- Hey. Back today for a WWF PPV from 1996 ... The Royal
Rumble. Also included is the "Free For All" match.
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Great ***
- Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- Live From Fresno, California (In a small building) (I
don’t know why that jumped out at me. I mean, Selland Arena is no Pontiac Silverdome, but
it’s on par with everything else they were running during the period)
- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and "Mr. Perfect"
Curt Hennig.
- Free For All Match, Winner gets # 30 in the Rumble and
the Loser gets # 1: Duke "The Dumpster" Droese vs. Triple H: They
start slow, with Duke controlling with power stuff. Duke, however, misses a
blind charge, and Hunter hits a single arm DDT. Then proves he has NO moveset
yet, and does it again. ARM BAR TIME! Crowd is GONE for this. Duke uses brute
strength to break the hold, but Hunter hits a flying knee to take over, and then
a flying knee drop. Back to the arm bar. HHH goes up top, and dives, but hits
Duke's boot. They trade punches, and Duke hits a backdrop. Droese controls with
his usual (clotheslines and slams), and then yells "It's Time to Take Out
The Trash," and goes for the "Trash Compactor" but Hunter slips
out. Ref. gets bumped, and Hunter pulls out knux. He bops Duke, and gets a
three count, at 6:25. * 3/4. BUT WAIT, Gorilla Monsoon (then WWF president)
comes out, and shows the ref. What happened on the video wall, so the ref.
gives the match to Duke. Hunter shoves the ref. So THAT'S why he hates ref's.
to this day.
- Video package on the Razor/Goldust feud. This was heavy
shit at the time, with Goldust coming onto Hall. One big moment, is when Hall
showed up on RAW and kicked the crap out of Dustin. I remember seeing that back
then and thinking "Whoa, Goldust is gonna die at the Rumble."
- Shawn Michaels comes out to talk with Todd. He's gonna win
the Rumble and go to WrestleMania ya know.
- Triple H is in the back complaining about the Instant
Replay used in his match. Why every time another sport has controversy about
"Instant Replay" does the WWF use it in some way? In 1991, and here,
in 1996. (Because they think it makes them seem hip)
- And now, The Royal Rumble PPV .
- Opening Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson: This
is coming off when Jarrett attacked Johnson at the December In Your House. They
start off fast, and Jarrett bails only seconds in. He tricks Ahmed into chasing
him, and then stomps away. Johnson comes back, and throws Jeff half way across
the ring. Shoulderblocks abound from Ahmed, and then a powerslam for two. Crowd
is into Ahmed, BTW. He misses a body block, and goes over the top, allowing
Jarrett to go to work. Johnson eats stairs (nice bump, too) and back in they
go. Jeff goes to work, but Ahmed so sells some double ax handles, and catches
him in a bear hug on the 4th attempt. Ahmed kicks the crap out of him, while
"hooting" at the crowd. Jeff bails again, so Johnson hits a dive over
the top. Back in, and he tries a senton, but misses, and Jeff gets the Figure
Four. Ahmed gets out, and Jeff hammers the knee. He goes for the hold again,
but Johnson kicks him to the floor. This pisses him off, so he grabs his
guitar, and hits him with it off the top, causing a DQ at 6:40. *.
- WWF World Tag Team titles: The Smoking Gunns vs. The
Bodydonnas: Man, Sunny used to look VERY good. Skip (Chris Candido) starts
with Billy (Mr. Ass), and he works the headlock early on, and then hits a
flying head scissors. The Donna's double team Billy, but Bart's quick thinking
allows them a double slingshot, and Billy dives over the top onto both. Nice
sequence. The Gunn's clobber Skip in the corner, but Sunny comes over and
distracts them. Bart then goes with Zip (Tom Pritchard) and destroys him after
no selling some chops. Skip blind tags in, and hammers Bart, but the Gunn's get
a quick Hart Attack to take over, as Sunny gives us some nice shots. She takes
a bump off the apron to the floor, and Billy goes to help her, so the Donna's
attack, and we find out she was faking. Heat segment on Billy for a while, as
they run through their offense. They had some pretty cool double team moves,
I'll give the fitness bum's that. Heel miscommunication spot allows Billy to
make the hot tag, and Bart cleans house. Pier Six breaks out, and the Gunns
slaughter the Boddydonna's. Sidewinder connects, but Sunny has the ref. Skip
breaks the pin, and gets a two count on Bart. They do some tandem stuff, and
try a double suplex, but Billy spears Skip out, and both guys get the pin to
retain the belts, at 11:14. Sunny's pissed, but they'd get the belts at
WrestleMania. Not bad, ** 1/2.
- Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' War Room. I liked these, and I
have a rant on them (along with the rest of the Net.cop Busts) at my home base,
HITMAN383's Rant Center (Don’t worry, the Net.cop Busts Rant is
coming, too)
- WWF Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust:
This was during the "Goldust likes Razor" feud, and when I saw it
live, I pretty much expected Goldust to die here. Dustin has Marlena (Terri)
with him here, and she is his "director." This is also her WWF debut.
Dustin turns the gay meter WAY up to start off, but Razor murders the arm, and
slaps him around. Razor gets a go behind, but Dustin reverses, and rubs Razor's
chest drawing some good heel heat. I don't know how Dustin lives with himself. (Well,
he DID have a drug habit…) He then hammers Hall in the corner, and
strokes his head. At least he's good at the part. Goldust hits a BIG punch, but
Razor no sells, and slaps him around some more, then smacks his ass, and
Goldust likes it! Crowd doesn't like that. It just occurred to me, should they
have held this in San Francisco, as opposed to Fresno, Goldust would be
the face. Razor chases, and Goldust bails. He cowers behind Terri, and they go
back in. They "wrestle" on the mat (Hall + wrestling? Not exactly.) (Just
ask Chris Jericho!), and Dustin bails yet again to hide behind Marlena.
He climbs back in, and blows kisses at Ramon starting the dreaded
"Fagot" chant. Ramon murders him, and Goldust bails again. This match
really sucks. He hides again, but this time Razor picks him up to move her, and
Goldust gets a cheep shot, and goes to work. Bulldog gets two, and he hits a
side suplex, while keeping his hand on the crotch. He's a tremendously into the
part. Razor comes back, but Dustin stops the effort quickly, and nails a
swinging neckbreaker for two. Goldust hooks a sleeper, which wastes about 2
minutes, and Ramon uses a low blow to break. He does his usual, and gets a two
count off a chokeslam. Fallaway slam gets two, and then he hits the side suplex
from the top. Razor calls for the Edge, but the ref. is distracted with
Marlena, so the 123 Kid runs out, and nails Razor with a kick from the top,
allowing Goldust a three count, and the IC gold at 14:17. It was good near the
end, but the first half, really, really sucked, as it was all character, and
story, and not much wrestling. ¾ *.
- Interviews! OWEN, JAKE, LAWLER, HOROWITZ, VADER (who was
debuting), MICHAELS (pretty much EVERYONE knew he was walking away with the win
tonight.)
- WWF Royal Rumble Match: Triple H gets # 1, of
course, and the crowd doesn't give half a shit. # 2 is Henry Godwinn, and the
crowd sort of cares because they had that epic, epic hog pen match at
December's PPV. HHH kills him to start, but Godwinn comes right back, and
hammers. Hunter does a Flair flip, but he can't roll back. He wasn't the great
one he is today just yet. # 3 is Bob Backlund, and the crowd isn't to excited.
