- Well, it was either this or Slamboree 1993 today. Guess
which I picked? If you guessed In Your House from February 1996, you’re right!
I’ll do this one first, and Slamboree next, k? So, without further adieu, the
HITMAN383 Rant for WWF In Your House, Feb. 1996. (This was originally written in
2000)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from Louisville,
Kentucky.
- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
- I’m gonna do the “Free For All” for this one too, which is
the pre-game show for the PPV which the WWF used to do during this time period.
- We get a review of the Hart/Diesel feud, as Diesel turned
semi-heel out of anger to jobbing to Bret at Survivor Series. He wanted the
title back, but the ‘Taker also wanted Hart’s new gold, so when UT was a one
count away from taking Bret’s title at the Royal Rumble, Nash caused a DQ. This
sparked a feud, so Gorilla Monsoon (“president” of the WWF) booked Hart/Nash
tonight in a cage, so ‘Taker can’t get in and attack Big D.
- Bret cuts a promo on Diesel saying he’s gonna go down!
- Jake Roberts vs. Tatanka: This was when Tatanka was
a heel, and had Ted DiBiase in his corner. This was also when Jake was sober
for the first time in his career, and a “re-born Christian.” He was also really
old and fat. (He actually looks younger now, some twenty years later. Clean living,
folks) DiBiase helps Tatanka get the advantage early on, and he works
the arm. It doesn’t last, however, as Jake goes for the DDT, and Tatanka bails.
Jake works the arm now, and they trade arm bars until Roberts goes for the DDT
again, and Tatanka bails again. Well, he learned ONE thing from Ted anyway. A
big criss cross ensues, and Jake suckers Tatanka into a punch, then chases
DiBiase. Tatanka jumps him as a result, as Vince shills for the PPV. He’s like
the kid no one likes, as he offers the fans gifts and stuff if they buy the
show. See, this is when the WWF was somewhere between “rock” and “bottom,” and
that isn’t a Dwayne Johnson reference. Tatanka misses a series of elbows, and
Jake punches away, as the fans chant for the DDT. Jake eats boot off a corner
charge, and Tatanka tries the Fallaway Slam, but Jake turns it into the DDT for
the win at 5:35. Big pop for the DDT, but other than that, nothing. DUD.
Afterwards, Vince promises us the same kind of action if we order the PPV. No
wonder they were making so little money. You promise people CRAP, and expect
they to buy. Riiiight. (Seriously, Vince was still stuck in the 80s
here, thinking a ‘star v star’ match like this would entice people into buying
the pay per view)
- Sunny is backstage with Raymond Rougeau to work the
hotline, and for those that didn’t watch back then, Sunny was REALLY hot. Not
the fat ass she is today. I mean, you think Trish and Lita are sexy? Go find a
1996 WWF tape, and check out Sunny, baby!
- Todd shills the PPV some more. “Do your friends love WWF
PPV, but you’re a loser and never bought one? Well no one likes you. Buy now,
and you WILL find a girl friend, and beer buddies!” Okay, those weren’t his
EXACT words, but that’s the point.
- Review of the Shawn Michaels/Owen Hart feud. The basic
deal is that Shawn was beaten by some punks in Syracuse while at a bar (true story, not an
angle), and then the WWF capitalized by putting together a KICK ASS angle. See,
they had Shawn dramatically comeback from the injuries he suffered in Syracuse, and face Owen
Hart on a RAW. Owen hit his enzuguri, and Shawn went down. Then, in a moment
not as common as it is today, the announcers started getting really concerned,
and Shawn had to have an oxygen mask and the whole deal. It was scary, because
we bought it, and Owen was hated. Eventually, Shawn cameback and won the 1996
Royal Rumble match (read my review of that one, BTW), but is gonna face Owen
here, the winner getting the WrestleMania title shot. Owen, also, is THE MAN
for the character, and vows to knock Shawn out with the enzuguri once again.
- Shawn cuts a promo on Owen, saying he’s walking out of Louisville the winner.
- Todd talks to Vader, who was recently re-instated to the
WWF after being suspended for assaulting the legendary Gorilla Monsoon on RAW.
