HITMAN383 Re-Rant for WWF SummerSlam 1992

- The HITMAN383 Re-Rant for WWF SummerSlam 1992. I simply wanted to watch this one again (and the original rant as kind of old), so here it is. (This was originally written in 2002)

- BTW, I use this system:
***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD – Nothing Match.

- “Live” from London, England. (Wembley Stadium, drawing a phenomenal 78,927)

- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan.

- Show’s Buyarte: 1.5

- Trivia buff note: This show aired two days after it was taped, a trick they could never, ever pull today.

- Opening Match: The Road Warriors vs. Money Inc: The LOD have Rocko, so I feel bad already. Hawk and DiBiase start, and do a stall-fest. Ted goes to work with chops, but Hawk takes over, so Ted bails out to re-group. That gets Animal to beat him up, and push him in, so Hawk clotheslines him right back out! Once there, Animal clotheslines him, too! Back in, he tags IRS to try his luck. Hawk responds by tagging Animal, as Bobby asks Vince if Hawk tagged out because he’s “afraid of IRS.” I miss Bobby Heenan, in his prime, and his small, non-over played references to getting the heels over. (I can’t even imagine how badly they would screw up Bobby Heenan if he debuted today. Oh, wait, yes I can – I can re-watch stuff from his WCW run) Animal with a press slam for two, and he tags Hawk, who gets hooked in an IRS sleeper. That gets two arm drops, and he rams his way out. Cross corner clothesline by Hawk, but a flying clothesline misses. Man, looking into the crowd, everyone looks so SMALL because of how MASSIVE this stadium is. Think Silverdome, only outdoors. I like the outdoor thing, too, and I think they should do it more often. Anyway, Hawk gets dominated by the heels for a while, and takes a series of elbow drops from IRS for two. Chinlock, but he and DiBiase redeem it by doing the “switch behind the referee’s back” bit a couple times, and the “use partner for leverage” bit. That’s why Money Inc was such a well-respected team … they were seasoned vets, and they knew what they were doing out there. They had the psychology they needed to be a good heel team. Money Inc do the “choke with tag rope” bit, too, just to prove my point. They also make the point of distracting the ref whenever Hawk goes for a tag, so he only ends up with false tags. Genius. Aspiring tag team wrestlers should watch this match, just to learn the heel tag team psychology (and formula of beating up a face for the majority, leading to a hot tag) before stepping into a ring. Anyway, Hawk makes said hot tag to Animal, and the LOD kill Money Inc, and pin DiBiase with a powerslam at 11:58. Big pop for that, one. The match wasn’t really anything, but Money Inc’s excellent heel tag team psychology redeems it somewhat. ¾*.

- Backstage, Ric Flair is questioned about whose corner Mr. Perfect will be in for the WWF title match. He gives Mean Gene the run around, however.

- Nailz vs. Virgil: I think Nailz sucks in the ring, make no mistake, but he was a great interview, and I think he could have gotten over pretty well doing this psycho inmate routine. Virgil dances around him, but immediately gets caught in a chokehold. Virgil comes back with a clothesline, and a dropkick, but Nailz is all “enough is enough, and it’s time for a change,” then chokes Vince McMahon down, kills Virgil with more chokes, and gets the win at 3:16 with a chokehold. DUD.

- Mean Gene discusses the upcoming Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty match with Sherri. Damn, the WWF used to be populated with BUTT UGLY women. Why? Was their a shortage of hotties around the early 90s or something? Or was Linda just overly jealous at this point, and wouldn’t also the hire of said hotties? (I could see it. Of course, today, Linda’s jealous of Hillary Clinton more than anyone else) Anyway, this interview drags more than Rikishi’s ass.

