- Okay folks, it's 1997 WCW, and they are #1 at this point,
even though the WWF was getting there. Lets get the rant, shall we? (This
is Clash XXXIV, from January 1997. Originally written during the summer of 2000)
I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Very Good *** -
Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- Live from Milwaukee,
WI.
- Your Hosts are Tony, Dusty (arg), and Bobby. Dusty
proceeds to annoy me off the bat. (He may not have been the greatest
commentator, but honestly, I’d take him and his legitimate enthusiasm every day
of the week and twice on Sunday before having to listen to todays announcers
drone on again)
- Opening Match: WCW Cruserweight Title: Ultimo Dragon
vs. Dean Malenko: Dragon is announced as "Ultimate" Dragon. I
guess he never said anything because they were pushing him, so he just kept his
mouth shut. Tenay comes in to help the dummies, BTW. (I like how Bobby was phoning it
in so hard in WCW that I’ve now bunched him in with the ‘dummies’) They
start off slow, with both doing some basic mat wrestling stuff to bore the
crowd. Commercial comes in (including one of those nWo commercials with
DiBiase, Nash, and Syxx). FAST FORWARD!! Back, and nothing's really happened as
they are still doing mat stuff. Dean gets pissed, and starts kicking ass,
getting the crowd alive. Big suplex by Dean-o, then he kills the crowd by
hooking a head scissors on the mat. Dragon comes back with some vicious kicks.
What a terrible opener. They brawl a bit, and Dean hits a side suplex to take
control. Notice, crowd POPS for moves, and DIES for mat wrestling. (Well,
yeah. That’s why it’s called a ‘high spot.’ However, Malenko could be a little
too focused on staying grounded at times) What does Dean do with the
advantage? Leg lock. Knee working by the Iceman, which is VERY boring. Dean
then throws him to the floor, and the place erupts. See what I mean? Figure
Four by Dean, which Dragon tries to hold off, but can't. Dragon comes back, and
goes up stairs, but Dean stops that and superplexes him. HUGE pop. Beautiful
roll up by Dean for 2. Rana by Dragon for 2, after a GREAT wrestling sequence.
Brawl on the floor, and an asai moonsault by Dragon. Back in, and Dragon
controls with high flying stuff, including a rana from the top. Attempted
Cloverleaf by Dean cradled for 2, and then Dean takes the advantage, and
powerbombs him, to the Cloverleaf. New champion. Match was disappointing **
1/2.
- Mike Enos vs. Scotty Riggs: Yep, I care. Mike takes
control, and hammers him, but Riggs comes back fast to kick ass. Enos takes a
nice bump to the floor BTW. Riggs with a dive to the floor, and then Mike takes
over. Backdrop on the floor turns the tide in Riggs favor, but Mike quickly
stops it with a suplex in the ring. Scotty comes back with a flying forearm for
a quick 3. Too short. Surprisingly good. ** 1/2.
- Gene interviews the 4 Horsemen, who get a great pop. They
are minus Ric Flair. Benoit talks, which, ah.... ain't too interesting. Guy was
hanging around with FLAIR, and couldn't pick up anything?
- Six Man Tag: Konan, J.L., La Parka vs. Chris Jericho,
Super Calo, Chavo jr.: Huh, a former WWF world champion in the ring. Good.
JL and Chavo start, and trade punches, until they get a decent criss cross
sequence ending in a back elbow from JL. Another one, and this time a
clothesline from Chavo. Tags, and now its K-Dawg and Calo. Lots of criss cross
sequences in the matches. Calo works well with the dead weight ass. tags again,
and it's Y2J vs. Parka. Powerslam by Parka, and a BIG chop. Jericho takes control, and Parka BREAK DANCES
up, and super kicks him. Missile drop-kicks by Chris, and Konan comes in, then
Chavo does (with two NICE drop-kicks) and we've got a pier six! Great criss
cross from the heel on Chavo, nailing a sandwich drop-kick. Then they set up
the Doomsday device, but Parka hits a twisting moonsault instead of
clothesline. This is too fast to call. Jericho
takes control, and it's a train wreck spot on the floor. Calo reminds me of
Kidman. Big rana buy JL almost gets 3 on Chris. Jericho with a HIGH rana off the top for 3.
Whoa. *** 1/4.
- Harlem Heat vs.
Joe Gomez & Renegade: Joy! Heat double teams the hell out of Joe, then
Stevie kicks serious ass. Booker comes in, and hits a SWEET side kick. Small
package by Gomez gets close, but then Heat goes back on the advantage. Gomez
hasn't even tagged. I guess Renegade was so disappointed, he killed himself.
Sorry. This is basically a squash, as Heat do their usual, and minimum offense
from the other side. Renegade comes in and gets *HIS* ass kicked, and a doomsday
device/missle drop-kick ends this. 3/4 *. Why do Heat wear band-aids on their
noses???
- Lee Marshall's road report. I remember these.... and I'm
sorry I do. Cool little spinning globe on the bottom on the screen, that I used
to love back then. Weird.
- Chono vs. Alex Wright: nWo ref. Nick Patrick is the
ref. Chono kicks attacks to start, and lays him out with like 3 kicks. Wright
makes the Wrigley's gum come back, and does nothing but punch and kick.
Insugery nails HARD (That’s ‘enzuigiri,’ for those who don’t speak fifteen-year-old-me.
