WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Andre the Giant (1985)

WWF Coliseum Video Collection: Andre the Giant (1985)

Coliseum Video compilation – hosted by Lord Alfred Hayes. The cover of the tape features Andre the Giant, of course, and promises the ‘famous haircut match’ as well as Andre boxing Gorilla Monsoon.


Andre the Giant v Moondog Rex: From August 1981. Hayes talks over the commentary here, and relates a story about Andre wearing a pocket watch on his arm as makeshift wristwatch, since standard ones won't fit. As for the match, the entrances take longer than the action, as Andre just slaughters him ahead of a big boot and a splash for the pin at 1:49. DUD, but fun and quick.

$50,000 18-Man Battle Royal: From April 1984, we've got: Sgt. Slaughter, Dick Murdoch, Big John Studd, Jimmy Snuka, Pat Patterson, Hulk Hogan, Salvatore Bellomo, Paul Orndorff, Tiger Chung Lee, Alexis Smirnoff, Iron Sheik, Tito Santana, Mil Mascaras, The Hangman, Victor Rivera, Adrian Adonis, and Andre. If you've seen one battle royal, you've seen 'em all. John Studd and a band of heels gang up to get Hogan out, and we're down to Andre, Smirnoff, Adonis, and Murdoch. The heels gang up again, but Andre is Andre, and casually tosses them all to win the $50,000 at 11:05. As noted, if you've seen one of these you've seen them all. ¼*

Handicap Match: Andre the Giant v Black Gordon and Goliath: From January 1976, the angle here is that the front row is just a bunch of empty seats, since Andre had become notorious for throwing guys into the crowd, and it was done for the safety of the fans. Unfortunately, Black Gordon is not black, which is just sad. Also sad and ridiculous: billing a guy as ‘Goliath’ against Andre the motherfucking Giant. He still gets absolutely destroyed, as Andre slaps and slams both guys, and hilariously patronizes them along the way. Butt bump sends Goliath into the vacant front row to pay that off, and not-Black Gordon takes a headbutt, but manages to dodge a cross corner charge. He and Goliath work Andre over with a foreign object (hey, it was the 70s - political correctness wasn't a thing yet), but Andre manages to get them both locked in a bodyscissors on the mat. He gives them both a simultaneous monkeyflip, and he press slams Gordon onto Goliath - then sitting on them both for the pin at 6:51. Not a mat classic, but it was fun. ¼*

Handicap Match: Andre the Giant v Johnny Rodz, Joe Nova, and Jack Evans: From April 1975. Hayes sells this as promoters deciding two-on-one wasn't enough of a challenge, but this actually took place the year before the not-Black Gordon match. Still, shit like that worked in the pre-Internet days. They don't even bother with tags, as Andre has to take all three on at once here. He still manhandles them with ease, and works in the double-bodyvice and double-monkeyflip spots right away. Again, the heels gang up with a foreign object, and again Andre ends up sitting on them for the pin at 3:20. Pretty much the same as the other Handicap Match - only with an extra guy for Andre to slaughter, and over quicker. This one didn't feature a white Black Gordon, so: DUD

Boxing Match: Andre the Giant v Gorilla Monsoon: From January 1977 in Puerto Rico, with Joe Walcott as the special guest referee. Unfortunately, the source tape looks like it was falling apart by the time it was transferred for Coliseum Video - the video quality on par with using a camcorder to record something off of a CRT television. In other words, not good. Nothing match, as they punch at each other for a few minutes until Andre knocks Monsoon out at 5:00 shown. Not good, but I can see why this warranted inclusion since it's such an oddity for fans who only started watching in the 80s (Andre v Gorilla! In Puerto Rico! In a Boxing Match!) DUD

The Wild Samoans v Andre the Giant and Jimmy Snuka: From February 1983. The Samoans double-team Snuka in the early going, and go right into the heat segment with a long beating on the Superfly as they cut the ring in half. Snuka tries making a number of comebacks, but the Samoans keep walloping him with double-teams, and cutting the ring in half. Snuka finally manages to get the tag when Afa tries headbutting him (oh, that's awesome), and the crowd goes nuts as Andre unloads. They take a bit too long getting to the four-way brawl sequence, but they make it count once they do: Snuka getting the pin after hitting the Superfly Splash from Andre's shoulders at 9:00 shown of 12:51. Pretty dull until the finish (the heat segment taking way too long for what they were doing and the story being told), but the crowd loved this stuff, and the finish was really neat. ¼*

