WCW Mayhem 1999

From Toronto, Ontario, Canada; Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan.

Opening WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Final Match: Jeff Jarrett v Chris Benoit: Jeff mouths off, and gets chopped for his efforts, and caught in a tornado DDT for two. Inverted atomic drop followed by a neckbreaker for two, and a superplex gets two. Jarrett understandably bails, but Chris is right on him - only to end up getting himself crotched on the ringpost. Back in, Jarrett powerslams him for two, and adds a hanging vertical suplex for two. Pinfall reversal sequence ends with Jarrett hitting a clothesline for two, and he slaps on a sleeper. Benoit reverses but takes a stunner, so he regroups with a modified backbreaker. Three-alarm rolling German suplexes for two, and out come Creative Control as Jarrett catches Chris with a stungun. Jarrett with a flying bodypress, but Benoit rolls through for two, and then cradles Jeff for another near fall. Side suplex sets up a flying headbutt, but it only gets two when Creative Control pull Benoit off. They beat him down, and Jarrett gives him The Stroke, but now Dustin Rhodes pops out of the crowd to save. Jarrett's guitar gets involved, but it backfires, and Benoit pins him at 9:27 to advance. Decent match before the gross overbooking began - helped by the time constraints preventing Jarrett's usual stalling. * ¼

WCW Cruiserweight Title v $25,000 Match: Disco Inferno v Evan Karagias: Karagias attacks in the aisle to start, and brings the champ in for a sloppy leg lariat. Cradle gets two, and a cradle DDT for two, so Disco rakes the eyes to slow him down. Criss cross goes Evan's way with literally the worst hiptoss I have ever seen (how do you fuck up a hiptoss?), and he follows with a snap suplex, and a springboard bodypress for two. Headscissors takedown, but a second try gets him dropped, and Disco stomps a mud hole in the corner. Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline get the champ two, and a pair of vertical suplexes follow. Third try, but Karagias blocks, and hooks a sloppy crucifix for two - only to charge into a lariat. Disco tries a powerbomb, but gets sunset flipped for two, and Karagias follows with a diving backelbow for two. Disco returns fire with a brutal Russian legsweep, and a bodyslam sets up a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop for two. He tosses Karagias out over the top, but gets dropkicked as he tries to follow, and inside Karagias powerslams him. Meanwhile, Bobby Heenan suggests Disco (who put the title up here against $25,000 of Karagias' cash) should pawn the title if he needs the money so bad, and estimates the belt would probably be worth $30k. As someone who actually buys and sells belts, I can tell you for a fact that a ring-used WCW Cruiserweight belt wouldn't even bring in $10k (and that's in 2014 dollars, not 1999), so I guess it's back to whoring for Disco. Karagias tries a splash, but Disco blocks with his knees (in one of the most amateurish bumps I have ever seen), then DDTs him for two. Out to the floor, Disco taunts Madusa, but ends up getting caught with a springboard bodypress, and we have a new champion at 7:59. What, SERIOUSLY?! This kid was greener than grass, and they put the damn title on him? Unbelievable. Although, considering who was running the show, maybe not so shocking. Match was total crap, as Karagias couldn't even master basic stuff like hiptosses, and was way out of his league trying springboards and dives. –½*

WCW Hardcore Title Match: Brian Knobs v Norman Smiley: This is also a tournament final, to crown the first Hardcore Champion. Knobs attacks with a broomstick right away, but misses a trash-can assisted splash off the middle rope, and Norman whacks him with it. More weapons shots, until they finally brawl backstage, but Nasty manager Jimmy Hart hits the wrong man with a trashcan, and Smiley pins him to win the title at 7:28. I was really burned out on this style in 1999, let alone now. DUD

Eight Person Elimination Match: The Filthy Animals v The Revolution: Big brawl to start, and the Animals have no reservations hitting (and not even with wrestling moves - I'm talking straight up punching) Asya. The dust settles on Eddie Guerrero and Dean Malenko, and Eddie hits a backdrop, then ranas Dean out over the top. Slugfest on the floor is interrupted when Saturn springboard moonsaults onto them, and Kidman adds a dive of his own. They continue brawling, but some guy in the front row gets into an altercation with Malenko - and jabs his flagpole into Dean's gut. Um, to be clear, he was holding a Canadian flag, not... well, you know. Anyway, that guy gets tossed out of the building, and back in the ring, Torrie Wilson rolls around with Asya. Kidman saves by powerbombing Asya, but ends up getting rolled up by Dean, and pinned at 2:56. Kidman gets into an argument with Eddie over the loss, but Saturn and Malenko end the argument by kicking both their asses. Dean with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for Eddie, and Saturn adds a flying kneedrop for two. Asya gives him a hanging vertical suplex, but Guerrero manages a rana on Malenko at 5:03. Saturn runs in for a press slam  before Eddie is ready, and a head-and-arm suplex hits. Tag to Asya, as Torrie forgets she's even in the match, and hangs out on the floor like a manager. The Revolution work Eddie over, but a Saturn superkick ends up hitting Asya, and Eddie Frog Splashes her at 6:28. Saturn catches him with a bridging Northern lights suplex for two, and a sleeper, but Eddie stuns him, so Saturn side suplexes him, and hits the Death Valley Driver for two. Flying elbowdrop misses, however, but Eddie has no one to tag. Well, I mean, technically he does, but come on. He tries a flying bodypress, but Saturn counters into the Rings of Saturn, and it's bye-bye Guerrero at 10:16. That leaves Torrie, who is still hanging out on the floor. She hides in the corner, but Saturn pulls her out by the hair, so she grinds on him as a distraction, then mule kicks him. Eh, worth it. That gets two, but Saturn returns fire with a low blow of his own, and somehow gets the pin with it at 11:15. Kind of a train wreck. No real flow to speak of, and even the spots weren't anything notable, or eye-popping. Plus, the men beating women thing really come off badly. It's one thing when it's, like, Chyna, because she's bigger than I am. And even then it's uncomfortable, but this was downright awkward. DUD

