HITMAN383 Rant for WWF In Your House: Final Four (February 1997)

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF In Your House: Final Four. This is the final tape in the promised series, and the next rant will be whatever you guys pick on the site poll. Vote now!

(This one was originally written in late 2001)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- First, the Free For All, the half-hour pre-game show that used to precede WWF PPVS. Okay, it STILL does today, but then it actually had matches and stuff.

- Dok Hendrix (Michael Hayes) stands in the ring, and tests crowd reactions for the main event, four-way dance, over the vacant WWF title. Crowd is most behind Undertaker, BTW. (That makes sense, considering Austin was still too heelish, Hart was acting like a crybaby, and Vader was a full on heel)

- Steve Austin comes out, without much heat, although a DECENT heel reaction, and promises to win the main event. Of note: He runs down Shawn Michaels for “losing his smile.” See, at the Royal Rumble, he screwed Vader, Undertaker, and Bret Hart out of a win (they were illegally dumped by Steve), and that’s why we have this. Originally, it was over the WrestleMania title shot, but because Shawn is a crybaby, it’s now for the title belt.

- Undertaker comes out, and runs down Steve Austin, saying “ass” when that wasn’t a common thing in the WWF.

- We go back to Thursday RAW Thursday, and review Shawn Michaels’ giving up of the WWF title. Aww, look at him cry. Don’t even get me started on this farce. The crowd bought it, however, and that’s what really counts, right? (I bought it at the time too, but I was twelve)

- And now, the PPV.

- Live, from Chattanooga Tennessee.

- Your Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler.

- Opening Match: Marc Mero vs. Leif Cassidy: Cassidy is Al Snow, during his “New Rocker” gimmick, in case you weren’t around back then. Or you just don’t remember much from that period. Not that I’d blame you, mind you. Criss cross to start, allows Mero a couple armdrags. Armbar, and a fireman’s carry, into another armbar. Damn, have you guys heard of this little thing called a “hot start?” The crowd proves me right, too, dying. I mean, you could hear a PIN DROP in this place at this point. The match spills out, where Cassidy works the left knee, and posts it, so Sable gets in his way. That lets Mero jab away on him. Inside, a slingshot legdrop gets Mero two. Leif dropkicks Mero’s knee (the one he banged up earlier) twice, then kicks the hell out of it. Good strategy there, actually. Mero fights back with punches, but another shot to the knee incapacitates him. Cassidy tries to hyper-extend the knee now, with a leglock, but the crowd couldn’t care less. Legdrop on the knee, and an elbow drop to it. Leglock again, but Mero makes the ropes this time. More knee work. Yawn. Mero finally makes a comeback, with an enzuiguri, and a sunset flip gets two. Kneebreaker by Cassidy stops the effort, however, drawing boos. Figure four applied, but he makes the ropes again. Sable helped him, however, so Cassidy goes out to yell at her (and rightly so), but gets slapped. That lets Mero spear him out there, and inside hits a faceslam. Seems the knee problem has disappeared pretty conveniently, too. Samoan drop, and upstairs, the wild thing finishes at 9:29. Let me put it like this: They spent 8-minutes (!!) working on the knee, and then Marc just forgot all about it, and didn’t AT ALL let it factor into the finish. Like if Mero’s knee gave away during the wild thing, and Cassidy pins him. Or (if you don’t want Marc jobbing), have him screw up the wild thing, then fight his way through the pain, and win off of a small package or something. Otherwise, that makes it a HUGE waste of time. ¼*, which is about ¾* less than if the knee work actually WENT somewhere. (¼* might be a bit harsh, but yeah, that lapse in psychology was really glaring)

- Backstage, Sid (who faces whoever wins the WWF title on the next nights RAW), sends out threats. He’s pretty good on the mic, too bad he sucks IN the ring. My question is, why did they give him another title reign. After the first one (November to January) was such a catastrophic failure, why would you want this guy (even as a transitional champion) to go to WRESTLE freakin’ MANIA with the title? Idiots. (I guess they figured he had a rub to give Undertaker? Though really, considering how things ended up anyway, I’d have probably let Bret keep the title through the WrestleMania match with Austin, and then right through to Montreal. But I can see why they wanted to try Undertaker, and why they weren’t ready to bank on Hart/Austin as the main event of WrestleMania at that point)

