My Rant for "WCW's Best of Starrcade 1983-1990" (Originally
written during the Summer of 1999)
Scale: ***** - Excellent **** - Very Good *** - Good **-
Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- We start with Mean Gene telling us how great Starrcade is.
He talks about it like it's WrestleMania.
- We start in 1983 for a cage match with Harley Race
defending the World Title against Ric Flair. Ref. is Gene Kinenski (sp?).
The pop for Flair was bigger than any one for Hogan in the 80's! (I
was in a really anti-Hogan place when I wrote this, but that claim is just out
and out ridiculous) Race is drawing great HEEL heat. The commentating
here REALLY sucks. I can't say enough how much the crowd loves Flair. The match
is kinda slow, for a cage match. Flair blades like a champ ... with the camera
ON HIM the whole time. After some mat stuff the usual Flair offense starts.
Harley blades. FIGURE FOUR ... but Race gets to the ropes. Flair with some
brawling, then dives off the cage with a cross body for the 3! Pop is amazing.
The match isn't BAD but slow. Still, I liked it. ** 1/2.
- Next, also from 1983 Roddy Piper faces Greg Valentine
in a "Dog Collar" match. What's with all the gimmick matches in
'83? The announcers inform us that you can use the chain as a weapon. Thanks
guys! They also mention this is the "most dangoures match in
wrestling." Ok. (Given how much real damage was done in this
one, that’s not really hyperbole) I REALLY despise these announcers. (Yeah,
announcers who actually call the action and put over the product instead of
themselves. What assholes) Piper is the face, drawing good heat, the
crowd doesn't give a crap about Greg. Shitty offense from Piper. Greg blades.
Pipers one move: Punch. That's about it. Ending comes when Greg goes to the 2nd
rope, but Piper pulls him off, and uses MORE punches for the 3 count. Crowd goes
wild. I thought it was boring, because the gist of it is "The evil Hammer
punches Piper in the ear." Lets call it *. (When this was originally
written, I wasn’t really familiar with Greg Valentine outside of the later part
of his WWF run, so it was hard for me to buy him as a legit heel threat at the
time. Obviously, that’s changed since)
- Next, form 1985 (no 1984?) a US Title "I Quit
Cage match" with Tully Blanchard defending against Magnum TA. Who the
hell is Magnum, and why is this on here? (Sigh. Again, I wasn’t really familiar with
WCW prior to the mid-90s, as access to it was incredibly limited in upstate New York in the
pre-Network, pre-YouTube era) Nice ovation for TA. Blanchard is hated.
He has some girl named "Baby Doll" at ringside, who is less than a
doll. Tony Shavonie commentates on this with another guy, and sounds stupid
here. Why wasn't he fired? Magnum pounds Blanchard for like 5 minutes.
Blanchard does the same, then beats him with.... a microphone! HARD-CORE! TA
blades. So does Tully. In one spot where Magnum holds the mic to Tully's mouth,
on angle, it appears 'something else' is going in his mouth. It's funny stuff.
Eventually Blanchard gets a wooden chair (fake looking) breaks it on the mat
(why not on TA?) then tries to use a sharp piece on Magnum. Tully kicks the
ref. down so he won't get DQed (It's a f'n I Quit match!!!!!!) Magnum pushes
with his hands to block the spike. Takes way to long. Crowd has a heart attack.
Ref. is up. Doesn't give a shit about the spike. Finally Magnum uses the spike,
and Tully gushes like a waterfall. DING DING DING, new champ. Good pop. Baby
Doll comes in to comfort Tully. It was the perfect time to slam her, but this
is NWA. Okay fight. *** 1/4.
- Up next a 1987 match with Ric Flair facing world
champion Ronnie Garvin. Again, a cage match. More pops for Flair. Garvin is
hated. BIG heel heat. The ring reads "TWN" for some reason. Jim Ross
and Shavonie commentate. Well, I like Ross. Lots of tying up, and chops. Crowd
is IN TO THIS MATCH! Flair sells a hip toss like he's been shot. More chops
from Garvin. They're doing too much mat stuff for a cage match. More chops.
