- I just felt like doing this one before I do WrestleMania
VII so: The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Royal Rumble 1991! This is the Coliseum
Video version, BTW.
- Please check out and vote in the new site poll over at the
Rant Center.
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from Miami
Florida.
- Your Hosts are Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper. Not my
favorite combo, but good enough.
- This show took place during the whole Gulf War thing, so
naturally everyone is really patriotic and everything. We even get the National
Anthem at a non-WrestleMania event.
- Opening Match: The Rockers vs. The Orient Express:
The Orients attack from behind and take apart Shawn Michaels, leaving Jannetty
on the floor. Marty pops back in, and now the Rockers go to work. The Orients
bail out, so the Rockers get lucha and dive out onto them! It’s customary
today, but then you didn’t see it that often. The match officially opens with
Marty and Kato they wrestle around, impressing the crowd with their styles.
Marty gets caught in the heel corner, and beaten on, but outsmarts the Orients,
and then easily takes Tanaka down with an arm drag. Shawn gets tagged in and
backdrops him, keeping the pressure on Tanaka’s arm at all times. A criss cross
leads to a dropkick by Tanaka for two, and he goes to the chinlock. The crowd is
even hot for that, which is kinda weird to see. (Considering this was Coliseum
Video, I’m gonna guess there was some sound sweetening going on) A big
triple criss cross leads to Shawn knocking the Orient’s heads together, and
Shawn getting a two count on Tanaka. Now Shawn goes to the chinlock. Criss
cross leads to a Michaels sleeper, but Kato jumps in with a chop to break the
hold. Tanaka does a nice leg sweep, and then gets in a series of chops to the
head. A 4-man brawl breaks out, and in the chaos Shawn actually moonsaults
Kato, which is again ahead of it’s time. The Rocker’s do some choice tandem
stuff to get rid of the heels, and then dive out after them to keep the
pressure on. The crowd likes that. Back in it’s Marty and Kato, and Jannetty
goes to the chinlock. The Rocker’s double team, and Shawn connects with a
suplex for two. Shawn tries a monkey slip in the corner, but Kato hits a stun
gun and kicks the crap out of the future WWF champ. Fuji gets a cheep shot in as well, and Tanaka
takes his turn to go to work with BIG heel heat. Shawn is now officially Ricky
Morton, and Tanaka works in the nerve hold. Shawn takes a Flair flip to the
apron, so the Orients superkick him back in for good measure. Cool spot there.
It gets two, BTW. Shawn comes back with a faceslam, but the Orients stop him
from tagging. It backfires, however, as Shawn takes them both down and makes
the MEGA-hot tag to Marty. He cleans house, and powerslams Kato for two. Back
elbow for two, and another big brawl ensues. Kato gets a backslide (aided by
Tanaka) for two, but the Rocker’s hit a double superkick to stop him. They try a
Rocket Launcher on Kato, but Tanaka kicks the ropes, and Shawn takes the Jeff
Hardy bump all the way to the floor. They go to work on Marty again, and they
slingshot him right into a chop. They try it again, but Shawn nails Tanaka,
leaving him hunched over, so when Kato slingshots Marty, he flies right into a
sunset flip on Kato for the three count at 19:14. Damn that was a cool closing
sequence! The match was pretty damn good, with a few dull moments here and
there, but overall solid with a bunch of stuff that the audience wasn’t used to
seeing at that point. *** ½, and a great way to open, as the crowd was HOT.
- Backstage Randy Savage say’s he has a commitment from Sgt.
Slaughter that if HE wins the WWF title tonight from the Warrior he say’s the
#1 contender. Sean Mooney wants to know if the Warrior has also given him that
commitment, so Savage tells him that he hasn’t but will in a number of moments.
- We see that Savage’s manager Sherri is out at the
interview stage to call out the Warrior and beg him for a title shot for Savage
should he retain the title. He wants no part of it, so Sherri tries to seduce
him, but it’s SHERRI so the Warrior naturally wants no part of it and yells
“NOOOOOOO!” driving Savage crazy backstage. Savage was like the Triple H of the
day. A big tuff guy who’d go nuts if he didn’t get his way.
- The Barbarian vs. The Big Bossman: Bobby Heenan is
dressed like Liberace here. This was during the period when Bossman was going
through all of Heenan’s men to get to Hennig and his IC title at WrestleMania.
