- We start with more Mean Gene telling us how Bash at the
Beach has changed wrestling. Does he mean the mini movies? Or Dennis Rodman and
Karl Malone wrestling? I guess he means "changed for the worse."
Anyway.... (Originally written in during the Summer of 1999)
I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Very Good ***
- Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- We start with the first Bash at the Beach (Called
"Beach Blast" for the first 2 years, BTW) and we get WCW champion
Sting vs. Cactus Jack in a Falls count ANYWHERE match. Cactus has no heat.
None. Crowd "cheers" Sting. The entrance way is SO goofy. (In a
good, fun way) They start on the ramp, and brawl with punches, and a...
backslide by Sting. yeah, that's gonna work. It gets a 1 BTW. Remember those
weird "ring height" ramps WCW used to have? Anyway Sting whips Jack
to the ropes (while on the ramp) and backdrops him. Bulldog follows. Cut to
Sting diving at him, but Cactus moves, and he's crotched. They fight into the
crowd, and Sting "brutally" beats him. At one point using a suplex.
Cut to the ring where Jack is punched on by Sting. Cut to the outside, where
Cactus beats him with a chair. Cut to the ramp again, where Sting slams him,
and beats him with the chair. Crowd loves it. Clothesline by Sting. Sting with
a WEAK clothesline from the top to the ramp for 3 (This was during the "No
Top Rope" rule). Match is nothing.... NOTHING! **, but maybe the cliping
lowered it. (Not sure why I seemed to hate this one (even butchered by clipping),
since it was pretty awesome)
- Next, from '93 is Sting & The Bulldog vs. Vader
& Sid. MY G-D!! I thought Sting and Davey where dead after that
incident on the beach!! But they're OK. (This is, of course, referring to the
infamous mini-movie shot to promote the show that ended in a bomb going off on
a speed boat that seemingly killed Sting, Davey, and a bunch of kids they were
randomly playing volleyball with on a beach) The goofy entrance is
still there. Good ovation for the faces. Sid and Sting start, and Sting tackles
him, and hammers away, and a face slam. Sting offense follows. But Sid stops
that with a chokeslam. Vaders in (Tape was cut) and he does the usual in the
corner to Bulldog. Cut to Davey with a SWEET vertical suplex to Vader. We cut
to a rest hold by Sid/Bulldog (Why not cut this?) OH MY G-D Vader lost his
mask! (Not sure why that was even worth noting, given how often we saw him
sans-mask) Miscommunication spot causes Vader to accidentally hit Race
(his manager). Heels don't care. Fans are wild, as Sting comes in and cleans
house. Vader misses a splash, but the heels get control (with cheep stuff.) Sid
chokes Sting for a bit. BTW, Tony has orange sun cream on his nose, so Ventura does a classic
line: "I know why you're painting you're face.... you like the
Stinger!" We cut to Vader getting the Vader bomb on Bulldog. Davey
"vibrates." But this isn't over, fat ass climbs up for a moonsault,
while Sting slams Vicious on the ramp. Vader hits, but Sting saves, with a WEAK
clothesline. Bulldog with a crucifix for 3. Okay then. Again, nothing. * 1/4.
