HITMAN383 Rant for WWF SummerSlam 1990

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF SummerSlam 1990. Since I’ve got this SummerSlam theme going lately (with ’91, ’92 and ’94 all being done recently), I figured why not do ’90, too? Anyway, I’ve heard good things about the Tag title match, so let’s check it out, eh?

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- Live from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Spectrum, drawing 19,304 people, and a 3.8 buyrate).

- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper.

- Opening Match: The Rockers vs. Power & Glory: Hercules jumps Shawn on the floor, and whacks his knee with the chain, leaving him dead for the rest of the match. Marty handles the load, however, and hip tosses the HELL out of both guys. Double dropkick puts them down, and he cradles Roma for two, when Herc saves. This is essentially a handi-capped match now, since Shawn is just DONE. Why did they do this, anyway? Was he legitimately injured? (Yep) Jannetty with a sunset flip for two, as Shawn tries to get in the ring, but Roma and Hercules keep kicking at his knee to stop the effort. Hercules slams Marty, and Jannetty tries to do the “roll through for the pin” spot, but they fuck it up, and Paul tags in. Backbreaker gets two, so Marty powerslams him, and superkicks Herc. Flying fist on Roma gets two, when Herc makes the save. Marty tries a reverse roll up, but runs right into Hercules’ fist instead. Alley-oop kills Marty, and a 360 clothesline throws dirt on the grave. Superplex/flying splash combo finish at 5:56, giving Power and Glory the victory. Big pop from the Philly crowd, too, who never were known to love pretty boys like the Rockers. Piper is pretty fucking over here, too. Decent enough match, but definitely nothing special. *.

- WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Mr. Perfect vs. The Texas Tornado: Kerry starts with a big shove, one that Hennig sells with such gusto that he flies all the way TO THE FLOOR off of it. You know, there’s a REASON Vince put WWF newcomer Von Erich in there with a guy like Curt ... if you ever need a guy to oversell like crazy, and put you over, who better than Mr. Perfect? Not only does he have the clout at this point, but he’s willing to make himself look bad for the good of the match. Tornado dumps him again on the way back in, and then works the arm. Hennig breaks THAT up with a big punch, and hits the necksnap. Sleeper, but Hennig gives up on it early, and slaps his challenger around. It’s NO SELL TIME, however, and the discus punch gets the oversell treatment, and the pin at 5:13. BIG pop for that one. Nothing match, but it served its purpose. ¼*.

- Gene Okerlund looks to talk with Sapphire, but he can’t find her, so instead Mr. Perfect and Bobby Heenan storm in to bitch about the loss.

- Sherri vs. Sapphire: Sapphire must be having second thoughts, or something, because she doesn’t come down during her entrance. They give her three chances, and her music plays endlessly (But at least it was cool music), but Sapphire is nowhere to be found. Eventually, an official comes down, and tells The Fink they don’t know where she is. The referee makes the call that she has thirty seconds to come to the ring, or forfeit the match. She doesn’t make it, and Sherri wins by forfeit at 0:00. Well, that was a waste of time.

- Backstage, Gene is with Dusty Rhodes, who doesn’t know where Sapphire is either. He enlists Jim Duggan, however, to help find her. Yeah, because I know that if *I* lost someone, I would want a great mind like Hacksaw Jim Duggan on the case. He’s almost as bad as Leslie Nealson at SummerSlam ’94.

- The Warlord vs. Tito Santana: Warlord overpowers the man to start, but Tito’s speed allows him to take control. Bodypress gets two, so Warlord dumps him. In again, Warlord stomps away, as I yawn away. Man, Tito has a bad record against the former Powers of Pain, doesn’t he? This one, plus his job to Barbarian at the previous PPV, WrestleMania VI. Tito comes back with a lariat for two, and he hammers away. Criss cross allows Tito a flying forearm for two, as Warlord’s feet are in the ropes. Monkey flip, but Warlord blocks it, and hits a running powerslam to finish him off at 5:28. Nothing to see here. DUD.

