- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Royal Rumble 1995! This was the
first HBK won Royal Rumble leading to WrestleMania XI, and is a fairly solid
show if I can remember.
- I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. (Originally
written on Thanksgiving 2000)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great,
*** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.
- Live from Tampa,
Florida.
- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler.
- The WWF Superstars prepare for the Rumble!
- Pamela Anderson arrives. She was there to escort the
winner of the Rumble to WrestleMania. (Heidi Fleiss put the deal together)
- Opening WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Razor Ramon
vs. Jeff Jarrett: Jarrett has the Roadie with him, who would go on to
become the Road Dogg. Razor’s pretty over at this point, and he takes it to
Jarrett to start off, and hits a fallaway slam. Chokeslam by Razor, and Jeff
bails. He takes Ramon down with an armdrag, and does some RVD quality posing.
Wrestling sequence won by Jarrett, and it’s time to strut! A reversal sequence
also won by Double J, and he messes up the Bad Guy’s hair. Oh, now he’s DEAD
MEAT! Razor comes back, and Jeff takes a bump to the floor off a clothesline,
and stays out there for a water break. Too much stalling in this one. Jarrett
wants a test of strength, and Razor goes for it, but quickly works on the
shoulder of Double J, and follows suit by messing Jarrett’s hair up. Jeff with
a series of dropkicks, and he hits the Nash rope choke spot, followed by a
clothesline for two. Jeff goes to the chinlock, but Razor powers out and gets a
backside for two. Jeff with a clothesline for two, but Razor powers out of a
sunset flip for a two count of his own. Jeff with a dropkick for two, and a
sleeper. Damn! That was a hot sequence of moves! Criss cross leads to a Jarrett
neckbreaker for a series of two counts (with feet on the ropes), and Razor
crotches him on the post to comeback. Ramon with a 2nd rope reverse bulldog for
two, but he misses a charge, and Jeff tosses him over the top! While out there,
the Roadie comes up from behind, and clips Razor’s legs, leaving the Bad Guy
out there with a bad knee, and a count-out win for Jarrett at 11:46. Okay
match, ** ¼.
- Jeff is pissed that he didn’t get the IC belt out of the
deal, so he calls Razor back for another match. Ramon’s got a bad knee, and
doesn’t want to go, but a timely “chicken” chant by Jarrett gets Razor back in
for another IC title match.
- WWF Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Jeff
Jarrett: Ramon hobbles after Jarrett, and gets a roll up for two, but Jeff
goes right for the knee. He tries a suplex, but Ramon gets a quick small
package for two, and Jarrett comes back with a knee breaker. He keeps working
the knee, and hooks the figure four (getting the crowd hot), and Razor does a
great sell job. He tries his best to reverse (with the crowd going bonkers),
but Jeff keeps on the pressure, so Ramon slaps his way out of the hold. Razor
is a house of fire with some right hands, and he hits a top rope side suplex
for two. He calls for the Razor’s Edge, and gets him up, but his knee gives out
and Jarrett gets a quick small package for the win (and the title) at 6:19.
Again, okay match. **. (Don’t know why I split this up as two
matches when it was really one, but I’d call the whole deal about *** these
days)
- Backstage Jarrett gloats about his new IC title.