- No Striking the Face Match: Shawn Michaels vs. Rick Martel: The stipulation comes about when Sherri didn’t want either mans face to get messed up. Question: Michaels and Martel both aren’t bad looking guys, why would they FIGHT OVER SHERRI? Oh, maybe the LOSER has to take her. They do a criss cross sequence to start, with no actual ending, rather Martel doing jumping jacks. Yeah, because THAT’S vicious offense. Shawn dropkicks him, as a result, but gets nailed from behind, and pounded on. 2nd rope bodypress misses, however, and both men work the arm. They each try to counter with punches to the face, but the rules don’t allow it. Criss cross allows Martel to toss him over the top, and Sherri tries to help him. That draws Martel out, to hug and kiss her. Well, I hope his paycheck was REALLY big for this show, because that’s cruel and unusual punishment otherwise. Inside, Martel hits a backdrop, and they do a pinfall reversal sequence for a couple two counts each. They also both get to moon the London crowd. Sherri, too, is wearing a thong for this one, and no back to her pants. What’s with “ass” and this show? (Europe, that’s what) Shawn with a high knee, and he gets only one, because the ref sees the feet on the ropes. Tempers flare between Michaels and Martel, and they slap eachother in the face. Women. Anyway, Sherri can’t take this kind of absurdity (the realization that both are gay), and “faints.” That draws Shawn out to check on her, but Martel gets jealous, and gropes her to try to revive her. Meanwhile, the referee counts to a double count-out at 8:05, as the two slug eachother down the super long aisle. You know what they needed with an aisle like this? Ring carts! Otherwise, wrestlers either have to start in the ring when the intros start, or run down for time reasons. Anyway, they both try to carry her to the back, but fight over THAT, and Sherri ends up taking a couple bumps as a result. The final result? Martel dumps a bucket of water on HBK. What the hell kind of revenge is THAT? What is he, the Wicked Witch of the West? It’s August, you’re outside in the sun, shirtless anyway, and you’re pissed that you’ve had WATER put on you? Most people pay thousands of dollars for that, and call it a POOL. Non-ending, and absurd stipulations didn’t help this one any. ½*.

- WWF Tag Team Title Match: The Natural Disasters vs. The Beverly Brothers: The WWF had a massive tag division at this point, and almost every team was a legitimate contender. They were also about six months away from snapping up the Steiner Brothers. The Beverly’s jump them to start, and pound away. That lasts all of two seconds, however, and the champs use their fat to take over. Typhoon and Blake start officially, and the fat man walks all over him. Literally. Blake stupidly tries a slam, and actually manages to get him up, but he topples him for two. (I bet Blake was shocked at how well Typhoon mastered that toppling spot) That draws the partners in, and the champs control again, but miss an avalanche spot, and Earthquake squashes Typhoon. Typhoon takes the main portion of the heels’ offense, as the Bevs, too, show off some great heel tag team tactics. Too bad they suck, and can’t make it mean anything. I don’t think the Beverly Brothers had ONE good WWF match. Then again, look at who they’re matched up against all the time: Bushwhackers, Nasty Boys, these fat asses. Anyway, their beatdown drags on for about 18 hours, until Earthquake elbow drops Beau, leaving both Typhoon and Beau down. Both men make tags, and Earthquake dispatches Blake with the butt splash at 10:22. Terribly boring match, although the formula was fine. ¼*.

- Repo Man vs. Crush: Both these guys were part of the last version of Demolition, with Repo playing Smash, and Crush playing … well … Crush. Repo jumps him, but Crush no sells the attack, and press slams him (complete with three presses up there), impressing the HELL out of me. To the floor, Crush clotheslines him. Crush was incredibly impressive in his day, and had he not gotten into the drugs, I think he could have went somewhere. Backbreaker by Crush (done with ONE ARM!), so Repo rakes the eyes. He gets a side suplex in, but Crush no sells, and belly to bellies him. Backbreaker again, but a flying kneedrop misses. Repo gets his licks in, but gets powerslammed off the top, and caught in the head vice to finish at 4:01. Big pop for Crush, and an entertaining squash, if nothing more. ¾*.

