WCW Uncensored 1999

From Louisville, Kentucky; Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Bobby Heenan.

Opening WCW Cruiserweight Title Match: Billy Kidman v Mikey Whipwreck: This is Mikey's WCW debut. And, boy, does he look like shit on the big stage. I mean, he fits in with the gritty ECW style, but looks like a schlub when there are actual production values involved. They go through a long reversal sequence to start - Mikey winning with a nice headscissors takedown. Another reversal sequence ends in Kidman dropkicking his challenger to the floor, and he follows with a whip into the rail out there. Kidman with a flying bodypress on the way back in for two, but a clothesline ends up sending both guys tumbling over the top. Mikey rams him into the rail, and rolls him in for two. Snapmare sets up an inverted STF, but Kidman won't quit, so Mikey gives him a slingshot legdrop. Whip into the corner, but Kidman reverses, and clotheslines him. Rocker dropper, but Mikey actually manages to counter into a powerbomb for two, and he slaps on a Dragon sleeper. Kidman powers up and clotheslines the challenger out again, and follows with a springboard bodypress into the aisle. Mikey catches him with a slingshot bodypress on the way back in for two, but a slingshot suplex is countered into a DDT by Kidman. Shooting Star Press, but Mikey crotches him on the top to block, and knocks him to the floor. He follows with a flying axehandle, but Billy sidesteps, and Mikey crashes into the rail. Kidman charges, and gets backdropped into the crowd, but Whipwreck's attempt to dive after him fails. He regroups with a drop-toehold into the steps, and rolls Kidman back in to get a near fall out of it. Russian legsweep gets two, but Whipwreck wastes time jawing with the fans, and gets rolled up for two. That came off badly, as Whipwreck just randomly stopped to yell at people to set it up. Back to business, Mikey hits a snap suplex for two, but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb for two. Whipwreck regroups with a swinging neckbreaker, and a nice flying clothesline is worth two. Whipwreck with a side superplex for two, and a lifting-falling inverted DDT gets two. Powerbomb, but this time Kidman counters with a facebuster, and hits the Shooting Star Press to retain at 15:00. Really? Job him in his debut match? Why not make it non-title (with the logic being that he's unproven), give him a win, and set up a rematch for later? Talk about counterproductive! Decent match though, and a good choice for an opener. ** ¾

Harlem Street Fight: Stevie Ray v Vincent: See, 'cause both guys are black. Vincent gets uppity at the bell, so Stevie shoves him near out of his boots, and hits a bicycle kick. Chokeslam, but a charge misses, and Stevie goes flying over the top. Vincent follows with a barrage of forearms, but a whip into the rail gets reversed, and they head into the crowd for some light brawling. Back into the ring, Vincent hits a 2^nd rope fistdrop for two, but another try meets boot, and Stevie hits a cross corner clothesline. Atomic drop, and out runs Horace - tossing a slapjack into the ring. Vincent gets it, but Stevie kicks it out of his hands, and hits the Slapjack (move, not weapon - it's a Pedigree) for the pin at 6:30. Seriously, I didn't need to see Virgil wrestling on pay per view in 1999. DUD

Kevin Nash v Rey Mysterio Jr: Rey looked like such a fucking moron during this period - unmasked, and dressed like a rapper. Rey charges, but gets his head taken off with a big boot - Miss Elizabeth (Nash's valet) wincing in sympathy pain on the outside. Nash launches him across the ring, but a second try gets countered into a bulldog, and Rey follows with a springboard Rocker dropper. Spinheel kick knocks Nash to the outside, and Rey baseball slides him, but ends up getting dropped against the rail when he tries it a second time. Nash with a snake-eyes across the ring apron, and he drags him back in - just for the purpose of launching him out again. Brutal. Back in, Nash dead lifts him over his head, then lets go for an inverted atomic drop, but a sidewalk slam is countered with a kick to the nuts. Rey dropkicks him for two, and hits the bronco buster in the corner, but a flying moonsault is caught by Nash, and he hits another big boot. Powerbomb hits, and that's it for little Rey at 6:18. Seeing Rey perform his spots on a guy the size of Kevin Nash was wildly entertaining, and this was a really fun change of pace for both guys. It's basically like that famous lawn-dart spot from the summer of 1996, extended into a full match. * ¼

