio Vega, Flash Funk, Yokozuna, and Jimmy Snuka vs. Faarooq, Vader, Fake Razor Ramon, and Fake Diesel: Ross on Funk’s yellow and red outfit: “Yellow and red has never looked so good here in the garden, huh McMahon?” That’s just one of a dozen great jabs Ross was getting in ALL night long, and during that entire period for that matter. Vader and Flash start it off, too, and Vader just puts poor Flash in bodyshot hell. Funk manages to comeback with a spinkick, which Vader manages to sell before it even connects. Yep, Vader is in neutral tonight for sure. To the floor, Flash catches him with a big moonsault, but takes a powerbomb back inside. Yokozuna runs in to do business, and hits a URINE-AGE right away, but is kicked out since there was no tag. Savio and Ramon get in, and Vega manages to chop away on him. Razor comes back with a blockbuster slam, however, and tags Diesel in. That prompts Savio to tag Funk again, but he runs right into a big clothesline. Press slam, but Savio sunset flips out, only to get hit with a double chokeslam. Enter Faarooq, and a big criss cross allows the Nation leader to hit a spinebuster. Both Vader and Vega tag in, and a brawl ensues between Savio and the whole heel side. The end result is Diesel vs. Vega, and then DIESEL gets into a fight with the whole FACE side. The end result of THAT is Snuka tagging in, and hitting a diving forearm on Vader. Slam (!!), and a dropkick reel the monster, but Razor Ramon makes the save. That’s when you know you’re being mis-used: you’re a former world champion monster who made little girls cry, but now you’re being beat up by a sixty year old ex-wrestler, and being saved by a guy who is pretending to be a more popular wrestler. Anyway, Vega ends up taking a powerbomb from Diesel, and jobbing out at 8:17. Jimmy runs in, and goes to work, so Razor brings himself in. HE has no luck either, however, and gets slammed. Upstairs, the Superfly splash finishes Ramon, AND gets a big pop at 9:12. Everyone tears out in a big brawl, however, and the whole thing is thrown out as a double DQ at 9:31. Well THAT was a lame ending, presumably for time purposes. I’m not complaining, mind you, the match was nothin ffb g. ½*. (There was no way they were following Hart/Austin, so ten minutes to cool the crowd down before the main event was good booking)

- WWF Title Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid: In an odd moment, Sid actually gets the face reaction (and a “Sid” chant to boot), while Shawn is not exactly treated like a face. Sid seems legitimately perplexed by this. This all leads to Vince thinking of turning Shawn heel, and even teasing it, but completely backtracking once Shawn nearly blew the roof off of the Alamodome at the Royal Rumble. (Well… something like that) Sid beats the holy hell out of him to start, but Shawn just keeps coming at him. Sid’s response: continue to beat the piss out of him. The crowd cheers this, too. Criss cross, and Shawn hits a bodypress for two. He takes the big man down with a mat based side headlock, which Sid reverses into his own, and it all breaks down into a slugfest. Guess who wins that. Press slam by Sid (to “oohs” by the jaded crowd), but Shawn escapes, so Sid tries the powerbomb (again to a pop), but this time Michaels bails out. We have a chase on the floor now, and inside, Shawn clips the knee. He works the part, and the crowd heavily boos him now. Shawn looks genuinely hurt, but continues about his business of putting on a figure four. Sid reverses, but Shawn makes the ropes, and keeps pounding. Man, the crowd has just COMPLETELY turned on the poor guy at this point. Figure four again, but Sid kicks him off into the post. He beats the hell out of him there, but misses a running knee, banging it into the post. Shawn dropkicks the knee, and then tries to pound it, but Sid keeps kicking him off. Sid gets sick of the little guy, however, and when Shawn skins the cat, Sid responds by nonchalantly clotheslining him out to the floor. Out there, he press slams him on the rail, and absorbs the cheers of the New York crowd. Inside, that gets two. Backdrop, and Sid continues the shit kicking, forgetting about the knee injury at the same time. I knew he couldn’t do it. Flair flip leaves Shawn on the apron, and when Sid comes for him, Shawn nails him with the stunner. Flying bodypress, but Sid catches him, and hits a backbreaker for two. He works the back, hitting Shawn with a bunch of big cross corner whips. Slugfest won by Shawn, and he slams him. 2nd rope elbow (?) hits boot, and Sid puts on a Million Dollar dream. Well, I guess the big lug DID learn SOMETHING during all that time with DiBiase in ’95. Shawn escapes, and tries the superkick, but gets stopped, and chokeslammed. The crowd is just going WILD for the big guy at this point. Powerbomb, but Shawn cradles him for two, in a play on the ending to LAST YEARS Survivor Series. Sid still hits a powerslam for two, and a big lariat gets two. Sid gets sick of this shit, and grabs a camera from ringside to use on HBK. But, when Shawn’s longtime manager Jose Lathario jumps up on the apron to complain, he ends up taking a shot with it from Sid. That allows Shawn to blast him with a superkick (which I understand doesn’t even earn you a green belt down at the YMCA), but doesn’t cover. Instead, he goes to check on old Jose. Sid recovers, and shows no mercy, dragging the champ back in by the hair. Shawn still manages to try a 2nd rope bodypress, but Sid ducks, and Shawn clocks the referee. Again, he bails out to check on his manager, but there’s Sid again, this time to clock SHAWN with the camera. Inside, the powerbomb finishes it at 20:01. Good match, actually, especially for Sid. ***.

- Bottom Line: First of all, I think it’s important to note that nothing actively sucked. Nothing would really make you want to stay away from this tape. But the real show of the tape is the Hart/Austin match, which is one of the best for both men. Everything else is watchable, including a good opener, and one of Sid’s best matches in the main event.

- Recommended. (This one’s gonna get a rewatch when the Network launches, for sure)