- Live from Las Vegas Nevada at Caesars
Palace. (Written in 1999)
- Your hosts: Gorilla Monsoon, Jim Ross, Randy Savage &
Bobby Heanen.
- I want to note that the whole "Caesars Palace"
deal was COOL. Because it's outside! Savage and Bobby entering the
"arena" is FUNNY too. But I DID NOT need to see Bobby's ass.
- WWF IC title match: Shawn Micheals vs. Tatanka: Man
the IC belt is shiny, but later the World belt isn't. HBK has Luna with him. I
think Savage calls her a whore. WHAT?!? In 1993 WWF? The "Brain"
say's Luna won "Miss Ontario."
Tatanka comes out, and Sherri follows. Shawn takes his sweet time to get
undressed. A lot of stalling, and they get into a formula Shawn Micheals vs.
ANYBODY in 1993 match. They trade the same offense with eachother for a while,
and Micheals takes good bumps. Savage suggests Sherri beat Micheals for the
title. NEVER LET MACHO MAN TALK! (What? Are you kidding? Thank God my high
school self wasn’t a booker) The crowd is very behind Tatanka, and
Shawn and he trade mat wrestling stuff. They chant "Sherri." Sweet
bump by the champ to the stairs. He should have bladed there. (If
he did it as smoothly as he did at Badd Blood in ’97, he might not of even
caught any heat for it) They fight on the floor, and Tatanka rolls in.
Then Shawn pulls the ref. out of the ring, and Tatanka does his Fallaway Slam
and the ref. is about to count (opps) and then say's Shawn was counted out.
That makes NO sense, because if Tatanka rolls in the count is broken and they
start at 1. DQ would work. Damn ref! Luna beats up Sherri for fun. Sherri has
an all right ass. (As I’ve noted before, my style has changed a lot since these were
written, but sometimes I should get more ‘balls to the wall’ like I did back in
the day. This was very little play-by-play, though) Good match, BAD ending. ** 1/4.
- Hey it's Big Poppa Pump. He and Rick say they are gonna
make Caesar proud. Awww.
- The Head Shrinkers vs. the Steiner Brothers: Scott
is VERY UN Poppa Pump-ish. Bobby makes fun of JR's "Smash Mouth and
Slobber Knocker." Fatu and the Big Bad Booty Daddy start, and Steiner
wrestles him down. He's my Hook Up don't ya know! They trade punches to follow,
and Fatu tries to flip when he gets clotheslined, but he's to much of a fatty.
Pier six erupts, and the Shrinkers beat the shit out of them. Both Steiners go
to the SAME top rope, and Steiner line both guys to the floor. Afa smashes Samu
& Fatu's heads together. NEWSFLASH: Sherri's been attacked in the back by
Luna. MORE AT 11:00! Samu and Ricky trade whatever, but Scott gets tagged in,
and cleans house. Head Shrinkers get the advantage and almost kill Scott with a
few moves. This chick in the audience is wearing a short skirt on this windy
afternoon. YEAH! Man the Shrinkers kick and punch a lot don't they? BTW, the
ref. is Fonzie. The Commentator's try to sell the Head Shrinkers as WRESTLERS.
Yeah right. The Brains shtick on Ross and Oklahoma is VERY funny too. The tide turns
when Samu misses a top rope splash on Pump, and Rick gets the hot tag. He
cleans house, too. But the Shrinkers get the advantage again when he tries to
hit their heads. Dumb fool. SWEET SWEET SPOT, with Rick on Samu's (I think)
shoulders, and Fatu (I think) leaps off the top, but Rick powerslams him.
Really cool! Scott gets in, and does the Frankinstiner for 3. Not bad at all.
** 1/4.
- Doink defaces a statue to Caesar and say's Crush will see
DOUBLE VISION.
- Crush vs. Doink: Crush is OVER here. He was a
better candidate for "the next Hogan" than Luger. I don't see why
they NEEDED a new Hogan. They did most of 1992 without him, and it kicked ass!
The announcers ponder who Doink COULD be. We start with Adams
chasing him, and then kicking his ass! Crush no sells EVERYTHING, BTW. Note:
Savages commentating is REALLY AWFUL! You know, Crush was very agile here.
Eventually Doink gets control with a version of the stunner, and hits a lot of
moves from the 2nd and top rope. A SWEET piledriver follows, and Crush is
taking some good bumps. Doink goes up again, and leaps, but Crush gets the foot
up, and gets control. He pounds Doink to a great reaction. The evil Clown keeps
trying to go under the ring, but Adams won't
let him, and continues the beating. Crush gets his Compactor on, but the ref.
gets bumped. Crush locks it on again, and another Doink is out, and bashes
Crush with a cast. Bobby say's it's an illusion. Doink pins him after, as the
ref. magically feels better. Nothing match. Fonzie comes out (Henry
Winkler was there?!?!?) and tells the ref. 2 Doinks were there, and
they look under the ring and can't find one. So the call stands. Seriously,
where did the other Doink go? (Up your ass, you moron) 1/4 *.