- We get a video package of the terrific buildup to the Ultimate Warrior/Randy Savage title match that drew over 78,000 people to see this one. I won’t get into it, but needless to say, it was a terrific buildup that left the fans not knowing whose corner Mr. Perfect (and Ric Flair) would be in. See, everyone was wondering “who sold out,” Savage or Warrior, and from what I understand, it was incredibly enthralling at the time. From the video, it DOES look like a tremendously well done, old school angle, with great guys like Savage, Flair and Hennig all involved.

- WWF Title Match: Randy Savage vs. The Ultimate Warrior: This doesn’t get the “last match” slot, because it was set to be a heel turn by Warrior, but was changed in the last minute. Warrior pulls a WrestleMania VI and RUNS to the ring (and this aisle is even BIGGER than at WM VI, so he’s a total nutcase to do that). The crowd is just rabid for this, too, turning on Savage after Warrior comes out alone, figuring he sold out. He comes out alone too, however, pushing the crowd back to a pretty even reaction. They do a violent handshake to start, pumping the crowd up even more, and then do a couple lock ups. First one goes no where, but Warrior tosses Macho on the second. Third try, but Randy kicks him low, and starts pounding away. The crowd is also incredibly old school, booing each man for even the SMALLEST heel move. Warrior nails him on a flying axehandle, and atomic drops him. Clotheslines gets two, and he hits a series of running shoulderblocks, but misses an elbow. Kneedrop by Savage for two, and he goes into a chinlock. Warrior breaks out with a stunner, and a faceslam gets two. Warrior beats him up in the corner, and short arm clotheslines him for two. They try the “pull the tights to throw the opponent into the corner” spot, but Warrior screws it up, so they repeat the spot (sigh), and this time complete it. Was that spot really worth two tries? Savage clotheslines him to the floor, drawing a heel reaction. Back in, it gets two. He hits two flying axehandles, but only gets two. Upstairs again, Warrior catches him during a third axehandle attempt, and drops him with a backbreaker for two. He beats him up all around the ring, from corner to corner, and all that gets him a two count. Sidewalk slam gets two. Slam, but Savage cradles him for two, then spinning neckbreakers him for two. Savage does the over-the-top necksnap for two (and a heel reaction), and he continues to sell the bad back. Suplex fails (because of the bad back), and Warrior actually has the ring-smarts to pound on it. Kudos. Suplex by Warrior now, and he actually sells the difficulty of the move because his neck is bad. It still gets two, but a charge misses, dumping Warrior to the floor. Savage with a flying axehandle out there, and inside it gets two. Enter Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect! As they make their way down, Savage sunset flips him for two, and Warrior clotheslines him for two. Slam, and he tries his running splash, but hits the knees. That gets the champion two, which is a good spot to cover after, because he’s expending energy, and he has the wind knocked out of him, so it’s hard to kick out. Double clothesline buts both down, as Hennig and Flair stand in the middle of the corners, but showing an allegiance. Warrior gets a two count off the double clothesline, and Randy gets his own two count out of it. Randy goes to the ropes, but Hennig trips him up, and the crowd starts turning on Warrior. He goes to work on Savage, drawing a decidedly heel reaction, and the referee gets bumped during an Irish whip spot. Warrior with a slam, and he goes upstairs (?!?) for a big axehandle. Cover, but the ref is dazed, and it gets the dramatic two count. I love the dramatic two count. Warrior argues with the ref, so Savage hits a high knee, bumping him again! Great looking piledriver, but again no referee to count the fall. Randy goes to get him, as Hennig revives Warrior in the ring, then holds him for Flair to pound! Now the crowd turns on SAVAGE, and doesn’t know WHAT to think. Savage slams him, and hits the flying elbow drop, for another dramatic two count. Crowd seems to be more pro-Warrior here, even when they thought HE sold-out. Randy keeps going to work on him, but Warrior starts doing the dancing comeback. Series of clotheslines, and the flying shoulderblock connects. Press slam, but Flair nails him during the running splash. Savage doesn’t realize how Warrior could have feasibly just collapsed, mid-move (hey, maybe all those roids made his heart blow up, or something), and starts to realize that Flair/Hennig have been helping him all along. He goes up for the big elbow again, since a win is a win, but changes his mind, and dives at Flair instead! Flair nails him with a chair, however, and Savage gets counted out at 26:17. Afterwards, the heels lay in a hellacious beatdown, but the faces reunite, and share their moment together, pleasing the Wembley crowd. Good thing they did it, too, since the crowd was booing Randy, and madly cheering Warrior before. Think Hogan/Rock at X-8, but less loudly. The match was terrific, and both men (especially Warrior, since he never does this) displayed a lot of psychology, and ring-smarts. It’s also one of the BEST examples of how sports-entertainment should be done in a pro-wrestling match. *** ¾. (Funny, as I went four-stars in the original review, downgraded it here, and then went higher than both with the BUExperience)

