WWE Royal Rumble (January 2010)

Original Airdate: January 31, 2010

 

From Atlanta, Georgia; Your Hosts are Michael Cole, Matt Striker, and Jerry Lawler

 

Opening ECW Title Match: Christian v Ezekiel Jackson: Jackson uses his size to power the champ around in the early going, so Christian dumps him to the outside, and dives. Back in, Christian continues to try and make him wrestle his kind of match, but Jackson's size overwhelms him, and he gets pounded down. Press-slam, but Christian counters with a drop-toehold into a ropechoke. He tries a dive off the middle, but Jackson dumps him to the outside to block, and William Regal tries to attack, but gets busted by the referee. Regal gets ejected over it, but Jackson keeps control by sending Christian into the steps, then rolling him in to cover for two. Jackson works a headvice to wear him down, and a chokeslam gets him two. Hanging vertical suplex gets two, so Christian tries a sunset flip, but Jackson counters with another chokeslam for two. Chinlock, but Christian fights free, so Jackson clotheslines him for two. Superplex, but Christian blocks, and dives with a flying backelbow. 2^nd rope dropkick gets the champion two, so he goes for the Killswitch, but Jackson blocks. Christian manages an inverted DDT instead, but a flying headbutt drop misses, and Jackson throws another clothesline for two. Backbreaker gets two, but he loses control in the corner, and Christian hits a tornado DDT for two. Killswitch, but Jackson blocks with (yet another) clothesline for two, so Christian tries a sleeper to cut him down to size. Jackson counters with an Oklahoma stampede, but Christian counters the third alarm with the Killswitch at 11:59. Nothing exceptional, and Jackson seemed really limited in his move set, but it was a watchable little match. * ¼

 

WWE United States Title Match: Miz v Montel Vontavious Porter: Miz comes at him with rights at the bell, but Porter fights him off, and delivers a clothesline for two. Porter with a floatover suplex for two, and a backdrop follows. Miz tries to bail, but MVP keeps him inside with a side suplex for two, and Miz escapes to regroup on the outside. Porter is on his tail, dropping him across the barricade out there, but he loses control as they had back in, and Miz drops a leg. Miz with a corner clothesline and a flying axehandle for two, so he grounds Porter in a chinlock, but MVP escapes. He mounts a comeback, but Miz blocks the Playmaker, and snaps the challenger's throat across the top rope. He goes for a kneelift, but Porter dodges, and delivers a jumping shoulderblock for two. Corner big boot, but Miz dodges, only to have the Skull Crushing Finale countered with a cradle for two. Porter with a few more cradles for two counts, so Miz bails. MVP chases after him, but loses the high ground, and Miz suckers him with a cradle at 7:29. Another perfectly watchable - if completely uneventful - match. * ½

 

WWE Title Match: Sheamus v Randy Orton: I just noticed that the entrance set is on the right hand side of the ring, which feels really odd in this era. Orton lands a dropkick early on, but backs off using it to get into Sheamus's head more than anything. It fails, as Sheamus pops him in the jaw, and drives a knee into the arm, causing Orton to bail. Sheamus follows for some uppercuts on the floor, but he loses control on the way back inside, and Randy clips the leg. Orton works the part in dull fashion, until Sheamus starts going for the arm, and now he works that for a while. Backbreaker gets him two, but Orton blocks the Celtic Cross by swiping at the bad leg again, and Sheamus ends up down on the outside. He beats the count, so Randy welcomes him with a rope-hung DDT, but they're in the ropes at two. Randy tries for the punt, but Sheamus bails to avoid it, so Randy chases after him - only to get reversed into the post. Sheamus rolls him in, but Cody Rhodes pops out of the crowd and attacks him, getting Orton disqualified at 12:26. Really, that's it? It felt much longer. The crowd was actually quite into it, but I thought it was an incredibly boring work, and with a bad ending to boot. DUD

 

WWE Women's Title Match: Michelle McCool v Mickie James: Layla comes out in a fat suit to help McCool mock Mickie, but James kicks the crap out of her before the bell. And then she comes in and does the same to McCool, pinning her with a DDT at 0:21. DUD

 

World Heavyweight Title Match: Undertaker v Rey Mysterio: Rey sticks and moves in the early going, but Undertaker grabs hold of him, and chucks him over the top rope like a bag of trash. Rey stalls out there for a bit, but an attempt to springboard back in ends badly as well when Undertaker swats him out of the air, and Rey crashes back to the outside. Undertaker with the guillotine legdrop, and he shakes off a 619 attempt on the way back in, but Rey blocks the Tombstone. Undertaker tries an elbowdrop, but Rey dodges. Rey tries a springboard, but Undertaker blocks with a big boot, sending Mysterio back to the outside. Undertaker follows for a big boot on the floor, but a second one misses, and the champ posts himself. Rey capitalizes with a baseball slide, and he adds a springboard moonsault press on the floor. Undertaker fights him off with a toss into the barricade, however, and the champ keeps control as they head inside. He works the arm, and a sidewalk slam is worth two. Rey fights back with a chincrusher, and an inverted DDT leads to a seated dropkick. Rey keeps it going with a springboard flying legdrop for two, so Undertaker tries the Last Ride, but Rey escapes. Dropkick to the leg sets up the 619, and Rey adds a springboard flying dropkick to set up a second 619. Springboard flying rana, but Undertaker catches him in the Last Ride at 11:07. Hey, nice to see Undertaker get there without needing the other guy doing a ten-punch first. I liked some of the directions they were going with this, but overall it wasn't a great story. Also, Undertaker's busted nose made him look like a literal clown, especially with that hair. *

 