- Six Man Tag Team Match: Flash Funk, Bart Gunn & Goldust vs. Faarooq, Crush & Savio Vega: Flash Funk, I think, came about two years before his time, with his “I’m a Pimp, but we’re G-rated, and I won’t say I’m a Pimp” gimmick. In 1999, lets say, he could flat out be a pimp (like Godfather), but actually be ABLE TO WRESTLE. The Nation, also, was a VERY, VERY good idea, which I think is very underrated. (Plus, they had awesome entrance music) Goldust starts out with Faarooq, but that breaks down, as everyone just runs in and fights. The faces clean house. Yes, I’m sure a fruit, and a cowboy would beat up a black street gang that easily. (To be fair, only one of those guys is actually black) Flash dives out onto the Nation, as a result, and inside beats up Faarooq. He gets spinebustered, however, and Savio tags in. Top rope rana by Funk for two, and a dropkick. Tag to Bart, who launches Flash onto the Nation, but they catch him, and whoop his ass. They forget Bart was tagged in, too, and Savio backdrops Funk. Tag to Crush, who hits a poor looking belly-to-belly suplex. Tag to Faarooq, who makes Funk his bitch. Funk doesn’t like that, however, and hits a low blow. Goldust, however, is just ITCHING to get in, and be someones bitch. (Considering Crush was doing a jail-bird gimmick, I don’t think we have to wonder whose) Crush and Savio hit a spike piledriver on Flash Morton for two, and in comes Faarooq. Clothesline fails (with Scorpio doing a NEAT little flip), and he hits one of his own. Now THAT was a cool spot. Hot tag to Gunn (well, not HOT, but warm), who powerslams Faarooq for two. Everyone brawls again, and Gunn hits a flying bulldog on Faarooq, but the ref is distracted. Crush nails him, as a result, and Faarooq gets the easy pin at 6:41. Pretty decent match, which was smartly kept short. *.

- WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Rocky Miavia vs. Triple H: Rocky was fresh off of winning the title on that Thursday RAW. Bad move by the WWF, however. I mean, he gets absolutely ZERO, ZERO pop. Not even a LITTLE bit. That is just sad. And he held the title until APRIL! Hell, I’d have had Hunter whip his ass right here, and have an IC title match at WrestleMania with Goldust, as opposed the Rocky vs. The Sultan for the title. That was a bad WrestleMania for title matches, to be sure. Not that Hunter had much more heat, really, but he was the lesser of two evils, at this point. Today, it’s hard to tell who has MORE heat, since they both have such massive amounts. They wrestle around to start, as I sit in SHOCK, that these two would end up becoming two of the biggest WWF stars EVER, despite both being pretty heatless. Rocky with a backdrop, and an armdrag into an armbar. Criss cross allows Hunter (who was pretty modestly built at this point) to toss him over the top. Baseball slide into the rail, and a slam out there. Hunter lays him out on the apron next, and drops an elbow there. Slingshot catches Rocky under the bottom rope (in a violent spot), and a suplex inside follows. Knee drop gets two, so he hooks a chinlock. He does use the ropes, however. The ref eventually catches him, however, and we gets a criss cross. Hunter hits a flying knee off of it, for two, but gets inside cradled for two. That allows Hunter to kick the hell out of him. Backbreaker gets the challenger two, and he hooks another chinlock. “Rocky” chant actually builds up, and Miavia hits a bodypress for two. Dropkick misses, however, but Hunter misses a knee drop. He goes to work anyway, however. Lariat, and he goes upstairs, but takes the DiBiase bump on the way down. Atomic drop by the champion, and Hunter takes a Flair flip. Powerslam, and he goes up, for a flying bodypress for two. Ten-punch count gets to four, and Hunter stun guns him on the post. OUCH! That gets two, even with the feet on the ropes. Rock with a hard tornado DDT (causing the ref to check on Hunter) for two, and HHH rakes the eyes. Facebuster, and a neckbreaker draw out Goldust, Hunter’s arch nemesis. That allows Rocky a bridging side suplex for the pin at 12:28. I could have done without the mildly-screwy ending, but this is still a very solid, *** match. Afterwards, Goldust a HHH have a confrontation, and some large woman in the crowd grabs Terri, and chokes her out as security “pulls” her off. This was the debut of Chyna.

