- Picked this one up at Blockbuster today. (Man,
I miss Blockbuster. Sure, I’m a Netflix guy these days (though, I was a
Blockbuster guy until 2011 when all the stores in my area started disappearing),
but Blockbuster still had a place in my life. Sometimes, you’re in the mood for
some random movie from six years ago that isn’t on HBO anymore and you don’t
feel like waiting a couple of days for it in the mail. Plus, without
Blockbuster I would have never become the wrestling fan I did, as catching up
on old pay per views wasn’t as easy in 1994 as 2014) It's inspired with
everyone's recent talk of how great the Rumble match was, Bobby Heenan's
commentary, and weather or not bag pipes played. Should be interesting, eh? (This
was originally written in 2000)
- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent **** - Great ***
- Good **- Okay * - Decent DUD - Awful.
- Live from Albany,
New York.
- Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, and Bobby Heenan. This
would be one of Heenan's best commentary works... EVER! In fact, he was great
during most of his WWF run, but not so in WCW.
- Opening Match: The Orient Express vs. The New
Foundation: Those who don't know, the New Foundation is Owen Hart and Jim
Neidhart. Are the Orients in every Rumble's opening match? Good pop for the
Harts ... man that team didn't last long. Wonder why? (Neidhart was gone not long after
this and didn’t return until the 1994 Hart Family feud angle) Owen starts with Kato and works his arm. They
go on that for a while, and then do an acrobatic sequence, which Hart wins.
More arm working. Kato works his strength, and gets Owen for a few twos, but
Hart flies around and even works in a rana. Cool. Tag to Jim, who continues to
work the arm. Tanaka tagged in, and Neidhart. handles his easily, with the
crowd in a frenzy. Owen gets in, and some nice tandem offense goes down. He
kills Tanaka for a bit, including a big ass backdrop. Owen works in an
enzuguri, and tons of high flying stuff, wowing the crowd. The heels comes back
and double team, but it backfires, of course, and Owen hits a double flying
bodypress. Owen is *SO* carrying this whole match. The Orients cheat to win,
and Owen plays Ricky Morton to much double teaming, and cane shots by Fuji. No matter how much
they cheat, Owen keeps kicking out getting bigger, and bigger crowd pops. He
comes back with a crucifix for two, but Tanaka stops that effort with a chinlock.
Oooh, how vicious. Owen comes back yet again, but again Tanaka stops it, this
time with a sweet ass flying forearm. Hot tag to Neidhart., but the ref.
doesn't see it, so the heels double team and whip Owen into Fuji's cane, in a nice bump. This match is
WAY too long. They keep taunting Jim, and when he comes in, the ref. gets
distracted and they double team Hart. Owen retaliates on both with a nice
double drop-kick, and makes the hot tag to Neidhart., who slingshots in and
cleans house on the heels. Owen hits a sweet dive to the floor, and the Rocket
Launcher on Tanaka ends it to a big pop, at 17:18. Too long, but still was good
enough. *** for Owen.
- Alfred Hayes reviews the Intercontinental title situation
as Bret jobbed the title to the Mountie at a House show a few days prior. The
story is Bret was sick, what was the real deal? (There was legitimate concern
that Hart (whose contract had expired) would show up on the January Clash of
the Champions with the belt so they jobbed him while they worked his contract
out) Anyway, after the match
Mountie lays an ass whipping in, so Piper makes the save setting up a match
tonight. Hayes' commentary on the incident is terrible. How did this goof keep
his job so long?
- Mountie yells about what he's gonna do to Piper tonight,
sounding fruity at times, and in Roddy's reply interview he comments on it. Too
funny.
- WWF Intercontinental Title, The Mountie vs. Rowdy Roddy
Piper: Piper gets a huge pop from the hot crowd tonight. Roddy blitz's him
to start, but Jacques bails, so Piper follows out and murder's him there. Jimmy
Hart works his magic, allowing Mountie to get the advantage and in they go.
Criss cross sequence goes to Piper, and he hits a flying bulldog. Roddy
controls, but misses a drop-kick to turn the tide. Jacques hammers him, and
connects with a flying back elbow. It gets two. Piper with a sunset flip to
come back for two, and then beats the hell out of Mountie with punches and biting.
The flow is pretty bad here. Mountie sells in Hennig-esqe mode tonight,
flipping and diving at every turn. Heel miscommunication spot leads to the
sleeper, and Piper wins the title to a gigantic pop, at 5:22. He then shocks
Mountie (weird sound effects and all) to a big ovation. Match sucked, but is
Piper's only title win in the WWF and a big moment. *.