- The WWF announces the official attendance as 80,355. Well, it’s a little exaggerated, but the truth is that it IS a massive crowd, and doesn’t get enough credit in the history books.
- Kamala vs. The Undertaker: Yawn already. This is the first of the epic “big fat guy fights the Undertaker” feuds, that would carry him from here until about the end of 1995. Most ended in casket matches (Kamala, Yokozuna, Mabel), and some were over the urn, but one thing that they all had in common: they all sucked. UT rides a hearse to the ring, just because he’s too lazy to actually walk like everyone else. Probably also because if he did his plodding entrance, it would take upwards of ten-minutes for him to get to the ring. UT with chokes to start, and the ropewalk forearm. Another one, but he gets pushed off by the managers, and clotheslined to the floor. Inside, he does some chops that would make Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat call for blood. UT answers for them, with a chokeslam, and the jumping clothesline. Tombstone, but Kim Chee (Kamala’s manager) runs in for the DQ at 3:41. Afterwards, Kamala lays in a shitty beatdown. Thank G-D it was short, because if this went on any longer I’d have to call it in negative stars, easily. In fact, their casket match at Survivor Series 1992 WAS a negative star match, and was only about six-minutes long! DUD.

- Backstage, Davey Boy Smith prepares for Bret Hart, and performing in front of his fellow country-men.

- Bret retorts, playing the “family” card, and saying how he introduced Bulldog to his wife, Diana (Bret’s sister). He’s probably regretting THAT decision right about now…

- Roddy Piper comes out to play bagpipes with a bagpipe group. No point to this, but the crowd was happy to see Piper. I stand by my statement that Flair should have wrestled Piper at this show. (Still stand by that one)

- Sean Mooney interviews Diana Hart-Smith in the crowd. She cries about how Davey beats her, and how Bret has become paranoid, and a shell of his former self. Oh wait, I think I’m fast-forwarding about 10 years. (Oh, dear)