It was a really cool angle, BTW. Vader’s manager, Jimmy Cornette promises that
Vader will be at the PPV tonight, and ‘cause a ruckus!
- And with that, In Your House 2/96 starts!
- Before the PPV starts, Sunny is on a beach in a bikini
saying that the following program contains graphic material, which was WWF
policy for PPV at the time. Where was that at ‘Rumble ‘99, where Mick Foley
nearly DIED out there? This is an extremely tame show, even compared to early
‘90’s WCW.
- Opening Diaper Match: Razor Ramon vs. The 123 Kid:
This came about when the Kid cost Razor the IC title at the Royal Rumble.
Again, go read that rant. You won’t be disappointed. The Kid (X-Pac) slaps him
around to start, but gets clotheslined to the floor as a result. Sean stun guns
him, and hits a springboard clothesline, then hammers away with some corner
kicks. A “Razor” chant breaks out, as 123 keeps kicking away. Razor reverses a
hip toss into one of his own, and clotheslines him into the corner. Criss cross
leads to a fallaway slam by Razor, and he tries the Edge, but Sean bails out.
DiBiase (Kid’s manager) steps in and tosses baby powder in Ramon’s eyes,
allowing Kid to hit a missile dropkick for two. He hits a D-lo quality leg
drop, and a standing dropkick. See, he still DIDN’T suck back then. He hits a
Guerrero worthy frog splash for two, and does some more corner kicks. He hooks
on a sleeper, but Razor breaks, and after a botched wrestling sequence, Sean hooks
it again. Okay. That was pointless. Razor powers out again, and again The Kid
re-hooks. This time Ramon fades out, and Kid gets him to the mat, but doesn’t
bother to put his feet on the ropes even though it’s RIGHT THERE. Lazy bum.
Ramon escapes by crotching him on the top rope but can’t capitalize, and Kid
actually covers HIM for two. Ramon easily wins a slugfest, but takes a spin
kick from Sean for two. Razor puts him on the top, and hits a fallaway slam
from the 2nd rope. Nice spot there. He calls for the Edge (move, not pizza) but
Kid gets the powder again. He tries to use it, but Ramon kicks it in his face,
and hits the Razor’s Edge, but pulls him up at two. He does it again, and this
time leaves him down for the pin at 11:52. Lengthy opener (Man, the Attitude Era really
fucked us all up when we considered twelve minutes ‘lengthy’), but it was
clique vs. clique, so they worked well together. ** ¾. (Really? ** ¾? Are you fucking retarded?)
Afterwards, as the stips. said, Razor gets to put the Kid in a Diaper,
which is obviously a Jim Cornette influenced moment, as ol’ Jimmy likes to book
embarrassment matches.
- We get a look at Jake sharing his snake with Sunny, and
jabbing it at her, forcing her to touch it. Maybe he wasn’t so sober afterall.
- Triple H vs. Duke Droese: This isn’t THE GAME HHH,
but rather rich snob HHH. This is SO far from his current character that it’s
hard to even tell it’s the same guy. Anyway, he shaved Duke’s hair off, and the
Garbage man wants his revenge on the rich man. Boy, I miss 1996 WWF. Not. (Eh,
now I kinda do) Brawl to start, which Duke wins, and he pounds Hunter
in the corner. Women’s title match special, the hair slam spot, by The Dumpster
and a powerslam. He does the ten-punch count, but Hunter hits a stun gun. He
tries the pedigree, but Duke hits an atomic drop and a clothesline. He charges
the Game, but Hunter backdrops him to the floor, then rams him to the steps. He
rolls him in for a two count, and hits some uppercuts, followed by a knee drop
for two. He hits a high knee for two, and a big suplex for two, as Jerry hits
on Hunter’s little ring valet. I wonder what Stacy thought of THAT?! (Jerry’s
wife, back in 2000, when this was written) Hunter eats boot (hard one,
too) off a corner charge, and they do a double clothesline spot. Spinebuster
slam by the Dumpster, but he can’t cover on him, but manages a backdrop. He
hits a powerslam, and then the Trash Compactor looks the finish. Instead of
making a cover, he dumbly brings the garbage can in, but Hunter intercepts it
to knock him out for the win at 9:40. Solid little match. * ½.
