HITMAN383 Rant for WWF In Your House (May 1995)

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF In Your House, May 1995. This was the first In Your House, as the WWF wanted to introduce more PPV’s to compete with WCW’s bigger PPV line up. So, to spur interest, they decided to give away a house. Did it work? Well, not really, since the show drew a 0.83 buyrate, and something like 7,000 people. Then again, this is 1995, so what are you expecting? (This one was originally written in 2001)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD - Awful.

- Live from Syracuse, New York

- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix (AKA Michael Hayes).

- Opening Match: Hakushi vs. Bret Hart: Good choice for an opener. Before the match, Bret dedicates it to his mom, since this is taking place on Mother’s Day. Aww. Hakushi goes right into a headlock, and a cool criss cross leads to Hakushi doing a cartwheel. What is this, an RVD match? A test of strength is cheated by Hakushi with a hair pull, and he hooks an arm bar. A criss cross leads to a diving shoulderblock by Hakushi for two, and he goes back to the arm bar. Maybe Bret’s trying to reserve energy for his match with Jerry Lawler later on, although that isn’t like him at all. Another criss cross lets Hart roll him up for two, and he hooks his own arm bar. He takes Hakushi down with a Steamboat-esque series of deep arm drags, and Hakushi bails out. He comes back with chops to the throat, and he throws Bret into the corner for his sternum first bump. Nice one, too. He hits a Vader bomb for two, and hooks a Sid-style chinlock. He gets Bret down in the corner, and hits a broncobuster, then poses. What I never got about Hakushi is that he wears a WHITE BELT when that’s the lowest rank in the martial arts. Odd. (I’m pretty sure there’s some form of martial arts where white is actually the highest level. If not, I can invent one, don’t worry) He tosses Bret into the corner again, and chokes away. He hits the handspring elbow, but so does Chyna, so it’s nothing special. Hart is unimpressed, too, as he starts kicking Hakushi’s ass, but takes a gutwrench suplex for two by the RVD-impersonator. (I’d say he was more Muta than RVD)  He heads up top, and hits a flying headbutt for two. He follows with a springboard headbutt, but misses, and Hart hammers away. Russian leg sweep connects for two, and a bulldog gets two. Backbreaker hits, and he heads up for the 2nd rope elbow. Sharpshooter time! He goes for it, but Hakushi’s manager distracts him, so he lets off. He still hits an atomic drop, and a clothesline (which Hakushi sells with a nice 360). He hammers him, but the manager trips Bret up, so Hart dives out onto him! I love Bret Hart! He goes back in, and takes a dropkick for two by Hakushi. He tries a suplex, but Bret reverses, and suplexes Hakushi from inside the ring to the floor. Now THAT was a nice spot. Out there, Hakushi manages a beautiful asai moonsault, smacking Hart’s head to the floor. Wow. Bret beats the count in, and a reversal sequence allows Bret to hit a victory roll for the pin at 14:41. Nice ending sequence there. Some really cool spots, but overall it was spread thin. **. (I lowballed this one a bit)  Afterwards, he jumps out of the ring, and hurts his knee, to build to his match with Lawler later.

- Handi-capped Match: Jeff Jarrett & The Roadie vs. Razor Ramon: This was supposed to be Razor and the Kid against these two, but Sean got hurt. Again. He’s always getting hurt. As a result, he phones in his performance again … literally … as he calls Vince to say he wished he could be there. I think McMahon really wanted him home because he wanted the extra buy’s for the PPV. Jarrett starts with Ramon, as Vince goes over the rules. Hendrix quips to him, “hey, you don’t make the rules here!” Really? Razor catches him with a right hand early, and beats Jeff all the way to the floor. Back in, Jarrett misses a dropkick, so Ramon clotheslines him to the floor. He kicks his ass out there, as Jarrett is taking quite the beating for an IC champ. The Roadie (future Road Dogg) clobbers Razor out there, and Jeff beats on him in the ring. Enzuiguri hits, but he struts instead of covering. A criss cross leads to a fallaway slam by Ramon for two, as Jesse saves. He gets tagged in officially, and clotheslines Hall. He drops a series of elbows, as the announcers play up that this is his first match. I wish it was his last, too. (FF to 2014, and the guy is a tag team champion again)  Jeff comes back in, and elbows Ramon down. Suplex fails, and Ramon does a small package for two. A clothesline keeps Ramon down, and Roadie comes back in. He does nothing of note, and tags the champ back in so he can backdrop Ramon to the floor. James goes to the 2nd rope, and follows up Jarrett’s backdrop by diving onto Razor with a clothesline. Good spot, there. He beats the count back in, and Jeff heads up top. He hits a crossbody, but Razor rolls through for two. Dropkick by Jeff gets two, and a swinging neckbreaker connects. He misses the Nash rope-choke spot (YES!), but Razor has no one to tag. They do a double clothesline spot to knock both men out, and Razor hits a side suplex when they get up. Jeff makes the tag, and Jesse hits a 2nd rope elbow for two. He still looks very, very green here. Like a backyard wrestler. Chinlock applied (yep, he’s REALLY green), and then tags Jarrett. He gets pounded by Ramon, however, and thrown into the Roadie. He hits a top rope side suplex on Jesse, and calls for the Edge, despite that Jeff is the legal man. Jarrett, offended by the ignoration, clips the bad knee, and tries the figure four. Razor kicks off, however, and hits the Edge for the pin at 12:40. Hey, this was okay. **. Afterwards, the heels beat him down, until Aldo Montoya makes the save. Great Justin Credible ruins ANOTHER PPV. Then, in a great moment, the heels beat his ass too. Then, Savio Vega runs out of the crowd (in what everyone assumes is a fan) and beats both guys up. Of course you know he isn’t a fan, because security doesn’t jump on him right away, yet waits until after the beatdown to do it.

