- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF SummerSlam 1993. Continuing the
SummerSlam rants, 1993’s edition. At the height of the WWF’s little “patriotic
Luger” run comes this show as he challenges the unbeatable Yokozuna for the WWF
title in his one and only opportunity at Yoko’s title. If he loses, he gets NO
rematch. So after a big build (including Luger riding cross-country on a bus) (And getting
his image on those awesome WWF ice cream bars they used to sell), the
ending seems pretty obvious, no? Luger wins the WWF title, right? Keep reading.
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Great ***
- Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- Live from Auburn
Hills, Michigan
- Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Bobby “Archie Bunker”
Heenan.
- Opening Match: Ted DiBiase vs. Razor Ramon: This is
Ted’s final match. Yep, he goes out in the opening match with Razor Ramon. Ted
jumps him to start, and uses some Highclass Violence. Razor gets a backdrop to
start, and a fallaway slam. Ted bails, and when he comes back in, it’s more
chops. Razor reverses a whip, and gets a series of clothesline, knocking him to
the floor. Slingshot back in, but Ted suckers him into the corner. Choking
follows. Backbreaker gets two, and Ted controls, not doing much of note.
Chinlock applied, getting two arm drops, and he comes back. It gets stopped
quickly though, with a knee in the gut. Nice neckbreaker follows, and the crowd
is GONE. Ted keeps control, and takes the turnbuckle pad off, after dumping
Ramon to the floor. Razor blocks the attempt, and nails him to it, then hits
the Razor’s Edge for the win at 7:32. Big pop for that. * ½, bad way to go out
for Ted.
- Todd finds the Steiner’s mom and sister at ringside, and
talks with them. His sister accidentally calls Rick “Rob,” breaking kayfabe.
- WWF Tag Team Titles: The Steiner Brothers vs. The
Heavenly Bodies: Scott used to be much smaller and a babyface? The Bodies
attack from behind and kill Rick with tandem stuff, but the Steiner’s come back
and do their stuff, popping the crowd. The Bodies bail, and when the dust
clears, it’s Scott and Pritchard. Scott kills him, and tags Rick, who
clotheslines the hell out of him, then slams Del Ray. Scott comes in, and it’s
Atomic drops for everyone! Is the crowd chanting “LOD?” (I can see why they might, since
this match was your basic Road Warriors/Midnight Express match from the 80s.
Probably got confused) The Bodies get a combo leading a bulldog, and
Jimmy hits a senton on Scott, but the camera misses it. They keep working Scott
over, and he hit’s The Rock’s DDT. The Owen/Yoko leg drop combo follows, and
more pounding. Scott play’s Ricky Morton, and Cornette works the Smokey
Mountain Magic. Del Ray tries the Rock DDT again, but gets suplexed. Tom gets
one two. Rick gets the hot tag and cleans house. Del Ray gets the honor of
risking his life to the top rope bulldog, but it gets two. Pritchard dumps
Scott to the floor, and nails Rick with a racket getting Jimmy two. They double
team, but miss a moonsault, and Scott hits a vicious rana for three, and big
pop at 9:28. Very good match. *** ¼.
- Joe Fowler talks to Shawn and Diesel. Well, just Shawn.
Diesel stands and looks menacing. Shawn promises to beat Hennig tonight and be
the greatest IC champ ever.
- WWF Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Mr.
Perfect: This was hyped as the greatest IC title match, EVER! … before it
happened. Anyone notice how the entrance way looks like the
Republican/Democratic Convention stages? (This was originally written in 2000)
We also see that Jim Ross and Gorilla Monsoon are doing Radio WWF. Why couldn’t
we have Gorilla/Bobby, or Ross down there? Shawn wrestles him to start, so Curt
does the same. Note to Shawn: When you wear your pants THAT high, it looks
stupid. (Seriously Shawn, you’re fooling about as many people as you do with
your ever-present cap nowadays. We know you got pudgy) Michaels gets a
side headlock, and a criss cross leads to a variation of a slam. Looks like
they screwed up there. They trade hammerlocks, and then headlocks. What is with
these two? Quick paced sequence leads to a huge clothesline by Perfect, and an
arm-bar. Damn it … I know they’re trying to build the match, but it’s boring as
hell. Hennig with a series of arm drags, getting a two count, and hooks another
arm bar. Slingshot and Shawn bumps over the top to the floor. Nice spot, there.