- We take a look back at RAW from a few weeks previous, as
Yoko turns on Camp
Cornette, and kicks
everyone’s ass. Yoko then makes his WWF speaking debut, yelling at Cornette and
Davey Boy Smith. He sounds like a 1996 version of Rikishi.
- Davey Boy Smith vs. Yokozuna: Yoko was REALLY fat
at this point, for those that don’t know. He kills Davey to start, and hits a
slam. He misses an elbow drop, however, and Bulldog hammers. Bulldog knocks him
down after three clotheslines, and chokes the big man in the ropes, where
Cornette gets his cheap shots in. Yoko rams him in the corner to comeback, and
goes for the 2nd rope ass splash, but Jimmy pulls Davey out. Yoko follows, and
rams him to the post, but misses a charge. Back in, Davey hits a top rope
clothesline for two, and then tries an axehandle, but Yoko nails him in the
gut. The big guy no sells some offense, and hits a Samoan drop. Davey’s dead
after that, and Yoko hits the ol’ belly to belly suplex. He goes for the ass
splash again, but Cornette comes in and bashes Yoko with the Tennis racket to
‘cause a DQ at 5:03. He goes after Cornette, but Vader and Davey stop him and
beat him for a while. Whatever. ¼*.
- Winner gets a title shot at WrestleMania: Shawn
Michaels vs. Owen Hart: Instead of walking out, Shawn appears on the roof
of the “house set” that they used as the entrance, and then swings down by a
rope into the isle. Pretty cool. He’d top himself at WrestleMania, of course,
when he FLEW to ringside. Shawn plays to the crowd to start, just because he
can. And they love it, of course. Criss cross, and Shawn slides out to the
floor to slap some hands, and kiss some girls. Another criss cross, and this
time Owen slips out to slap hands, but no one wants to high five him. Cute spot
there. Shawn flies out after him in a re-make of his WM XI spot, and rolls him
in for an axehandle. It gets two, BTW. Standing headlock by Shawn, and whenever
Owen tries to push out, Shawn pulls him back by the hair. Hey, they have my
approval. It’s a rest hold, but they’re doing SOMETHING to keep it interesting.
A long criss cross leads to a rana by Shawn, and another leads to a powerslam
by Owen. Hart stomps the back, and connects with a backbreaker. He tries for
the Sharpshooter, but Shawn pushes away, only to have Owen wrench his back with
a camel clutch. Shawn breaks out, and a criss cross ensues, but Owen knees him
in the gut. Owen rolls him up for a two count, and hooks on a chinlock.
Michaels breaks out, and another criss cross leads to an Owen spin heel kick
dropping HBK to the floor. Owen tries to suplex him back in, but Shawn reverses
the suplex only to have Owen land on his feet! Shawn resorts to plan B, and
dives at Owen, but Hart powerslams him out there. Back in, Owen hits a missile
dropkick for two, and then he uppercuts Shawn into the corner. He tries a slam,
but Shawn flips out, and rolls him up for two. Shawn does a Flair flip, and
Hart catches him with a big clothesline. Owen wastes some time, then goes for
the Sharpshooter again, and this time he gets it on! The crowd gets worried
now, but Shawn makes the ropes. Hart with a slam, and he does the Benoit snot
shot. Shawn rolls him up for two, but Owen hits the enzuguri to knock Shawn to
the floor, and out. The crowd gets worried, but instead of getting the C/O win,
Owen rolls him in for a pin, but only gets two! Owen works him over, but misses
a corner charge, and takes an atomic drop. Shawn catches him with a flying
clothesline off a criss cross, and another one off a corner whip. Shawn with a
slam, and he hits his big top rope elbow. He calls for the superkick, but
misses, so Owen tries an enzuguri, but misses, and then Shawn connects with the
superkick! The crowd goes nuts, and Shawn gets the pin at 15:54. Great match
from two great wrestlers. *** ¾. Afterwards, Shawn takes a little kid out of
the crowd and dances with her.
