WCW Starrcade 1999

From Washington, D.C.; Your Hosts are Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, and Bobby Heenan.

Opening Match: The Mamalukes v Disco Inferno and Lash LeRoux: Big brawl to start, with the dust settles on LeRoux and Big Vito. Vito gives him a vertical suplex and pounds in the corner, then levels him with a thrustkick. Tag to Johnny the Bull, and they nail LeRoux with a double-team clothesline, but Johnny ends up getting hiptossed and armdragged. Tag to Disco for an inverted atomic drop, followed by a clothesline for two. Nice Russian legsweep gets two, but a cross corner charge misses, and Johnny sweeps him. Cheap shot from Vito, and a swinging neckbreaker get two, as the Mamalukes cut the ring in half. Vito ends up missing a 2^nd rope splash to allow the tag to LeRoux, and he's a bayou of fire! Four-way brawl from there, and we get a neat spot with Disco and Lash pinballing Vito through a bunch of spots, but Disco inadvertently hitting LeRoux with the Chartbuster, and knocking him into a jumping DDT from Vito for the pin at 9:37. When Disco Inferno is the best and most experienced guy in a match, you're in trouble. They were trying, but everything from the transitions to the timing was Indy-level stuff here. ½*

WCW Cruiserweight Title Match: Evan Karagias v Madusa: Madusa impresses me right away by screwing up a tope, and having to stop, climb through the ropes, and dive onto Evan in the aisle. Sigh... and she's the veteran in this one, too. She unloads on him with rights, and tosses the champ into the steps before heading in. Evan decks her and hits a cross corner clothesline, then follows with a bodyslam, but misses/overshoots a springboard moonsault. Madusa with a 2^nd rope dropkick, but a second try gets her slammed off the turnbuckle, and Evan delivers a sitout powerbomb. Somersault cradle gets two, and triggers a super sloppy bridging reversal sequence that ends in an even sloppier powerbomb from Madusa for two. Another reversal sequence knocks the challenger to the outside, and Evan is on her with a flying bodypress, but stops to randomly make out with his girlfriend, Spice. That ends with her giving him a low blow (and the idiot apparently forgetting to sell it), and Madusa German suplexes him for the title at 3:32. Too short to be offensive, but it's not like they weren't trying. DUD

WCW Hardcore Title Match: Norman Smiley v Meng: Norman brings the obligatory cart full of plunder out to the ring with him, but Meng laughs him off, and throws it back in his face - literally. Meng beats him up the aisle and to the backstage area, but suddenly Fit Finlay and Brian Knobs pop out and attack him. Meng actually holds his own and fends them off, but gets overwhelmed, and Smiley scores the pin at 4:29. Total crap, but thankfully short, since there are, like, 300 matches to get through tonight. DUD

Eight-Person Tag Team: Jim Duggan and The Varsity Club v The Revolution: 'Person' is in reference is Asya's involvement here, not Jim Duggan's. Varsity Club reunites, acting as Duggan's mystery partners. Duggan starts off with Dean Malenko, but his stench sends Dean running within seconds, and Saturn starts instead. Saturn gets pounded by the Varsity Club in the corner, and then passes back to Malenko - in a pointless sequence. Duggan manhandles him, and hits the 3-Point Stance, but Saturn breaks up a potential pin. Revolution hammer Duggan in their home corner, and Saturn cuts the ring in half with some really sloppy, half-assed stuff. More triple-teaming, so the Club runs in to brawl - only to turn on Duggan in short order. They leave him for dead, and Shane Douglas covers for the pin at 4:54. Another waste of time bullshit TV match. DUD