- Highlights of Sid beating up various jobbers. And Shawn Michaels.

- King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Mabel vs. Adam Bomb: Mabel has no heat. But we should have known he’d win the KOTR since he’s getting a qualifying match on PPV. Mabel jumps him before the bell, but misses an avalanche, and Bomb hammers away. He shoulderblocks the fat man to the floor, and then dives out after him. Nice. Back in, he hits a slingshot clothesline for one, and head up top. He clotheslines him from up there for one, but gets hit with a spin heel kick. Terrible one, however, as he basically rolls on him. A slam follows, and Mabel gets the pin (with a SLAM!) at 1:50. ¼* for some really motivated stuff by Adam Bomb, but the whole Mabel situation makes me sick.

- Backstage, Ramon and Vega bond a little. Really funny segment, but it wasn’t meant to be funny.

- WWF Tag Team Title Match: Owen Hart & Yokozuna vs. The Smoking Gunns: Before the match, Lawler comes out to complain, since he wants his match with Bret NOW, because he doesn’t want to let Bret get any more rest due to the bad knee from earlier. At least it’s a smart angle. As for the match, it was okay at WrestleMania XI, so I’m hoping for about the same here. Yokozuna starts with Billy Gunn, and quickly shoulderblocks the cowboy. A criss cross allows Gunn a series of dropkicks, but he can’t knock over the big man. Bart comes in to join the assault, but gets headbutted, and Owen tags in. He throws Bart into the corner, but gets press slammed by Gunn. A beautiful dropkick hits, and suplex/dropkick combo by the Gunn’s gets two for Billy. Owen hits an enzuiguri, and tags in the beast. He does nerve holds, of course. Owen gets back in, and neckbreaker’s Billy for two. Gunn hits a sunset flip for two, and tags Bart. Bart hits a back elbow, and a slam for two. Owen takes Bret’s corner bump, and then a side suplex by Bart. The Gunn’s hit a nice neckbreaker/side suplex combo for two. The Gunn’s were always a team I liked. Bart misses a crossbody, however, and topples to the floor. Yoko drops a leg on him out there, and rolls him in for Owen to pin at 5:44. Hey, not too long, and very little Yokozuna involvement makes a good match. ** ¼. (That’s about two stars too many)

- Backstage, Diesel mourns the loss of his mother, and talks about how he’s gonna kick some ass tonight.

- In the ring, Jerry Lawler is with some beautiful girl. He claims it’s his mother, but she can’t be over 30. Cute spot by the always amusing Jerry Lawler.

- Backstage, Bret shows that he was faking the knee injury just to throw Lawler off. Lawler’s double take is pretty funny, actually. Smart strategy by Bret here.

- Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler: Hart destroys him to start, naturally. He gets caught with a piledriver off of a criss cross, however, as Lawler’s mom cheers. He no sells it though, and bulldogs the King. He hits his own piledriver, and drops an elbow. He continues to murder Lawler, but an eye poke turns the tide, and he slams him. He heads up top, but gets nailed on the way down, and hit with a back elbow. A Russian leg sweep bumps the ref., and a 2nd rope elbow draws Hakushi out. He drops in with an axe handle, and hits a Benoit-like top rope headbutt. He hits another to follow up, and Lawler rolls him up for the pin at 5:02. Afterwards, they continue the beating, but Hart cleans house to make everyone happy. Total nothing match here, but Bret would get his revenge at King of the Ring in the kiss my foot match. ½*.

- Backstage, Sid threatens Diesel some.