- Gene sings Hogan's praises. Which sets up:
- 1994, Ric Flair (World Champ) vs. Hulk Hogan. Does
anyone notice Hogan's FIRST WCW match was a WORLD title match? How cheep. (Well,
I mean, if it was anyone else, maybe, but Hogan certainly didn’t need to beat
the likes of Bunkhouse Buck or Brad Armstrong to earn a shot. Now, whether or
not they should have kept Flair face and booked them as a team for a while
before splitting them up and building their first showdown at, say, Starrcade
is an entirely different argument) Flair ha Sherri, and heel heat. But
you can tell the fans WANT TO cheer him. Infact, they DO! (He WAS a babyface until they
hastily turned him to setup this match, so that makes sense) Ric is as
arrogant as ever. Shaq is there for whatever. The suits of WCW are all lined up
ringside, and in the ring (I'll bet in line to kiss Hulk's ass). Why does
everyone care so much? He's just Hulk Hogan! (Yeah, WTF? Why is everyone so
excited that literally the biggest name in all of wrestling history at that
point (and still easily top five today) is coming in, and shattering all box
office records for the promotion? Yeah! Idiots!) Pop for Hogan is good
but I've been bigger ones for Flair. Many fans boo. Tony uses the WWF 80's logo
"What the world is watching." They show Buffer introduce Hogan (while
both guys are in the ring) but they don't show Ric. Shoving to start, and a
criss cross happens, which Hulk wins. Cut to Hulk posing, and then cut to cheep
Hogan stuff, and an arm bar by Hulk. Hogan chases Flair, but Ric puts Sherri in
front of him. Cut to Hulk pounding the shit out of Ric. Corner spot, which
results to a Flair flop. More Sherri in Hogan's way. Flair's cheep stuff gets
advantage. OH MY G-D, Flair chops are sold. Cut to Hogan beating up Flair
again. Sherri trips Hogan, and he ... pulls her hair. OK. But Flair gets the
advantage, and drops Hogan to the floor. Flair follows, and beats him up. Cut
to the inside, and Flair offense, which Hogan sells. Eventually Hogan makes his
comeback, and knocks Flair into next week. We cut to a rest hold buy Flair (Cut
this!!!!!) LONG rest hold. Hogan breaks it in typical fashion (arm drops twice,
but the third is up) Shoulderblocks by Hogan. More punches, and a Flair flip.
Cut to Ric suplexing Hogan... NO SELL. Hogan shakes the finger, and hammers
Flair some more. Big Boot, gets 2 (because Sherri pulls the ref.) then she
decks Jimmy Hart. Hogan yells at her, and Flair clips him, and Sherri climbs up
top (like miss madness) and splashes him. Then chokes him with pantyhose. Cut
to Flair chops, that aren't sold. Punches go NO WHERE. Then Hogan punches
(sold), but Flair gets more offense in. Sherri misses a splash, and Hogan slams
Flair from the top. Hogan clotheslines Flair AND Sherri (What a sportsmen!)
Then struts. Crowd goes wild. Hogan locks the Figure Four! Mr. T kidnaps
Sherri, but she throws something to Flair, and he nails Hogan. That gets 2, and
a hulk up. Big boot, leg drop, for 1...2....3 I don't like Hulk in WCW, but
this is VERY significant moment. This match itself is good. Shaq hugs him.
Awww! ****. (My 1999 bitterness about Hogan’s WCW run was overwhelming my
objectivity here just a bit)
- '95 follows with a cage match, for the belt, that is
Hogan vs. Vader. I love this outdoor beach thing. (Yeah, that was really cool. For
all the stupid things WCW did (and, let’s face it, there was never a shortage),
they always excelled at trying new and interesting venues, right up until their
very last televised show) Vader has the mask, and takes it in the cage.
Fans don't cheer much for Hulk. Note: Hogan has Rodman with him. A lot of guys
give Hogan the finger. Hogan starts to choke him with his shirt, for like 2
minutes. Hogan's usual crap follows. Difference? He uses the cage. Double ax
from the rope by Hulk. But Vader does his usual in the corner. That is SO old.
Hogan throws Vader to the mask of DOOM. Then puts the mask on. Oh G-D. Cut to a
Vader bomb, and cut to a suplex by Vader. Cut to brawling, and a Hogan clothesline!
He calls the body slam, and gets a good reaction. We cut to Hogan throwing
Vader to the cage 3 times, when the DOD runs out, but Rodman stops them. Cut to
Hogan trying to get out, but Vader follows him. Hogan knocks him off, but Hulks
out. This match is nothing. * 1/4.
- Next we get the 96 one with Hall & Nash (and
mystery man) fighting team WCW of Sting/Luger/Savage. Oh yeah, that's a
team that can get along. Little heat for the Outsiders ... and the goofy
entrance is BACK. Mean Gene goes to the ring, and asks where the mystery guy
is. Outsiders say "Take a hike." The faces have there faces painted.
