- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Badd Blood 1997! (This
was originally written in 2000) Actually, forget that exclamation point
… this show REALLY sucks. The only thing that saves it is the Hell in the Cell
main event. And it saves it like NOTHING ELSE CAN, and is one of the best main
events you’ll ever see … anywhere.
- Speaking of crap, WCW Great American Bash 1991 is up next!
- Extra-curricular activity: Has anyone ever heard of
Joe Marshall? This man IS A CROOK! He makes belts for the WWF, WCW and ECW, and
fans too, but is the biggest crook I’ve ever dealt with! I ordered a belt from
him in July of 1998, paying a large sum of money up front, and have yet to see
a product. Over TWO YEARS LATER! When I ask about the belt, I get snooty
replies, and told “YOU’RE IN A LINE, SO SHUT UP AND WAIT!” and other things of
that nature. While he HAS MY MONEY! He won’t even give people their money back!
So if you ever need a belt, NEVER EVER, EVER go to Joe Marshall! EVER! Go to
Reggie Parks, who is 10 times better. Just a little advice for everyone :) (Yeah, since, Joe pretty much self
destructed, and not even the WWE wants to deal with him anymore. Guy is a real piece
of shit (some people waited six-eight years to get anything out of him), and I
never ended up getting my belt. Hell, the belt he sold me wasn’t even his to
sell, as he was making a design owned by Reggie Parks. I didn’t know that back
then, but now, that makes it even more sketchy!)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from St.
Louis, MO.
- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.
- Cool video package building to the Michaels/Taker Hell in
the Cell.
- Opening Handi-capped Match, The Nation of Domination
vs. The Legion of Doom: Before this even get’s started, Vince lets us know
that Brian Pillman had passed away earlier in the day, but that not much info
was available. Sad :(. BTW, the Nation’s team is D-lo, Kama and this one guy
that the fans don’t care for too much: Rocky Miavia. Oh, and even MORE stuff …
the LOD is two on three here because Ken Shamrock got hurt on RAW, and is out
of the show. Brown starts with Hawk, and a criss cross leads to a Hawk hip toss
and a dropkick. D-lo outsmarts him quickly, but gets a kick in the face, and
tags The Rock. Rock and Animal have a go now, while the fans chant “Rocky
Sucks,” so Miavia refuses to wrestle. He eventually gets on in, and takes it to
Animal, but gets shoulderblocked down, and bails out. He takes a long time to
get back in, and when he does the LOD work him over. He tags Kama (RTC goon,
The Goodfather), who misses a corner charge on Hawk, and get’s an enzuguri.
Hawk hooks a chinlock, and tags Animal, who hits a quick powerslam, but Rocky
comes in to hit a DDT. That allows Kama a big
kick, and he dumps Animal to the floor, where the Nation goes to work. D-lo
comes in to continue making Animal into Ricky Morton, but gets clotheslined off
a cross corner whip. He can’t make the tag, however, and D-lo hits his leg drop
spot (TWICE!) for a two count. Miavia gets in, and goes right to the chinlock.
If you’re gonna CHINLOCK, DON’T TAG IN! (That’s one of my biggest pet peeves. If you
need a rest, simply don’t tag. The biggest offender to this was always Yokozuna
in the mid-90s, as Owen Hart spent half the match busting his ass, and then
Yoko would tag in and immediately go to a nervehold) Rocky hits a knee
off a criss cross for two, stomps a mud-hole into Mr. No Sell. He hits a timely
low blow for two, and tags Kama in for another
kick. Is that all Kama’s done so far? He
quickly misses ANOTHER corner charge (gee he has no moveset), and Animal tags
out, but the ref. didn’t see it, so the Nation hit a triple team frog splash on
Animal for two. They clobber him on the floor, but Rocky gets clotheslined
inside. Hawk gets the hot tag, and kills Rocky with a powerslam for one, and
neckbreaker’s D-lo. Animal comes back in, and they clear the whole Nation out
(to BIG pops), but the Doomsday Device backfires (thanks to Faarooq), and Rocky
hits a Rock Bottom on Hawk for the pin at 12:18. Long opener, and not a good
one. ½*. The LOD were WAY past their primes.
- Vince gives us more on Pillman, saying that he was found
dead in his hotel room. Vince doesn’t seem too upset about it, actually.