- Backstage, Demolition call the Road Warriors a couple of “second rate imposters, who need their butts kicked.” ¾ of the audience in 1990 probably didn’t get that one, but for the ¼ who did, that was a great joke.

- WWF Tag Team Title 2/3 Falls Match: Demolition vs. The Hart Foundation: Demolition is Crush and Smash tonight, for anyone who might care. Bret starts with Smash, and they feel eachother out. That breaks down pretty quickly, however, as the Anvil runs in, and they beat Smash up. Bret with a neat reverse roll up for two, and they work the arm. Crush tags in, and slams the Hitman, but misses an elbow drop. Criss cross allows Hart a bodypress, but he gets caught by the big man, and slammed. Bret eats corner, and Crush charges, but takes a SOLID foot to the face shot. Roll up gets two, and both men tag. Neidhart overpowers him, but gets nailed by Crush during a criss cross sequence. Crush tags in to legally kick his ass, but Jim hits a diving clothesline. Both guys tag again, and Bret hammers on Smash. Bret takes out both heels, and hits a Russian leg sweep on Smash for two. Backbreaker, and he goes to the 2nd rope for his elbow drop. That gets two, as Crush makes the save. Decapitator, and the Demos pin Bret Hart at 6:19 to get up a fall.
- The Demos keep the assault on the Hitman, beating the holy hell out of him trying to get the winning fall. Side suplex gets two, and Crush applies a head-vice. Bret tries to escape, but gets a punch to the face for his troubles. Criss cross allows Bret a flying clothesline, and he makes the tag. Neidhart is a house of fire, and a back elbow gets two on Smash. Powerslam gets two. Tag to Bret, and they hit an assisted spear on Smash, and the Hart Attack follows. Cover, but Crush breaks it up at two, and assaults the referee, earning them a DQ at 10:31, evening the score.
- Crush jumps Hart from behind, flooring him, and Jim goes to attend to him. Meanwhile, the Demos distract the referee as Ax runs down to ringside, and hides underneath the ring. Bret manages a sunset flip on Smash for two, and an atomic drop. Tag to Neidhart, and they try the assisted spear spot again, but miss, so Jim hits a shoulderblock on Smash instead. Assisted slam spot gets two, and he bails, allowing Ax to switch up with Smash. He easily goes to work on the Hitman, obviously, and a slam gets two. Vicious Russian leg sweep gets two, and Bret Morton takes the sternum first bump for two. Crush comes in for a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two, saved by the Anvil. To the floor, Ax and Smash double team the Hitman, and switch up again. Stun gun on Hart, and down comes the Road Warriors. They drag Ax out, and kill Crush at the same time, allowing Jim to hit a slingshot shoulderblock on Crush, and Hart to schoolboy him for the titles at 15:23. Very good match, that gets even better when you dissect it for a review. The early arm work led absolutely no where, however. *** ½. (My ratings for the first four matches are totally in-line with the BUExperience for this show, but here comes the first big split, as I liked this far less the second time around)

- Add for WrestleMania VII, as the WWF tries to pack 100,000 people into the Memorial Coliseum. Yeah, goodluck with that one, Vince.

- It’s Intermission time! You know what that means: about 100 pointless wrap-up and hype interview bits. I’m not going to bother covering these, as I usually don’t, unless something of note comes about.

- Bad News Brown vs. Jake Roberts: The Big Bossman is the special referee, just for the hell of it, I assume. Anyway, Jake goes for the DDT in the first twenty seconds, but it fails, and News hip tosses him. News drops a big leg, and makes the arrogant cover for two. He gets in Bossman’s face about it, of course, allowing Jake to try for the DDT again. Again, Bad News bails, however. Jake follows out, and we brawl, allowing Brown to use a chair. Inside, News keeps beating him up, but Roberts gives him the finger to respond. That only earns him more whooping, however. 2nd rope fist drop misses, however, in a bad looking spot. Call Ted DiBiase to teach you how to do that one, Bad News. Roberts with a clothesline, and the crowd wants to see the DDT. Jake obliges, but Bad News isn’t that kind, and backdrops out. He literally kicks Jake out of the ring, and again uses the chair. Bossman’s had enough, however, and DQ’s Bad News at 4:43. Man, bad match, bad finish. What more could you ask for? Anyway, Bad News beats up Bossman afterwards, but Jake makes the save. DUD.

