Sunday, December 6, 2015

HITMAN383 Rant for WCW Clash of the Champions XXXIV



- Okay folks, it's 1997 WCW, and they are #1 at this point, even though the WWF was getting there. Lets get the rant, shall we? (This is Clash XXXIV, from January 1997. Originally written during the summer of 2000)


I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Very Good *** - Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.

- Live from Milwaukee, WI.

- Your Hosts are Tony, Dusty (arg), and Bobby. Dusty proceeds to annoy me off the bat. (He may not have been the greatest commentator, but honestly, I’d take him and his legitimate enthusiasm every day of the week and twice on Sunday before having to listen to todays announcers drone on again)

- Opening Match: WCW Cruserweight Title: Ultimo Dragon vs. Dean Malenko: Dragon is announced as "Ultimate" Dragon. I guess he never said anything because they were pushing him, so he just kept his mouth shut. Tenay comes in to help the dummies, BTW. (I like how Bobby was phoning it in so hard in WCW that I’ve now bunched him in with the ‘dummies’) They start off slow, with both doing some basic mat wrestling stuff to bore the crowd. Commercial comes in (including one of those nWo commercials with DiBiase, Nash, and Syxx). FAST FORWARD!! Back, and nothing's really happened as they are still doing mat stuff. Dean gets pissed, and starts kicking ass, getting the crowd alive. Big suplex by Dean-o, then he kills the crowd by hooking a head scissors on the mat. Dragon comes back with some vicious kicks. What a terrible opener. They brawl a bit, and Dean hits a side suplex to take control. Notice, crowd POPS for moves, and DIES for mat wrestling. (Well, yeah. That’s why it’s called a ‘high spot.’ However, Malenko could be a little too focused on staying grounded at times) What does Dean do with the advantage? Leg lock. Knee working by the Iceman, which is VERY boring. Dean then throws him to the floor, and the place erupts. See what I mean? Figure Four by Dean, which Dragon tries to hold off, but can't. Dragon comes back, and goes up stairs, but Dean stops that and superplexes him. HUGE pop. Beautiful roll up by Dean for 2. Rana by Dragon for 2, after a GREAT wrestling sequence. Brawl on the floor, and an asai moonsault by Dragon. Back in, and Dragon controls with high flying stuff, including a rana from the top. Attempted Cloverleaf by Dean cradled for 2, and then Dean takes the advantage, and powerbombs him, to the Cloverleaf. New champion. Match was disappointing ** 1/2.

- Mike Enos vs. Scotty Riggs: Yep, I care. Mike takes control, and hammers him, but Riggs comes back fast to kick ass. Enos takes a nice bump to the floor BTW. Riggs with a dive to the floor, and then Mike takes over. Backdrop on the floor turns the tide in Riggs favor, but Mike quickly stops it with a suplex in the ring. Scotty comes back with a flying forearm for a quick 3. Too short. Surprisingly good. ** 1/2.

- Gene interviews the 4 Horsemen, who get a great pop. They are minus Ric Flair. Benoit talks, which, ah.... ain't too interesting. Guy was hanging around with FLAIR, and couldn't pick up anything?

- Six Man Tag: Konan, J.L., La Parka vs. Chris Jericho, Super Calo, Chavo jr.: Huh, a former WWF world champion in the ring. Good. JL and Chavo start, and trade punches, until they get a decent criss cross sequence ending in a back elbow from JL. Another one, and this time a clothesline from Chavo. Tags, and now its K-Dawg and Calo. Lots of criss cross sequences in the matches. Calo works well with the dead weight ass. tags again, and it's Y2J vs. Parka. Powerslam by Parka, and a BIG chop. Jericho takes control, and Parka BREAK DANCES up, and super kicks him. Missile drop-kicks by Chris, and Konan comes in, then Chavo does (with two NICE drop-kicks) and we've got a pier six! Great criss cross from the heel on Chavo, nailing a sandwich drop-kick. Then they set up the Doomsday device, but Parka hits a twisting moonsault instead of clothesline. This is too fast to call. Jericho takes control, and it's a train wreck spot on the floor. Calo reminds me of Kidman. Big rana buy JL almost gets 3 on Chris. Jericho with a HIGH rana off the top for 3. Whoa. *** 1/4.

- Harlem Heat vs. Joe Gomez & Renegade: Joy! Heat double teams the hell out of Joe, then Stevie kicks serious ass. Booker comes in, and hits a SWEET side kick. Small package by Gomez gets close, but then Heat goes back on the advantage. Gomez hasn't even tagged. I guess Renegade was so disappointed, he killed himself. Sorry. This is basically a squash, as Heat do their usual, and minimum offense from the other side. Renegade comes in and gets *HIS* ass kicked, and a doomsday device/missle drop-kick ends this. 3/4 *. Why do Heat wear band-aids on their noses???

- Lee Marshall's road report. I remember these.... and I'm sorry I do. Cool little spinning globe on the bottom on the screen, that I used to love back then. Weird.