- As they set up the cage for the main event, Piper comes
out to talk a little. See, at the time he was the interim president of the WWF,
as Monsoon was injured from the Vader attack. He tells Shawn that he may be #1
contender, but it’s not gonna be a cakewalk at WrestleMania. This would lead to
the Iron Man match, of course. He runs down Vader next, which upsets Jim
Cornette, who comes out to run Piper down. Piper embarrasses him, and says that
if Vader loses to Yoko at WrestleMania, Cornette has to face Yoko. This was a
waist of time.
- Main Event, WWF Title Cage Match: Bret Hart vs. Diesel:
Remember that that cage is there to keep the Undertaker out. Diesel knees him
in the gut to start, but Bret hammers away on him. It doesn’t work, however, as
Diesel is much, much bigger, and pounds the champ into the corner. Bret, intelligently,
goes for the knee because it’s Diesel’s weak spot, and rams the big man into
the cage. Bret climbs to the top, but Nash stops him, and they fight up there.
Nash carries him down from there, and rams his back into the cage a few times.
Nash goes for the door (VERY SLOWLY, too), but Hart crotches him, and hammers.
Bret crawls for the door, but Kev drags him back. Now Diesel tries to crawl
out, but Bret drags him in, and continues to work the knee. Diesel comes back
with some clotheslines, and hits a sidewalk slam on the Hitman. Nash misses an
elbow, and Bret tries to climb, as Diesel goes for the door. Diesel is winning
the race, so Hart jumps down and stops him. More knee working. Hart climbs, and
gets almost out, when Nash slams him off. Ouch. Bret hits his 2nd rope bulldog,
and climbs, but Diesel easily stops him. Side suplex by Nash, but his knee is
still hurt. Hey, selling. Good for you, Kevin. Bret crawls for the door, but
Big D stops him, and drives an elbow. He misses a corner charge, and hurts the
knee further, so Hart attacks it. He drops a 2nd rope elbow to the knee, and
tries to whip Nash to the corner, but Diesel reverses, and Bret takes his
sternum first bump. I’ve always liked that bump. Diesel works the back with
some forearm shots, and tosses the champ into the corner. At least he’s using
psychology. He quits selling the knee injury, however, and knee’s Bret in the
corner with it. Tsk Tsk Tsk, Kev. They fight on the top again, and Diesel rams
Bret to the steel. Bret takes the corner bump for a 2nd time, and Nash hits the
Nash rope choke spot. Diesel tries a big slam, but Hart slips out, and rams him
to the cage. Bret tries for the Sharpshooter, but Nash pokes the eyes to break
away. “Diesel” chant breaks out for the heel Diesel, and Bret hits a Russian
leg sweep. Bret drops a big elbow from the top rope, and climbs, but Nash
crotches him. Diesel crawls for the door, and nearly makes it, when all of a
sudden the Undertaker pops up from under the ring and drags Nash in with him! A
bunch of smoke comes out of the whole, and when Nash emerges, his gear is all
torn up. During all this mayhem, Bret climbs out to retain 19:13. This was
pretty cool at the time, but it’s been done so many time since then, that it’s
lost it’s effect. Bret and Nash had a number of matches around **** between
1994-1995. This is not one of them. This was more of going through the motions,
leading to the ending. * ½. (What a phoned in piece of shit this match
was)
- One question, if the Undertaker had to hide under the ring
all night long waiting for the end of the title match, didn’t he get bored down
there? I mean, he’d have to get in sometime before the fans came in, and this
was a two-hour show, along with pre-game show, so he must have been down there
some 3 – 3 ½ hours.
- Bottom Line: Hey, this is a two hour show and
features a near **** match from Shawn and Owen, and nothing too offensive
either. Not a must-see or anything, but it’s worth picking up if there’s
nothing better, or you’ve never seen it. The point is, it doesn’t have much
re-watchability like WrestleMania X, or anything but it’s okay for one time
viewing. Also a good companion piece to WrestleMania XII, as a lot of the
angles for that show came about here.
- Mildly Recommended. (This is a really forgettable show, and I
wouldn’t waste your time)
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