Oddly, in the 2000 Rumble he'd get a MONSTER pop in MSG. He goes after Godwinn,
and that really doesn't go anywhere. Henry and Bob takes turns trying to toss
Bob, and no one has any luck. # 4 is Jerry Lawler. He stalls, not wanting to
fight anyone, which gets a "Burger King" chant going. He gets Henry
Godwinn's slop bucket, but it backfires, and everyone runs out of the ring. As
Jerry's on the floor, H.O.G. tosses it on him. Bob "Not Hardcore"
Holly is # 5, and he abuses Lawler. HHH almost gets Henry out, but he slips
around, and Backlund beats them both up. # 6 is Mabel. Yep, I STILL don't care.
He draws no heat, yet he headlined a King of the Ring, and Summer Slam. Yes …
the 2nd biggest show of the year headlined by VISCERA! So when Undertaker gets
a title shot, I guess we should be happy. He doesn't really do anything, BTW. Just
kind of staunters around. Jake "The first step is admitting I have a
problem" Roberts is # 7 doing his "born again" gimmick, and he
dumps the snake in the ring, clearing everyone out, and getting a big pop.
Lawler, of course, is the sucker who has to take the snake abuse. Jake hammers
Mabel, and he SELLS! Holy Shit! As we scan the ring, we discover Jerry Lawler
is gone, but wasn't tossed. Dory Funk is # 8, and Vince even brings up the NWA
title. He attacks Bob Backlund in a "we're both old, and have the same
ring attire, so lets fight!""match. Crowd chants for the
"DDT," and we discover Jerry is hiding under the ring, but is still
in the match. He doesn't want to be with this match any more than I do.
Yokozuna is # 9, and he breaks up Dory/Bob, and tosses Bob in seconds. He
attacks Mabel, and it's a workrate dream folks! Holly hits a rana on Godwinn,
and EVERYONE takes turns beating on him. Poor guy. 123 Kid gets # 10, but Razor
Ramon chases him in the ring (stole his stash, and HE WANTS IT BACK), and a bunch
of officials have to stop him. After Razor leaves, Kid beats on Dory as the
crowd chants "Razor." Some Japanese Guy is # 11, Takao Omori, is his
name apparently. (Yep) How come ALL Japanese wrestlers get the old "Orient
Express" theme? (Racism!) Omori gets his ass handed
to him by Mabel. # 12 is Savio Vega. He heats up his rivalry with Mabel, and
kicks the big guys ass. He then actually TOSSES him (along with Yokozuna's
help.) Omori is tossed by "The Game." Vader is # 13, in his debut,
and I think the dead wood is gonna fly! He MURDERS Bob Holly, who takes it like
a man! So THAT'S how he became "Hardcore." Savio tosses Dory, and
Vader kills Vega now. Jake makes the mistake of pissing Vader off, and dies.
Doug Gilbert gets # 14, and fights Triple H. Yoko and Vader start a little war,
but Vader chooses not to. He forearms Jake from mid-ring, and he goes out.
Whoa. Gilbert gets killed next, but he doesn't toss him, just toy's with him. #
15 is a fat ass from the Samoan Swat Team, who goes after Yoko (probably a
cousin, knowing THEIR family tree), but then decides to attack Holly. Gilbert
is STILL Vader's bitch, and he finally press slams him out. Samoan fat ass gets
STIFFLY beaten down, and tossed. Vader and Yoko stand alone, as everyone else
fights eachother, rather than them, so they go at it. # 16 is the other Swat
Team fat ass, and they want Vader. Vader doesn't care, and kills both. He
tosses one, and Yoko tosses the other. Vega is the next whipping boy, but he
and Triple H double-team him. See, Hunter was preparing here for the Iron Man
match, lasting so long. (This was originally written in 2000)
He must have Gary, the wrestling psychic to tell him that. If you don't know
what I'm talking about, you're lucky. Owen Hart gets # 17, as Vader and Yoko