Andre the Giant v Masked Superstar: From January 1984. They spend a while establishing that both guys are big with a bunch of stalemates, until Andre takes over, and Superstar ends up on the floor. Back in, but Superstar loses another power-showdown, and he's back on the floor begging for a timeout. Superstar goes ballistic on Andre to daze him enough for a cobra clutch, so Andre tears as the mask to force a break. Superstar tries to keep control with a series of forearms, but Andre blasts him with his own series of headbutts, and finishes with a sit-down splash at 7:00 shown of 7:46 (a bit lost as they spliced in a clip of Andre putting his hand over the entirety of Alfred Hayes' face on an episode of Tuesday Night Titans). This was pretty much the end of Masked Superstar, but these two would continue feuding right to the end of Andre's career - when Superstar became known as Ax of Demolition. DUD

Andre the Giant and SD Jones v Bid John Studd and Ken Patera: From November 1984. Jones starts with Patera, and takes him to the mat in an armbar before tagging out to Andre. The Giant unloads a pair of headbutts to Ken's arm to work the part, but Jones gets caught in the wrong part of town, and double-teamed. He gets backdropped to the floor just as he makes it to Andre, but the tag is legally made, and Andre is a house of arson. The heels double-team, and Jones is out on the floor - unable to help. That allows Studd and Patera to have their way, drawing a disqualification at 3:52. Afterwards, manager Bobby Heenan passes Studd a pair of scissors, and Andre gets his haircut while the ring fills with trash from the fans. I've never understood why wrestling fans were so touchy about haircuts, frankly. It's hair. It doesn't hurt, and it grows back just the same. You’d think beating a guy with a chair would draw more ire, but no. Must be an 80s perm thing. The match was less a 'match' than just a quickie to set up the angle, and that's fine. DUD

Andre the Giant v Ken Patera: From January 1985, as Andre comes for revenge on Patera before moving on to Studd at the first WrestleMania. Patera is running scared, and rightly so, as Andre just destroys him with headbutts once he grabs hold of him. Patera bails again, so Andre stomps his hands on the ring apron to try and move him along. Ken tries to kick at the Giant, but that only gets him strangled Homer Simpson-style. Close-ups of Patera's face show that he looks like a blonde Doink the Clown - his hair exactly like a blonde version of the green wig. He stupidly tries a bodyslam, but that gets him atomic dropped out to the floor, so Bobby Heenan runs in with a set of brass knux to draw a disqualification at 8:00. Afterwards, Andre slaps the shit out of Heenan for good measure. Just a complete and total slaughter - just the way revenge blowoffs are supposed to go. ¼*

Bodyslam Challenge: Career v $15,000: Andre the Giant v Big John Studd: No pinfalls, submissions, countouts, or disqualifications. They simply battle until one giant is able to bodyslam the other - with Studd manager Bobby Heenan putting $15,000 on the line to goad Andre into putting up his career. Studd jumps him in the corner on the way in, but Andre unloads a series of chops to put Studd on the floor. Inside, Andre chokes him like he owes him money, and hugs him like a bear. No submissions, so he eventually lets off, and gets the worn down Studd in a standing side-headlock. Series of kicks leaves Studd dazed, and Andre picks him up for the bodyslam at 5:53. Afterwards, Andre grabs the sack 'full' of cash, and starts throwing it out to the fans - but that Bobby Heenan won't abide, and steals it back. Really slow, plodding, restholdy match (even at six minutes), but the crowd loved it, and it's always associated with the spectacle of the first WrestleMania. -*

BUExperience: Nothing that even resembles a good match, but for those looking to find out what all the fuss was about with Andre the Giant, or for those who just want to relive their memories of one of wrestling’s most memorable and popular characters, this makes a decent addition to your Coliseum Collection.