Main Event: #1 Contender's 30-Man Royal Rumble Match: Dolph Ziggler and Evan Bourne start us off, and Evan gets in some stick and move stuff, but he gets into trouble in the corner, and Dolph nearly succeeds in dropkicking him out. Evan tries a rana over the top, but that goes nowhere for him, and Ziggler responds with a Zig Zag. He tries dumping him, but Evan hangs on, and hits a shooting star press as CM Punk enters at #3. He beats on Evan (presumably for stealing his gear), and then dumps both guys out to clear the ring, so he can cut a promo. #4 is JTG, and he comes in all fired up, but makes the mistake of going for a ten-punch, and gets eliminated. I guess the Undertaker match lulled him into a false sense of security. Great Khali draws #5, and suddenly Punk is not looking so confident. Khali knocks him around until Beth Phoenix enters at #6, since apparently she just can't wait for 2018. She suckers Khali into kissing her, and then pulls him over the top, in a great spot. Punk responds by full on giving her the GTS, and he tosses her, as Zack Ryder comes in at #6. What's with the trend of guys wearing half long/half short tights here? Was that a trend I forgot about in 2010? Punk immediately tosses him as well. This is a weird Diesel push, as Punk is more annoying that badass. Triple H draws #8, and I have a feeling Punk won't be casually tossing him. Just a hunch. He also looks puffy as fuck, tonight. He takes his sweet time getting into the ring, and he wins a slugfest, then delivers a kneeling facebuster. Punk tries fighting back with a bulldog, but he takes a rotating spinebuster instead, as #9 draw Drew McIntyre joins us. He also slow walks his ass out, moving so slowly that even the announcers are wondering what the fuck. HHH hits him with a high knee once he gets there, so Punk sneaks up with the GTS, but Hunter dumps him to block. Way to make the most of that Diesel push, 2010. Ted DiBiase gets #10, and you can bet he goes right after HHH. Along with Drew, they're able to get control of the match, as #11 draw John Morrison sprints in. I like the hustle! He mostly does nothing, though. Kane gets #12, and he dives in with a flying clothesline on HHH, then unloads on everyone else. Cody Rhodes gets lucky #13, and he immediately saves DiBiase from a Kane elimination attempt. MVP gets #14, but Miz beats him up in the aisle, and he can't make it in. Carlito draws #15, and runs wild for a bit. Miz gets #16, and hits Carlito with the Skull Crushing Finale on the way in, but then MVP runs in, and eliminates him as payback for earlier. Matt Hardy gets #17, and he comes in throwing signature moves at anything that... moves. But then he stupidly tries going to the middle rope, and Kane shoves him out. That's a silly mistake for a veteran to be making. And then HHH sends Kane over the top as well, before giving everyone else in the match spinebusters like they're a bunch of jobbers. And, well, I mean, they kinda are, but still. #18 is Shawn Michaels, just in time to save HHH! From his ego! Shawn starts clearing deadwood like he's Hulk Hogan, sending everyone by Drew home. And that's only because HHH seems to be feeling left out, so they eliminate Drew together. That leaves just the two of them, but #19 entry John Cena arrives before they have to face off. Nice callback to the Survivor Series main event there. Cena blitzes both guys, and he tries dumping HBK, but HHH saves with a Pedigree. Shawn thanks him by Superkicking him over the top, as Shelton Benjamin enters at #20. I like how we're getting a bit of Shawn's greatest hits in what they likely knew was his last Rumble appearance. Cena dumps him in pretty short order, but Shawn is too dazed to sneak up with a Superkick like he did to HHH, and has to settle for a side suplex instead. #21 is Yoshi Tatsu, whoever that is. A quick check reveals that he was actually in WWE for some five years, though I don't remember him at all. Cena dumps him in under a minute anyway, so no wonder. Big Show draws #22, and Shawn tries to sucker him into the guillotine elimination like in 2004, but Show fights him off. That results in Cena tossing Shawn over the top, but Michaels hangs on like in 1995, before Show ends up saving him. Okay. Mark Henry pulls #23, and gets into it with Show. Chris Masters gets #24, since apparently he's still on the roster? This Rumble has been very educational. Show quickly dumps him, as #25 draw R-Truth rushes in to dump Show and Henry over the top. Jack Swagger gets #26, and runs wild for a bit. #27 is Kofi Kingston, and he dives in, running wild for a bit. I'm sensing a trend. He dumps Swagger, as Chris Jericho comes in at #28. Cena dumps Kingston, but eats a Codebreaker from Jericho, as Edge comes in at #29. He dumps Jericho, and gives Michaels the Edge-o-Matic. Implant DDT for Cena, as Batista rounds out the field at #30 - giving us Shawn Michaels, John Cena, Edge, and Batista as the final four. Hell of a field, actually. Everyone trades off with signature moves until everyone is left looking up at the lights, and Shawn recovers first. He gives Cena and Batista each an inverted atomic drop and a bodyslam, then dives with a flying elbowdrop on John. Leg-feed enzuigiri on Batista sets up a flying elbow on him as well, and Cena eats a Superkick. So does Batista, but Edge pops up, and clotheslines Shawn over the top. Michaels lands on the apron, and Superkicks Edge from there, but Batista shoves HBK out to end his desperation run for another shot at Undertaker. Michaels did a great job of getting the drama of that over, both at the close and throughout the match. And then Shawn snaps, losing his shit and beating up referees, but he's out, and he knows it. Back in the ring, a reversal sequence between Cena and Batista ends in the Animal trying a charge, but John sidesteps, and Batista is out. Edge capitalizes by charging at a dazed Cena with a spear, but John blocks. He tries a charge of his own, but Edge dodges, and Cena goes flying out at 49:24. Despite being a pretty short Rumble, this felt really long. Outside of Shawn's strong, dramatic turn, there was little else going on here. * ¼

 

BUExperience: Time is a precious thing to waste.

 

DUD