Big stall fest by Barbie to start, but once he gets started he’s all offense on
the Bossman. A criss cross leads to a big boot by Bossman, and a back elbow
puts the Barbarian on the outside. Inside, and Bossman takes a suplex, and then
a backbreaker for two. Barbie goes to the bearhug, and that goes on for a long
while. Bossman bites his way out, and hits an enzuguri but is too hurt to
capitalize. He finally rolls over on him, but only gets two. Bossman misses a
corner charge, and Barbie gets a quick roll up for two. Barbarian … quick? Stun
Gun by Bossman for two, and both guys go down off a double shoulderblock.
Barbarian heads up top and connects with a clothesline getting a two count.
Bossman hits a fluke Bossman slam, but it only gets two as Barbie is in the
ropes. Barbarian hits a piledriver (a bad one, but at least the effort was
there), and then hits a crossbody from the top, but Bossman rolls through for
the pin at 10:05. DAMN. Bossman and Barbarian and it totally DIDN’T SUCK! Oh my
G-D, that’s a shock. I mean really. ** ¼.
- WWF Title Match: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Sgt.
Slaughter: The crowd isn’t too appreciative of Slaughter’s latest actions.
They love the Warrior though, and he gets MAMMOTH pops for destroying the Iraqi
flag. Warrior eats him for breakfast to start, tossing him from post to post,
and choking him with the Iraqi flag. The crowd could not be happier. He tosses
Slaughter out, and Sherri walks out to ringside, obviously to try to help
Slaughter. She trips the Warrior up as he hits a long series of shoulderblocks
on the Sarge, so he chases her down the isle, where Savage is waiting and
attacks! He batters the Warrior down, and leaves him dead at the top of the
isle. The ref. counts at him, but Slaughter breaks the count every time,
because you can’t win the belt by count-out. Warrior crawls back to ringside,
and Slaughter goes right to work, kicking at the champ. The Sarge hits a
backbreaker, and the crowd is booing him, BIG TIME. A double clothesline leaves
both guys out, and Slaughter hooks a bearhug. After about two minutes, Warrior
fights out and slams him, but his back is still hurt. Slaughter hits a series
of elbow drops to the lower back, and then a backbreaker. He hooks the Camel
Clutch, but dumbly does it with Warrior half in the ropes, which makes ZERO
sense. He’s obviously forced to break, and then he kicks at the champion, but
Warrior does his usual rope-shaking comeback. He clotheslines Slaughter all
over the ring, and hits the Warrior Line, but out runs Sherri again. She
distracts him, so he press slams her, but Slaughter attacks from behind, and
drapes him over the middle rope allowing Savage to bash him in the skull with
the scepter, and Slaughter drops a simple elbow for the pin (and the title) at 12:08.
Big bullshit chant to that. The heat for this one was AMAZING, and the angle
was great, but it wasn’t much of a match. ¾*.
- Backstage Ted DiBiase runs down Dusty and Dustin Rhodes,
and sort of runs down his own tag partner, and bodyguard Virgil. You can see
the hate in Virgil’s eyes, which becomes important later.
- Dusty Rhodes and Dustin Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase and
Virgil: Dear G-D Dusty is fat. He’s at the end of his WWF rope at this
point, too. The faces hit elbows to start, and the Million Dollar Team bail to
regroup. Dustin opens up officially with Virgil, and a criss cross leads to a Rhodes clothesline, and a dropkick gets Virgil out. On
the floor, DiBiase runs down Virgil for messing up, and tells him he better win
the next time. Dustin takes him down again with a shoulderblock, and does the Rhodes family elbow to dispose of Virgil. Ted runs him
down again, as a result. Ted tags in to “show him the proper way to do it,” and
he takes it to Dustin. He toys with the kid, doing his usual offense and
taunting Dusty all the while. Dustin hits a faceslam to comeback, and Ted gets
caught in the wrong part of town and takes about 100 elbows. Dusty tags in, and
it’s time for MORE elbows. What a lug. Sleeper gets hooked, and the crowd is
just going nuts for everything tonight! Dustin gets back in and hits a dropkick
for two, as Virgil saves him. Virgil gets tagged in, and works on little Rhodes’ knee for a while. A long while. Ted gets in
there, and follows suit, working on the knee. A double-team effort backfires,
and Virgil accidentally decks DiBiase, and pay’s the price, as Ted kicks his
ass. Dusty gets tagged, but quickly misses an elbow and then gets rolled up for
the pin at 9:53. You knew Rhodes was out when
he job’s in a match where the faces should go over. The match was decent
enough, * ¾.