Vampiro v Steve Williams: If Vampiro wins, he gets five minutes with Oklahoma - who spends the match inside of a shark cage, and provides commentary. Vampiro dives at him with a springboard during the entrances, but a powerbomb on the floor is counted with a backdrop. Inside, Vampiro unloads with kicks in the corner, but gets caught with a pair of 3-point stances, but a blind charge misses, and Vampiro die suplexes him for two. To the top, but Williams brings him down with a nasty looking overhead superplex. That draws the Misfits in Action in, but Williams tosses them all. It provides enough distraction for Vampiro to nail him with a roundhouse kick, but a spinkick is countered with a head-and-arm suplex. Williams decides to mount Vampiro with punches, but ends up shoving the referee when he attempts to intervene, and gets himself disqualified at 5:00. What the fuck was that ending? I understand the idea of running a DQ in theory, but the execution was horrible. I mean, Williams is in control, and then just randomly decides to punch out the referee? Who booked this sh... oh... right. ¼*

Vampiro v Oklahoma: So now, Vampiro gets his hands on Oklahoma. Though, because Vampiro is still hurt from Williams' beat down, Oklahoma actually dominates with a DDT and a boatload of stomps. Vampiro returns fire with a uranage, and the Misfits run back in to abuse Oklahoma some. The five of them take turns, until Vampiro finishes him with a scoop piledriver at 2:52. So much for five minutes... DUD

Six-Person Tag Team Match: Curt Hennig and Creative Control v Midnight and Harlem Heat: So much for Hennig's 'retirement' the month before. Booker T and Midnight are sans Stevie Ray at the bell, but they start the match anyway. Booker holds his own in what is essentially a three-on-one handicap match (Midnight is a woman), but gets overwhelmed, and worked over. Booker manages to catch Gerald with an axekick to make the tag, but Midnight gets quickly outnumbered, and clotheslined out to the floor for a beat down. Hennig drags her in by the hair for some more abuse, as Stevie Ray finally makes his way out to bitch about the man/woman violence. Yeah, well, maybe if you'd been there for your brother to tag this wouldn't be happening, asshole. And even still, he just hangs out on the floor and watches, so maybe it's less a protest of the man/woman violence, and mote a fetish. 50 Shades of Black? Booker gets the tag and is a house of arson, but takes a knux shot from Hennig, and Patrick pins him at 7:53. And yes, for those counting, this is the third inter-gender match on this show tonight, since apparently we were all way too comfortable with men casually hitting women at the end of the twentieth century. Was Sean Connery booking, or something. DUD

Bunkhouse Brawl: Jeff Jarrett v Dustin Rhodes: Jarrett actually attacks him backstage to start the match, and they brawl out to the ring. Jeff takes a visually impressive bump by getting bodyslammed INTO a wheelbarrow, and Dustin breaks a piece of plywood over his back. Rhodes controls with punchy-kicky stuff with various weapon shots peppered in, but the referee objects, so Rhodes duct tapes him to the ropes. Well, that's one strategy, I guess. Out comes Curt Hennig to help the helpless official, and Jarrett gets Rhodes in a sleeper. Dustin manages to side suplex his way out, and hits a uranage for two - Hennig breaking up the fall. Jeff cradles him to trigger a sloppy pinfall reversal sequence, but ends up draped in the corner, and takes the Shattered Dreams for two. Hennig runs in again, so Rhodes gives him one as well - only to get backdropped over the top when charging Jarrett. They brawl over to the entrance set from there, and Jeff comes off a ladder with a guitar shot for the pin at 11:23. This might have been okay as an actual wrestling match, but instead it was just another an overlong, overbooked hardcore match. ½*

Crowbar on a Pole Match: Diamond Dallas Page v David Flair: David attacks him with a crowbar before the match even starts, effectively negating the entire point of this match. The referee rules Page unable to compete at 1:20, and awards the match to Flair, but the DDP doesn't want to quit, and drags himself in to continue. He manages to schoolboy Flair for two, but David goes to work on the back/ribs he hurt with the crowbar. David with a sunset flip for two, and a DDT gets two. Lariat for two, but Page catches him with a short-clothesline, and both guys sell like they've been out there for twenty minutes. Flair blows him low to prevent him climbing the pole, and a bodyslam sets up the Figure Four. Page reverses, but David gets the crowbar - only to miss a swing, and take the Diamond Cutter at 5:34. Another TV match. ¼*