- The Undertaker vs. IRS: Oh Crap! This just ruined
my Thanksgiving. (Nah, it was still a pretty great Thanksgiving) Long stall-fest
to start, which eats up almost two full minutes, until IRS attacks with a
dropkick (no sold), and then bails out for some more stalling. Great. You know,
we’re over three minutes in, and NOTHING has happened. FINALLY, the ‘Taker
catches IRS, and hits a bunch of cross corner whips. You know, I just watched
the first HITC (Badd Blood Rant NOW UP!), and the difference in the ‘Taker
between a Shawn or Bret match, and anyone else is astounding. He worked so well
at Badd Blood, but here he’s just so lumbering and slow. Hell miscommunication
spot leads to DiBiase (IRS’s manager) bringing out the Druids, the Million
Dollar Team’s little helpers. IRS takes control, and pounds the ‘Taker on the
floor, where the Druids get in some cheep shots. Back in, and Irwin hooks the
rope assisted abdominal stretch, but UT hip tosses out, only to miss an elbow
drop. IRS hits a flying clothesline, and follows with a series of elbows, but
the crowd is just DEAD. Both guys go down off a clothesline, but Mark gets up
first and chokes a Druid. Another heel miscommunication spot leads to the
tombstone, but IRS escapes and hits the Write Off. The ‘Taker sits right up,
however, and a criss cross leads to a chokeslam for the pin at 12:20. WAY too
long, - **. (I don’t know about negative
stars, but yeah, this was way too long for what it was) Afterwards, UT
takes the Druids out, while IRS steals the urn, so King Kong Bundy comes out to
take the ‘Taker out, setting up WrestleMania. What a classic THAT match was!
- WWF Title Match: Diesel vs. Bret Hart: This is
coming off Diesel’s eight second title win over Bob Backlund at MSG. Bret gets
a major pop on his entrance, but Diesel’s is pretty non-existent. Yet he got
the WWF belt for the whole year. That’s why 1995 REALLY, REALLY sucked. WE WANT
BRET! WE WANT SHAWN! Bret takes him down with a wrestling sequence to start,
but it quickly escalates to a shoving match, and then a slugfest! Diesel wins
that, but misses an elbow drop, but Diesel clotheslines him to the floor.
Another slugfest, again won by Diesel, and Bret circles the ring. Diesel tries
to drag him back in, but Hart grabs the legs and posts them. No ringpost figure
four, however. Back in, and Bret works the knee as the announcer’s discuss that
Bret is more vicious since coming back from the injury at Survivor Series. He
gets the figure four on Nash (which he SELLS!), and eventually makes the ropes,
but Bret takes his time to break. See, in the Bash ’91 rant, I complained about
the Morton/Gibson match as being boring leg working, but see this ISN’T. It has
crowd heat, good selling, and Bret makes it interesting. I like psychology as
much as the next guy, but it has to be interesting! Bret kicks Diesel out of
the ring, literally, and dives through the ropes onto Diesel! Nice spot! He
tries to ram him to the railing, but Nash changes the momentum and Bret flies
into the steps. Back in, and Nash hits a solid cross corner whip, and some
elbows in the corner. No picture framed one, however. Sidewalk slam gets two,
and Nash hits the Nash rope-choke spot. Diesel hooks a backbreaker (notice how
Bret works the legs to set up his hold, and Nash the back to set up his.) He
lets off for a two count, and then hooks an overhead backbreaker. Smart and dumb
move. Smart because it works the back, dumb because it could easily have been a
Powerbomb. (Also kinda puts a lot of strain on the bad knee, whereas a bearhug wouldn’t)
Bret slips out, but takes a big boot for two. Nash also eats boot (off a corner
charge), and Hart hits a 2nd rope clothesline. He heads up, but Nash catches
him for a slam, only to have Bret struggle down for a two count. Bret pulls
Nash to the post again, but this time uses wrist tape to tie the big guy down,
and then kicks the crap out of him. See, usually the crowd would boo this kind
of display in a face/face match, but the crowd loved Bret so much (and Diesel
so much less) that they loudly CHEER it! Give that man the title! (Actually,
this was a great way to build sympathy for Diesel since Bret normally looks
like an underdog next to the bigger champion – something his other opponents in
1995 (*cough* Shawn Michaels *cough*) failed to do) Bret dumps the big
guy out, and slingshots out onto him, but Diesel catches him and rams him to
the post. Inside the ring, Diesel calls for the powerbomb, and hits which gets
1…2…. And in runs Shawn Michaels to kick Diesel’s ass (to a MONSTER pop!)! See,
even HEELS get cheered when they kick Nash’s ass. I mean, wow, that was a big
pop for the heel HBK! Well, DQ win for Bret at 15:25. Oh, but wait, the ref.