- Midget Match: Tarantula & Mosaic vs. Max Mini &
Nova: My policy on the little guys: if their isn’t a big guy in their, I
ain’t reviewing it … and this is no different. I don’t want to offend anyone,
but I just can’t be bothered to do Play by Play on this crap. But I’ll give you
what I see is going on, in general. They all flip around more than RVD, and the
heels hit eachother a lot. That’s all you’re getting :) NEXT! (I
actually did a real review for this for the BUExperience, and yeah, I wasn’t
missing much with the FF button here)
- Add for the “Austin
3:16” shirt. I wonder if they ever sold any of those?
- WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Headbangers vs. The
Godwinns: Sunny does ring intros for this one, and the Godwinns have “Uncle
Cletus.” Don’t even ask. Just to show you how dead the WWF Tag Division was,
neither team gets any pop, and this match is taking place early on. (This
was written during the height of the Edge & Christian/Dudley Boyz/Hardy
Boyz era) Big brawl to start, won by the Bangers, and they mock the
hicks. Mosh starts officialy with Phineas, and they stall. What a hot start!!
When it finally gets under way, Mosh headscissors him to the floor. Phineas is
Mideon, BTW, so you know the level of suck I have to deal with. (Does
anyone even remember Mideon today?) Mosh hits a springboard bodyblock,
and Thrasher hits a rana. They hit a double backdrop (right on his head), but
it only gets two, unfortunately. Henry gets tagged in, and hammers the freak
around, and a criss cross allows Thrasher to school boy him for two. He tries a
roll up, but Henry blocks, so Thrasher dropkicks him to the floor. Henry stalls
out there for a bit. That’s what I hate about the Godwinns. A cool enough spot
will go down, and then they’ll bail and stall for 5 minutes. Why did they even
push these morons? Phineas gets in, and tries his luck, but the Bangers take it
to him. They even work in a sweet spot where Thrasher suplexes Mosh off the top
rope onto Phineas. That was cool. It gets two, and Thrasher comes flying in
from the top, but Henry mows him down, and gets tagged in legally. He crotches
Thrasher on the top rope, and Phineas clotheslines him off to the floor, in a
decent bump. Thrasher plays Ricky Morton, and Phineas hits a “devastating”
series of knee drops for two. Thrasher gets a sunset flip for two, but the
Godwinns keep control. Crowds not happy about that! Henry hits a slapjack for
two, and both guys gets knocked out. Henry tags, and Phineas just barely stops
Thrasher’s tag. Phineas misses a corner charge, and the Headbanger hits a side
suplex, and tags. Mosh takes it to both of them, and the Bangers work in a spot
where Mosh powerbombs Thrasher onto Phineas for two, and they go for the
cannonball spot, but Phineas powerbombs Thrasher out of it for the pin, and the
titles, at 12:13. WAY too long. ¾*, for the BIG TIME effort the Headbangers
gave. They tried really hard here, but it’s the Godwinns, so getting anything
out of them is, well, not gonna happen. Afterwards, the Godwinns pound the
Bangers, so the ref. declares that if they don’t leave IMMEDIATELY they lose
the titles. STAY, GODWINNS, STAY! Unfortunately, they leave anyway, and keep
the belts.
- Video package about Steve Austin, and his rise against all
the WWF officials. The gist of it is that the WWF doesn’t want Steve to wrestle
with a hurt neck (think SummerSlam 1997), but Austin doesn’t give a crap and kicks
everyone’s ass.
- The WWF then gets classy on my ass, holding a legends
segment in the ring hosted by Jim Ross. They honor Gene Kininski, Jack Brisco
(Jerry’s brother), Dory Funk jr., Harley Race, Terry Funk, Lou Thesz, and Sam
Muchnick who all get nice pops, and a video package on them. This also takes up
some of the time Brian Pillman vs. Goldust would have used. Very nice job by
the WWF, I’ve got to say.
- Vince lets us know that the authorities suspect that Brian
Pillman died of a drug overdose.