DISTROY Savio. # 18 is Shawn Michaels who gets a great pop. He goes after 123
Kid and Triple H, is a Clique 3-way. Owen is next, as Vader and Yoko are
killing eachother with forearms. Yoko tries to toss him, so Shawn comes up, and
tosses both! Big pop for that. He tosses Kid next, and is kicking everyone's
ass. Hakushi is # 19, and Vader comes back in the ring, to kill Shawn Michaels,
and actually, press slams him out. But apparently, it doesn't count. Yeah, and
when it happened at WrestleMania II it counted. (I’m guessing that was a botch,
because that ALWAYS counts) But he tosses EVERYONE, so I guess they
couldn't really say they are ALL eliminated. He draws AMAZING heat though. # 20
is the EVIL Tatanka. Ever notice Hakushi only has a white belt? Hello, that's
the LOWEST rank! Shawn teases elimination a few times, sending the crowd into a
group heart attack. Aldo Montoya is # 21, and he is Justin Credible, BTW. He
goes right for Owen, and that doesn't go anywhere. Shawn is on the floor, finds
Jerry Lawler under the ring, and brings him back in. He hits a big punch, and
Jerry's gone! Diesel is # 22, back when he didn't suck as bad, and nails HHH
first, then tosses Tatanka. Shawn and Diesel find eachother, and Nash decks
him. Shawn teases another elimination, and the crowd goes faint. He goes with
Owen, as Kama comes out at # 23. He draws no
heat, until he points to the entrance, and HERE'S THE HO's! Wait, no, not yet.
# 24 is The Ringmaster. This is, of course, Steve Austin. NO HEAT, at all! And
this guy would become the biggest thing in wrestling. See, if this was WCW,
they'd say "no heat? Leave him as a jobber FOREVER! NEVER let him
devolop!" He tosses Bob Holly though. Barry Horowitz is # 25, and Diesel
kills him. Hunter ends his long streak, as he pisses Diesel off, and gets
tossed. Austin and Michaels have a mini match, to no heat. Fatu is # 26. Not
Rikishi Fatu, but "Makin' a Difference" Fatu. Don't ask! No heat for
him either. Austin
kills Nash, as Owen nearly suplexes Shawn out. # 27 is Isaac Yankem, currently
known as Kane. Owen tosses Barry, and enzuguri's Shawn. Big shit at the time.
He turns his back, and HBK tosses him. Austin
jumps him, and makes fun of his pose, so Diesel kicks his ass. Marty Jannetty
gets # 28, and goes right for Diesel. He then hammers EVERYONE, and goes for
Fatu, and nearly gets tossed. He and Shawn go, and do a double KO spot. The
Bulldog gets # 29, and attacks Shawn off the bat. Davey's wife, Diana (when she
was still hot) is in the crowd. And Bret doesn't drive in with a car, either.
Davey tosses Marty, and hammers Shawn. Austin and Fatu gone, as Duke Droese
hits # 30.
- Okay, now the main part. Duke attacks Yankem, as Shawn and
Davey brawl on the floor. Owen runs out, and attacks Shawn too. He is just the
whipping boy tonight! Diesel saves Shawn elimination, and HBK dropkicks Kane to
the floor. Diesel tosses Droese. Final Four: Davey, Shawn, Diesel, and Kama.
Shawn dumps Davey, and Nash tosses Kama. He
turns around after tossing him, and BAM, Shawn superkicks him out for the win
at 58:49. From Duke's entrance, to the end was SUPER fast. Average Rumble, ***.
(My
ratings have been pretty much in line with the BUExperience the whole way so
far, but this is a pretty big bit of overrating. One of the worst Rumbles)
Shawn then moons the crowd, and pulls his tight WAY too far down. Lousy
degenerate. (Seriously. What WAS that shit about? Bret may have been behind the
times on Attitude, but you can’t say he was wrong about protesting stuff like
that) He turns around, and Diesel is back in the ring, looking pissed.
But it's all for good, as they high five eachother.