decides that this match must continue! Both guys struggle to their feet, and
Hart works on the bad wheel of Diesel. Bret hooks the figure four, and Diesel
gets creative with some good punches to the ribs to break out. Bret, like a
shark, keeps going to the knee, this time wrapping it around the ropes, in a
creative spot. See, that’s not boring knee working, like Morton/Gibson. Nash
comes back, and works the ribs with some knee shots, and pulls out a gutwrench
suplex for two! You go Nash! He misses a corner charge (crashing with his
knee), and Bret posts the knee AGAIN. He grabs a chair, and pastes the knee
(this time drawing boos). He hooks the Sharpshooter (getting all his face heat
back), and Nash is about to submit when Owen Hart runs in, and throws Bret
sternum first into an exposed turnbuckle! Well, I guess now Diesel wins by DQ
at 20:50. But wait (Part II), the ref. say’s it must continue. Nash crawls over
(selling the bad knee), and covers the dead Bret for a dramatic two count. He tries
to ram him to the exposed steal, but it backfires, and Hart does it. Bret goes
to work with an absolute punching ass-kicking for the big guy. He comes back
with his own punch-fest, dropping Hart to the outside, and Diesel grabs a
chair, but Bret runs away. Bret lies down (acting like he hurt his knee), and
sneaks into a small package for two. Slugfest won by Hart, and the ref. gets
bumped off a roll-up, and now Shawn Michaels, Owen Hart, Bob Backlund and Jeff
Jarrett all run in to kick everyone’s ass! That causes the final DQ, and goes
to a no contest at 25:00. Big boos to that! Afterwards, Bret and Diesel
re-unite and become friends again. AWWWWW. Damn good match, **** ½. Better than
their King of the Ring match. They would go on, however, to have an even BETTER
match at the Survivor Series that year. (These days, though I’ve dropped it to ****,
this is my favorite of the three. Bret Hart is a genius and a master of crowd psychology,
and this is a ball to watch)
- WWF Tag Team Titles: Bam Bam Bigelow and Tatanka vs.
The 123 Kid and Bob Holly: This was a tournament final. See, the point here
is that Holly and the Kid were like a “Cinderella Story,” not even supposed to
be there, but they make it to the finals. Then again, they beat the Heavenly
Bodies and Well Dunn to get there, so it’s not THAT special. The irony is that,
today, if Bam Bam and Tatanka took on X-Pac and Hardcore Holly, I think we ALL
know who’d walk out the winner :) Holly opens up with Tatanka, and Tatanka hits
a sidewalk slam. Bob comes back with a sloppy head scissors, a slam, and a
series of dropkicks. Bam Bam gets tagged in, but Holly takes him down. The
faces try a double team, but Bam Bam overpowers them, and Bigelow takes it to
the Kid. He tosses him up in the air (really high), but Sean turns it into a
rana, in a nice spot! 123 Kid is now Ricky Morton, as the heels play games with
the little guy. Bam Bam charges him, but the Kid backdrops him to the floor,
and then dropkicks Tatanka. Kid and Holly both fly in onto the heels (but both
get caught), and they go to ram them together, but they slip out, and Holly
hits his dropkick on Tatanka. Criss cross, and Bigelow pulls the ropes down to
drop Bob out. Back in, and Tatanka catches him with an elbow. Powerslam gets
two, but Tatanka misses a top rope chop, and hits the Bammer. Holly goes for
the hot tag (and makes it), but the Kid was distracted on the other side of the
ring with Tatanka, and no ones there to tag. Bam Bam hits an avalanche out of
it, and tosses Holly to the floor. Bob tries to sunset flip in, but Bigelow
hits a butt splash, and a lousy dropkick. That was just bad. It gets two, BTW.
Tatanka gets in, and does his usual crap, which doesn’t really go anywhere.