Flair does the usual and the Figure Four! Crowd loves it. Garvin hangs on for
like 30 seconds, and Flair lets up. Garvin beats on Flair, and is !cheered!
Flair gets grated on the cage, and does a primo blade job (or does it hardway)
They brawl up top, and Flair falls off, and moves from the Sunset Flip. More
chops. They go up to the top of the cage again, and Flair falls off again,
Flair is dazed, and Ronnie does a Sunset Flip, but Flair sits on it (while
holding the ropes). The ref. catches him and breaks it, for Garvin to roll him
for 2. More Garvin chops. Ref. bump out of an atomic drop, Garvin with a punch,
and the ref. counts 2. Crowd is STILL very into this. Ending comes shortly
after, with Flair nailing him to the cage for 3, and the fans count along with
the ref. Good pop, and the world title for Ric. Good match. ** 3/4.
- 1988 is next, with Flair putting the title up against
Lex Luger. Whoa, this isn't a cage match! Luger is BUILT here, and the
crowd loves him. Flair has Dillon here, and the world title. He's being cheered
too. They start off with the usual, and Ric goes "wooo." Like 7
headlocks exchanged. This match is cut for time, a lot. (No surprise there, given that
this match ran over thirty minutes uncut, and this entire tape is only an hour )
Flair with chops that Lex no sells, then they do a sweet criss cross
sequence, and Ric gets slammed, twice! Flair with a low blow to get control,
but Lex fights back. More cheep stuff from Ric, and more headlocks. Another
nice criss cross spot, where Luger ends up clotheslining Flair for 2. Ric
suplexed off the apron to the inside. Flair sells like a champ, but kicks out
at 2. Luger with more offense (punches). 30 minutes have gone by (thanks for
that announcement, guys) Lex with lots of Irish whips into moves that get 2.
Luger calls the Rack. He gets him, but Flair slips out, into a body press for 3
(with his feet on the ropes.) This was some good stuff, but repetitive, and Cut
a TON. So, because of the cutting, *** 1/4.
- Next we get more 1988 with Sting and Dusty Rhodes against the Road Warriors. Pier six to start,
and Sting/Dusty take control. AWA is written on the ring for some reason. (It’s
actually NWA, it’s just stylized) This is for the Tag belts, BTW. They
love Sting! Nice pop for Rhodes. LOD has Paul
here, and are playing the heel champs. Sting does mat/power stuff with Animal,
and they do a criss cross from Flair/Luger. Rhodes
gets in, and does shit, and we're back to Sting. He gets hammered by Hawk, and
a mud hole stomped in him. Ross calls it a "brutal attack." Sting
takes control with a punch, and the fans yell. More punches, and a powerslam.
Big elbow. Tape is cut, and we have Sting beating on Animal now. Sting up top,
and a cross body onto the floor. More cut, and we have Hawk beating up Rhodes. But Dusty no sells it all. Then DROP KICKS!
Animal comes in and chokes him. Cut again, and Dusty stun's Hawk, and both men
tag. Sting hammers Animal, and a bulldog! Drop-kick! Stinger Splash! Deathlock,
but Hawk breaks it, and Dusty comes in. LOD cleans house, and double teams Rhodes. But theres Sting with a cross body from the top
for a sure 3, but Ellering pulls the ref out! Dusty beats on him, and Sting
enzuguri's Hawk. Sting and Rhodes win by DQ,
to a major pop. This is a pretty good match, but is basically but here to put
Sting over. *** 1/4.
- 1989, Flair and Sting for the Iron Man title.
