WWF Armageddon (December 1999)

From Sunrise, Florida; Your Hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.

Opening 8-Team #1 Contender's Tag Team Battle Royal: Winners get a title shot at the Royal Rumble. And we've got: The Acolytes, The Hardy Boyz, Edge & Christian, The Dudley Boyz, Too Cool, Pete Gas and Rodney, The Godfather and Mark Henry, and The Headbangers. Wow, the Headbangers still had a job? For serious? Usual battle royal punch-kick affair, until we get down to the Acolytes and the Hardy's. Matt and Jeff try to hold them off with high flying stuff, but that fails to knock the bigger guys over the top, and Jeff ends up getting absolutely LAUNCHED out by Faarooq to give the Acolytes the win at 10:55. ¼*

Steve Blackman v Kurt Angle: Steve charges right in and unloads on the Olympian in the corner, then snaps his neck across the top rope to set up a missile dropkick. Bodyslam sets up a 2^nd rope splash, but Angle rolls out of the way, and clotheslines him. Unbelievable how HUMAN Kurt still looked here. And green, for that matter. He controls Blackman with some basic stuff, and a bodyslam sets up a flying moonsault - only for Steve to take a page out of his book, and roll out of the way. Blackman with a surfboard, and a bridging deathlock, but Kurt escapes and DDTs him for two. Suplex for two, and they spill to the outside for Blackman to reverse a whip into the steps. Blackman with a slingshot sunset flip on the way back in for two, and he rolls through a bodypress for two - only to take a butterfly suplex. I like Blackman, but he is not the right guy to put out there with a green newbie like Angle on pay per view, sorry. Steve with a diving shoulderblock and a snap suplex for two. Pump-splash, but Angle lifts the knees, and German suplexes him for the pin at 6:56. Angle was still looking very inexperienced out there, but luckily they didn't give up on him, because he would get quite good not too long after this. Match wasn't technically bad, but neither guy had the psychology to know how to get the crowd into it. *

WWF Women's Title Four Corners Evening Gown Pool Match: Ivory v Jacqueline v Miss Kitty v BB: That's... a lot of stipulations. Oh, and Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah act as the guest referees as well. Everyone gangs up on Ivory to start, but she fights back, and tears Jacqueline's dress off to eliminate her. Meanwhile, Kitty and BB splash around like kids. Ivory tries to drown BB with Kitty's help, and they tear her dress off to get rid of her. Not satisfied, Ivory follows her out of the pool to try and tear her bra, but unfortunately Kitty breaks it up. They splash around some more, and Kitty tears Ivory's dress to win the title at 2:57 - which is less time than it took me to write all the stipulations out. And now, in the moment that made this famous, Kitty celebrates her new title by taking her top off - marking the one and only instance of intentional nudity in WWE history. And, yes, for those wondering, the Network does censor it. DUD

Hardcore Holly and Crash Holly v Rikishi and Viscera: Rikishi uses the power of ass to control Crash in the early going, but he avoids a corner splash, and tags to Hardcore. Rikishi shrugs him off with an avalanche and a belly-to-belly suplex for two, and he tags a reluctant Viscera in. He controls Hardcore with a Samoan drop (hey!), and gives Crash his own belly-to-belly to grow on, but misses a splash. Rikishi comes in and cleans house on the Holly's, but a miscommunication with Viscera allows Hardcore to pin him at 4:23. Didn't really go anywhere, but it was fine for a TV match. ½*

WWF European Title Triple Threat Match: Davey Boy Smith v Val Venis v D-Lo Brown: They gang up on Smith right away, but that falls apart in short order, and everyone trades clotheslines. Davey ends up brawling with Val on the floor to set up a tope suicida from D-Lo, but he gets powerslammed by Venis on the way back in for two. Val adds a 2^nd rope elbowdrop, but Davey breaks up the pin, and knocks him back out to the floor for a whip into the steps. Back in, Brown takes control, but botches a springboard armdrag. They double-team Bulldog some more, and botch a double-team hiptoss badly, but make up for it with a cool double-team hanging vertical suplex, with an extended delay. They can't agree who gets the pin (first fall wins, remember), so Val tries to superplex D-Lo, but takes a sunset bomb for two. Val gives Smith a spinebuster for two, but walks into the Running Powerslam for two - D-Lo breaking up the pin. He blasts Bulldog with a leg lariat, and a spinebuster sets up the Lo Down, but Val breaks up the count with a Money Shot onto both guys, and he pins Davey off of it at 8:19 to win the title. I don't know what they were going for here, but that can't have been it. Well paced, but zero flow, or psychology - the lack of flow really hurting the match. ¾*