Give me a break, my only sources for move names were Vince McMahon and Gorilla
Monsoon in those days!), and then a flying head scissors. Wright poses
A LOT instead of wrestling him. Alex controlling is tres boring. Chono comes
back, and hits a big atomic drop, but Wright cradles for an easy 3, but the
ref. counts a SLOW 2. Wright with a sunset flip (all the way across the ring)
and again the ref. screws him, so he kicks him in the nuts. Chono kicks him in
the face, and we're done. Whatever. 3/4 *.
- Big Boys Shopping Network. Go back to ECW......
- Latino Heat vs. Scott Norton: Nick refs. this too.
Norton out sizes him, and tosses him around. Good power moves, but Eddie's
speed and psychology get him down. He works the leg (so he won't get a vertical
base). Good psychology there. Big chops are no sold, and Scott puts him down.
Drop-kicks no sold, and he runs over Eddie. Scott Norton's a monster, WE GET
IT. Andre-esqe suplex, and lots of power stuff by "Flash." BIG
powerbomb by Norton gets the crowd to make a noise in this match. Eddie comes
back, and rana's him from the top... which is popular tonight. DDP comes in from
the crowd, as Norton bumps the ref. Diamond Cutter on Scott, and Eddie hits the
frog splash, and Nick counts a reluctant 3. Lets call it *.
- WELL.... IT'S THE BIG SHOW! And he talks about what he's
gonna do to Hogan at Souled Out, which was that Saturday.
- Falls Count Anywhere, Kevin Sullivan vs. Chris Benoit:
Sullivan won't even START in the ring, as he wants to go to the crowd, and into
the crowd they go. Noted security guy: Bobby Eaton. They go up the steps, which
is rushed as hell. I mean, build to the bathroom spot, damn it. Don't just walk
there. They go to the bathroom, and brawl. Pretty stiff shots here. Cover on
the bathroom floor gets 2. Today this is normal fare with hard-core matches and
stuff, but back then, this was heavy. Back down the steps, and Benoit takes a
SUPER bump, falling down the steps a LONG way. Man, that was a little crazy.
Tree of Woe by Sullivan, and the Devils Stomp, get 2. Woman brings in the BREAK
AWAY CHAIR OF DESTRUCTION, and nails Kevin, and Benoit gets 3. Seamed REALLY rushed,
as they rushed to the bathroom, and the ending. ** 1/2. Benoit then breaks the
chair on Kevin.
- The Steiner Brothers vs. The Amazing French Canadians:
Hall and Nash appear on the video walls as the Steiners come out, and threaten
them. Pier six to start out which the Steiners easily win. The Canadians out
smart them to get the advantage, but turn their backs, and a double clothesline
from the top gets 2. Commercial break, for FAST FORWARDING. Back with the
Canadians kicking serious ass on Rick. The Quebecers/Steiners WWF feud rocked,
but the French Canadians team sucks by 1997, and their 1998 WWF run. Eiffel Tower
misses, and Rick gets the best of them both. Tag to Scott, who dominates. Big
suplex on Pierre,
and then nails Jacques out. DDT off Rick's shoulders ends it. Cool spot. * 1/4.
- Next (according to their graphic) the nWo's Scott Hall
challenges Lex Luger's rack. Okay.....
- "Main Event" (Yeah right): Scott Hall vs. Lex
Luger: Hall and Nash are the tag champs at this point, and have Syxx
(X-Pac) with them, who is the US
champion. Why does WCW's music ALWAYS cut off BEFORE the wrestler gets to the
ring? And they STILL do it on occasion today. Luger takes it to him to start,
out powering Hall. Both guys trade offense, which is decent. Bulldog from the
top by Hall gets 2, then he locks an arm bar. Luger fights up, and clotheslines
out. Lex controls with noting, and a Rock Bottom/chokeslam puts him down. Lex
fights off Syxx, but Nash stops that. Hall continues to control, and this is
boring as hell. Nash distracts the ref. allowing Syxx to clothesline Luger.
Makes no sense since HALL HAD THE ADVANTAGE ALREADY! It gets 2, and then Hall
controls with various interference from the nWo. This is SO SLOW, and the crowd
is dead. Luger makes his Superman comeback (TM) (Ahem, Roman Reigns would like a
word...), and Luger on offense is MUCH better then Hall. Lex with lots
of Atomic Drops. Fans get into it, wanting Luger's rack, but hall cheats to
win, but it back fires, as Lex powerslams him. nWo interferes, and Lex fights
them ALL off, and Racks Hall. Nash comes in, and gets knocked out (twice.) Why
doesn't the ref. call the bell? Syxx comes in, and there's the bell. nWo beats
him down. Steiners come out, and attack the Outsiders, and a big brawl erupts
from everyone. Match sucked, and the ending was worse. DUD in every sense of
the word.
- Bottom Line: Well, it started off well enough, but after
the six man, this thing dropped off. Had the six man been at ****, and
Benoit/Sullivan been a LITTLE better, at like *** - *** 1/2 I could recommend this
show, but as is, I cannot.
NOT Recommended.
(The Clash concept was all but dead at this point, and this was
basically just another episode of Nitro. No reason to bother checking it out
unless you’re OCD (like me with this stuff, sometimes) and need to see
everything)
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