- Todd Pet ... Peting... Petingill talks to some Japanese
guys in the crowd who laugh a lot and say "Yokozuna # 1!"
- Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund: The HEEL Razor is
getting a face reaction. Hmmm.... NEWS FLASH: Sherri is OK. MORE AT 11:00!
Razor chant starts as they lock up. Bob does lots of leg sweeps, and mat
wrestling. How this guy ever was the WWF champion shocks me. But more shocking
is that he got it again in 1994! Ramon uses power moves to get the advantage.
NEWS FLASH: Bret Hart was attacked by Lex Luger at the WrestleMania IX brunch!
MORE AT 11:00! This match goes back and forth for a while, and Backlund does
some bad suplexes, and atomic drops. Again, I never will know HOW he got the
title more than once. (Dude, calm down. Mr. Backlund was an
awesome character, and you totally bought into him as a nine year old in 1994) Out of NOW WHERE Hall cradles him for 3. Not a
bad match. He then say's "One more for the Bad Guy" ala "One more
for the Good Guy's" in his nWo survey days. * 1/2.
- KOTR promo.
- Money INC. say's Hogan had a little "Accident"
at the gym last night. DiBiase is TRULY COOL. And, damn, those belts are SHINY!
- WWF Tag Team Title match: Money INC. vs. Hulk Hogan
& Brutas Beefcake: HUGE, HUGE pop for Hogan. He does look
"WCW-ish" here, meaning less muscular. Hogan & Money INC's music
RULES. Does anyone know where I can get it? (Ah, the innocent pre-YouTube days…)
The heels attack while the faces
music plays, and Hogan and Brutas clean house, then get jiggy with it! Man,
Savage did a NUMBER on Hogan. His eye is HURT. The bad guys do very well on
Beefcake, and really work him over. You know, they should have had Hogan &
Savage team here. Why didn't they? They try to hit Beefer in the PROTECTIVE FACE
MASK OF DOOM, but hurt themselves, and he gets the SUPER Hot Tag to Hogan, and
he kills the Million Dollar Man.
This match is pretty much all Mega Pow... excuse me, Mega Maniacs. The champs
walk out, and the ref. say's if they don't come back by 10, they lose the
belts! They run back, and the Mega Maniacs beat on them, but Ted and IRS cheat
to get the advantage. DiBiase chokes with his hands, the tag rope, and ring
ropes, and other things. He likes to choke don't he? Money INC. do the usual.
DiBiase locks the Dream on him, and Hogan fades out. Hogan chant starts, and he
comes up, but goes back down, and Beefcake runs in and puts Ted to sleep. BTW,
they have chicks serving drinks here at Caesars. COOL! (Women? Employed? What a thought!)
Anyway, both guys are out, and they both crawl to tag. Beefcake cleans
house on both of them, and while he works over IRS, Ted nails him with the
brief case! Money INC. beats the shit out of him, and Ted rips the mask off! OH
NO! The heels beat the face (of the face) for a while, to a shocked crowd.
Beefcake gets the upper hand on IRS, and gets the sleeper, but Ted saves, and
the ref. gets bumped. Note: The ref. is out, but the teams still tag in and
out. WHY? Hot tag to Hulk, and he gets the big boot to Ted, then nails both
heels with the MASK OF DOOM, and both guys cover. Jimmy Hart counts to 3, and a
mega pop for the faces, and their belts! Another ref. runs out, and gives the
win to Money Inc. by DQ. Why? I wanna know WHY they are DQed? Just like in
Shawn/Tatanka, the call makes no sense. The Mega Maniacs beat up the ref., Then
pose and steel money from IRS's brief case. SHOCKER: Hogan doesn't want to
pose. This was a Good Match! ***.
- Todd talks with the CEO of Caesars and he kisses the WWF's
butt, and say's WrestleMania IX rules!
- Mr. Perfect screws up an interview called Luger
"Lark" and making other mistakes. (Well, I think we have an answer
as to why his performance lacked so much, at least)
- Mr. Perfect vs. Lex Luger: Luger has hot babes with
him! Henning doesn't like 'em. They trade some nice moves for a while. I must
say, this gimmick for Luger (The Narcissist, and the knock out thing) kicks
serious ass. (Still love it) Sweet
criss cross sequence ends in a SWEET ass Perfect drop-kick. Luger then controls
Curt, but Henning gets the advantage and works on the knee. Vicious chops by
Perfect, and a huge pop. Savage: "He's not just perfect ... he's
perfect!" Thanks Randy! Luger whips him to the corner, and then to the
other side, REALLY hard! Luger then controls for a while, working on the back.