- Another WrestleMania VII add. Man, talk about overexposure.

- Backstage, the Demos complain about their loss. They’re wet, but at the same time their face paint is perfectly re-applied. Do you smell pre-taping? Because I do. Or is that just Dusty Rhodes again?

- It’s time for the Brother Love show. His guest, Sgt. Slaughter, who is just coming off his turn into an Iraqi sympathizer. He presents Love with a medal, just to solidify that he’s a HEEL now, and he also wants a piece of freshly face turned Nikolai Volkoff. Yes, because I know that if *I* wanted to start a main event push, I’d start right at the top too, with Volkoff. No wonder they only sold like 18% of the tickets they needed to fill the building for WrestleMania VII. (To be fair, I don’t think they’d figured out where they were going with the angle yet)

- Backstage, Gene sees Sapphire go into her dressing room, but she slams the door in his face. Oh, this is just heart pounding drama here.

- The Orient Express vs. Nikolai Volkoff & Jim Duggan: With the collapse of the Soviet Union already imminent, Volkoff is now a flag waving American patriot. I can’t properly describe how WEIRD it is to see this. Piper, however, is a bit more cynical, and says he doesn’t trust Volkoff. The faces actually sing G-D Bless America, which is again a really weird thing to see, considering it’s NIKOLAI FREAKIN’ VOLKOFF! The Orients jump them, however, but the American Express hit a double atomic drop. One of the funniest line of the match comes during the pre-match interview, as Volkoff calls his team the “American Express,” and reminds us to “never leave home without it.” The line is much funnier coming from Volkoff, and really cracked me up when I saw it. Anyway, Volkoff gets beat up, so Duggan takes over to effort. They clean house, and finish the Orients with the football clothesline at 3:21. Just a squash. DUD.

- Backstage, Dusty tries to get into Sapphire’s dressing room, but she won’t let him in. Gee, Dust, take a fuckin’ hint you fuckin’ polka-dot cow fucking motherfucker. Fuckin’ rapist.

- Dusty Rhodes vs. Randy Savage: What I never got, is when Savage is being CARRIED out to the ring on a fucking throne, why his opponent didn’t just run over and tip the fuckin’ thing over. See now THAT would make sense. (I’m pretty sure that did happen on TV at least once. Against Roddy Piper, maybe?) Anyway, before the match, Ted DiBiase comes out by the entrance area, and introduces us to his latest acquisition: Sapphire. Well, I get that he wants to piss off Rhodes, but that is just one HUGE waste of good whore money. (I stole that joke from myself for the BUExperience. Still funny)  Rhodes, of course, makes the dumb mistake of turning his back on Savage, and going after DiBiase instead, which earns him a nice little ass kicking. Dusty fires back with the elbows, however, and a dropkick floors Savage. He hides behind Sherri on the floor, so Dusty gives chase, allowing Macho to snag the loaded purse, and nail Dusty with it for the pin at 2:16. Man, this is freakin’ *1990!* Why are they wrestling like it’s *1999* all night long here? Anyway, the match was nothing, as expected. DUD.

- ANOTHER WrestleMania VII add. G-D Vince, SETTLE DOWN. Why exactly WAS Vince hyping this show SO much? It’s not like three identical adds on the same show is going to do any anything to add 100,000 people into the Coliseum. In fact, it didn’t. My question is, Vince may have thought it could be done, but did everyone ELSE out there actually think that they’d pack 100,000 people in for this?

- Backstage, Hulk Hogan compares himself and the Bossman to Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. He then claims to “never tell a lie,” and that he’s going to “let his constitutional rights run wild on Earthquake.” Hey, I never knew “slow workrate” was in the constitution, but I’ll be sure to reread it, just to give Terry the benefit of the doubt.