Retirement Match: Curt Hennig v Buff Bagwell: Perhaps the only retirement match in history where everyone is hoping for a double-pin. Bagwell doesn't come out, as Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control attack him backstage. They then come down and attack Hennig in the ring, until Bagwell charges out with a 2x4 to clean house. Well, that was pointless. And they immediately prove it, as they start the match normally from there, as if nothing at all had happened. Curt controls in the early going, and they spill out to the floor to whip each other into various objects. Bagwell manages to snap Hennig's neck across the ropes on the way back in, but a cross corner charge misses, and Curt hooks a sleeper. That goes on long enough for me to stop and pee without pausing the video, and finally Hennig bodyslams him for two. Bagwell fires back with a slam of his own, but misses a splash, and gets cradled for two. Curt with a cross corner clothesline, but a second try misses, and Buff hits the Blockbuster at 8:00. This was sinfully dull, and I have no idea what they were going for here, because I can't imagine that was it. This was like two retards slow dancing. DUD

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Final Match: Sting v Bret Hart: Sting (in a weird, leather pants phase) stalls, but it turns into a shovefest, and Bret unloads headbutts, then dumps Sting out to the floor for a whip into the rail. Quickly back in, Hart drops a headbutt downstairs, and works the part with an inverted atomic drop. Sting rakes the eyes to slow Hart down, and rams him into the turnbuckle - only to get clotheslined, and suplexed for two. Sting with a blatant ball shot and a bodyslam for two, and he tries a sleeper. Hart escapes, so Sting hits a kneelift, and dumps him out to the floor for a ram into the announce table. Back in, the Stinger Splash misses, but the referee ends up going down when Bret tries a flying axehandle. That draws Lex Luger out, and he whacks Sting with a bat, but the referee only sees the part where he goes for Hart, and disqualifies Sting at 7:35. Oh, but Bret doesn't want it that way, and they restart. Bell sounds, and Bret unloads in the corner, then hits a Russian legsweep for two. Backbreaker and a 2^nd rope pointed elbowdrop, but Sting blocks with his boot, and slaps on the Scorpion Deathlock - Hart reversing into the Sharpshooter for the submission at 10:06. Crap match, but it was nice to see some life behind Bret's eyes for the first time since early-1998. ¼*

Dog Collar Match: Vampiro v Berlyn: But first, something really classless, as Ed Ferrera does his 'Oklahoma' impression of Jim Ross on commentary, with Steve Williams in tow just to really hammer it home. Berlyn whips him with the chain before they even tie it around his neck, and then Berlyn's bodyguard (The Wall) abuses him for a bit. He ends up putting the chain around his neck and hits a chokeslam, until Berlyn comes in to bitch that it's his match to fight. That distraction allows Vampiro to knock him into the corner, and he superplexes him down, as Oklahoma runs through Jim Ross' greatest hits on commentary. Suplex, and Vampiro finishes him with a camel clutch at 5:13. A Nitro match if I've ever seen one. I should note, at no point did both guys even have the chain on - defeating the entire purpose of the gimmick. –½*

Lex Luger v Meng: Lex is sporting a neck brace after the brawl with Hart and Sting earlier, but Meng ignores it, and attacks with kicks. Out to the floor, we get the usual brawl (rail shot, post shot, etc), and back in, Meng slaps on the Tongan Death Grip - but Luger's neck brace blocks for him. Lex fires back with a clothesline, but makes the mistake of trying head-oriented offense, and Meng no-sells. Savate kick gets two, so Elizabeth tries to mace Meng, but ends up hitting Luger (in a ridiculous sequence, that required Liz to clearly intentionally spray Luger), and Meng rips off the brace to properly Grip Luger at 5:23. Total amateur hour. –¼*