- Main Event, WWF World Title: Bret "Hitman"
Hart vs. The Undertaker: As 'Taker comes to the ring, Diesel is still out
there, and they get into a confrontation. Diesel keeps repeating "I'm not
afraid of the dark!" setting up their big WrestleMania feud. UT still has
that goofy facemask, at this point, BTW. Great pop for Bret, when people still,
you know, cared. Staling to start, as Bret ducks every time UT comes at him,
and then goes to work with punches. UT no sells, of course, and kills Hart in
the corner, which Bret DOES sell. UT does his usual, only slower. Apparently,
they've decided Mark needs to be on offense for the whole match, and that
REALLY sucks, if you didn't know. Long "face choke" hold eats up five
minutes. Hart comes back with a flying clothesline, and then one to the floor.
He slingshots out onto him, waking the crowd (and myself) up. UT catches him on
an axe handle attempt, and rams him to the post. Great, UT's back in control.
That means we get a boring "brawl" on the floor for 5 more minutes.
Bret reverses a whip to the steps, and UT BUMPS ?!?! Nice one too. Bret works
the leg, and they go back in, for more leg beating. This is a very boring
match, BTW. After about 8 minutes of boring legwork, Hart starts to go for the
face mask, but can't get it. So what does he do? More boring leg work, of
course! Crowd chants "Rest in Peace" for the 'Taker, but I think it
means "kill this match." Undertaker comes back, and doesn't really
know what to do, so tosses Bret to the floor. He staggers around for a bit, and
then chokes him with a TV cable, drawing heel heat. He destroys Hart by tossing
him into the timekeepers table, and using a chair. Crowd DOES NOT like that,
from the face 'Taker. Back inside, and Hart goes back to the leg. Awe shit. He
draws massive boo's for pounding his leg, viciously. Man, today, a fan favorite
could do that, and get CHEERED. He uses the ring post to his advantage, and now
he gets a face reaction? Man, this crowd is screwed up. UT makes yet another
come back, and drops a big leg. Tombstone
attempt, but Hart slips to the floor, and then stunners him. DDT by Bret for
two. Five Moves of Doom each hit, with UT sitting up after each. Crowd behind
Bret fully now, and it's Sharpshooter time, but Mark grabs a choke. Double KO
spot, and Bret is up first, and removes the turnbuckle pad. He try's for the
mask again, and gets it this time, then rams his "injured" face to
the exposed buckle, getting BIG heel heat. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, Bret! Face or
Heel? (He was clearly trying to work a similar match as he did with Diesel
the year before, but damn did this fall flat) Tombstone hits, and 'Taker has him. He
covers, but Diesel pulls the ref. out at two, giving 'Taker a DQ win. BAD
ending. He gives 'Taker the finger (a big no, no back then), and runs away.
LONG match at 28:30, and not very good. ¾ *, for a few nice moments.
- Todd talks to Gorilla Monsoon, who signs Bret vs. Diesel
at the next In Your House. That's my next rant, BTW.
- Dok talks to Shawn who basically does his little "boy
hood dream" crap. He's gonna win the WWF title, and run wild with the
Kliq, if ya didn't know that.
- Monsoon talks AGAIN, and UT comes in saying Diesel will
NEVER be the champ again, so Monsoon makes it a cage match with Bret/Diesel to
keep 'Taker out.
- Diesel talks trash at Bret and 'Taker. He gets a little
Ric Flair in there with "I'm the best thing going today, baby!" He
also claims that the WWF is now the Diesel Wrestling Federation, and that he
runs the show, and he manipulates everything that goes on. Hey, THAT'S WHY 1995
SUCKED, and Diesel still wants to control everything?
- Bottom Line: The star ratings tell the tale here. The
Rumble was painfully average at ***, which doesn't make it BAD, just not that
great. And we KNEW Shawn was winning, so that wasn't a big surprise or
anything. The IC and World title matches are painful to sit through, and the
tag titles are the only thing on here that doesn't suck, and that has no
historical value whatsoever. No point in wasting your time to find and rent
this. (Of course, now it’s really easy to find it between WWE DVD, Network,
or the Internet, but I still wouldn’t waste your time)
Strong Recommendation to Avoid.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.