WWF Fully Loaded (July 1999)

From Buffalo, New York; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Opening WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Edge v Jeff Jarrett: Edge is fresh off of winning the title from Jarrett the night before at a house show, and this is the rematch. And, BOY, do I remember the internet exploding in nerdgasm over that change like it was yesterday. They trade go-behinds to start, with the veteran Jarrett controlling on the mat with a headlock, but Edge escaping, and shoving his challenger over. Spinheel kick and a cradle for two, then a backslide for two. 2^nd rope sunset flip gets two, and Jeff bails. He grabs the title belt and decides to leave with it (hey, possession is 9/10ths), but the referee doesn't agree, and he comes back. He sweeps Edge out of the ring for a whip into the steps to take control, but takes a bridging Northern lights suplex on the way back in for two. Unfortunately for Edge, he twists his knee during a leapfrog, and Jarrett immediately capitalizes by clipping him, and pounding it. Figure four, but Edge shoves him into the corner, and rolls him up for two - only to miss the spear, and hit the post. Jeff gets right back on him with a single-arm DDT, and switches to working the shoulder. Good psychology there, as maybe he started with the knee, but if an opportunity presents itself to go after a part Edge hurt through the natural course of thing, then it would be stupid for him NOT to attack it. Sleeper, but Edge quickly escapes, so Jeff flapjacks him onto the shoulder. Back to the sleeper, as we get a nice shot of Debra's massive puppies. I had a huge crush on her when I was in eighth grade, but looking back now, she's all titty. Her face looks like the crypt keeper. Anyway, back to the wrestling, Edge reverse the sleeper, so Jeff tries side suplexing out, only for Edge to see it coming, and counter into a schoolboy for two. Nice spot there, as everyone and their mother was using the side suplex escape for sleepers in 1999, and Edge scouted it. Sunset cradle for two, but Jeff shoves him into the corner to block a follow-up, and they end up knocking heads for a double-KO. Edge gets an arm across the chest for two out of the deal, and hits a leg lariat as they recover. Swinging neckbreaker sets up a 2^nd rope splash, but Jarrett has it scouted and rolls out of the way - only for Edge to see THAT coming, land on his feet, and cradle the challenger for two. Tornado DDT sets up the spear, but Jeff sidesteps, and the champ goes flying out. Cue Gangrel to attack him on the floor, but Edge fights him off. Unfortunately for him, that allows Jarrett to attack from behind, and he hits a flying bodypress on the way back in - Edge rolling through for two. Backdrop, but Jarrett sunset flips, so Edge cradles the legs for two - the crowd on their feet for this, and rightly so. Edge with a sitout powerbomb for two, and the spear hits, so Debra hops up onto the apron to distract him. That allows Gangrel to snap his neck across the top rope, and Jeff wins back the title at 13:22. Very good opener, as both guys worked hard, and got the crowd into things with a series of nearfalls, and interesting counter sequences. ** ¾

WWF Tag Team Title No Disqualification Handicap Match: Michael Hayes and The Hardy Boyz v The Acolytes: Brawl in the aisle to start, and boy, does Michael Hayes look ridiculous trying to mix it up with the young guys out there. Even at a disadvantage, the Acolytes dominate, and they take Hayes out with the steps. Inside, Faarooq starts with Jeff Hardy, and tosses him around, but Hardy ducks a clothesline, and somersaults over the top onto Bradshaw (on the floor beating on Hayes), in a beautifully fluid sequence. Matt Hardy flying moonsaults out onto Bradshaw next, and he drags him in for Jeff to missile dropkick into a cradle for two. The Boyz double up on Bradshaw with dropkicks to knock him out of the ring, and follow with dives. Inside, they keep after him with tandem stuff, and Hayes helps Matt double-team suplex Faarooq for Jeff to Swanton bomb for two. The challengers come back by overpowering, and Faarooq nearly breaks a hole in the ring with a spinebuster on Matt. Bradshaw bodyslams him, and now suddenly they revert back to tags, as the challengers cut the ring in half on Matt. He manages to pass to Hayes, and Bradshaw big boots him for two. Backdrop, but Hayes sees it coming, and passes to Jeff - who Faarooq promptly powerslams for two. Chinlock for Jeff, but Matt and Michael suddenly realize there's no disqualifications, and run in to break it up. Brawl breaks out, and Hayes ends up taking a double-team powerbomb to lose the titles for his protégés at 9:32. Fun big/little match for the most part, with the Hardy's selling like crazy, but Hayes dragged it down somewhat, and the bipolar nature of the rules (Tornado! Standard! Tornado!) with no rhyme or reason really hurt the flow for me. Not to mention the fact that they couldn't decide who to have the heat segment on. ¾*