WCW United States Title and WCW Television Title Match: Scott Hall v Booker T: Hall was awarded the TV Title when his original opponent, Rick Steiner, could not compete due to an injury, so he defends both belts. Talk about prestige. They gesture at each other for a while after the bell, and Hall tries a wristlock once they get going, but he's so deteriorated that he can't even properly work a basic takedown with it. Booker responds with a kick, and hits a sidewalk slam for two. Clothesline knocks Hall out to the floor, but he catches the challenger with a chokeslam on the way back in, and covers for two. Blockbuster (blackbuster?), and a clothesline knocks Booker over the top - Hall following to ram him into the steps out there. Inside, Hall tries a sleeper, but here comes Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control again as Booker side suplexes out of the hold. Axekick and the Harlem sidekick set up a bodyslam, but Creative Control distract him, and he gets caught in the Edge at 6:04. Hey, not negative stars, at least! DUD

Inter-Gender Match: David Flair v Kimberly Page: Oh, right, this. The angle where David Flair played a stalker, and kept trying to spank and/or rape Kimberly with a crowbar, allowing WCW to shoot a bunch of scenes out of a straight-to-DVD D-level to cover their backstage antics. I mean, Kimberly was wearing a dark trench coat while trying to run David down with a car! You KNOW she's evil! Like, seriously, Ben Kingsley would pass on that script - it's that shitty. Great start, as she gives David a hard-on, and then punts it. He goes for the crowbar, so Kim offers to blow him... then kicks him in the nuts again. He chokes him out on the mat with her enormous tits, but Flair grabs the crowbar again, so Kanyon runs in and attacks. Diamond Dallas Page joins in on the beating, and the whole thing is eventually ruled a no-contest at 3:30. Kimberly was in heels, how much could you expect, honestly? DUD

I Quit Match: Goldberg v Sid Vicious: Slugfest to start, and Goldberg controls with a powerslam. He clotheslines Sid out to the floor to resume the slugfest, and Sid controls - choking Goldberg back in the ring. Pair of chokeslams, but Goldberg slaps on a cross-armbreaker before Sid can finish him. He pounds the shoulder, and finally hooks a cobra clutch with a bodyscissors on - Sid passing out rather than submitting at 5:30. Okay, so, you let everyone down with a shitty, dissatisfying blowoff the month before at Halloween Havoc, and your solution is to book THIS? An I Quit match that runs five minutes, and has the monster heel pass out after taking less abuse than a jobber during a TV squash? The crowd rightfully shits all over that finish, and I can't blame them in the least. DUD

Main Event: WCW World Title Match: Chris Benoit v Bret Hart: They feel each other out through tie-ups and armdrags to start, and Bret takes control with a wristlock on the mat. Benoit with a kneelift to break, and he works a chinlock, but Bret powers up into a criss cross, and a pinfall reversal sequence ends in Bret grabbing the legs for the Sharpshooter, but getting countered into the Crippler Crossface. Hart grabs the ropes before Chris can get it properly locked though, and they shake hands out of mutual respect. Bret pounds him into the corner, but a cross corner whip gets reversed, and suddenly the guy who attacked Dean Malenko with the flagpole earlier jumps out of the crowd, and goes ballistic on Benoit with the pole. It turns out to be Dean himself dressed as the guy, but Bret saves anyway, and rolls Benoit back in for a well executed piledriver. It gets two, but a chopfest goes Benoit's way, and he cracks Bret with a backbreaker for two. Backdrop and a side suplex get two, but Hart ends up DDT'ing him for two. He tries a tilt-a-whirl, but Benoit counters into a tombstone, and hits the flying headbutt for two - Scott Hall and Kevin Nash missing their cue to pull the referee out, and forcing Bret to get the shoulder up. Hall and Nash beat up the referee anyway, but now here's Goldberg to spear them for the save. With those three out of the way, Benoit catches Hart with a corkscrew legwhip, and he goes after the knee. Kneebreaker sets up the figure four (well, he IS a former Horsemen), but Hart makes the ropes to break. Hart manages a backbreaker for two, and superplexes him for two. Russian legsweep gets two, but a slam is countered into a bodyblock for two, and Benoit rolls to the floor to regroup. Bret tries to suplex him back in, but Chris counters into the rolling-German suplexes, and goes for the Crossface - only for Hart to counters into the Sharpshooter to win the WCW Title for the first time at 17:44. Certainly overbooked, this would have been a lot better had they just let them get it done one-on-one, like the Nitro match. As is, they were working around the run-ins more than anything, and couldn't really get this going. *

BUExperience: First, let’s start by saying that HOLY CRAP that was a lot of matches! I thought I was watching one of the early WrestleManias at first – fuck! And worse, none of them were any good! Three matches in negative stars by my count, and horrible overbooking from top to bottom. To give you an idea of how bad this is, Jeff Jarrett has the best match on the show. It was so bad that they even managed to kill the hot Canadian crowd during a Hart/Benoit final for the title. Just brutal. DUD