- WWF Intercontinental Title Mach: Faarooq vs. Owen Hart:
This is for the vacant title, as Austin
got injured at SummerSlam and the title was vacated. Owen is also wearing his
“Owen 3:16” shirt, which was a kick ass part of the angle, with “I just broke
your neck” written on the back. He seems off tonight, even in his entrance,
obviously due to the Pillman situation. Steve Austin also makes an appearance
(with the pop of the night) to sit ringside for this, and piss off the
commentators with his own commentary. Funny stuff. And effective. This notably
distracts the wrestlers, who waste the first 1:25 of this yelling at Austin. Once they start
off, nothing really happens, as they do a long feeling out process. Owen works
the knee, as Austin
messes with the Spanish commentators, and then the French ones. Boring match so
far. Owen takes a shoulder first bump to the corner, and Faarooq hits a
backbreaker for two. He tries a slam, but Owen topples on him for two, but
Faarooq clotheslines him to stop any more offense. Faarooq heads to the 2nd
rope (!), and misses a splash, but hits a powerslam for two, and a spinebuster
for two. Jim Neidhart wanders out, as Faarooq misses the Nash rope choke spot,
and Austin runs
up and bashes Faarooq’s brains in with the IC title belt, allowing Owen an easy
pin at 7:14 for the title. The match was all angle, and the wrestling sucked.
¼*.
- We get highlights of the attack the Hart Foundation
perpetrated on Vader and the Patriot on RAW. For those that weren’t around in
1997, or were just watching WCW, the Hart Foundation angle kicked SERIOUS ass,
although the Patriot stuff isn’t my favorite part.
- Eight-Man Tag Team Match, Los Boricuas vs. The DOA:
This is part of those EPIC Gang Wars in 1997. Remember how I said the Hart’s
angle kicked major ass? Well, THIS was the bad stuff of 1997. One of the Harris
Boys (they were on the DOA side, who were all bikers) starts with a Boricua (I
don’t know the Boricuas apart, to tell the truth. I just never cared enough to
pay attention to them), and the DOA keeps an early advantage. Crush has a go
with Savio, and kicks his ass, and then lets Chainz (Brian Lee/Fake Undertaker)
come in, and he press slams a Boricua, but gets dumped to the floor. Chainz
plays Ricky Morton, as the Boricuas take turns hammering him, and get a two count
off a series of corner charges. Jose hooks a chinlock, and then tags Savio, who
promptly does the same. (Again, see. It’s a fucking EIGHT MAN TAG!
If you’re not up to wrestling, you have THREE OTHER GUYS to pass to!)
What the hell was that? You tag out so your partner can ALSO do a rest hold?
This is the most boring piece of crap EVER! Eventually Savio misses a move, and
a big brawl breaks out, allowing Crush a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the three
count at 8:26, and gets a HUGE pop. I think they’re happy it’s over. The match
was an AUTROCITY! - * ¼. Yes it was THAT BAD. (I wouldn’t go negative stars, but no
question, it sucked)
- Flag Match: Bret Hart and Davey Boy Smith vs. The
Patriot and Vader: Bret is WWF Champion here. The match is won by capturing
your opponents flag, or by pin/submission. The Patriot is using Kurt Angle’s
music, which is just a bit weird today. When I heard it blaring, I’m so used to
Angle walking out it’s odd to see someone else. They start off hot, with a big
brawl on the outside, with Vader taking Bret and the Patriot with Bulldog. The
Canadians get the advantage (I can’t call them “heels,” but I guess in St. Louis they’re the heels), but Vader quickly uses the
flag to crack Hart’s skull, and Del
chokes Davey with an extension cord. The heels stay on the outside to recover,
as the Americans go for the flag, and Bulldog stops the effort, but Patriot
gets a shoulderblock on him for two. He goes up again, and Bret stops him, but
Davey still gets hip tossed, and backdroped. Vader tags in, and does his usual
to Bulldog, who promptly tags the Hitman. Slugfest goes Vader’s way (DUH!), and
he hits a short clothesline to a big pop. I never understood why Vader didn’t
go further in the WWF. He had the right tools, and the pops, but I guess Vince
is just stupid. (Well, there were other reasons. Basically, he just didn’t have the
right connections) A swift double team gets Vader down (Bret and
Bulldog working TOGETHER?) but a Vader butt splash turns the tide for a two
count. Patriot dropkicks Bulldog (well, it didn’t connect) for two, and hits
some distinctly American chops. By that, I mean they sucked. He heads for the
flag, but the Harts stop him quickly, and Bret chokes him, as Davey goes for
the flag, but is dumped off by the big guy. Patriot gets his shoulder rammed to
the post off a corner charge, and Bret crotches him quickly, and hooks the
ringpost figure four, but Vader makes the save. Bret works over the Patriot,
and spits at Vader (causing a brawl between him and Davey) and he hooks the
Sharpshooter. Del
quickly reverses, so Davey breaks, and everyone brawls in the corner. Patriot
ALMOST gets the flag in the mess, but Bulldog slams him off, in a nice bump.
