HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Coliseum Video: Bret 'Hitman' Hart

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF and Coliseum Video’s Bret “Hitman” Hart. As you all know, I’ve already done a rant on a tape by this name, but this isn’t the same tape. That one was from 1994, and this from 1997. Still, Bret Hart is Bret Hart. (This was originally written in 2002)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- Your Host is Dok Hendrix, otherwise known as Michael Hayes.

- Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin: This is heavily clipped from Survivor Series 1996. I just reviewed this match last month, and I gave the full match **** ¾ stars, but this is far from being shown in its entirety. Here’s some of my original review, covering what WAS shown of the match, which was J.I.P. here: Austin dumps him outside, and uses the post to hurt Hart’s back. Bret gets pissed, however, and uses the guard rail to REALLY lay out Stone Cold. Bret is relentless, however, and continues kicking the shit out of him, but Steve slingshoots him into the Spanish table. He attacks him ON it, and they brawl under the freakin’ table! Slam on the table, and Austin drops an elbow off the apron on him. This match is like a template for HHH vs. Foley at Rumble 2000, or something. Steve suplexes him back in, and goes to the 2nd rope to hit Bret’s famous elbow drop for two. Another elbow drop gets another two count, and Bret takes a good cross corner bump. Bret is a master at those. Nash-rope-choke spot gets two, and Austin goes to the abdominal stretch. Ropes are used, of course. He gets caught, but unlike a normal wrestler, he shows no shame, instead, pushing the referee for questioning his tactics! Slugfest again, this time won by Hart, and he hits his own stun gun. A version of the Eddie Guerrero cradle gets two, and a piledriver gets two. You know, looking at him, Bret is looking pretty pudgy for his comeback, here. Backbreaker (see how it failed earlier, and NOW he finally makes it?), and he goes up top. Austin nails him, however, and chops him up there! HE then completes HIS earlier failed spot, and hits the super-duperplex. Now THAT’S poetic wrestling. Austin cradles into a pin, but Bret reverses for two. Bret tries for a German suplex, but Austin catches him with the stunner! It only gets two, however, so Austin covers a couple more times, just to make sure. They fail, too, however, so he goes into the Texas Cloverleaf. Things look grim, but Bret makes the ropes! Austin tries a cross corner whip, and Bret tries the old “baseball slide out” trick, but screws up, and takes a big bump into the post. That gets two, so Austin goes to a surfboard to work the part. Bret escapes, however, and goes to the Sharpshooter! Steve’s in the ropes before he can even get it on though, so Bret hooks a sleeper instead. Austin breaks with a chin crusher, and hooks the Million Dollar Dream. Bret fights it anyway, runs up the ropes, and cradles him for the pin at about 15:00 out of 29:00 shown. Fun stuff for what we got from it, but no rating given.

- Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart: J.I.P. from RAW, airing a week after Survivor Series 1996. This looks like we joined in pretty early in, but I can’t tell for sure. Criss cross allows Owen a big knee, and he goes down low. Sid-style chinlock applied, but it doesn’t last, as Owen drives him with a belly to belly for two. Cut to later, as Bret slams Owen off the top rope, and we have a slugfest. Bret wins that particular contest, and a Russian legsweep gets two. Backbreaker, and Bret puts forth the 2nd rope elbow. Man, looks like he considers Owen a jobber, or something. Owen rolls him up from behind for two, and a sunset flip gets one, because Bret rolls through into the sharpshooter. Austin runs in, however, and whacks Bret with a chair to cause a DQ at 5:30 shown. He and Owen lay in a beating, and try to Pillmanize the ankle, but Davey Boy runs down to argue that. Austin’s response? Chair him too! That pisses Owen off, however, and now HE argues with Austin, but the tape cuts away there. Match was solid, but nothing special. ½*.

- WWF Title Match: Sid vs. Bret Hart: December 1996, from In Your House “It’s Time,” with Shawn Michaels on commentary. J.I.P. again, as Sid exposes the concrete floor. He tries a powerbomb out there, but Hart rams him into the post to stop that. Inside, Bret hits a backbreaker. He keeps beating on the lower back, dropping a few elbows onto it, and then a headbutt. Cross corner whip, as I sit shocked at how much abuse the huge Sid is taking from the much smaller Hitman. Snapmare into a chinlock, and Hart undoes the turnbuckle pad. Bret’s quite the little heel here, huh? A shot into that fails, however, so he hits a gorgeous side suplex for two. Russian legsweep gets two, and a snap suplex connects. 2nd rope elbow into the lower back gets two, so Bret goes upstairs. Sid slams him off, however, but makes sure to sell the back pain all the while. Good for him. Big boot lays the challenger out, and a powerslam gets two. Good for you, Sid! Good! Short-arm clothesline gets two, but a legdrop misses, allowing Bret to try for the Sharpshooter. Sid is WAY to big, however, and kicks Bret all the way out of the ring instead. Cue Steve Austin, who runs out to chip Bret’s knee out, so Davey Boy and Owen make the save. The damage appears to be done, however, as Bret is limping around like crazy. Inside, Sid shows no mercy. Snake eyes into the exposed corner, but Bret pushes HIM in, only to have Sid reverse it, but they end up tripping over each other. They repeat the spot (tsk, tsk), this time doing it right, and allowing Sid to chokeslam him for two. Both men tumble out on a clothesline, but Sid gets in Shawn’s face (throwing him into the rail), which leads to Shawn running up on the apron, knocking into Bret, and allowing Sid to powerbomb him for the pin at 13:15 of 17:03. This was pretty safely a * ½ match.

- We see a Bret Hart interview from a December RAW, the night after the above In Your House. He rants about how the WWF has changed since he left in March of ’96, and how there seems to be a lack of rules, and an abundance of degenerates like Sid, Austin, and Michaels. He promises to become more aggressive, since he doesn’t need to play by any rules to get ahead, either. Essentially, this was the equivalent of a “no more mister nice guy” speech.

- Bret Hart vs. Vader: J.I.P. from RAW, January 1997 (the week before the Royal Rumble), with Shawn on commentary again. Bret is also wearing some rarely seen ALL-PINK TIGHTS, along with all white boots. He just looks … um … odd that way. Anyway, Vader beats the shit out of Hart in the early going (along with wise-cracks from Michaels), and we cut to later as Vader hits a 2nd rope splash for two. Vaderbomb, but it hits the knees, and Hart hits the Russian legsweep. Slam (!), and the 2nd rope elbow gets two. Looks like “slam” replaces “backbreaker” here. Great looking side suplex gets two, and both men go tumbling out during a bodypress spot. They slug it out down there, as Sid joins us to steal a camera man away from ringside. Also, Austin makes a cameo to stunner Hart on the floor, and allow Vader to hit the Vaderbomb for the win at 5:18. Match was decent. ¾*. Oh, BTW, the Sid angle led to Sid powerbombing Jose Lathario’s son backstage, but needing a camera man so Shawn could see it. I like that angle because it actually gave us a logical reason as to why a camera just HAPPENED to be witnessing this all.

- Bottom Line: The one-hour runtime helped nothing here, as all the matches got clipped way down, and nothing was any good as a result. Then again, they weren’t that great to begin with (minus Austin vs. Hart, obviously). Anyway, this tape in essentially highlights of Bret Hart’s “bad period” (between Survivor Series 1996 and Royal Rumble 1997) which is a time period I’d like to FORGET, let alone HIGHLIGHT.

- Recommendation to Avoid. (Ugh. What a cheap, thrown together, shit tape this was, from the dying days of Coliseum Video)