- Afterwards, DiBiase order’s Virgil to get the Million
Dollar Belt and strap it around his waist. Virgil is reluctant at first, but
eventually fetches the belt. Ted orders him to put it on, but instead Virgil
throws the belt down. Ted runs him down, and reminds him of his sick mother,
and again orders him to put the belt on him. Virgil cries for a bit, and then
picks up the belt, but instead of putting it on, he ends their three year
relationship by bashing his skull in with it. Boy, the crowd liked that!
Monster pop for it, and everything. This would lead to a long feud which ended
at SummerSlam 1991. (Today, Virgil would gladly do whatever a man offering to pay him money
tells him to, and LIKE IT)
- WrestleMania VII add. It’s in the Memorial Coliseum, ya
know? Oh … wait … no it wasn’t. I would laugh SO hard if that happens to them
again this year for WM XVII. It’s the ten-year anniversary of the first time it
happened anyway. (I guess that means this was written in early 2001)
- That is our next rant, BTW.
- TUGBOAT, SMASH, DINO BRAVO, CRUSH, MR. PERFECT, and HULK
HOGAN all have comments on the Rumble. During Hogan’s interview, we get word
that Slaughter has ripped up an American Flag, and Hogan swears revenge.
- Main Event, WWF Royal Rumble Match: This has
2-minute intervals. That’s always a good sign. Bret Hart gets #1, and Dino
Bravo gets #2. They wrestle around to start, and Hart hits an atomic drop then
nearly dumps Bravo. Outside ref. for this? Shane McMahon. Bravo comes back and
pounds on Bret, doing nothing of real note. Greg Valentine is #3, and he goes straight
for Bravo. After a little bit, he dumps Dino, and now Bret goes to work on the
Hammer. #4 is Paul Roma, and he goes for the Hitman. Greg and Paul double-team
him, but Roma quickly turns on the Hammer. For a long time veteran, Greg sure
is dumb to make an alliance in a battle royal situation. (That actually makes more sense
when you consider that the Rumble was the first match to stress ‘every man for
himself,’ while previous battle royals often saw guys work together as heels or
faces. So, for a veteran to try that and get turned on by a younger guy is
actually good booking) The crowd
really digs Bret, too. Texas Tornado gets #5 (and a big pop) and hit’s discus
punches on all the heels! They pair off as Kerry goes for Greg, and Bret for
Roma. Hart misses a 2nd rope elbow, and now everyone gangs up on Roma. This is
pretty boring so far. #6 ends up being Rick Martel, who goes right at Bret.
Bret kills Martel in the corner, and nearly tosses him (to large reaction).
Bret was getting close to his big singles push at this point. Saba Simba (Tony
Atlas) gets #7, and battles Roma. Martel teases an elimination via Kerry, but
Roma saves him. #8 is Bushwhacker Butch, and he gets a huge pop. WTF? Am I
hearing things? Atlas gets dumped by Martel, and things are REALLY starting to
get boring now. Butch is still in there, which is weird, since the ‘Whacker’s
usually always get tossed within 3 seconds. Jake “The Drunk” Roberts is #9, and
naturally goes after Martel to big pops. Obviously, the WWF interpreted this as
“Let’s have a blindfold match,” but whatever. Jake nearly dumps him, but Rick
offers him booze to stay in, and therefore is safe. Hercules is #10, and teams
up with his partner Paul Roma to beat on Butch. Since when does it take TWO
guys to work over a Bushwhacker? Then again, it’s Roma, so, ya know. #11 is
Tito Santana, right as Jake dumps Paul out. Bye Bye. The Undertaker is #12, and
the crowd still doesn’t know what to make of this guy. He quickly tosses Bret
Hart (who lasted 20:00), and then goes after Kerry. Jake attacks the UT, too, and
‘Taker must have remembered that at WM VIII because he slaughtered him there.
Jimmy Snuka is #13, and as he enters the ‘Taker tosses Butch. I think Butch set
an ALL TIME Bushwhacker Rumble record there. Something like 10 minutes.
Valentine and the Tornado double-team the UT, but he just WILL NOT SELL!! Davey
Boy Smith is #14, and goes after the Hammer. He must be having WM II
flashbacks, or something. Knowing all the drugs he’s known to be on, he
probably was, too. Any second he’ll be trying to tag Dynamite. He replaces
Beefcake with Martel, and pounds him too. Snuka goes after the ‘Taker, and
seals his WM VII fate. Smash is #15, and does nothing of note. Robert’s and
Martel are still fighting, and Rick keeps avoiding the DDT. He dumps Jake, and
then when Jake refuses to leave, he reminds him that there’s a bar down the
street so he goes quietly. Hawk of LOD is #16, and goes to work on everybody.