- Todd Petingill and Stephanie Wyant (see Wrestlecrap.com for more information on THAT pair) draw a winner for the house. They pick someone, and call the house, and people yell. Wow, I’m pumped now. Not. I wonder what ever happened to that guy. (I believe the house ended up in foreclosure)

- Main Event: WWF Title Match: Diesel vs. Sid: This is coming about after Sid powerbombed Shawn Michaels on the RAW after WrestleMania XI. That got Vince another at-home buy for the event. Vince also loves it because they’re both really big. Diesel controls to start, and clotheslines Sid into the corner a few times. He hits his elbows into the corner, and Sid bails out to the floor. Diesel follows with an axe handle, and he clotheslines him down inside the ring for one. He bails again (Yep, Ted DiBiase’s influence is definitely there), but Nash pulls him back in. DiBiase distracts him, however, and Sid knees him to the floor. He slams him out there, and then rams him into the ringpost. He uses Nash’s head as a football, and kicks a fieldgoal, then poses in the ring. Back in, he works Diesel’s back, which was injured by HENRY GODWINN of all people, on WWF Superstars. (I actually remember that match, and in my 10 year old mark days, I was worried for Big Daddy Cool) He hits a clothesline, and takes the time to pose some more. Gee, this is a decent match, but there’s more posing than an RVD match here. (If it hasn’t become obvious yet, I was really, really sick of RVD at the time, and felt he was incredibly overrated)  He hooks a Sid-style chinlock (odd to see Sid do that), which goes on FOREVER. A nice leg drop connects for two, and he keeps pounding the back. Back to the Sid-chinlock. Diesel starts to hulk up, but gets chokeslammed. He calls for the powerbomb, and drops Diesel with it, as the crowd cheers him on. Some super-face Diesel is, huh? He waists time, however, so it only gets two, and Diesel hulks up again. He hits the snake eyes, and the big boot setting up the powerbomb. He hits it swiftly, and covers for two, as Tatanka runs in and attacks Diesel for the DQ at 11:26. Great. That stretches the feud out for about two more months of agonizing pain. A decent match from the big lugs, but unfortunately they’d meet again. *. (Throw a ‘negative’ sign in front of that star, and you’ve got it)  Afterwards, Tatanka and Diesel work over Diesel until Bam Bam Bigelow makes the save. Okay.

- End of PPV.

- But … we get a matches EXCLUSIVE to Home Video! Oh goodie. This was, of course, dark matches from the PPV.

- The Undertaker vs. Kama: Kama is today known as the Goodfather. So after sitting through THAT PPV, these poor Syracuse fans have to endure this, too? I really feel for them. UT stalks him around the ring to start, and inside the dead man hits a reverse face slam. He does the ropewalk forearm, and chokes Kama into the corner. Oh, this is SO worth my time! Kama catches him with a knee, and does a suplex. UT no sells, however, which he’s very, very good at. Headbutts follow. He misses an odd looking clothesline, and Kama works him in the corner with bodyshots. Not exactly Vader here. He kicks ‘Taker to the floor, as Paul Bearer makes weird faces at the camera. Dear G-D (…). Kama heads out, and posts the ‘Taker, as this match continues to drag. Back in, Kama hooks a half-crab. Joy. THAT hold goes on for about six months, and he slams him for two. OH MY G-D END THIS!!! UT makes the comeback, but gets bearhugged by Kama. Yeah, THAT’S gonna help this. Dok, on commentary, even says that they’ve been out there for about 12 minutes, when we’re only 8 in. Hey, I agree. It FEELS much, much longer than what it is. (Hey, if Michael Hayes were in there, they might not have even made contact yet eight minutes in)  UT finally starts to make the REAL comeback, but a double clothesline puts them both out. Hell, FINISH THIS ALREADY! Kama gets up first, and controls some more. UT’s actually sold more in this match than he has in the last six-months, which is odd. Chokeslam finally puts Kama down, and the tombstone finishes at 13:06. Some “bonus.” Terrible, terrible match. -*** ½.

- Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Tatanka: This is yet ANOTHER “bonus” match. Let me just ask: What the HELL is Bigelow wearing to the ring? Bam Bam dominates, and dropkicks Tatanka to the floor. He stalls out there, and then comes in the ring to stall some more. Tatanka stops stalling, and chops, but he isn’t Ricky Steamboat, that’s for sure. Bam Bam starts shoulderblocking everything that moves, but DiBiase pulls down the top rope, and Bam Bam falls to the floor. Tatanka works on him out there, and hits his fallaway slam on the floor. He poses in the ring (A Million-Dollar Corporation favorite), until Bigelow drags his carcass in the ring. Kicks by Tatanka now. Enthralling. A crossbody gets two, and Tatanka hooks a chinlock. Exhilarating. Bam Bam gets out, and tries the enzuiguri, but misses. More chinlocking by the Indian. Bam Bam finally gives in, and just sits on him, but he’s hurt, too. They do a double crossbody (a spot I really like), but it leads to more stalling. Bam Bam with punches now, but he gets DDT’d by Tatanka. Bigelow comes back with some headbutts, and a top rope sunset flip ends this crap at 8:45. Another terrible match, saved only by the cool ending spot. Still, -**.

- Bottom Line: Well, the PPV itself wasn’t that bad. Nothing great going on there, but nothing really bad either. That’s when it’s a hard show to call. However, I look at it this way: was it historically significant? And in this case the answer is no. So I can’t recommend it by any means, even if nothing really sucked.

- If you ask me about the Home Video version, I’d definitely tell you to avoid it at all costs because of the two terrible “bonus” matches on top of a mediocre, un-historic PPV.

- Mild Recommendation to avoid the PPV, and a Strong Recommendation to avoid the WWF video version.