Shawn then gets a kick to take control, and clotheslines him. Back in, and
Shawn hits a long series of elbows to the lower back. Big whip to the corner,
and he continues to work the back. He gets a backbreaker hold, but Hennig
punches his way out. Criss cross leads to a big dropkick by Perfect, and he destroys
Shawn. Atomic drop almost gets three, and a clothesline gets another two. They
fight over a backslide, which Shawn flips out of, and Curt gets the Perfect
Plex, and has him, but Diesel stops it. He kills him on the floor, getting
Shawn the countout win at 11:20. Bad ending … disappointing match. I was
expecting MUCH more. Anyone know why they didn’t work so well together? ** ¼.
That wasn't even the best IC title match that YEAR, let alone ever.
- Backstage Hennig attacks Shawn and Diesel leading to a
pull apart brawl. He did that at WrestleMania IX too. I guess Mr. Perfect is a
bad loser.
- Joe talks with the 123 Kid. THAT’S X-PAC? No, really, it
looks nothing like him. (He still looking like a middle school girl
at this point, as opposed to later where he looking like a high school girl)
They hype his match with IRS. The point is, he’s really nervous, because it’s his
first PPV, and IRS is really scary and all.
- IRS vs. The 123 Kid: Criss cross to start, and Kid
hits a spin kick. IRS gets control though, and tosses Sean WAY up in the air, and lets him
drop. He tries again, but gets dropkicked for two. IRS hammers him all around,
and dumps him. He tries a slingshot, but he gets a sweet roll up for two, and
IRS gets control AGAIN. Back elbow gets two. Rope Assisted Abdominal Stretch
follows. Don’t see that spot anymore. Chinlock comes next. Did he train Kevin
Nash? Those are his two favorite rest holds too. Kid comes back, and heads up
for a moonsault getting TWO? Rolling cradle for two. Enzuguri for two, but IRS
gets the Write Off out of no where for three at 5:44, deflating the crowd. Well
that booking made zero sense. Kid should have gone over. I guess that’s why he
refuses to job today, he’s still bitter. * ½.
- WWF King of the Ring Title: Bret “Hitman” Hart vs.
Jerry “The King” Lawler: Bret gets a big pop on the way out. Why did they
have to take the title off him? WHY??? Actually, all and all, building Yokozuna
up as a monster for a year made the WrestleMania X win even better. Lawler
comes out on crutches and goes into a long, funny story about how he get into a
car accident earlier on, and can’t wrestle tonight. Bobby Heenan is incredibly
funny selling his injury story. (I wish we got more Heenan/Lawler before
Bobby bailed for WCW, and they both became shells of their former selves)
Anyway, he introduces Doink (the evil clown) to take his place and meet Bret.
Doink (the original EVIL one) was a SWEET ASS gimmick. He even dumps water on
the Hart Brothers at ringside. Bret jumps him on the floor, and then
clotheslines him to the floor. Hart follows, and continues to KILL Doink. Doink
gets a cheep shot to comeback, but Bret nails him off the top, and slams him
off, face first. Ouch. Crowd is behind Bret fully, going nuts for everything.
Slugfest won by Bret, and he goes after Jerry in the isle, and Doink jumps him.
He hits a double ax handle, and works over Bret. Doink gets a sweet hold, that
resembles the Cripler Crossface, as the fans chant “Go, Bret, Go.” He escapes,
so Doink knees him in the gut, and drops an elbow for two. Doink gets ANOTHER
great submission hold, and even uses the ropes for leverage, but the ref.
(Fonzie) breaks it. Doink slams him, and heads up, but the butt splash hits the
knees. Bret slaughters him, and hits the Russian leg sweep, and the 2nd rope
elbow. Bret gets the Sharpshooter, and all of a sudden Jerry runs in, and
attacks him with the crutch at 9:05, as Bobby yells “It’s a MIRACLE, IT’S A
MIRACLE!” Well, ** ¼.
- Jerry and Doink walk out, but are met mid-isle by WWF
President Jack Tunney, who orders Lawler to fight Bret, or be suspended
forever. (Considering Bret was moments away from PULLING DOWN THE STRAPS, I
might have considered that ‘suspended forever’ offer a bit longer)
- WWF King of the Ring Title: Bret “Hitman” Hart vs.
Jerry “The King” Lawler: Bret attacks in the isle, not waiting a second,
and beats the crap out of him all the way to the ring! The crowd is going NUTS!
Bret goes through every move he knows killing The King. Bret gets the crutch
and clobbers Lawler, and the King keeps running. He gets the crutch, and cheep
shots Bret, then goes after Bruce and Owen. Vince yells about how he should be
DQED, so Heenan keeps yelling about how much pain Lawler’s been in all day.