- The Beverly Brothers vs. The Bushwhackers: Oh G-D,
it's the Bushwhackers, and even worse... with Jameson, the giant nerd. I don't
know who Jameson is, or why, but dear G-D he's the worst idea in wrestling
history. He feuds with the Genius. Need I say more? The Bushwhackers actually
LICK people in the front row. That's SO disgusting, I won't even get into it.
Long stall session to start, and I mean LONG. Seems every Bushwhackers match
EVER has that. Once they actually starts it's cheep Memphis
tactics all around, as the Beverly's
do it none stop. It backfires, as usual, and the Bushwhackers do nothing but
pose and bite. Dream match: Bushwhakers vs. Roddy Piper: who would bite and
punch more? (Special stipulation: winner gets Hepatitis) Man, I think this match needs to be killed ...
then killed twice more. It's THAT bad. The heels control with a bunch of kicks,
as the announcer's hype other things out of sheer boredom. I can't blame them.
Whackers take control, and clean house. More cheep Memphis stuff, in INCREDIBLY stupid fashion
from the Bev's. Match is S-O- S-L-O-W, and loose as "stiffness" is
apparently not a concept these teams know. Beverly's keep repeating the same spots, as
they seem to not know what to do out there. Genius finally attacks Jameson, and
he yells "He hitt-ed me. He hitt-ed me hard. Is it bleeding?" Okay,
that was funny. In a "I can't believe how dumb this is" kinda way.
After 9 1/2 hour's Butch makes a come back, and beats the hell out of (in the
simplest definition of the phrase) the heels. They cheat to win, however, and
get the three count at 14:56. Terrible match, and was 15 MINUTES(!) long. -
****. Yes, it was *THAT* bad. Afterwards, the Bushwhackers hold Genius for Jameson
to hit, and after 5 minutes of winding up his fist, he kicks him in the shin.
Loser. Let's move on, huh? (Yeah, this was a horrible piece of shit of
a match, and I still don’t understand why the fuck this would warrant fifteen
minutes)
- WWF Tag Team Titles, The Legion of Doom vs. The Natural
Disasters: There are A LOT of tag matches tonight, eh? HUGE pop for the
LOD, BTW. Hawk starts with Typhoon, and they are even to start, as Hawk can't
knock him down. He tries, and tries by can't, so heads up top, and hits a
flying clothesline to tip him over. Earthquake comes in, and actually tries a
drop-kick but it misses, and Hawk kicks the crap out of the fat tub. Animal
tagged in, and they trade some punches. The LOD were so cool in their day.
Double KO spot (off a sweet double clothesline), is followed by a bodyslam
attempt. Animal lifts him, but Earthquake's too fat, and crushes him. Typhoon
comes in, but of course, he's the Shockmaster and can't do ANYTHING right so
Animal takes control. Hawk gets in, but Typhoon powerslams him off a cross body
attempt. Hawk play's Ricky Morton, as the heels kill him for a stint. You know
when Earthquake walks on peoples' chest? How does he do that without it hurting
that much? Bearhug gets the crowd in to it, as they cheer him on. He makes a
superman comeback, and hot tags Animal who flying shoulderblocks 'Quake down,
but falls victim to a double team. It doesn't last tough, as the LOD quickly
demolish the fat boys. The action spills to the floor, and the Road Warrior's
are counted out, giving the Nat. Disaster's a count-out win, but no titles at
9:24. Not a bad match, * 1/4.
- Backstage Jimmy Hart, and the fat boys complain about not
getting the belts. How come every arena they go to has the same colored locker
room, and look, with a picture of the "WrestleMania VI" crowd in the
background? I've always wondered that. (Hmm, I wonder)
- Ton's of interviews leading to the Rumble. PIPER, MICHAELS
(who recently turned heel by tossing Marty Jannety thru a window.), FLAIR,
SAVAGE, SID, BULLDOG, ROBERTS, UNDERTAKER, HOGAN! Let's get ready to RUMBLE!
- Main Event, 30 man Royal Rumble match, the winner is
the WWF World Champion: Jack Tunny comes out (to big boo's due to striping
Hulk of the gold) to officially open the event. Why did Tunny ever leave the
WWF? (Forced
out over money when business was slow in the mid-90s, and they didn’t want to
keep cutting him in on Canadian shows) And secondly, why didn't Vince just play the
president of the WWF? Since Tunny was just a figurehead anyway, he could have
played the part. Davey Boy draws # 1 (and a big pop), followed by Ted DiBiase
at # 2. They get right to brawling, with Davey killing him all around the ring.
Ted comes back with chops, and actually wrestles Davey instead of the usual
punches, and hanging out by the ropes that this type of match calls for. Ted
turns his back, and Bulldog tosses him (to a MAMMOTH pop) as Monsoon shills his
longevity record. So much for *THAT.* Countdown goes, and # 3 is Ric Flair.