Cage Match: Kane v X-Pac: X-Pac can win via pinfall or escape, but Kane must win via pinfall. Even with the stacked deck, X-Pac is none-too-eager to get in, so Kane climbs out to drag him in - only to get clocked with the ring bell. With that out of the way, X-Pac climbs in first, and forces Kane to follow, but it backfires when Kane shrugs off the oncoming attack, and slams him. Kane whips him around a bit, and hits a press-slam to leave his former tag partner begging off. Kane keeps the beating going in the corner, but X-Pac reverses a battering ram into the cage, and spinheel kicks him down. He climbs, but Kane follows, and they slug it out on the top rope - Kane getting crotched, and then bashed into the mesh a few times. X-Pac with a flying legdrop for two, and a tornado DDT sets up a flying splash - only for Kane to catch him in a chokehold on the way down, and hit him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Kane tosses him into the cage and climbs, but here come the New Age Outlaws with bolt cutters. They break into the cage and swing the door into Kane's face, then pass X-Pac a chair. He capitalizes with a quick X-Factor onto it, and he handcuffs Kane to the cage to allow him some unprotected chair shots. Satisfied, he climbs, but Tori comes in through the open door to stop him. She takes an X-Factor, and X-Pac climbs, but Kane breaks the cuffs off, hustles out the door, and puts X-Pac on his shoulders to prevent him from touching the floor. Cool spot there. He carries him back into the cage for a flying clothesline off the top of the cage, and he adds a Tombstone for the pin at 8:13. Good match! I was expecting nothing, and this turned out to be a lot more exciting and well worked than anticipated - I was pleasantly surprised. A bit overbooked for a cage match, certainly, but a lot of fun. ** ½

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Chyna v Chris Jericho: Chyna beats him around the ring to start, and Chris goes flying out of the ring after missing a Stinger splash. Chyna follows with a clothesline off the apron, but Chris rakes the eyes to slow her down, then forward suplexes her onto the announce table. He grabs a chair, but Miss Kitty (looking super hot in her Chyna-clone outfit) pulls it away, and Chyna dropkicks it into his face. Whip into the steps is reversed on her, however, and Jericho rolls her in for a flying axehandle - only to take a low blow on the way down. Chyna capitalizes with a handspring elbow and a DDT for two, but walks into a spinheel kick, and gets caught in the ropes. Chris unloads on her, and hits a cross corner clothesline once she's freed. Vertical suplex gets two, and into the corner, he unloads chops. She's got quite a bit of padding there, though, so Jericho evens the odds by ripping off the top turnbuckle pad. She blocks a shot into it, so Chris gives her a backbreaker into a backbreaker submission. Bulldog and a bodyslam set up a springboard moonsault, but Chyna lifts her knees to block, and she catches him with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Chris tries for the exposed buckle again, but it backfires when Chyna fires him into it with a slingshot for two. Pedigree, but Jericho counters into a backslide for two. He follows with a side superplex, but Chyna counters into a bodyblock on the way down for two. Sunset flip for two, but Chris grabs the legs as he kicks out, and powers into the Walls of Jericho to win the title at 10:20. Another match where it was far better than expected, with hard work from both, and great crowd heat throughout. ** ½