Bobby is so funny. Jerry pulls out all the stops, but Bret keeps coming, and
pulls a strap down and kills him. Backbreaker gets two, and a piledriver
follows. 2nd rope elbow, and it’s Sharpshooter time. The King gives up at 6:32,
but Bret won’t let off. He holds it on, with about 10 other referees, coming
in, but Bret won’t break. After about 5 minutes in the hold, the ref. reverses
the decision, and awards the match to Jerry Lawler. They stretcher him out,
with the Harts attacking all the way to the back. Bobby: “It won’t end until
one of them is out of the WWF for GOOD.” I guess Jerry won that feud after all.
What a great feud. Match was about **, but was truly epic, sports entertainment
wise.
- The Harts are backstage. This is taped before the match,
obviously. Bret’s got both straps up, and isn’t sweaty in the least. Plus the
brother’s aren’t messed up like they were after the match. (Bruce is still messed up)
They don’t even go into specifics, just a cookie cutter of what was planned
out. Anyway, the point is they’re pissed.
- Ludvig Borga vs. Marty Jannetty: Vince wanted THIS
guy to be WWF champion, and go to WrestleMania? (I think that myth has long since
been disproven, but for those who weren’t on the net during the late 90s,
people used to talk about the original plans for WrestleMania X involving Borga
as WWF Champion) What a dumb ass Vince was. He kills Marty to start,
and generally works like Vader. He then tosses him WAY up in the air, and
punches him on the way down. Ouch. Man, this guy was IC champ just like a month
back, and now he’s getting COMPLETELY squashed. He misses a splash, and Marty
attacks, but gets Bossman slammed. Bearhug follows, which Marty goes nuts to
escape, so gets 360 clotheslined. Marty makes another comeback, and hits two
superkicks, but gets powerslammed for his trouble. Torture Rack, and Ludvig
wins at 5:15. Boring match, ¾ *.
- Rest In Peace Match: The Undertaker vs. The Giant
Gonzalez: The stips, BTW, are no DQ and no C/O. Should have just been a
retirement match, because the Giant leaves the WWF forever ANYWAY. Harvey (his
manager) has the urn, so you know UT’s pissed! Where’s the motorcycle? UT
attacks him right off the bat, showing off his moveset by choking away. He then
clotheslines him, trying to knock him down, but gets punched. The “action”
spills to the outside, where Giant love taps him with the forearm, and they
trade eye rakes. Giant uses a chair, because he’s HARDCORE! UT rests on the
floor, while Gonzalez struts. He gets back in, and goes for the urn, but the
Giant does a move even Benoit can’t pull off … he drags him backwards! What a
wrestler! After more punishment (for me) Paul Bearer comes down (to a big pop)
and has a wreath, while more choking occurs in the ring. Paul takes out Harvey, and reclaims the
urn. This gives UT new power, and he kicks ass (with punches, of course), and a
series of clotheslines don’t drop him. He goes up top, and hits a flying
clothesline to end this thing at 8:04. Big pop for that, but the match sucked,
BADLY. -**** ½. Once again, leave it to Undertaker to ruin a good SummerSlam
show: 1992, 1993, 1994. Plus countless other non-SummerSlam cards.
- Jim Cornette is with Yokozuna and Fuji, and yells about
being screwed in the Tag Title match, but that Yokozuna is gonna eat Luger
alive. Jim is really good at these little promos. (Yeah, that’s why he was there)
- The Smoking Gunns, and Tatanka vs. The Headshrinkers,
and Bam Bam Bigalow: Big brawl to open up, with the heels winning, and Bam
Bam starts with Tatanka, and kills him. Dropkick gets a comeback for Tatanka,
and a backdrop follows. He does some Native American Violence, and then he and
Bam Bam do a double crossbody spot. I like that spot, and always have. Billy
and Fatu get in, and Fatu superkicks his teeth in. Gunn gets a forward suplex,
and a reverse bulldog. Big shoulderblock turns the tide, and Samu gets in with
a headbutt. Stun gun follows. Bart gets in and hits THREE solid rights, which
barely stagger Samu. Need more proof wrestling is fake? I mean, Bart won the
Brawl for All, and has a record for punching. Three barely STAGGER Samu? (Eh,
I dunno. I could see it. Brother is Samoan) My point. Bart plays Ricky
Morton, and all three guys take it to him. Bart hits Fatu’s head (which, of
course doesn’t work), and he 360 clotheslines the cowboy. Double team in the
corner, and Bam Bam takes over. Tatanka gets the hot tag, and beats EVERYONE
up, and chops Bigalow, and slams him. Big DDT connects, and he heads up for flying
bodypress for two. Bam Bam, however, gets an enzuguri, and tags Samu. He hits a
2nd rope headbutt for two, and brawl breaks out! Billy takes a vicious bump to
the outside, and all three heels kill Tatanka. Triple headbutt, and they head
up for a triple super headbutt. It misses, however, and the heels gets cleared
out, allowing Tatanka a roll up on Samu for three at 11:15, and a great pop.