Bret and Davey hit the Demolition Decapitation on Patriot (who is now Ricky
Morton) for a two count, but he makes the tag to Vader. Vader takes Bulldog
down with his fat, and hits a splash for two. He goes for the flag, but Bret
stops him, and Davey hits a snapmare (on VADER!) then tags the Hitman. Bret
hits a side suplex on the big guy, and goes for the Sharpshooter, but Vader
makes the ropes. Bret won’t let off (no DQ here), so Patriot has to manually
break the hold. Vader hits a STIFF low blow, and tries a Sharpshooter of his
own (which gets quickly stopped by Davey). Patriot gets back in, and hits a big
flying shoulderblock on Bret, and hooks a figure four. Bret tags out (while in
the hold), and Davey takes everyone down. Hanging vertical suplex gets two on
the Patriot, but Del
hits a powerslam for a two count of his own. He heads for the flag, but Davey
nails him off in an ugly looking fall, and tags Bret. Bret channels Triple H,
and uses the knee (where is Hunter tonight, anyhow?), and hits a snap suplex.
He heads up, but Vader carries him off, and both tag out making it Bulldog/Vader.
Vader quickly slams him, and goes for the moonsault, but Bulldog moves, and
Vader LANDS ON HIS FEET! Holy Crap! Vader is one agile son-of-a-bitch! A brawl
breaks out on the floor, and Bret rings Vader’s bell with, well, the bell. Back
inside, and Hart slams Vader (!), and hits the 2nd rope elbow, followed by a
leg drop. Big DDT gets two for Bret, and the heels try a double clothesline,
but it backfires and Vader nails them! He tags out, and Patriot cleans house,
and hits a full-nelson slam on Bret and gets two, when Davey saves. A fan runs
in too, for some reason, and quickly gets his ass handed to him by Bulldog.
Dumb ass fan! It’s a big brawl now, and Vader hits Bret with the Vader Bomb,
and brawls with Davey on the floor. The Patriot gets a quick roll up on Bret
for two, but Bret rolls through and gets the pin at 23:43. LONG MATCH, but a
pretty good one, actually. TOTALLY non-formula, and almost all non-stop action.
*** ¼. (I liked this significantly less the second time around, but it might
be one worth firing up for a rewatch sometime)
- Review of the kick ass Shawn/Taker feud, leading to the
Hell in the Cell.
- Main Event, Hell in the Cell Match, for the #1
Contenderhip at Survivor Series: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker: Yes,
it’s THAT match! Shawn has HHH, Chyna, Rick Rude and the European belt here.
BTW, Hunter was still getting into his new act at this point, and is trying
REALLY hard to act cool and nWo style here, which makes him look stupid. (Yeah,
early DX Triple H could be awkward. He’d get better into 1998, but really, it
wasn’t until, like, Fall 1998 that he
really got comfortable in the character) Shawn nearly cries as they
lock the door, playing his part GREATLY. ‘Taker stalks Shawn around the ring,
and when they get in he kills him with a big boot. UT beats the living hell out
of Michaels, and he over sells at every turn. Shawn makes a little comeback,
and hammers the ‘Taker in the corner, but gets cross corner whipped, and Flair
flips. That gets Mark a two count. ‘Taker works the shoulder for a bit, and hits
the ropewalk forearm spot. UT with a big leg drop for two, and he hits a
mammoth backdrop (with Shawn hitting the top), and then tosses him over the top
into the steel. Ouch. UT follows, and murders him on the floor, and you can
hear the fans’ bloodthirsty cries. Now THAT’S how you know you’re playing a
good part. Undertaker (as calm as ever) takes great joy in dismantling Michaels
on the floor. He tries a powerbomb out there, but Shawn grabs on to the cage to
stop it, but UT turns it around and rams him to the cell a couple times! Just
VICIOUS! Bodyshots now by the UT, and he rams Shawn between the post and the
cage repeatedly. ‘Taker makes a mistake, and Shawn hammers the crap out of the
dead man, drawing heavy boos. Michaels takes the match back inside the ring,
but the ‘Taker quickly hits a stunner, which Shawn sells by flying across the
ring. He comes back fast, however, shoulderblocking the UT off the apron to the