I get it! Mild reaction. Hall and Luger start, and we see some
"brawling" here, and Lex cleans house. But Nash holds him face down to
the buckle, while Sting runs over, and Stinger splashes Nash, and Luger gets
hurt, and is wheeled off. WAY TO EARLY. This should have been 5 minutes or more
into this. This also takes way to long, to take him out. Hall and Sing go now,
and Scott slaps him, but Sting attacks to MEGA heat. Atomic drop and a faceslam
by Sting. Cut to Nash, and Sting fighting. After some clotheslines and
drop-kicks, Nash gets an abdominal stretch. But Sting uses some weak punches to
come back. Macho tagged, and he clears house. He dives on Hall (on the outside)
then puts him in. Nash then gets a low blow, and everyone's down. Stings gone,
and out comes Hogan. The fans go "nuts" The Brain goes "Who's
side is he on" the other idiots tell him to shut up. (I know the WWE and most everyone
else tend to treat that as an unforgivable gaffe, but frankly, it didn’t ruin
the surprise for me, or anyone else I know. That was just Heenan being Heenan.
I mean, the guy basically made a career of never trusting Hogan) When
Hulk enters the Outsiders leave, and the fallen Macho is alone with him. But
Hogan drops the leg on Savage, and high five's the heels. Stings back in and
gets his ass kicked. Ref. beat up, and another Big Leg to Randy. The cover, and
Hall counts to 3. The heels raise eachothers arms. Tony sounds like a total
idiot. (The commentary team actually did a rare great job of selling this)
Gene is in the ring, and questions what Hogan has done. Hogan goes on a long
rant about the nWo, the WWF, and how the fans suck, as the ring fills up with
shit. The match totally sucks, but this could be one of the MOST significant
moment in wrestling history. DUD.
- Next 1997, Piper vs. Flair. Great. This should be
fun. Both guys get heat. Goofy entrance is there. Piper start with (what else?)
punches. Cut to more punching, and a Flair flip into a clothesline. More
punching from both guys. Cut to Flair hooking the figure four, but Piper
reverses. More punching. Cut to Flair with brass knux, but Piper steels it, and
Mongo and Benoit run out. As Steve distracts the ref, Benoit goes for the
Headbutt, but Roddy moves, and Flair gets it. We go to no sold Flair chops.
Piper punches away, and a sleeper by Roddy. And this is over. Piper gets a nice
pop. Match sucks, and I'm not sure why this is here. DUD.
- More 1997, with Hogan & Rodman vs. Luger &
Giant. This falls into the "Why the hell is this shit here"
category. To be noted there was a good Dragon/Jericho match on this card and we
get Flair/Piper and this. Luger and Hogan start, and we see 1980's Hogan
offense, and crappy Luger stuff. Cut to Rodman and Lex. Tie up and an arm drag
by Dennis. And then a leap frog and a shoulderblock. Hogan, Savage and the
announcers kiss his ass for that. COME ON ... is this what Ric Flair was
building WCW for? I can do that ... and more ... and better! (Shut
up) Cut to a leap frog over Giant, but Wight catches him with a bear
hug, and spanks Rodman. Sick. Cut to Rodman and Hogan hip tossing Giant. Cut to
leg drop on Luger by Hogan. Cut to Rodman elbow to Lex in the corner. Giant
cleans house, to an ovation. And here comes "Sting." Ref bump, and
Sting steps OVER the top (clue?) and while Rodman is up in the chokeslam
"Sting" (Nash) nails Giant with the bat. OH MY G-D ... what a shock.
The announcers are acting like idiots (what's new?) The mask is SO fake. nWo
punks Luger, but Hogan hits Rodman by accident, and Luger gets the Rack on
Hulk. And team WCW wins! Rack on Rodman. This was nothing. DUD.
- Gene say's bye to us.
- Bottom Line: Okay, this tape has ONE match I liked,
and that's Hogan/Flair. I think the message is clear with that. This is good
for history, because you see Hogan's first WCW match, and the formation of the
nWo. But match wise, this isn't a good bye/rent.
NOT Recommended (Unless you want an
hour of crap, for a little history)
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