- Earthquake vs. Hulk Hogan: Huge pop for Hogan. They play the false tie-ups game to start, basically to establish that they’re both really strong. Earthquake takes him down with a shoulderblock, and Hogan bails out to the floor to cry to the Bossman. Hulk then takes Bossman’s advice, and runs in to immediately try a slam. It fails, of course, and now his back is bad. Because, you know, if *I* needed some grade “A” advice from another wrestler, I too would run straight to a credible former world champion like Bossman, too. Hogan cleans house anyway, however, taking out Dino Bravo and Jimmy Hart in the process, and now Bossman gets inside, too. Oh, what the hell is this?!? Double big boots all around, but ‘Quake slams him for two. He actually goes upstairs, and drops in with a big double sledge onto the Hulkster. Boston crab, but Hogan makes the ropes, allowing Bravo to get in his shots. Another slam, but ‘Quake misses an elbow drop. Hogan takes the opportunity to go for another slam (while clenching his back because of the pain), but gets toppled for two. Bearhug time! You know, Hogan reminds me of that little kid in the schoolyard who would risk his own physical well-being to show off He’d also always end up in the nurses office, too. Powerslam gets two, and it’s ass splash time! He nails it, as Vince writes off the career of Hulk Hogan. Another, but Hogan hulks up, and the place just goes WILD. Big boot, and NOW he slams him. Legdrop, but the ref is distracted with Bravo. Everyone runs in for a big brawl now, and it spills to the floor, where Hogan slams him ON (not through) a table, and gets the count-out win at 13:09. He then jumps up and down like Rocky Balboa (hey we ARE in Philly), but ‘Quake is back. Bossman busts out a chair, however, and breaks it all up. Man, tables, chairs, you KNOW you’re in ECW country. Anyway, the match was nothing to write home about, and the lack of an actual clean ending kinda hurt it. DUD.

- Main Event: WWF Title Cage Match: The Ultimate Warrior vs. Rick Rude: Warrior runs around the cage, and up and down the cage about 20 times before he even steps in, just causing himself to blow up. In a pretty innovative start, Rude waits for Warrior on top of the cage, and Warrior climbs up to fight him up there (and get in at the same time). Warrior wins, of course, and lets Rude eat steel for a while, busting him open early. Warrior misses a bodypress, however, and flies right into the bars. Rude takes the opportunity to climb, but Warrior comes for him, so Rick drops a double ax. Again, the late 90s influence plays in here, as three minutes in, both guys are staggering around like they’ve been out there for twenty-five. Rude pounds him, and tries the Awakening early, but Warrior is able to power out. Lariat, but a splash hits the knees, and NOW Rude manages the Awakening. Vince, in classic Vince style, already writes off WARRIOR’S career, too. (I kinda miss Vince on commentary these days. Sure, he was no Jim Ross but he could get stuff over and he was passionate)  Rude head up to the top of the cage, and drops in with a big double ax. He goes again, but this time Warrior nails him on the way down. The champ goes for the door, and it half out, but Bobby Heenan slams it right in his face! That gets Rude a two count (this is pinfalls or escapes), and a double shoulderblock kills both men. Rude goes for the door, but Warrior is right there, so Heenan tries to pull him out. Rude’s ass comes out, of course, and Warrior drags Heenan in for some abuse. Atomic drop sends him packing, but allows Rude to sneak in with a lariat. Warrior starts no selling, however, and goes nuts. Press slam, and Warrior climbs out at 10:02 to finally blow off the Rude feud. Another nothing match, and not anywhere near the level of past Warrior vs. Rude matches. ¼*.

- Bottom Line: This show REEKS of late 1990s (it smells like Vince Russo?), even though it took place in the very early 90s. Most of the show is spent backstage, or on the arena floor, while not actually on in-ring action. It’s almost ALL angle oriented, and more like an episode of RAW than a SummerSlam. Still, the tag title match is really good, and nothing is actively bad, I just can’t come to love the show.

- Mild Recommendation to Avoid. (I didn’t have a whole lot to add to this one – my thoughts haven’t changed on this one too much over the years)