- The HITMAN383 Rant for WCW Thunder, 10/18/00! Just so all
you guys know, I’m not a big WCW fan, and haven’t watched in a while, so I may
not be up to score with the angles and stories. Then again this IS Russo we’re talking
about, and angles don’t last for more than one show ANYWAY, so I should be
okay. (This was originally written around when it aired, October 2000)
- Oh, and for those wondering my opinion on the WWF/WCW
thing, I am PRO Vinny Mac buying it. And I’m PUMPED if it happens! Just making
my stand clear =) (In hindsight, buying his
competition ended up being the worst thing that could have happened for us fans
in the long run. BUT, at least we got a consolidated video library out of it)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from Melbourne,
Australia.
They’re “down under,” ya know?
- Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and Stevie Ray.
Why are 2/3 commentators wearing sunglasses INDOORS? It’s cool when one guy
does it. When two do it, it’s stupid. (No better way to sleep on the job, I guess)
- Opening Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mike Sanders:
Rey and Tygress have matching outfits tonight. How sweet. Sanders, the
Cruiserweight champion, kisses “Coach Nash’s” ass to start off, and then
changes his Halloween Havoc match with the Cat to a 3-round kickboxing match.
How enthralling. He also tells Rey that this match is non-title because he has
30 days to defend it, and “doesn’t feel like it” tonight. Cue the Cat’s music,
and HE joins this interview saying that he can’t force Sanders to defend the
gold, but he will make this match no DQ. He also excepts Mike’s kickboxing
match. - To the action … thankfully. (This period, with WCW trying so desperately
to emulate the WWF in 1998, was so painfully bad I cringe just imaging this whole
thing) Rey jumps him to start and hits a big bulldog followed by a
springboard headbutt for two. Sanders comes back, and hooks a sleeper on the
mat, but Rey comes back with another bulldog. Spin heel kick hits, and he rams
Mike’s head to ALL THREE turnbuckle pads. Cute. Broncobuster (with more heat
than X-Pac’s, it should be noted) follows, (X-Pac? Not drawing heat? You kidder you)
but Mike crotches him shortly after. He heads out to threaten the Cat (who’s at
the commentators table), but gets hit and dumped in for Rey to hit a
springboard leg drop for two, and a victory roll for the three at 3:27. Nothing
match, ¼ *.
- Shane Douglas makes sure we know he WANTS that world belt.
Yeah, you and EVERYONE ELSE on the roster.
- Goldberg arrives in the building and gets jumped by
Kronic.
- Big Vito vs. Shane Douglas: Vito cuts a little
racial stereotype promo to start. What a role model for the kids in the crowd.
They both go on opposite corners, and pose, to play with the crowd for a bit,
and then get started with the arm bars! They wrestle around on the mat, and
Vito hooks a headlock. Criss Cross leads to a Vito atomic-drop, and he
backdrops him to the floor. Shane gets a stun gun to counter an attack, but
misses a charge and Vito hits a side suplex. Benoit’s headbutt hits for one,
and Torrie distracts him, but it backfires as Vito hits a superkick on Shane.
Randy Savage elbow gets two, and Torrie gets on the apron AGAIN. She distracts
him long enough for Shane to hit Vito with a chain and hit a Hennig-plex for
two. Slugfest ensues, which Vito wins, but Shane hits the Franchiser for three
at 4:40. Decent enough match, actually, *. (I like how Shane does an interview saying
he wants to be world champion, and somehow the first thing he decides to do
after that is go wrestle Big Vito)
- Mike Awesome follows Shane Douglas’s path, and also states
the obvious: he wants the belt.