Handicap Match: Ernest Miller and Sonny Onoo v Jerry Flynn: Flynn attacks Miller at the bell, and cracks him with a chop out of the ropes. Belly-to-belly suplex gets two, so Miller challenges him to a martial arts showdown - which doesn't go well. Ernest bails to the floor, but Flynn is ready with a sloppy plancha. He mounts Miller with punches, but Onoo sneaks up with a few kicks to break it up, and back inside, Ernest hits a roundhouse kick. Superkick hits, and Miller runs through his whole, boring repertoire of kicks before tagging Sonny to pin him. He only gets two, so he passes back to the Cat to finish him properly. More kicks abound, but Flynn kicks back, so Miller kicks some more, but makes the mistake of letting Onoo get involved, and Flynn quickly pins him at 7:06. I'd say this was all kick-punch, but they didn't even bother with the 'punch' part. This had no place on pay per view. DUD

Falls Count Anywhere Triple Threat Match: Bam Bam Bigelow v Raven v Hak: No tags, so everyone brawls - Bigelow initially controlling, and side suplexing Raven. A cart full of weapons gets wheeled down, and Raven goes first - grabbing a trashcan and unloading on both guys. Bigelow beats Hak with an oar, but Raven breaks it up with a mailbox, and drop-toeholds Hak onto another trashcan. With Hak down, Bigelow and Raven each grab a trashcan to showdown, but Hak comes back with an ironing board. Everyone keeps trading random weapon shots, until finally Chastity (Raven's valet) sprays her man with a fire extinguisher, and Hak gets the pin at 14:28. This would have been fine at half the length, but near fifteen minutes is just too much for what was essentially just an assortment of goofy weapon shots, without any psychology to back them up. ¼*

WCW World Tag Team Title Lumberjack Match: Curt Hennig and Barry Windham v Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko: But first, Arn Anderson shows up, and convinces Chris Adams to let him take his place as a lumberjack. The tag champs object, but the lumberjacks keep them from running, and Hennig starts with Benoit. Chris destroys him, so Hennig runs, but runs into the lumberjacks again, and rolls in to tag Windham. Benoit with a series of chops to knock Barry out to the floor, but the lumberjacks are ready, and Chris backdrops him on the way back in. Tag to Malenko for a leg lariat, and a ten-punch count. Tag back to Benoit with a double-team backelbow for two, but a cross corner charge misses, and Windham DDTs him. Tag to Hennig, and he dumps Benoit to the floor for some abuse from the lumberjacks. Back in, Curt slaps on a chinlock, but Chris side suplexes his way out, so Curt tags, and Barry levels him with a lariat for two. Dropkick gets two, but Benoit catches him with a clothesline coming out of the ropes, and adds a German suplex for Hennig when he tags. Tag to Malenko triggers a four-way brawl, and Dean reverses the Hennig-Plex in the chaos for two. He slaps on the Texas Cloverleaf, but Windham breaks it up, and Dean ends up out on the floor for some lumber-fun. Inside, Windham bodyslams him, and hits a vertical suplex for two. The champs cut the ring in half on Malenko, but Dean blocks a side suplex from Windham, and makes the tag. Right into another four-way brawl from there, and this time Curt gets hold of one of the lumberjacks belts (they are all armed with them), and wallops Malenko. That draws Anderson in with a tire iron, and he kills Curt for Benoit to finish with the flying headbutt (Hennig out of position, forcing Benoit to dive almost the full distance of the ring to hit it) at 15:57. Good, solid tag team wrestling, but the lumberjack stipulation came dangerously close to overwhelming the match. About on-par with the SuperBrawl match, though. * ½  

Dog Collar Match: Chris Jericho v Saturn: Jesus. Three pay per views in a row? Seriously? Jericho stalls tying the collar on to get things started, so Saturn finally charges him with two overhead suplexes, and he locks it on for him. Jericho tries to bail, but that whole 'chained to the other guy at the throat' thing gets in his way, and they do a tug-of-war with the chain - Saturn winning with a clothesline. Another tug-of-war, and Saturn drags him around the ring with the chain for a pair of shots into the turnbuckles. He comes off the middle rope with a chain shot, and chokes him with it at center ring. They spill out to the floor for Saturn to whip him with the chain a few times, and back in, he switches back to choking. Riveting. Jericho responds with a chain-assisted low blow, and he tries to hang Saturn across the ropes before hitting a springboard shoulderblock. Finally a nice spot, as Jericho tries a powerbomb from the apron into the ring, but Saturn counters with a rana. Chris responds by trying a rope-assisted hangman’s neckbreaker, but Saturn counters into a cradle for two. Chris whacks him with the chain again, as the crowd rapidly loses patience with this match. Chris tries to play to them from the middle rope, but Saturn uses the chain to pull him down, and shoves him into the corner for a ten-punch. Jericho with a spinebuster into the Liontamer, but Saturn uses the chain to block, only for Chris to kick out of the Death Valley Driver. To the top, but Jericho blocks a superplex with a powerbomb off the top for two. He rips the chain off of Saturn's collar, and wraps it around himself like armor, then diving onto Saturn with a flying moonsault - though they botch it, with Saturn rolling out of the way, but going in the wrong direction, and causing Jericho to land awkwardly. Chris improvises a takedown for two, and hits a bodyslam to set up a flying splash with the chain wrapped around him, and this time Saturn manages to move - finishing with the Death Valley Driver at 11:50. Really boring stuff. ¼*