WWF Tag Team Title Match: The New Age Outlaws v The Rock 'n' Sock Connection: Mankind is wearing a weird blue version of his button down tonight, which looks weird. Maybe he was doing his laundry with the bWo again? Slow start, as Mankind grounds Jesse James with a bunch of headlocks and chinlocks, until Billy Gunn tags in for a facebuster. Mankind gets sick of him and passes to Rock, and we get an extended staredown between him and Gunn. Billy makes the mistake of trying to take his shirt off and gets jumped, and both guys tag back out. James tries his dancing offense, but gets countered into the Mandible Claw, so Gunn breaks it up, and we have a four-way brawl out on the floor. Into the crowd with that for a bit, and back in, the Outlaws cut the ring in half on Rocky. Rock escapes a sleeper and hits the hurricane DDT on Billy to allow the tag to Mankind, and he's a nuthouse of fire! Pulling piledriver on Jesse, but the referee is down, so no count. He adds the double-arm DDT during the four-way brawl, and slaps on Socko, but still no referee. Cue Al Snow to break the hold up, and Jesse gets two out of it. The Outlaws try a spike piledriver, but Mankind counters with a slingshot, and he gets the tag. Rock comes in hot with a Samoan drop for Billy, and a spinebuster for Jesse. Rock Bottom on Billy looks to finish, but Snow runs back down to break it up, and that's a disqualification at 16:25. Weird match, as they were working portions of it like it was 1985, then doing brawls through the crowd, and ending with a cheap run-in. Plus, why not just give the Outlaws the cheap pin after the first run in? I mean, did we really need two? Match felt very disjointed, overall. ½*

WWF Title Match: Big Show v Big Bossman: Show rushes in and whips Bossman around like a prison bitch. He just completely destroys him, so Prince Albert tries saving, but gets quickly chokeslammed through the Spanish announce table. That allows Bossman to briefly take control, but he gets backdropped and chokeslammed as well at 3:13. Total squash, which is fine, since these two going ten minutes would not have been good. ¼*

Main Event: No Holds Barred Match: Triple H v Vince McMahon: This is part of the fallout of Triple H's marriage to Stephanie (the kayfabe version), and if Vince wins, the marriage is annulled. However, if HHH wins, he becomes #1 Contender to the WWF Title. Vince throws a handful of powder into his eyes right away to allow him to take control with a barrage of fists - and I mean a barrage. Like, seriously, he unloaded about fifty unanswered, uninterrupted shots. To the outside, Vince continues to unload on the blinded HHH, and tosses him onto the announce table, then whips him into the steps, as we see Stephanie watching from ringside. Into the crowd for a bit, as Mankind comes out with a shopping cart full of plunder for them to play with. Vince grabs a trashcan lid first, but takes too long choosing his weapon (he's no Bruce Willis, after all), and gets it kicked back into his face. They brawl around ringside some more, then up the aisle to the military themed entrance set. My feelings on these mindless brawls are well documented, but at least it makes logical sense for this match. More brawling by the entrance, and they end up going backstage for Hunter to toss McMahon onto the hood of a pickup truck. I should note, we're almost twenty minutes into this thing, and they're clearly nowhere near the finish yet. More brawling leads them outside, and Hunter loses McMahon in the parking lot. Vince searches, but HHH comes at him with a car, trying to run him down. He misses, but that's enough to allow HHH to slam him into the trunk, and beat him around the parking lot. Hopefully none of those cars belong to Howard Finkel this time. HHH with an elbowdrop on the roof of a limousine, and they finally head back out to the arena. More brawling, and Vince gets hold of a pipe, and starts swinging wildly - HHH trying to evade him by climbing a piece of the set. Um, yeah, that's the way to go. Remind me to never ride shotgun with Triple H during a police chase. Anyway, Vince follows, but gets knocked off - drawing blood. HHH whacks him with a gas can, and heads back to ringside on his own to taunt Stephanie. Vince staggers after him, but HHH casually beats on him, and forces Stephanie to watch. Man, McMahon waited forever to do that bladejob, but he sue didn't hold back when the title came, as he just a bloody mess. Into the ring (!), Hunter goes for the sledgehammer, but Vince blows him low to block, and whacks him with the pipe from earlier. He goes for the kill with the sledgehammer, but Stephanie rushes in, and wants to do the honors herself. HHH cowers, but Steph has second thoughts, and he wrestles the hammer away from her - whacking Vince for the pin at 29:45.  That's extremely long for what it was. Afterwards, Stephanie feigns concern for Vince, but it turns out to be a swerve, as she embraces HHH - kicking off one of the most entertaining eras in WWF history. Too long, but it certainly delivered as far as bloody brawls go. *

BUExperience: There’s a couple of good undercard matches, but they only make up about twenty minutes of the three hour card, and the rest is middling, at best. Plus, there’s titties, but the Network censors them anyway.

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