WWF European Title Match: Mideon v D-Lo Brown: This is pretty much the apex of Mideon's epic reign - which started when he found the discarded belt in Shane McMahon's gym bag. D-Lo tries trash talking, but gets slapped, but manages to backelbow the champion, and shove him into the corner for a ten-punch. Clothesline knocks Mideon out over the top, and Brown blasts him with a baseball slide, then follows with a tope! He ends up getting whipped into the steps after gloating for too long though, and Mideon rolls him in for a short-clothesline for two. Gutwrench powerbomb for two, and Mideon slaps on a chinlock. Brown escapes, but takes a neckbreaker for two. Backdrop, but Brown counters with a sunset flip for two - only to get clotheslined before her can follow-up. Blind charge misses, however, and D-Lo plants him with a tornado DDT for two. Sky High sets up a legdrop, and the flying frogsplash finishes at 7:11. Not nearly as bad as I was expecting! Hard work from both guys, and well paced. *

WWF Hardcore Title Match: Al Snow v Big Bossman: They don't even bother getting to the ring before brawling near the entrance area, with Snow going into a rage after Bossman attacks Head. Backstage, they fight down a hallway, with various weapon shots exchanged. Bossman ends up getting into one of those airport security-style golf carts, but can't get it started - leaving Snow to stand there like a moron as Bossman fumbles with it. It doesn't work, so they finally just give up, and go back to hitting each other with potted plants. They end up brawling outside of the arena, and Bossman bulldogs him onto the sidewalk for two. Snow tries making a comeback, as Bossman looks increasingly embarrassed to be working actual nearfalls on a public sidewalk. They fight across the conveniently empty downtown city street, and Bossman ends up handcuffing Snow to a fence, and beating him with his nightstick for the title at 10:13. Would have been better if the actual cops showed up, tased Snow, then arrested Bossman for assault and impersonating an officer. ¼*

Kane v Big Show: I actually saw this exact match at a house show in January 2014, but I guess you could still consider this a fresh matchup in 1999. Hardcore Holly acts as the special guest referee for this. Kane wins a slugfest, but quickly ends up getting press-slammed out of the ring - in a nice bump. Show follows for a whip into the post, then back in, he misses a blind charge, and Kane hammers him in the corner. Holly objects, and the distraction allows Show a lariat. He shoves Kane back into the corner for some chops, and a cross corner whip sets up a headbutt. Man, this match started off promisingly, but it is going downhill fast. Show pounds on him in dull fashion, but Kane keeps sitting up, so Show big boots him. Powerslam gets two, and a Russian legsweep sets up an elbowdrop, but Kane rolls out of the way! DDT and a flying clothesline hit, but Holly clips his knee to break up the chokeslam, and Show hits his own for the pin at 8:13. Still better than the 2014 match. Not a classic, but watching Kane play the smaller guy, and bump around was an interesting dynamic, for sure. ¼*

Iron Circle Match: Ken Shamrock v Steve Blackman: The idea here is that they fight in the parking garage, with a circle of junker cars surrounding them, and other wrestlers sitting on the hoods. It's also really dark out there (it's a fucking indoor parking garage), and with both guys looking as alike as they do, it makes it really hard to tell them apart. Blackman hiptosses Ken onto the hood of a car, and controls with a series of kicks. Cool spot, as Blackman superkicks Shamrock, and Ken goes flying back onto the hood of a car. Ken comes back with a kick of his own, and he tosses Steve into a car. Blackman returns fire by bodyslamming Shamrock onto a car, and damn, I hope those are gimmicked, because there two are bumping like madmen. They fight out of the circle into the dimly lit section of the garage, but it's too dark to see what happens. Back into the circle, Shamrock whacks him with a trashcan, and pulls out a chain for some mounted punches. He chokes Steve with it, and Blackman passes out at 4:19. Clearly, this was trying to evoke the Shamrock/Hart Dungeon/Lions Den series from the year before, and it was interesting, but not more so than a standard match would have been. ½*

Intergender Degeneration-X Brand Match: Billy Gunn and Chyna v Jesse James and X-Pac: Winners gets the rights to the DX name. Chyna starts with James, and controls with a standing side-headlock. She shoulderblocks him when he tries to escape, and bless the guy, he sells it all like she's actually worthy of it, and everything. Chyna continues to overpower him, but turns her back, and gets dropkicked. Jesse goes for the pumphandle-slam (interestingly, not doing the butt-fucking motions like he does with the guys...hmm...), but Chyna escapes, and bails. Tag to Billy, and oh fuck, why is Billy Gunn wearing see through tights? Seriously, we already have to endure CHYNA in those, and one man's bare ass is enough. Gunn controls after a cheapshot from Chyna, and she comes in to bootchoke Road Dogg in the corner. Snapmare sets up a kick to the neck, and she hits a pair of elbowdrops for two. Tag to Billy, as they continue to cut the ring in half on James. Billy misses a 2^nd rope splash to allow the tag to X-Pac (his first time in), and he's a house of arson, but takes a stungun from Billy in short order. Chyna with a sleeper, but X-Pac powers out, so she tilt-a-whirl slams him for two. They cut the ring in half on their new victim, but Chyna misses the handspring elbow (in a business exposing spot, as she pivoted around in a way that allowed X-Pac to clothesline her, but made it obvious that she wouldn't complete the move regardless), and James gets the tag. He dances his way though the four-way brawl, Chyna takes the bronco buster, and Jesse pumphandle-slams Billy (along with butt-fucking motions for the guy wearing a thong under sheer tights) for the DX name at 11:44. And was it any wonder? I mean, out of the two teams, only James and X-Pac were even wearing their DX gear anymore. It may not have been a classic, but you've got to give it to James here... he sold for Chyna like she was Hulk Hogan in 1985. That's a team player. ½*