- WWF Tag Team Title Match: Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith vs. Doug Furnas & Phil LaFon: I wish Furnas & LaFon were successful. I really do. They were a fine team. Owen and Doug start, and trade mat wrestling moves. Criss cross allows Doug a hip toss, and an armdrag into an armbar. Owen starts to fight out, so Furnas kills that idea, and tags LaFon. They have a neat pinfall reversal sequence, and Phil hits a rolling anklelock (a spot Ken Shamrock would end up making famous, later on). Tag to Davey, and Phil offers up a handshake, but gets kicked, so he hits a cool sunset flip for two. Spin heel kick for two, and criss cross allows Owen a cheap shot. He tags in, and headbutts Phil, then distracts the ref for some good old fashioned double teaming. Owen with a flying bodypress, but LaFon rolls through for two, so Owen gutwrench suplexes him for two. Backbreaker gets two, and Bulldog tags in. Double clothesline, and a wishbone hit. LaFon manages a sunset flip, but the ref is caught up with Owen, and by the time he turns around, it only gets two. Lariat kills Phil, and Owen tries the Sharpshooter, but can’t hook it. He beats up the left knee, and tags Smith in again. Hanging vertical suplex/flying bodypress combo gets Owen two, in a really neat spot. Phil manages a small package for two, so Bulldog runs in to turn it over, so Doug runs in an does it again, getting Phil two. Criss cross allows Davey to trip him up, but a spin kick misses, and Owen hits Davey. Phil gets two off of it, and Owen and Bulldog tease a breakup. Davey clotheslines him, and Phil hits a splash for two, as Davey saves. Doug with a great dropkick for two, and a belly to belly for two. Double backdrop gets LaFon two, and a bridging overhead suplex gets two. Tag to Furnas, who hits a bridging rana for two, when Bulldog saves again. Superkick/DDT combo gets Doug two, but a suplex fails, and Owen hits the enzuiguri. Both guys tag. Alley-oop by Smith, and a clothesline. Sunset flip by Phil for two, as Hart makes the save. The champs get run into eachother, however, and Phil tries a monkey-flip, but gets nailed. Bulldog gets up the running powerslam, and Owen bops Phil with the Slammy, earning him a DQ at 10:30. Davey, however, is massively pissed, since now they have to have a rematch with such a hard team, instead of getting the clean win. They tease a breakup again, with Davey pushing everyone around, but eventually get him to take back his tag team belt. Fine, fine match, too. *** ¾, which is after deducting an important ¼* for the bad ending. (I gave them that quarter-star back in the BUExperience)