- Boogie Knights vs. The Harris Boys: Is that … Alex
Wright? Somebody shoot that gimmick in the foot NOW! Heavy D comes out alone,
because Ron got beat up by Goldberg earlier. He actually does well for himself,
but Disco hits a neckbreaker, and Wright hits a missile dropkick for two. Total
Heat Machine job for Boogie Knights, BTW. Disco misses a 2nd rope elbow, and
the Harris Boy hits a Bossman slam for two, but Alex saves. They double team
him, and do more posing than RVD all the while. Big Ron runs out and hits a big
side suplex on Disco, and a series of clotheslines. Powerslam hits, and Ron
hits elbows on Disco’s toy duck. No, I DO NOT get it. The Harris’ double team
Disco, and then take out Alex, but Disco whacks him with something from under
the ring to get the pin at 4:42. Another nothing match, ¼ *.
- Elix Skipper vs. Goldberg: Elix comes out and cuts
a promo, but Goldberg comes on out and stands behind him, but Skipper doesn’t
notice. Eventually he realizes Bill isn’t coming out the entrance and turns
around. Nice knowing you Elix! Goldberg hits an INCREDIBLE press slam, followed
by the Spear, and the Jackhammer finishes this squash at 1:07. Huge pop for
that! A DUD, but it was fun. Goldberg takes the mic. and runs down Kronic.
They’re next at Halloween Havoc, BTW.
- Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner vs. Kidman and K-Dogg:
Scott starts with Billy, and Steiner kills him with a press slam. He puts him
on the top, but Konnan stops the effort, and Kidman hits a missile dropkick.
Konnan gets tagged in, but Scott suplexes him and tags the Chosen One. Criss
cross leads to some clotheslines by K-Dogg, and an X-factor. A cross corner
whip backfires, and Jeff takes control. Note to Konnan: When in Australia, a “Team USA”
Jersey may not be appropriate. Billy has a
criss cross with Jarrett leading to a Kidman sit down powerbomb for two, and
out comes Torrie Wilson. She jumps Tygress and takes her away, and Steiner hits
a fallaway slam off the top on Kidman! WHOA! He hooks the Recliner, and the
heels get the win at 4:02. It was getting good near the end, but wasn’t
anything overall. ½ *.
- Ric Flair arrives. Listen to that crowd “whoo.”
- Tony does an interview with Sam Greko. He’s a new
Australian wrestler/kick-boxer, apparently. Tony asks him a question that
should be asked to ANYONE going to WCW: “You are one of Australia’s
biggest starts, WHY WOULD YOU GO TO WCW?” Seems like a boring guy.
- The Thrillers share a male bonding moment, singing a nice
song to Kevin Nash. How sweet.
- WCW Tag Team Title Match: Mark Jindrak and Sean O’Hare
vs. Booker T and Sting: Tony say’s Sting is arousing. Maybe that’s more
than I needed to know. Sting gets killed to start, and actually gets hip tosses
from the floor INTO THE RING. WOW! Booker gets the tag, and cleans house,
getting an axe kick, and a sidekick for two. A brawl breaks out and Booker and
Sting both hit their finishers, but Mike Sanders comes in and decks the ref. to
end the match at 2:35. What the hell? Mike takes some abuse in retaliation.
Crappy ending to a nothing match. DUD.
- Kronic vs. The Perfect Event: Adams
kills Tape Recorder boy to start, while Clarke takes out Chucky. (By
which I mean “Chuck Palumbo,” not the doll from Child’s Play. Which, sadly, is
something I have to clarify when talking about WCW) They comeback
quickly, however, and dominate Kronic. Adams
wins a criss cross and hits a full nelson slam on Sean, and they hit the High
Time on Chuck for the win at 1:36. Well, that sucked. DUD. Goldberg runs out,
and takes out Clarke, but Adams knocks him
down with a chair, and they hit the High Time. Goldberg takes out the Perfect Event
to make himself feel better.
- Mark Madden gets in the ring (and takes up ¾ of the
space), and brings out Ric Flair for an interview. That’s like the pop of the
night right there! He cuts the crazy old man promo, saying that he’s here to
bring David home. He claims David has gone nuts, and needs to go home. Is Ric
Flair really the guy to be working an angle with the role of the guy in the
white coat? David comes out, and tells Ric to stay out of his business, and
say’s Bagwell is dead at Havoc. He even accuses Ric of being involved with
Stacy. Ric leaves, embarrassed, so David punks out Madden, and Ric saves.
