WWF Mania (January 23, 1993)

Original Airdate: January 23, 1993

 

Your Host is Todd Pettengill

 

We open with clips of Crush getting loaded into an ambulance on last week's episode of Superstars, following the attack from Doink

 

In the studio, Todd wonders if we still think Doink is funny after this. He sounds like he should be coming on at 9pm on a cable new channel here, letting us know about the danger of clowns

 

Crush v WT Jones: From the January 16 episode of Superstars. This was the last in the taping cycle, and even the announcers don't have much to talk about outside of general Royal Rumble hype. Luckily Doink shows up during the match, but the poor guy's arm is in a sling following his altercation with Crush last week. The big man just doesn't know his own strength, I guess. Crush with the headvice at 2:00. Afterwards, Crush passes Doink in the aisle on his way to the back, and Doink wants to give him a flower as a peace offering. Crush accepts, but then as soon as he turns his back, Doink pulls his false arm out of the sling, and viciously beats him down with it. This was a pretty good angle, and Crush does a stretcher job to sell it. It's also notable how incredibly concerned Randy Savage sounds about his buddy on commentary, though he does nothing to actually, you know, help. No wonder Crush snapped after the same thing happened again a year later. DUD

 

Back in the studio, Todd confirms that Crush has a severe concussion, and is out of tomorrow's Royal Rumble. "It's not funny," notes Todd

 

Gene Okerlund is in the studio with the Royal Rumble Report. Sadly, Todd won't be attending since there are no more tickets available. Seriously, he can't even get a comp? What kind of bullshit company is this? Todd responds by calling his cable company to order on pay per view. Does he start all his phone calls by announcing that he's the host of WWF Mania, I wonder? Because I would

 

Todd (as Jack Nicholson) is reading Norman Schwarzkopf's autobiography, and notes that on page 423 he talks about using episodes of WWF Superstars as bait to make his drivers show up on time. Apparently his 'black drivers' were 'hanging out, not really doing their jobs,' and Superstars solved that problem. 1) why did Todd need to point out that they were black? What does that add to the story? 2) how does promising your employees that they can watch a wrestling show while at work somehow equate with making them do work? 3) how can I get that job? Seriously though, the way he casually throws in stuff about 'lazy black drivers' is kind of disturbing, especially when you remember that this was a Saturday morning show aimed at kids. Not that it would be okay in prime time either, but when the target audience is impressionable children, and you're reinforcing all kinds of negative stereotypes, it makes it worse. Maybe he should go for that cable news job after all

 

Virgil v Iron Mike Sharpe: Dark match from the January 18 RAW taping in New York City. Apparently, Virgil was one of the guys that Schwarzkopf's drivers couldn't wait to get to work fast enough to see. Those poor souls. Virgil actually gives him quite a bit of back and forth, before coming back, and hitting the Russian legsweep at 5:33. Well, he certainly wasn't rushin' with this squash, but Virgil was actually looking quite, ahem, sharp this week. ¼*

 

This past Monday on RAW, Repo Man stole Randy Savage's hat! And he wants it back this Monday! And, of equal importance apparently, Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect put their careers on the line against each other as well

 

Todd does an impression of Dana Carvey doing an impression of George HW Bush while talking about... Bobby Heenan? Not every bit Todd tries works, but I love his mile a minute style

 

Tatanka v Tom Bennett: From the January 16, Superstars. Lawler wonders if Tatanka has 'Technicolor dandruff,' which is actually funny in the way Todd usually wasn't. The fake crowd noise is running wild during this one, and Tatanka finishes with End of the Trail at 1:17. Nobody was getting paid by the hour this week, that much is for sure. DUD

 

Bobby Heenan promises that shockwaves will be 'heard' around the world when he unveils the Narcissist at the Royal Rumble. Look at the verb! Play!

 

Back in the studio, Todd claims he knows who the Narcissist is, and apparently it's some random production guy that Todd has forced into his web of insanity

 

Mr. Perfect v Terry Taylor: From the January 18 RAW. They jaw at each other to start, and I can only imagine what Taylor might have to say. Perfect outwrestles him in the early going, and catches him with a hiptoss coming out of the corner. Dropkick knocks Taylor to the outside, and he tries to sucker Perfect into a chase, but nearly walks into the Perfect-Plex, and hides on the floor for a bit. Back in, Perfect gets a standing side-headlock, and takes him to the mat in it for two. Taylor whips him into the ropes to break, but takes a shoulderblock, and an armdrag puts Terry in an armbar. Into the corner, Perfect unloads chops, but gets knocked to the floor, and Taylor rams him into the guardrail. Inside, Taylor hits a chincrusher and a backbreaker for two. Chinlock, but Perfect gets uppity, so Terry gives him a spinebuster for two. Gutwrench powerbomb is worth two, but Taylor gets cocky, and takes an earringer. Perfect with an inverted atomic drop and a somersault necksnap, and he goes for the kill - but here's Ric Flair! Flair's distraction allows Taylor to dropkick Perfect to the floor, and Ric beats the shit out of him, then rolls him back in for Taylor to finish. Suplex, but Perfect quickly counters into the Perfect-Plex for the pin at 9:28 - and takes off after Flair. Not total garbage, but they never really got going, and just weren't clicking. *

 

Ric Flair v Tito Santana: From later in the same January 18 RAW. Santana with a bodyslam, and he takes Ric to the mat in a side-headlock. And the crowd actually CHANTS for Flair to motivate him, which is just weird in New York. Tito responds with a dropkick, but Flair blocks a monkeyflip, and hooks a somersault cradle for two. Snapmare and a pair of kneedrops hit, and into the corner, Flair unloads with chops. Cross corner whip, but Tito reverses, and backdrops him. Ten-punch count, so Flair rakes the eyes and climbs - only to get slammed off the top! He begs off, but Tito flips him to the floor, and brings him back in for a backdrop. Kneelift and the Diving Forearm hit, but Ric ducks a bodypress, and Tito crashes out to the floor. And before Ric can even get back to his feet, here comes Mr. Perfect to attack - the referee ruling it a no contest at 8:14. They do a big pull apart brawl, and Flair issues a challenge for next week, with career's on the line. ½*

 

Todd notes that Flair or Perfect could win the Royal Rumble to earn the WrestleMania title shot, and then lose their career the very next night. I think, if nothing else, that proves that Vince Russo wasn't watching Mania, or else I'm sure we would have seen that happen at some point

 

Royal Rumble ad

 

Razor Ramon v Buck Zumhofe: From the January 16 Superstars. Buck seems to be half asleep out there, and can't even properly take stuff as simple as a chokeslam or side superplex. And he's playing completely dead between moves. Razor's Edge finishes at 1:10. And then he plays dead after the finish, too. This was really bad, but thankfully it was short. DUD

 

Todd hypes up Headlock on Hunger

 

BUExperience: Interestingly, this seemed to be more focused on hyping up the next episode of RAW than on the pay per view the next day, and we haven’t even gotten to the Monday Night Wars yet!