#1 Contenders Falls Count Anywhere Strap Match: The Rock v Triple H: Triple H looks to have been hitting the steroids hard, because he now looks significantly more jacked than before. Rock charges into the ring for a slugfest, and obliterates HHH with rights in the corner. Hunter rolls out, but Rock grabs the loose end of the strap, and pulls him into the ringpost before tying it on. Now connected, Rock beats HHH on the floor, and makes some hot chicks night by grabbing her camera (old school wind-up film kind, kids!) to snap a photo of HHH. Awesome bit! Hunter flips the fuck out over it though, and beats Rock around ringside. Rock reverses a whip into the steps, and into the crowd they go. They brawl all around the floor area, and end up at the entrance set to trade whips with the strap. Rock reverses a suplex out there for two, as I start checking the Network's status bar to see how much more of this I have to sit through. We're just over half way, so there may still be hope for my sanity! HHH controls as they brawl back into the ring, and he whips Rock with the strap there. Slugfest goes Hunter's way with a pair of knees, and a high knee hits, but Rock Bottom's him - only for Chyna to distract the referee before a count can be made. HHH uses the strap to blow him low (kinky!), and he uses the strap to try and hang him in the corner. Rock's mouth foaming selling of it is pretty terrible, too. The punch line ends up being Rock slamming him off the top rope to escape the noose, and he hits a short-clothesline. Stungun in the corner sets up a Samoan drop for two, but Hunter manages to dump him out as he goes for the kill. He unhooks the strap, and follows Rock for a beating on the floor. Rock retaliates with the strap, and back in, he DDTs Hunter for two. Cue Billy Gunn to whack Rock with a club (a billy club, see) for two, and Hunter tries the Pedigree, but Rock blows him low, and bodyslams him to set up the People's Elbow - only for Gunn to break up the count at two. Rock Bottom's him for interfering, but the distraction allows HHH to hit the Pedigree for the pin at 19:21. Like that old Malibu Stacy joke from The Simpsons, this is the same old crap, but hey look! They have a strap this time! As usual, the in-ring stuff was fine, but just way, way too much aimless brawling for the majority. ¼*

Main Event: WWF Title First Blood Match: Steve Austin v The Undertaker: If Austin wins, Vince McMahon leaves the WWF forever. If 'Taker wins, Austin will never receive another title shot. Brawl in the aisle to start, since it's 1999, and no one wants to try anything new - even if they already ran the gag in the match that immediately preceded this. Punch, punch, kick, kick - you know the drill. I remember how fresh the WWF seemed compared to WCW in 1999, but looking back now, they basically ran the same shitty matches over and over and over again, with little/no difference other than the stipulations surrounding it. I mean, just look at either Rock or Austin's pay per view opponents between last years Fully Loaded and this show. Into the crowd, they work a dangerous spot, where Undertaker throws the steps at Austin, and they nearly take out a dozen fans. Back to ringside, 'Taker goes to his old standby: choking. Well, at least the only danger to the fans with that one is falling asleep. Into the ring, more choking. Should I even bother with play-by-play, or just skip to the end when these start getting good? Because, these Attitude main events are all basically 2/3 meaningless, repetitive brawling, and then a hot ending. Austin manages to take 'Taker down, and goes after the knee, but gets kicked into the crowd again. Hold on, I gotta go take a piss. Let me know if I miss anything, alright? Thanks. Inside, Undertaker gets tied in the ropes, so Austin grabs a chair to finish him with, but Shane McMahon takes the shot for him, and Undertaker takes over again. He exposes the buckle, but Austin counters into the Stunner to block. Vince tries attacking with a crutch now, but Austin cleans his clock, and grabs another chair - hoping to draw blood. Undertaker blocks, but X-Pac runs in to spinkick the chair out of his hands, and Austin bashes him with a television camera to draw blood at 15:31. If you've seen one of these Austin/Undertaker main events, you've seen 'em all, basically. ¼*

BUExperience: No wonder everyone hated it when Vince Russo brought this act to WCW a few months later. His shit was already beyond stale in the WWF by this point, we just hadn’t noticed yet. Wrestling fans can be funny that way – I mean, look how long it took for WCW to actually start hemorrhaging, despite the product being stale for a good year in 1998.  

DUD