WWF Superstars (January 23, 1993)

Original Airdate: January 23, 1993 (taped January 5)

 

From San Antonio, Texas; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Jerry Lawler

 

Undertaker v Dave Silguero: Undertaker is in full glare mode this week, and the poor jobber is doing a good job of looking terrified. Unfortunately, he's not doing a very good job of being a wrestler, messing up even running the ropes at one point. Tombstone finishes at 1:30. Undertaker seemed really into it this week. DUD

 

Gene Okerlund is in the control center, and he's gotten a hold of Doink's prosthetic arm, and apparently it filled with lead. That makes it even more dangerous that we thought! What if some of the particles got loose while he was beating Crush repeatedly over the head with it, and got into someone's lungs?! Someone should to a cancer study on the people sitting in the aisle that night in Wisconsin. This clown may have killed even more people than Gacy

 

Marty Jannetty v Ken Johnson: This jobber looks like he just fell out of the 1970s music scene, so I guess this is the battle of the rockers. Ahem. WWF Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels split screens in to clarify that Sensational Sherri is still madly in love with him, and will be in his corner at the Royal Rumble. Jannetty with the Rocker Dropper at 1:10. I'm surprised they were still letting him do that one at this stage. DUD

 

Tito Santana is on the short list to win the Rumble. He keeps saying that, but I just don't believe it

 

The voices in Damien Demento's head have been telling him he'll win the Rumble. Are we sure he wasn't just listening to Tito's daily affirmations?

 

High Energy are so ready for the Rumble, that they believe Bret Hart will retain the WWF Title. No wonder Owen eventually snapped about being in Bret's shadow

 

The Beverly Brothers aren't impressed with what the Steiner Brothers have achieved in the 'amateur ranks.' That was actually a great dig, since they were collegiate stars, but also WCW stars. It works on so many levels! Or, well, two, specifically

 

Papa Shango v Rudy Gonzalez: Vince constantly getting in the middle of Lawler and Savage's bickering is actually pretty entertaining. They wouldn't be a great three-man team for a major show, but for these squash filled weekend shows, they're a great fit. Shango with the inverted shoulderbreaker at 1:35. DUD

 

Ray Rougeau brings WWF Champion Bret Hart out to talk about the Royal Rumble, but before Hart can say much, Razor Ramon appears on the video wall. He lists all of Bret's accomplishments, but notes that his journey to the top was all just leading him to Razor. This was a strong segment, mostly because Ramon was an excellent promo. I also love how the Network's captioning doesn't understand any of Razor's Spanish outside of 'chico'

 

Bam Bam Bigelow v Gary Jackson: I guess Bam Bam wasn't quite sold on his new gear yet, because he switches back to the old one this week, as Vince basically promises that Razor will beat up the entire Hart family if you order the Rumble. Who is he, Steve Austin? Lawler predicts that Bigelow will win the Rumble match, which is weird to gear from a guy who is also in it, let alone a heel. McMahon then asks Savage if he agrees, with Randy giving a hilarious delivery on "uh... no... I don't." And then Bam Bam wasn't even in the match after all! But he is facing Big Boss Man, who split screens in to cut a promo. Bigelow with the flying headbutt drop at 1:49. And then I went back to listen to that exchange with Lawler at the beginning, because I just couldn't believe that he'd say someone other than him would win, and yeah, I messed up, he was talking about the match with Boss Man. So, I'm an idiot. But, so are you, and anyway I don't owe you money. DUD

 

The Nasty Boys hype Headlock on Hunger. I'm pretty sure if those poor children realized that the fucking Nasty Boys are their advocates, they'd take their chances with starvation

 

Gene is in the studio with the Royal Rumble report, and there's 'no love lost' between Bret Hart and Razor Ramon. He also, with a straight face, has the gall to call it one of the greatest fields in history, which even with only a few Rumbles on the history books at this point, is incredibly laughable

 

Kamala v Dave Wolfe: Wolfe's got a face like he's constantly skeptical of everything. Or maybe he's just unconvinced of Kamala as a babyface, which, fair. The stupid jobber actually tries sneak attacking, but that goes very badly for him, and the splash finishes at 1:48. DUD

 

Bobby Heenan promises to shock the world with his new prospect at the Royal Rumble. No doubt that Lex Luger coming in was a big deal, and having Heenan introduce him isn't a bad way to go, but the way they chose to do it was really terrible

 

WWF Tag Team Champions Money Inc each promise to win the Rumble, and main event WrestleMania. Yeah, as if IRS would ever headline WrestleMania IX

 

Tatanka wants to win the Rumble so he can soar with the eagles

 

Berzerker likes his Rumble chances because, let's face it, he's really good at chucking guys over the top. Man has a point. I'm actually surprised they never booked him to win any battle royals

 

The Nasty Boys also promise to win the Rumble. These tag teams do realize that only one man can win, right? Or, well, at least until next year

 

BUExperience: This wasn’t a great episode, but they went really hard with the Rumble hype, and I enjoy that sort of thing.