Holly finally makes the hot tag, and the Kid dropkicks everything that moves,
and then sentons onto Tatanka, and crossbodys onto Bam Bam for two! Nice
sequence there! Bigelow finally catches him, and hits a press slam to the floor,
over the top! WOW! Back inside, and Bam Bam goes for a moonsault, but Tatanka
accidentaly bounces off the ropes at the same time knocking him off! Kid makes
the dramatic cover, and gets a dramatic three count to win the titles at 15:39.
Good enough match, ** ¾.
- Afterwards, Bam Bam walks around the ring, with all the
fans laughing at him, and is getting more and more pissed. Eventually he
reaches football player Lawrence Taylor (an invited guest of Diesel), who also laughs
at the Bammer. He offer Bigelow a hand shake, but Bam Bam gets violent and
shoves LT down, getting big heel heat. This would, of course, lead to
WrestleMania XI, and LT’s match with the Bammer.
- We get a look back at the 1994 Rumble, as Diesel went
through everyone. They also show Shawn helping toss Diesel, with a big
superkick. See how they keep building to Shawn/Diesel throughout this show?
They also show the Bret/Luger two winners thing. Bret won, if you ask me.
- Main Event, Royal Rumble Match: This is the one
with one-minute intervals, which is WAY too quick. Pamela Anderson comes out
first, as the hostess, because she takes the winner to WM XI. Anyway, Shawn
draws #1 (what does the “TK” on his glove mean?), and Bulldog gets #2. Shawn
jumps Davey to start, but the Bulldog catches him with a backdrop, and a press
slam. He hits a 360 clothesline, and sends Shawn to the corner with a
Flair-flip. Eli Blu (A Harris boy, playing a mountain man) gets #3, and he
takes it to the Bulldog, but Shawn actually stops it and hammers him. All three
guys have a go, and Duke The Dumpster gets #4. Don’t ask. He takes it to Shawn,
and catches him with a slam, and a bearhug. A rest hold in the freakin’ Rumble?
#5 is Jimmy Del-Ray who goes after Duke for being lazy. He and Shawn
double-team the Dumpster, but then turn on eachother, and Shawn does his usual
superb selling. #6 is Headshrinker Seone, as Del-Ray gets dumped. Tom Pritchard
gets #7, and goes for Blu, while Seone nearly tosses Shawn. #8 is Doink, who
does nothing of note. This one-minute crap is really killing this thing. (Look,
the one minute crap didn’t help, but I think the lack of star power is what
really hurt this one) Kwang gets #9, and attacks Davey Boy. Kwang is
Savio Vega, BTW. #10 is Rick Martel, who goes for Doink. This match desperatly
needs something interesting to happen. The only real life of it is Shawn’s
teasing of eliminations. Owen gets #11 (with big heel heat), and is the new
life of this Rumble. Bret comes out, however, and stops Owen from ever getting
to the ring by killing him in the isle. He makes it in afterwards, and Davey
quickly tosses him. I wish another Owen/Bret match went down at WM XI. Tim
Dunn, of Well Dunn gets #12, and does nothing. A slew of guys fly out, and it’s
down to Davey and Shawn, and out comes Bushwhacker Luke (#13), who quickly
flies out. Davey hits a vertical suplex, and Jacob Blu gets #14, and takes out
both guys. He charges HBK, but Michaels outsmarts him by backdropping him to
the floor. Shawn teases elimination with Davey Boy, but barely hangs on as King
Kong Bundy comes out at #15. The crowd is just not into this. Mo of Men on a Mission gets #16, but pulls a Bushwhacker and gets tosses
right out by Bundy. Davey tries to slam the big King Kong, but can’t, and Bundy
tries to toss him as Shawn rests. #17 is Mabel of MOM, and wants to avenge his
partner by going for Bundy. They lumber, and Mabel tosses the big guy. Whacker
Butch gets #18, but Shawn quickly tosses him, and then Mabel eats HBK for
lunch. He teases a series of good eliminations, and is really the best guy at
teasing eliminations in the whole business. Lex Luger gets #19, and dumps
Mabel, then gives it to Michaels! #20 is Mantaur, who attacks Lex. His gimmick
was that he looked like a mountain goat. Didn’t exactly make a ton of cash, if
you couldn’t guess. Aldo Montoya has #21, and goes for Shawn. Aldo is current
ECW boy Justin Credible with a jock strap on his face. Again, didn’t exactly
make that much money. The crowd is just gone at this point. Henry Godwinn gets
#22, and is his usual self. By that I mean lazy. #23 is Billy Gunn, who pops
the crowd mildly, and goes for the man-goat. It goes no where. This match is
dying quickly, kids. Bart Gunn is #24, and he too goes for Mantaur. #25 is Bob
Backlund (with big heel heat), but Bret Hart comes out again, and this time
kills Bobby. Gee, Bret just can’t handle getting screwed out of a win can he?