*GASP* this isn't in a cage! Flair is announced as a 6 time champ. We start
with criss cross stuff (that's popular) Tape is cut, and we get into arm bars
(why isn't that cut?) Another, VERY SWEET criss cross spot, which ends with a
gorilla press from Sting. Sting gets a SLOW backslide for 2. Chop by Ric. Tape
cut, and Sting hits 3 awesome drop-kicks, and 3 clotheslines. 2 count. This
arena is half empty. More chops. Then Flair does a move I've never seen, and
haven't seen again, where he gets an abdominal stretch, and rolls him up for a
2. (Hogan
used to bust that one out as a showpiece from time to time as well)
Flair complains about the count. Flair controls with the usual and yells
"woooo" a lot. Double arm suplex gets 2 for Slick Ric. Clothesline by
Sting for 2. No selling from Sting by Flair chops. Sting gets a sunset flip,
but Flair breaks. More no selling by Sting. Sting destroys Flair with his offense,
and gets 2. Flair is in control after a tape cut, and works on the knee for a
while. 30 seconds left! Figure Four attempt from Ric, which Sting cradles for
3. Sting wins tourney. Pretty Good match. ** 3/4.
- 1990 is next, and we get crap. A cage match between
World Champion Sting and that evil, bad, bad man the Black Scorpion. Why is
this here? (Yeah, you’d think they’d want to skip over anything Black Scorpion
related, but no) Dick the Bruiser refs. this cage match. Black Scorpion
comes out of a fake looking "egg" "Scary" entrance. (If
they were going to stick Scorpion on this tape, you’d think they’d at least cut
around the entrances, but again, no) Announcers act scared. Sting gets
a mild pop. You can see this is Flair without thinking. Some guy chants
"Flair." Crowd is DEAD. Flair covers with the feet on the ropes. Why
don't we just say "It's Ric Flair!" Scorpion (Ric) with usual
offense, only slower. Good ol' JR tries to get Scorpion over. Punches by Flair.
You can tell he wants to chop Sting and yell "Wooo" so bad. Scorpion
continues to hammer away. Criss cross sequence, which ends with a gorilla press
by Sting. Which is sold FLAIR style. BTW, it's the same criss cross from the
1989 Starrcade match. Crowd "cheers." Sting dives at him, but the
evil person he is, he moves, and Sting flies into the cage. Tape cut, and Sting
is being rammed to the steel like 50 times. Bulldog by Sting after a tape cut.
Ross is cool, but this other guy REALLY sucks. (I’m pretty sure that was Paul
Heyman, and he’s awesome. The fuck?) Stinger splash, and Flair flop.
Make it MORE obvious, huh WCW? Why not just have "RF" on the Scorpion
tights? Or Flair flips every 3 seconds? Scorpion Death Lock. Crowd is DEAD even
for the death Lock! Flair escapes, but gets rammed to the steel. Somehow Flair
blades under the mask. Sting rips the mask off, but that vile man has another
mask underneath! Gorilla press by Sting to the cage. Hip toss, sold cheaply.
Sting up top, cross body for 3! But this isn't over. The Horsemen come out, as
the Black Scorpion tries to escape. Slowly at that. Scorpion back in, as the
Horsemen beat up Sting. Flair with a some stupid looking chair shots. Some
faces try to save Sting, but Horsemen stop 'em. Scorpion beats on Sting more.
Sting rips off the mask, and it's Flair! What a shock! Match was VERY bad. 1/2
*.
- Gene tells us to buy the next Starrcade video that will do
the rest of the years. This video NEVER CAME OUT mind you. (Yeah, I’m pretty sure they abandoned
this whole concept, and understandably so)
- Bottom Line: Okay, this tape is 60 minutes. That's
problem # 1. They cut each match HORRIBLY, and ruin some of them. They should
have made this a 2 hr. show, and put each match in it's full length. Nothing
here was really bad (Okay, Piper/Valentine and Sting/Black Scorpion) but this
an okay show for some history, with some very good matches.
- One note: There are 4 cage matches out of 8
matches. What's the deal with that? (Standard booking for the promotion during
that period. Big blowoffs were settled in a cage)
Recommendation
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