That, of course, PISSES OFF everybody, and they all kill Hawk. Too much dead
weight at this point. #17 is Shane Douglas back when he was REALLY skinny. He
goes after Smash, as the ‘Taker rids us of Snuka. #18’s buzzer rings, but no
one comes out, so we skip that. Animal is #19, and he follows the same path as
Hawk, going after everyone. LOD double team the Undertaker, and clothesline him
out. The honeymoon is short, however, as Martel dumps Hawk right after. UT
refuses to leave, and Shane-o-Mac is actually the guy who has to argue with
him. Weird to see, today. #20 is Crush, of Demolition and we JUST MISSED the epic
Demo’s/LOD showdown. Oh well. They double team Bulldog, at any rate. We need a
deadwood clearer right about now. Jim Duggan gets #21, and is just more
deadwood to the pile. #22 is Earthquake, who may help clear some of the crap
out. Unfortunately, he’s ALSO crap, so take that as you will. He tosses Animal
to start, but then gets attacked by a load of guys. Mr. Perfect is #23, and
he’s ALWAYS a good addition to ANY match. He takes his time to get there, but
once he’s in, it’s oversell at every turn. He rids us of Duggan, and then takes
it to Smash. Hulk Hogan gets #24, and now bodies are gonna fly! Everyone gangs
up on him, but he quickly tosses Smash and goes for the ‘Quake. The fans are
just losing it here. #25 is Haku, but it’s not nearly as big a shock as this
year. (Yep, this was done in early 2001) Valentine is out, via
Martel, and lasted about 45 minutes. He was #3! Jim Neidhart is #26, and he has
a go with Hercules. Tito gets bounced by Earthquake’s gut, and Shane nearly
gets Martel out. #27 is Bushwhacker Luke, who pertains to the tradition by
being tossed in about 3 seconds by Earthquake. It’s clear they’re building to a
Hogan/Quake finals at this point. Brian Knobs (of the Nasty Boys) (Thanks
for clarifying. I almost thought we were seeing Brian Knobs of the Beverly Hills Knobs’)
is #28, and everyone gangs up on him.
Notice all the guys who are new to the WWF get ganged up on in this Rumble?
First the LOD and now Knobs. He does toss Hercules, however. The Warlord draws
#29, and pounds on Davey Boy. They had an issue at the time. Crush goes out via
Hogan, and everyone tries to toss Davey. Hulk dumps the Warlord, and has a go
with Haku. #30 is Tugboat meaning that the missing #18 was Randy Savage.
- Right away the NATURAL DISASTERS EXPLODE as Tugboat fights
Earthquake over the last slice of salami. What kind of DUMB ASS gimmick is
“Tugboat” anyway? Well, it can’t be worse than “Shockmaster,” I guess. Everyone
aimlessly brawls around for a couple minutes, and Tugboat nearly tosses Hogan.
Hulk comes back quickly, and throws the Shockmaster out. Bulldog dumps Hennig,
and it seems we’re going home now. Neidhart goes out via Martel, and Haku by
Bulldog. They pair off to ‘Quake and Knobs pounding Hogan as Martel and Davey
have a go. Rick goes up stairs, but is backfires, and Davey dumps him to the
floor. Well, he lasted over 50 some minutes, which is pretty damn good. Down to
the Final Four of Hogan, Earthquake, Davey Boy Smith and Brian Knobs.
The heels double-team the Bulldog, and easily toss him out. They go to work on
the Hulkster, as the fans chant “Hogan, Hogan.” ‘Quake does the butt splash on
the big guy, but Hogan no-sells, and kicks Brian out. Down to Hogan/Earthquake,
as I predicted. The fans go nuts as Hogan does his thing on the ‘Quake, but
when he tries a slam, he gets crushed. ‘Quake hits a powerslam, and dumbly
makes a cover, so Hogan hulks up, and does the usual routine. He hits the slam,
and the big guy hits the floor at 65:04 to finally blow-off SummerSlam 1990.
Not a bad Rumble, but not a classic or anything. ** ¾. Next year, kids, next
year. Afterwards Hogan poses with the American Flag and some “Peace in the Middle East” signs.
- Bottom Line: This is an interesting show. First,
it’s interesting because it was in the middle of the WWF’s big Gulf War angle,
and it’s also interesting because it’s pretty historic with Slaughter’s WWF
title win, and the DiBiase/Virgil split. On the wrestling front, nothing
outright sucks here, and the lowest rated match (the Title Match) was a very
historic moment which led to the career match at WM VII, and really put on the
big start to the Sgt. Slaughter angle.
- Recommended show.
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