Lex rolls him up with his feet on the ropes (ala Flair) and gets 2, because the
ref. saw it. Amazing powerslam gets 2. Huge flying sunset flip by Curt gets 2.
Small Package by Henning for 2. HARD backdrop on Luger. Slingshot by Perfect
... punches, and a clothesline gets 2. Henning with more good offense. Missile
Drop-kick from the top gets 3, but Luger gets him foot on the rope to break the
count. Luger with a backslide for 3, even though Perfect was in the ropes! ref.
doesn't see it. GREAT MATCH! After, Luger knocks him out, and when he wakes up
chases Lex, but finds HBK who kicks his ass. Savage say's Curt is hot.
Okay..... *** 1/2. (I cam back down to earth with the rating in the BUExperience)
- Monsoon plugs the last two matches.
- The Undertaker vs. The Giant Gonzalez: Was this
dude really 8 feet tall ... or did he have lifts? (Oh my God, was I retarded as a
kid?) Why does he wear that
stupid body suit? Here's the gist of the bout, Giant hammers, and UT no-sells
it. Usual offense by both men, and 'Taker sits up a lot. After a long time, the
Giant gets a rag, with chemicals on it, and smothers the UT out with it. Lots
of ref.s come out, and Giant beats on them, then they wheel the 'Taker off.
Bullshit chant from the fans, which Bobby calls as "They're chanting for
Hogan!" (Heh) Then, the UT comes
back, and brawls with Gonzalez. Bad, bad match. - ***.
- Gene reviews Yokozuna's status as a monster. (‘Yes
folks, he is still a monster’) He then talks with Hulk Hogan who say's Bret
Hart is bigger than Hulk-a-Mania! DUH! Why not interview Bret ... you know, the
champion? I wanna note, that Hogan looks more muscular than before. He
challenges the winner to a title match. I think Bret/Hogan at Summer Slam would
have ruled that year. (So did Bret)
- Todd interviews some rednecks form Southern, CA in the
crowd.
- WWF Title Match: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna: Hart is SO
OVER here. Like I said before, that belt is NOT shinny like the others. Bret
Hart is SO COOL. I can't get over that! Ugly shot of Yoko's ass as the match
starts, which makes me almost puke. Bret pounds Yoko, and moves fast, but the
big (very big) guy easily shrugs the champion off. Bret gets him down, and
works him over (nicely) with his usual stuff. He is mucho over. Zuna slams Bret
so easily it's scary, then hits the big (very big) leg. The stupid crowd starts
a "USA"
chant. Okay, Yokozuna is from Japan,
and Bret Hart is from CANADA.
Not the US.
Yoko gets tired, and uses the NERVE HOLD OF DOOM. Bret gets out after a while,
and bulldog's him for 2, but Yoko kicks the shit out of him right after. They
trade offense some more, and Bret does lots from the ropes. Hart rams the big
(very big) guy to the exposed top turn buckle, and locks the Sharpshooter! But
the vile Mr. Fuji throws salt in Hart's eyes, and Yoko pins him, and is the WWF
champion. This was a good match. Hogan runs out, and tells the ref. what
happened, but no reversal of the decision is made. Fuji and Yoko challenge Hogan right then, for
the title. Bret gives the okay, which gives us.... **.
- WWF Title Match: Yokozuna vs. Hulk Hogan: Hogan is
held by Yoko while Fuji
throws salt, but he ducks, and Yoko gets it! He beats up the old man (But he's
old too, so its OK) (Hell, he looked positively young compared to the way we’d see him
wrestle/still see him wrestle twenty years later) then hits the big leg
on Yoko for 3, and the strap for the 5th time. The fans go VERY wild. Can't
really rate it.
- The Bottom Line: I like this show! I know I'm gonna get
hate notes for this, but I like this show. It really was NOT a bad one.
Undertaker vs. Giant was bad, but that's about it. Everything else was at least
good enough. Hogan went over, which is okay, and it was fun.
I don't know why it gets a bad rap. I thought WrestleMania's
I, II, XI, XIII were much worse. But E-mail me your thoughts on this show. And
if you didn't like it, why?
Mildly Recommended. (I
still have something of a nostalgic soft spot for this show, but there’s no
question that this was a parade of bad endings and disappointing matches)
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