Heenan nearly dies in shock, as Monsoon makes fun of him. Ric takes it to
Davey, but Bulldog's strength stops THAT effort, as Bobby pulls for the Nature
Boy. Ric cheats like the devil, but Bulldog's power keeps giving him comebacks.
# 4 is Jerry Saggs, who's "Fair to Flair," and helps him out against
Davey. After an aborted try, Bulldog tosses Saggs, and goes back to his match
with Flair. Vicious chops in the corner, by Ric and a big slam by Davey. # 5 is
Haku (Meng), and he too is "Fair to Flair" helping him. Poor Bulldog.
Haku then turns on Slick Ric (to a large face reaction), and Ric bails. Haku
turns his back to go to Smith, and Flair of course kicks his ass from behind.
He gets tossed. Is the counter chant piped? # 6 is Shawn Michaels, as he and
Ric get right into their little selling contest having a great mini-match. They
then see who can sell Davey's offense best. Shawn works REALLY hard trying to
top Flair at this, BTW. # 7 is Tito, and he blitz's Flair. THAT'S NOT FAIR TO
FLAIR! Michaels saves his hero, and nearly tosses Tito, as Davey and Ric
continue their private war. # 8 = Barbarian, who goes right for Davey. Flair
seems not to know who to have a match with first, so fights both Tito and
Shawn. Michaels is THE MAN at teasing elimination's, as I have yet to see
someone do it better. Texas Tornado is # 9, and Flair awaits him. OH BOY, they
go right at it, and Kerry kicks the crap out of him. Shawn gets jealous of
Ric's selling, so comes over and goes a 360 off the discus punch, then bumps
around for Davey. Gotta love Shawn trying his best to out do someone. Repo Man
(oh G-D) is # 10, and sneaks around the ring. He goes right into pounding
Shawn, as Tito and Barbarian have a WM VI re-match. Michaels gets into yet
ANOTHER selling contest with Flair, and yet again does a great job. Ric chops
Kerry to death, nearly ripping flesh, and tries to toss him. Greg Valentine is
# 11 and goes right for Flair, having a chopping contest. Hammer wins, and then
Bulldog holds him for more punishment. Bobby: "Flair's gonna do it!"
Monsoon: "I told you, NO ONE who has ever drawn #'s 1-5 has been there at
the end!" Bobby: "SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" So classic. Volkoff draws #
12, and does nothing. Valentine and Flair are STILL having a chopping match,
and this time Ric wins. They go into full match mode, and Hammer locks on the
figure four, as Volkoff is tossed. Do Greg/Ric have a history or something? (*Facepalm*)
They won't let up on eachother. Bossman
is # 13, to a huge pop, and he kills EVERYONE and Shawn and Ric both go into
over sell mode for him. Michaels is so cool. Repo tossed, as Davey continues to
hammer Flair. I notice Greg is gone ... guess Ric tossed him. Flair finally
tosses Bulldog (to big heat) and Bossman attacks. Shawn and Tito both gone, as
Hercules enters at # 14. Flair teams with Barbarian, but turns on him in short
order, which gets him an ass kicking. Herc and Barbarian both gone, and it's
Flair and Bossman alone. They have a mini-match, and Ray kills him. Ric dodges
a spear, and Bossman's gone. Flair flop out of being so tired, and guess who's
# 15? PIPER (w.out bag pipes). What great booking. Crowd goes INSANE, and Roddy
murder's our hero. It spills to the floor, and Ric cannot get the advantage.
Back in, and Piper continues to massacre him. Again, this is SUCH great
booking. Sleeper hooked in, and Flair fades as Jake "Hide the Liquor"
Roberts comes in at # 16. He see's this whole thing, and just sits in the
corner. That was cool. Jake then gets sick of that, and kicks the crap out of
Piper, then Flair. Piper helps Flair out so Bobby yells "It's not a skirt,
it's a kilt, it's a kilt." But Roddy shortly attacks Flair, and Heenan
yells "You skirt wearing freak! What's wrong with you?" It doesn't
get more classic. # 17 is Jim Duggan, who hammers everyone, as Heenan is STILL
singing Ric's praises. Why isn't Bobby this good today? (Haha, WCW) # 18 is
IRS, who S-L-O-W-L-Y makes him way to the ring, and goes right at Flair. They
make up though, and double team Piper. Roddy and Flair just won't quit
fighting, will they? # 19 is Jimmy Snuka, who (like everyone else) goes for Flair.