WCW Television Title Match: Scott Steiner v Booker T: Booker actually overpowers him in the early going, and catches him with a dropkick out of a criss cross. Roundhouse kick, but Scott sees it coming, and dives through the ropes to avoid him. Inside, Steiner tries a suplex, but gets countered into the roundhouse kick, and Booker adds an inverted atomic drop, followed by a clothesline for two. Scott bails again, but this time manages to sucker the challenger into a chase, and wallops him on the way back in. Booker still manages to hit another inverted atomic drop, and a flying bodypress gets two. Buff Bagwell steps in and gets killed, but the distraction is enough to allow Steiner to nail his challenger from behind, and dump him into the crowd for a beating with a chair. Into the ring, Scott blasts him with a roided clothesline, and hits a Warrior-like press slam - casually dropping Booker like a bad habit. Belly-to-belly suplex gets two, and Steiner hooks a chinlock, but Booker powers up - only to miss a Harlem sidekick, and fall to the floor. Bagwell chokes him with a power cable out there, and rolls him in for Scott to overhead suplex. Clothesline, but Booker ducks, and hits a diving forearm, followed by another roundhouse kick. Axekick hits, and a flapjack follows. Harlem sidekick, and Booker goes up, but there's Bagwell again - crotching him on the turnbuckle. Scott brings him down with a superplex, and Buff brings a chair in, but ends up hitting Steiner when Booker ducks, and we have a new champion at 13:30. Hey, this didn't suck! A little slow at points, but these two had some undeniable chemistry. *

Main Event: WCW World Title First Blood Barbed Wire Cage Match: Hollywood Hulk Hogan v Ric Flair: Oh, and if that's not enough for you, if Hogan wins, Flair retires. Hogan overpowers him in the early going, but ends up taking the chops in the corner, so he backdrops the challenger, and unloads with shoulderblocks. Hulk with a bodyslam and a pair of elbowdrops, and he pounds Flair in the corner. Cross corner clothesline flops Flair, and he slaps on a figure four, but Flair blows him low. Hogan reverses a shot into the cage, and a ten-punch count busts Flair open, but apparently the referee is overwhelmed with all the stipulations because he doesn't call for the bell. They fight up to the top of the cage for Hogan to knock him down, and Hulk pulls down a strand of barbed wire to grind into Flair's bloody face. He pulls of the weight belt for a couple of shots (though, really, that seems a tad tame compared to BARBED WIRE!!), and then grates Flair's face into the mesh. Big boot and the Legdrop hit, but the referee refuses to count, since it's First Blood rules. But, uh, Flair is ALREADY BLEEDING! He argues that exact point with the referee, but it goes nowhere, and Flair cracks him with a set of knux, then tosses him into the cage - busting him open, too. Meanwhile, David Flair and Torrie Wilson stroll down to ringside to cheer Hogan on, but Flair ignores them, and tosses him into the cage for two. Oh, so NOW he counts? Chops in the corner, but we get a HULK UP!! Fists of Fury! Big Boot! Legdrop! One Count! Holy shit! Hulk protests the count, and while he does, Flair catches him with a hanging vertical suplex - no-sold! Hogan throws him into the cage again, but Arn Anderson runs back down, passes Flair his trusty tire iron through the cage, and Ric bops Hulk with it to win the WCW Title at 14:18. Oh, what the FUCK was that?! First you have this weird dynamic, with the heel Hogan wrestling his red-and-yellow babyface style, and Flair working heelish to the point where even the announcers were noting it (and these are really stupid announcers), but then, they couldn't even be bothered to follow their own overloaded match rules, as Flair gets busted open five minutes in, and no one cares. Hogan gets busted open, and that goes nowhere, so suddenly they decide pinfalls are okay… after Hogan had Flair pinned earlier. Just terrible. Honestly, I’m still surprised they didn’t end up doing a Dusty Finish the next night on Nitro, since technically Hogan won the match when he busted Flair open. The wrestling itself wasn’t terrible in the Hogan/Flair formula from 1994 sense, but the ridiculous booking kept me from getting into it. ¼*

BUExperience: The ECW influence was becoming really obvious here, and while there’s a couple of decent matches, literally none of this is historically significant (or even memorable, for that matter), and the main event is a truly epic clusterfuck. DUD