cell, and hitting a CRAZY spear to the outside. He climbs halfway up the cage,
and drops a big elbow, then hits a running clothesline off the apron. HBK grabs
the steps, and lays in some crazy shots with them, and hits a stiff piledriver
onto the steel. That was just SICK! He leaves the Undertaker out there to die,
and hits a big double ax from the top rope to the outside. He drags the
American fat-ass back in, and grabs a chair (building from the angle where
Michaels destroyed the ‘Taker with a chair on RAW) and delivers a few savage
shots to get a two count. A slugfest breaks out, which Shawn actually wins (!),
and he ties Mark up into the ropes. He charges, but UT hits a big boot, and
backdrops Shawn out on a cameraman. Shawn beats the crap out of the guy, and
then takes it to the ‘Taker. He hits the Randy Savage elbow, and toys with the Undertaker
some more, as Commissioner Slaughter opens the cage door to get the injured
“camera man” out. Shawn hits a superkick (which Mark no sells), and Shawn craps
his pants and bails out the open door. He dropkicks the UT to the cell wall,
but ‘Taker quickly takes him down and slingshots him to the cage, and Shawn
does a KICK ASS bladejob, which is almost unnoticeably. Only Flair can do it
any better. (Eh, I’ve seen Flair do plenty of really obvious bladejobs over the
years) Mark keeps on the pain, and rams Shawn headfirst into the cell
wall, driving the crowd nuts. He follows it with another, and Shawn is now a
bloody mess. Michaels gets a desperation low blow to stop the ‘Taker, and he
starts to climbs the cell to escape the crazy dead man. Much to his surprise,
the Undertaker follows him up, but Shawn awaits him and quickly tries a
piledriver, which Mark backdrops him out of to the cage! ‘Taker hits a big
press slam, and the crowd is going bonkers. He tries to climb down to escape
the mad man, but ‘Taker stomps on his hands and Shawn flies off through the
announce table. WHOA! Now THAT’S a crazy bump! (…which has been largely
forgotten, thanks to the Mick Foley version that came less than a year later)
‘Taker kicks Shawn’s ass back into the cell, and Shawn is now wearing a REAL
crimson mask. Mark hits a chokeslam from the top, and gets a chair from under
the ring. He lays in a crazy shot to the head, and calls from the Tombstone, when the
lights go dark. The now familiar music of Kane then blares over the speakers,
and Kane comes out in his red light. He tears the cell door off, and does the
now familiar fire off the posts spot. He attacks the ‘Taker, and hits a
tombstone, sending the crowd into shock. This was the intro to Kane, as Paul
Bearer was building up for weeks that the Undertaker’s little brother, believed
dead, was alive and was mad at the ‘Taker. No one really knows what to think,
but Shawn crawls over and makes a one armed cover for the win at 29:57. Shawn
is DEAD, however, and DX carry him out from the pool of blood he’s left in the
ring, and to the back. This is one of the best matches I’ve EVER seen, and is
easily the best HITC EVER! *****. (Yep, this was absolutely five-stars, and
one of the best matches of all time)
- Bottom Line: Well, the Hell in the Cell is truly
something special. It’s one of the best matches I’ve ever seen, and is probably
Shawn’s last truly great match (his match with UT at the 1998 Rumble was also a
classic, around **** ¼), and is worth the viewing on that alone. It’s sick…
it’s twisted… and in a way, it’s an art form of a match! My Mom, who dislikes
wrestling by all means, always is intrigued by this match. I think that’s what
can make a match legendary. When non-wrestling fans can even appreciate it. (The
in-ring storytelling was just off the charts here)
- As a show, Badd Blood 1997 is TERRIBLE. It’s an easy
candidate for “Worst PPV of all time” up to the Flag Match and the Hell in the
Cell. But the Cell is truly an all-around classic, and can save the show like
nothing else can.
- Recommended , but Fast Forward up until the Hart’s
entrance for the Flag Match. DON’T even try to watch what happens before. It’s
just not worth it.
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