# 20 is Undertaker, who gets a huge "oh crap, what the hell is he gonna
do?" reaction from the fans. He murder's Snuka to begin, and tosses him,
then chokes the life out of Flair. Duggan attacks Taker, but gets killed. Note
to self: Don't mess with Undertaker. He basically destroys ANYONE who steps in
his path here. # 21 is Savage to a great pop, and he goes for Roberts, but Jake
bails right away. 'Taker stops Randy, and then and ONLY then Jake runs in and
goes to work. Savage goes right back and blitz's him, then tosses him. He
forgets his part later in the match, and leaps OVER the top to get Jake. UT
drags him back in, and the ref's let it slide. Mark kills him too. Flair/Piper
will not quit! Flair decides the only way to stop 'Taker is a ball shot, but it
fails. Now *THATS* how you play a dead man! Berzerker comes in at # 22, and
doesn't interest me. Flair and Savage have a go, which Ric easily dominates, as
Undertaker continues his relentless assault on Piper. # 23 is Virgil, who
actually gets a big pop. He murder's IRS, until the heels gang up and beat on
him. UT then looks at Flair like "your time is up" and tries to get
rid of him. The Iron Sheik is # 24 (tough called "Mustafa" under the
whole Sgt. Slaughter thing), and he attacks Duggan. Flair/Piper rekindle their
match, with Piper dominating. Sweet ass spot, as Roddy hammers Ric in the
corner, and UT slowly creeps up (to the horror of the fans) and nearly kills
him. I mean, really. Rick Martel gets # 25, and fights Flair. Savage tosses
Sheik, and then falls victim to the Undertaker. # 26 is Hulk Hogan to a big
ovation. He attacks Flair and Undertaker, and just kicks the hell out of anyone
who stands in his way. A number of heels team up, and attack, but Hogan fights
them off, and clotheslines Taker out, then Berzerker to a mammoth pop. He and
Flair have a mini-match, which Ric wins. Skinner draws # 27, and goes for
Piper. Hulk nearly tosses Flair, but IRS makes the save. Heenan nearly has a
heart attack. Roddy continues to fight Flair, as they trade more shots, and
just do not like eachother. # 28 is Sgt. Slaughter. Skinner tossed by Martel,
and the Sarge battles Ric. Piper and Hogan have a go, which Roddy wins. Monsoon
announces Flair is a record holder for the longest time, as Bobby congratulates
Slick Ric. # 29 is BIG Sid Justice to a big pop. He blitz's IRS to begin with,
then battles Rick Martel. Flair chops the hell out of Hogan, who is selling for
everyone tonight. Sid goes for Flair, and they have a good mini-match. Sid was
pretty agile back then, doing kick up's and all? (That was a question?) # 30 is Warlord.
- Okay, now the main part. (More like the ‘finale’ – I’d say
the first hour or so probably better qualifies as the ‘main part’) On the
floor, Hogan suplexes Flair and Sid almost KILLS Slaughter while eliminating
him. Vicious. Hogan nails Flair with the big boot, and hammers. IRS out via
Piper, as Hulk and Sid team up to toss Warlord. Piper and Martel both tossed by
Sid, and it's down to: Hogan, Flair, Savage, Sid. What a great final
four. I mean, they all are people who have a chance to win, so the winner isn't
obvious like it is some years, and they are all big stars. They'd each headline
WM that year. Perfect booking, Vince. Sid and Randy go, while Flair fights
Hulk. Savage gone via Sid/Ric, and Hogan murder's Flair while Sid looks on. Sid
gets sick of it, and comes from behind to toss Hulk and gets a FACE pop. Hulk
"cheater" Hogan then grabs Sid's arm, and pulls, allowing Ric to push
him out and win at 62:02. What a baby Hogan is. Heenan nearly dies with
excitement, and is absolutely going NUTS~! What a Rumble match too. The best
one ever, full of star power, great booking thru-out, and all around
entertaining. *****. (Still my favorite Rumble, though I
downgraded it a bit since) Sid
and Hulk have a confrontation, and about 100 officials need to break it up.
- Flair gives a victory speech in the back, calling the WWF
title the "only belt that matter's." Great moment, as Heenan and
Hennig are all with him going nuts with joy.
- Bottom Line: All around a very entertaining show. The
opener is good enough yet WAY too long. The Piper moment is here.
Bushwhacker's/Beverly's is PAINFUL to sit thru. LOD have a token title defense,
and then the reason to watch, the greatest Rumble EVER! Great booking the whole
way thru with Flair, Undertaker, Piper, Savage, Roberts, Hogan, Sid, Davey and
everyone else. It didn't get stale at any point in the match, AT ALL as there
was always some big feud going on, or an exciting moment. Plus Heenan's
commentary is PRICELESS, and Monsoon along with him make for very entertaining
moments. For that one match alone, you CANNOT get any better, plus Flair gets
the belt in a spectacular moment.
Highly Recommended for the Main
Event alone.
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