Good match, *** ¼. (I don’t know where I got that rating, but I gave it a much more sane
breakdown in the BUExperience)
- Joe talks with Lex Luger’s bus driver. Poor guy has to
watch the show on a little monitor in the bus. Can’t even let him in the
Palace? Damn you Vince! Anyway, he say’s Luger was really compassionate the
whole time. Okay ... (Yeah, that interview was really fucking
weird. And what was the point? Like, if you weren’t into Luger before, hearing
he’s not a douche from a bus driver is going to change your opinion?)
- Main Event, WWF Title, Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger:
Okay, you remember what I said at the start of the rant? Remember that at the
end of this match. Some dude sings the Japanese National Anthem and gets loudly
booed. Poor guy. Aaron Neville (same guy WCW had at Spring Stampede 1994) sings
the American version to a pop. The way this is being built, it looks like
they’re trying to build Hogan/Andre again. (They even ran it in the same state… albeit
in a much smaller venue) Stare down to start, and Fuji tries to sneak in and attack, but Luger
stops him, and hammers on Yokozuna. He uses psychology and kicks the legs, and
knocks him down. Big elbow hits for two, but Yoko slams him, and misses an elbow
of his own. Lex with more punches, and kicks him in the corner. Yoko gets a
chop in the throat, and then chokes the life out of Luger. Fuji interferes again, but it backfires once
again. Lex with rights, and tries a slam, but can’t do it and hurts his back.
Yoko with a superkick, and he dumps Luger. Vince was SO intent on getting Luger
over as the All-American boy. (Vince’s commentary on Luger matches during
this period could get downright creepy) While Yoko chokes him on the
floor, he yells about how he was a straight A student, and the nicest kid in
the neighborhood. What a tripe. Anyway, fat boy misses a chair shot, and they
go back in. Luger gets a series of double ax handles off the top, and knocks
him over with the forearm getting two. A running forearm gets two. Double KO
spot, and Earl counts them down. Cornette distracts him, allowing Fuji to give Yoko the
salt bucket, and he levels Luger. He makes a slow, dramatic cover, but it only
gets two, drawing a big pop. Yoko with some Japanese Violence, which is
actually pretty decent. Belly to Belly for two, and Yoko keeps working him
over. Yoko with a big side suplex (good one too) for another dramatic two. Awe
crap, it’s nerve hold time. Lex makes the Hulk Hogan comeback (and is drawing
massive heat) to escape, but a bodyslam attempt topples on him for two. Big leg
drop for two. Yoko is in shock that he kicked out of it. He drags him over for
the Banzi Drop, but it misses, and THERE’S a pop for ya. They trade punches,
which Yoko wins, but the big charge misses. LUGER SLAMS HIM to a mammoth pop,
and he hits the steel plated forearm, knocking him to the floor. Earl counts,
as Luger takes out the seconds, and then wins by Countout at 17:58? WHAT? Yes,
as obvious as it was that Luger would win the belt, he only gets a countout.
Anybody have any idea as to why? It still gets a huge pop though, and all the
faces run out, and lift him up (like WM X), which kind of negates that he
DIDN’T WIN THE TITLE. (This was such WCW booking. Down to using a
lot of the same guys) Match was actually much better than expected, **
½. (I
downgraded it a bit in the BUExperience, but yeah, this was far better than it
had any right to be)
- Video Package celebrating Lex Luger and America. He
DIDN’T WIN THE TITLE! WHY DOES HE NEED A VIDEO PACKAGE IN HONOR OF IT? (It’s
shit like this that fueled countless rumors in that Luger was supposed to win
the belt here, but that Yoko screwed up and got himself counted out. But no.
This was actually what they had planned the WHOLE TIME)
- Bottom Line: Actually, Lex not actually winning the
WWF title aside, this show was pretty good. The Tag Titles, and six man were
damn good matches, and Bret Hart got a great angle with Jerry Lawler in there …
one that’s talked about to this day. (Not so much anymore, though) Plus,
Luger and Yoko have a pretty good main event, so lets just forget the UT/Giant
match ever took place, okay? Had that really not taken place, I’d go on a solid
Recommendation, but with it I have to go …
- Mildly Recommended. Leave
it to Undertaker to ruin a good show, as I always say…
- One More Note: Anyone know why Luger didn’t win the
title? (They were hoping to save it for
WrestleMania X)
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