Stupid segment.
- HEY, DON’T YA KNOW, WCW WILL SHOCK YOU AT HALLOWEEN HAVOC!
They’re commercial say’s so! It MUST be true!
- Main Event, Countdown to Armageddon Match: This is
under Royal Rumble rules, with someone new coming down every 30 seconds. The
winner gets a title shot the night after Halloween Havoc. Mike Sanders gets #1
and The Cat gets #2, and they slug it out. Cat hits a superkick, and works on
Mike until Tape Recorder Boy gets #3. The Thrillers double team the cat, and
Chucky gets #4. (Again, to clarify, NOT the doll from Child’s Play but an actual
wrestler) It’s a Thrillers Party! With the 30-second intervals, this is
pretty bad. Disco Inferno gets #5, and goes after Sean, but Chick saves and the
Perfect Event punk him. Alex Wright gets #6, and helps out Disco. #7 is
Crowbar, that 70’s Guy (II). He fights Sean, as the Cat murders Sanders. Ron
Harris is #8, and he’s a house of fire! #9 is Don Harris, who also is a house
of fire. And they expect us to buy that this is random draw. Look at the order
so far. Canadian Hero Jim Duggan gets #10, and uses his main offensive weapon:
punches! The crowd still loves the guy. Chavo gets #11, and doesn’t do much of
note. #12 is Kevin Nash, and the crowd goes nuts! And we go to commercial! We
comeback, and Big Lazy tosses a slew of guys. David Flair gets #13, I believe.
I think they paused during the commercial. Right now it’s Flair, Nash and Sean.
Everyone else was tossed by Nash. Kevin clears them out, too. Lash comes out at
#14, and he’s out. Royal Rumble 1994, anyone? Kwee Wee is #15, and he plays
Virgil from the 94 version. If you don’t know, it means he gets tossed. Rey Rey
is #16, and he takes Nash down! Booker gets #17, and beats on Nash. Mike
Awesome is #18, and joins the “Nash Ass Kicking Squad.” Sting adds his name to
the team at #19, with a series of Stinger Splashes on Nash. That leads to him
being tossed. Jeff Jarrett comes out at #20, but Scott Steiner comes with him,
not waiting his turn. Everyone brawls, and toss eachother leaving Awesome and
Rey. Kidman gets #21, and they work Mike. #22 is Lance Storm, who gets great
heat, but doesn’t do much. Big Vito is #23, and he goes at it with Awesome. #24
is O’Hare, who gets pounded by everyone. #25 is Jindrak, who also gets killed.
#26 is Konnan (with a big pop), who gets beat up by the Thrillers. Kronic get
#27, together. Yes, this match is THAT screwed up. K-Dogg tosses Rey Rey, only
to get tossed by Clarke. Storm tossed by Awesome, and Vito by Kronic. Down to
the Thrillers, Kronic and Awesome. Yes, only 27 entries. Oh well, forget the
other 3. Well, I guess Steiner would be 28, and the other Kronic member 29, so
who was 30? GOLDBERG (!), who runs out and battles Kronic. The Thrillers are
gone thanks to Awesome, and Goldberg takes out Kronic. He and Awesome tease a
match, but Goldberg gives Mike the win, because he wasn’t officially in the
match. Okay. The thing lasted 17:35, and wasn’t much of a Royal Rumble. The
30-second intervals really killed it. *. (Well, I mean, it’s TV)
- Bottom Line: I came into this show not watching
much WCW, and not being a big fan. I left this show not planning on watching
much WCW, and not being a big fan. I mean, most of the finishes weren’t clean,
the matches sucked, and nothing went longer than 5 minutes (except the Battle
Royal). Yes, it did a fair job of building to the PPV, but it did a poor job of
keeping me, the viewer, entertained. Vince, save us from this crap. And hurry! (Of
course, six months later WCW was dead, the WWF won the war, and wrestling has
still never quite reached that same late 90s/early 2000s pinnacle since)
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