- Main Event: Fatal-Four Way WWF Title Match: Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker vs. Vader: You are eliminated by either being thrown over the top (like a battle royal), by pin, or by submission. No DQs, and no CO’s. No heat for Steve Austin, BTW. Odd, how Triple H, The Rock and Steve Austin all are HEATLESS during this card, and would end up being three of the biggest names in WWF history. It’s so ODD to hear the glass shatter, and after years of being conditioned to it getting a massive pop, hearing nothing. It just sounds WEIRD. Bell sounds, and all four cautiously walk around, until Austin/Hart pair of, and Vader/UT pair off. UT hits a jumping clothesline to take Vader down, then whacks Bret Hart. Low blow grounds him, so he does the ropewalk forearm on Austin. He’s made enemies now, however, so Bret decks him, and Vader belly to bellies him. Vader and UT tumble through the ropes to the outside, and fight out there, as Hart works Austin’s back inside. Vader misses a chair shot out there, but makes it up to himself with some stiff bodyshots. He charges with the chair again, but UT STIFFLY kicks it into his face (OUCH!), busting him open hardway. Into the stairs, and they all go back in, where Vader takes out his anger on UT’s face. Bret sleepers Austin, meanwhile, but a stunner breaks for two. ‘Taker manages to chokeslam Vader, whose eye is no viciously gushing. Stunner for UT gets two, as Vader and hart start fighting. Vader with a low blow, and they fight on the floor, where Vader grabs a chair. He whacks Bret a couple times with it, and rolls the Hitman in. Austin and Undertaker fight up the aisle, where Steve tries a piledriver, but gets backdropped on the floor. Inside, Bret lariats Vader, knocking him under the bottom rope. He follows, but UT catches him, suplexing him back in for two. In the aisle, Vader charges Stone Cold with the steps, but gets kicked, and rammed into them himself. Steve throws them on the bloody mess, so Vader forearms away. Inside, UT chokes Hart down for a two count. This is just a WILD match. Bret works UT’s knee now, as Austin tosses Vader into the sound guy. They fight on top of the poor guy, and Vader nails him with the ring bell. Man, he can’t even SEE out that eye, it’s busted open so bad. Vader is one hard-ass SOB, I’ll tell ya that much. He kicks Hart’s ass next, as UT crotches Austin on the top. Up the aisle, Bret eats railing. He comes back, however, and beats Vader up into the crowd! Back into the aisle, as Undertaker works Austin over inside. Ringside, Bret tastes the stairs. Inside, UT nearly tosses Austin, but he comes back with a flying clothesline for two. On the floor, meanwhile, Vader Sharpshooter’s Bret Hart, while Austin stomps his back. That leads to Bret and Undertaker killing Austin on the floor, but Vader stops it by beating up Bret Hart. UT saves him, but Bret objects, and kicks UT’s ass, as Austin Thesz presses Vader inside. Vader stiffly knocks Austin over with his gut, so UT lariats him, as Bret works on Austin. Piledriver on Steve for two, as Vader misses his moonsault. Vader knocked to the floor, as UT has the urge to leap over the top on him, but can’t since it would eliminate him. You can literally SEE, him thinking about it, then changing his mind. He follows out, instead, where Vader chokes him with a mic cord. Meanwhile, Bret teases elimination, but fights back, and Steve teases one. Everyone’s tired now, but no restholds are applied, instead Bret drops a 2nd rope elbow on Stone Cold for two. Austin rollup gets two, so UT comes over to beat him up a little. Slugfest between Bret and Vader, won by Bret, when he kicks a field goal on Vader’s nuts. Meanwhile, Austin rams ‘Taker’s knee to the post. Bret DDT’s Vader for two, as Austin teases us with a near elimination. Vader hooks a cross arm-breaker on Bret, as UT teases elimination, but Steve can’t get him all the way out. Body and head shots by Vader, as Austin comes INCHES away from hitting the floor. Clothesline by UT on Vader for two, as Bret drops an elbow on the Texas rattlesnake. Bret then tosses Steve over the top, at 19:00, as a bunch of officials come out, probably wondering why he was dumped. More on this later. Bret kicks UT’s ass for a while, but he won’t go down, so Vader helps him down, clipping the knees. UT tossed under the ropes to the floor, so Vader takes the time to nail Bret Hart. Suplex by Vader, and he goes upstairs, but Bret catches him, and superplexes him off. I never liked the superplex spot, if only because the guy taking the move very clearly has to stand up to have it done. Sharpshooter, and UT dumbly breaks it up, even through Vader tapping would be GOOD for him. Bret falls to the floor, and Austin runs back out to attack him for a little while. Meanwhile, Vaderbomb set up, but UT pushes him over the top, eliminating him at 22:32. Austin’s in the ring now, however, and is beating up Bret Hart. Undertaker clotheslines him to the floor, and then chokeslams the Hitman, as Steve climbs up on the apron. Tombstone, but Austin pulls Bret off of him, trying to knock Hart to the floor. That distracts UT long enough for Hart to roll him up for two, and UT nails him. He goes back to Austin, however, so Bret Hart clotheslines him out for the win at 24:03. Good pop for that. Excellent, non-stop, brutal match. ****. Afterwards, Sid comes in, and threatens Bret, in anticipation for the next night’s match. (This one I liked significantly less in the BUExperience. Might be one to rewatch once the Network launches in two weeks)

- Now, a little story. See, originally, Austin was booked to win the title here, and drop it to Sid the next night. But, during the match, he hurt his knee, and was forced to have to re-book, and have Bret win. But, however, he did run back out for most of the rest of the match, anyway, so maybe he was being a pussy … I don’t know. But, in the end, it was better this way, in the build up for WrestleMania XIV, when Austin was fulfilling the eight-year quest, instead of being a former one-day champion. (That story has since been debunked)

- Bottom Line: Hey, this is one fine show! An excellent main event, a great tag title match, and a good IC title match. The other two matches, which aren’t particularly good, aren’t really bad either, and don’t hurt the show at all. In addition, a bunch of history, for those interested in HHH, Rock and Austin before they were mega-stars.

- Recommended.