- Chono vs. Alex Wright: nWo ref. Nick Patrick is the ref. Chono kicks attacks to start, and lays him out with like 3 kicks. Wright makes the Wrigley's gum come back, and does nothing but punch and kick. Insugery nails HARD (That’s ‘enzuigiri,’ for those who don’t speak fifteen-year-old-me. Give me a break, my only sources for move names were Vince McMahon and Gorilla Monsoon in those days!), and then a flying head scissors. Wright poses A LOT instead of wrestling him. Alex controlling is tres boring. Chono comes back, and hits a big atomic drop, but Wright cradles for an easy 3, but the ref. counts a SLOW 2. Wright with a sunset flip (all the way across the ring) and again the ref. screws him, so he kicks him in the nuts. Chono kicks him in the face, and we're done. Whatever. 3/4 *.

- Big Boys Shopping Network. Go back to ECW......

- Latino Heat vs. Scott Norton: Nick refs. this too. Norton out sizes him, and tosses him around. Good power moves, but Eddie's speed and psychology get him down. He works the leg (so he won't get a vertical base). Good psychology there. Big chops are no sold, and Scott puts him down. Drop-kicks no sold, and he runs over Eddie. Scott Norton's a monster, WE GET IT. Andre-esqe suplex, and lots of power stuff by "Flash." BIG powerbomb by Norton gets the crowd to make a noise in this match. Eddie comes back, and rana's him from the top... which is popular tonight. DDP comes in from the crowd, as Norton bumps the ref. Diamond Cutter on Scott, and Eddie hits the frog splash, and Nick counts a reluctant 3. Lets call it *.

- WELL.... IT'S THE BIG SHOW! And he talks about what he's gonna do to Hogan at Souled Out, which was that Saturday.

- Falls Count Anywhere, Kevin Sullivan vs. Chris Benoit: Sullivan won't even START in the ring, as he wants to go to the crowd, and into the crowd they go. Noted security guy: Bobby Eaton. They go up the steps, which is rushed as hell. I mean, build to the bathroom spot, damn it. Don't just walk there. They go to the bathroom, and brawl. Pretty stiff shots here. Cover on the bathroom floor gets 2. Today this is normal fare with hard-core matches and stuff, but back then, this was heavy. Back down the steps, and Benoit takes a SUPER bump, falling down the steps a LONG way. Man, that was a little crazy. Tree of Woe by Sullivan, and the Devils Stomp, get 2. Woman brings in the BREAK AWAY CHAIR OF DESTRUCTION, and nails Kevin, and Benoit gets 3. Seamed REALLY rushed, as they rushed to the bathroom, and the ending. ** 1/2. Benoit then breaks the chair on Kevin.

- The Steiner Brothers vs. The Amazing French Canadians: Hall and Nash appear on the video walls as the Steiners come out, and threaten them. Pier six to start out which the Steiners easily win. The Canadians out smart them to get the advantage, but turn their backs, and a double clothesline from the top gets 2. Commercial break, for FAST FORWARDING. Back with the Canadians kicking serious ass on Rick. The Quebecers/Steiners WWF feud rocked, but the French Canadians team sucks by 1997, and their 1998 WWF run. Eiffel Tower misses, and Rick gets the best of them both. Tag to Scott, who dominates. Big suplex on Pierre, and then nails Jacques out. DDT off Rick's shoulders ends it. Cool spot. * 1/4.

- Next (according to their graphic) the nWo's Scott Hall challenges Lex Luger's rack. Okay.....

- "Main Event" (Yeah right): Scott Hall vs. Lex Luger: Hall and Nash are the tag champs at this point, and have Syxx (X-Pac) with them, who is the US champion. Why does WCW's music ALWAYS cut off BEFORE the wrestler gets to the ring? And they STILL do it on occasion today. Luger takes it to him to start, out powering Hall. Both guys trade offense, which is decent. Bulldog from the top by Hall gets 2, then he locks an arm bar. Luger fights up, and clotheslines out. Lex controls with noting, and a Rock Bottom/chokeslam puts him down. Lex fights off Syxx, but Nash stops that. Hall continues to control, and this is boring as hell. Nash distracts the ref. allowing Syxx to clothesline Luger. Makes no sense since HALL HAD THE ADVANTAGE ALREADY! It gets 2, and then Hall controls with various interference from the nWo. This is SO SLOW, and the crowd is dead. Luger makes his Superman comeback (TM) (Ahem, Roman Reigns would like a word...), and Luger on offense is MUCH better then Hall. Lex with lots of Atomic Drops. Fans get into it, wanting Luger's rack, but hall cheats to win, but it back fires, as Lex powerslams him. nWo interferes, and Lex fights them ALL off, and Racks Hall. Nash comes in, and gets knocked out (twice.) Why doesn't the ref. call the bell? Syxx comes in, and there's the bell. nWo beats him down. Steiners come out, and attack the Outsiders, and a big brawl erupts from everyone. Match sucked, and the ending was worse. DUD in every sense of the word.

- Bottom Line: Well, it started off well enough, but after the six man, this thing dropped off. Had the six man been at ****, and Benoit/Sullivan been a LITTLE better, at like *** - *** 1/2 I could recommend this show, but as is, I cannot.

NOT Recommended.

(The Clash concept was all but dead at this point, and this was basically just another episode of Nitro. No reason to bother checking it out unless you’re OCD (like me with this stuff, sometimes) and need to see everything)

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