Steven Dunn, of Well Dunn, gets # 26. Bob finally gets his ass in, and Luger
tosses him quickly. Dick Murdoch gets #27, and is a house of fire on everyone. (I
know Vince is a genius and everything, but you’ve gotta question decisions like
demoting a star the level of Randy Savage to a commentator until he gets sick
of the entire promotion and bails when you don’t even have enough guys around
to fill a battle royal) Gee, he looks like Dusty Rhodes, only no
splotch. Adam Bomb (Bryan Clarke of Kronic) gets #28, and goes for Dunn. #29 is
Fatu (Rikishi), and he goes for fellow tag team wrestler Billy Gunn, and almost
tosses him. Mantaur is out via Lex Luger, as Bomb murders Shawn. #30 is Crush.
- Now the final portion. Crush quickly tosses both of the
Smoking Gunns, as Aldo gets Dunn out. Vince and Jerry then get into a funny
conversation about how two guys will never win again, as the action is getting
VERY slow. Murdoch nearly tosses Shawn, but Luger makes the save. Shawn kicks
Lex’s ass for his troubles. Crush (Brian Adams) tosses Bomb. Is Kronic breaking
up?!? Luger saves Shawn from Murdoch again, which leads me to believe that Dick
is too dumb to understand Shawn was booked to win, and Lex had to keep stopping
him. Dick gets tossed by Godwinn though, to end his run of dumbness. Luger
dumps Godwinn with a backdrop, and it’s down to Luger, Crush, Michaels and
Bulldog. Good field, actually. Luger’s the first to go, via Shawn, and he
and Crush make a deal to take out Davey Boy. They take it to him for a bit, but
Crush turns on Shawn, and tries to press slam him out. It backfires, and Crush
gets tossed by Davey, and it’s down to the two who started it off, Shawn and
Bulldog. Michaels bumps around for Davey a bit, and he clotheslines Michaels
out, and Davey’s music starts playing. Davey Boy Smith has won the Royal
Rumble! But no, only one of HBK’s feet his the floor, and Shawn skins the cat
back in, and clotheslines Davey out to officially win the 1995 Royal Rumble at
38:38. What the hell kind of length is that? Forty minutes should NOT be a
Royal Rumble. The one-minute intervals really hurt this thing, and I don’t
think it was a very good Rumble. Not like Flair lasting that whole way in 1992.
That was a REAL Rumble. This one wasn’t. ** ½. Upon the instant replay, we see
Shawn getting dumped by Smith, and how he only lets one foot hit the ground.
While watching it again, you can see how INCREDIBLY hard that was to keep his
second foot off the ground. My hats off to you, HBK.
- Bottom Line: Well, it’s really a hard show to call.
I mean, you’ve got a kick ass title match between Hart/Diesel, and you’ve got a
fairly strong card overall, but it’s just not a blockbuster show. The Rumble
was painfully dull, and short, although not terrible, and the UT/IRS match was
a pain. But on the other hand, everything else was over **, and the Tag Titles
match was pretty solid. So I’ll call it…
- Neutral Feelings. Don’t run out for it, but don’t
avoid it at all costs. Worth a rental for Diesel/Bret, but not for fans of the
Rumble match.
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