- Main Event: WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Bret Hart vs. Davey Boy Smith: Big pop for the Bulldog, obviously. This is, undoubtedly, the height of his career, anywhere. He may have headlined a bunch of PPV’s later, fighting for both top world titles, but this surpasses it all, easily. He also bring Lennox Lewis with him, for extra face pop, but Mike Tyson pops out of the crowd, and attacks him! (…and there’s your dated reference for this match…) Bret gets a pretty mixed reaction, actually, since the crowd doesn’t want to cheer him, but doesn’t really want to boo him either. Bret, since he knows more about wrestling psychology than anyone else in the business, has the sense to play the heel in this one. They shove eachother a bit to start, and Davey very clearly is nervous. Criss cross allows Davey a massive shoulderblock, knocking Hart to the outside. They trade headlocks and head scissors on the mat, and another criss cross allows Bret to roll him up for two. Small package for two, and back to the mat based headlock. Bret has since claimed that Davey blew up (got winded) very early into this, and Bret had to carry the rest of the match, and I can see how that is true, considering Davey was breathing heavy BEFORE the bell. (Cocaine’s a hell of a drug) They both work on the arm now, with Davey making a flippy-floppy escape from an armbar, and getting Bret in one! Criss cross, and Davey slingshoots Bret into the corner, then goes back to the arm. Criss cross again, and Davey crucifixes him for two. Back to the arm. This reminds me SO MUCH of Steamboat vs. Flair series, where they’d do a hot criss cross sequence, and go to a move like an armbar, of headlock every 10 seconds. Except Steamboat vs. Flair seemed better. Criss cross again, and Hart catches him with a big knee, drawing heavy boos. Playing the heel, Bret follows up with a kick to the nuts, and a legdrop. Chinlock, and Davey attempts an escape, but Hart drops an elbow on him. Atomic drop (nice one, too), and Davey tries another crucifix, but gets Samoan dropped. Back to the chinlock, which leads to a long criss cross, which Davey wins with a monkey flip! Cool! Bret takes a stiff series of corner bumps (as only he can), but Smith eats boot on a charge. Bulldog by Bret (on the Bulldog), and he goes upstairs! Davey catches him, and slams him off (this IS Steamboat vs. Flair!), and Davey goes up! He misses a splash, however, and Bret soaks up some boos for playing possum. Reversal sequence allows Bret to dump Davey to the floor, as the crowd just lets him have it. Bret then comes inches from KILLING Davey, by leaping over the top, and doing a reverse bulldog type spot. I think someone must have screwed up there, because that looked SICK. Back inside, Hart starts working the back. Russian leg sweep gets two, and he lays into him with some nice uppercuts. Dropkick, and a big backdrop get two. Back to the chinlock for a while, until Hart decides to suplex him for two, and then goes back to the chinlock. Bret with more uppercuts, but Davey ducks, and backslides him for two. Bret beats him up for having balls, and hits a backbreaker. 2nd rope elbow to the lower back gets two, and a hair pull slam draws some big boos. Snapmare takes us back to the chinlock, but Bulldog makes the ropes. Bret refuses to let off the hold, however, taking his time to do it. He sends in some kicks, smack dead in the face, and then hooks a sleeper. Davey doesn’t let the arm drop, however, and rams out of the hold. But, since Bret is in dick-head ultra heel mode, he just hooks it again! Davey tries a press slam next, but fucks up, and drops him back into the ropes. Gee, Davey, learn to wrestle! But, ever the veteran, he DOESN’T repeat the spot, but rather moves on. (Even hung-over as shit, Davey Boy Smith was still better than 90% of the people wrestling today when it came to things like that) Series of clotheslines gets two, and NOW hits the press slam for two. Hey, at this point, it’s appropriate to do it again, since there was spots in between. Hanging suplex gets two, and the sternum-first corner bump gets two. He calls for the running powerslam, and hits it, but only gets two! Bret escapes a suplex into a TERRIFIC bridging German suplex for two! Wow! Suplex of his own fails, and Davey sets him up top, and SUPERplexes him off! That gets two, as the crowd is nearly having a collective heart attack from all these near falls! Criss cross leads to a double clothesline, killing both men, but Bret hooks the Sharpshooter while still down on the mat, only to have Davey make the ropes. Geez, the crowd was going NUTS there. Another criss cross, and Bret tries a sunset flip, but Smith cradles the legs, and gets the title at 25:11. Afterwards, Bret tries to walk out, but the crowd heavily boos him, until he shakes hands with Davey Boy! Diana then comes in the ring, and they all share a moment in the spotlight together, ending the event. Excellent match, and easily living up to the “main event” slot of a show this big. **** ¾.

- Bottom Line: Two really great matches, and the rest is pretty much a pass with this one. However, the two great matches are REALLY GREAT, and the whole show has an epic, “stadium show” feel. This (along with WrestleMania X) is one of the best examples of how to do sports-entertainment on a WRESTLING show. One of the best, ever!

- Highly Recommended.