Sting v Lex Luger: Lex attacks his old pal at the bell, and dumps him to the outside for some slow-motion whips into the guardrail. Back in, Luger bodyslams him, and hits a series of pointed elbowdrops for two. Vertical suplex, but Sting pops up, and he pinfalls Lex with Miss Elizabeth on the apron. Dropkick for Luger, so Liz (and he giant machine-gun jubilees) runs in to turn on Sting with a can of mace - only for it to be loaded with silly-string. Nice bit there, as  Sting finally saw a turn coming, after years of missing increasingly obvious ones. Nothing really comes of it though, as Liz just kind of goes back out to the floor, and Sting gets back to Luger with an inverted atomic drop. Flying splash gets two, and a facebuster follows. Pair of Stinger Splashes, but Liz runs in to break up the Scorpion Deathlock with a bat, and Sting wins by disqualification at 5:23. Complete and utter garbage, as everyone looked to be moving in slow-motion, and it was all angle. ¼*

Powerbomb Match: Kevin Nash v Sid Vicious: First guy to hit a Powerbomb wins it. Nash wins the initial lockup with a kneelift, and shoves Sid into the corner for a bunch more. Pictureframe elbowsmash and a scrapbuster for two - as apparently the referee has forgotten the stipulations. Sid tries a Powerbomb out of a criss cross but gets blown low, and they spill to the outside for Nash to try one on the floor, but he gets blocked. The crowd is just gone here, though who wouldn't be after sitting through this show thus far? Not that this match is doing much to help matters, but this is one we can't entirely blame on Sid and Kevin Nash. Sid with a weak chairshot out there (If you're not going to do the spot right, just don't bother. Like, I get that chairshots are unsafe, and I'm not encouraging them. I'm fine with not seeing it at all, because the whole point of a chairshot is that it's supposed to be brutal, and a love tap doesn't exactly achieve that, rendering it a pointless waste of time), and back inside, Vicious bodyslams him. Whip into the corner knocks the referee down (with the guy doing the goofiest extended sell job I've ever seen, as he just kneels there and faces the wrong way for five minutes), and of course, now Sid hits the Powerbomb (nearly killing Nash in the process). The referee didn't see it though, so Jeff Jarrett runs back out, and wallops Sid with a guitar. Nash goes for the Powerbomb, but he can't muscle Sid up, so instead he just goes over to the referee, and informs him that he hit it - the official taking him at his word, and awarding him the bout at 6:58. –½*

WCW United States Title Ladder Match: Chris Benoit v Jeff Jarrett: Benoit was awarded the title earlier in the night, when previous champion Scott Hall suffered an injury. Brawl in the aisle to start, and inside, Benoit controls with a short-clothesline, followed by a modified backbreaker. Superplex, and Benoit marches up the aisle to grab the ladder - only for Jarrett to kick it back into his face with a baseball slide. Jeff with a slam onto the ladder, and back inside Jeff props it up in the corner - only for Chris to reverse a whip into it. He adds another to knock the challenger out of the ring, and climbs, but Jeff crotches him on the top rope to stop the effort. He props the ladder back up in the corner to successfully toss Benoit into, and he hangs Chris on it, then Russian legsweeps the ladder down in a neat spot. Jeff climbs, but Chris pulls him down and hangs him upside-down on the ladder to trap him while he makes a climb attempt. He nearly makes it, but Jarrett flails, and knocks it over. Both men climb for a slugfest at the top, and both end up getting knocked down - though nobody really bumps. Benoit climbs again, but Jeff tips the ladder over, and Chris lands across the top rope. Jeff climbs, but Chris shoves it over, and Jarrett crotches himself on the top rope. Chris climbs again, but Jeff missile dropkicks the ladder, and Benoit crashes to the mat, in a fantastic bump. Jeff tries to climb, but Chris dropkicks the ladder into his face before he can, and gives him an insane flying headbutt off the top of the ladder instead of grabbing the belt. Back up, and Benoit snags the US Title to retain at 10:15. Fun, and better than their match from the month before thanks to the ladder, but still quite short, rushed, and underwhelming for a ladder match. The lack of run-ins and gross overbooking was like a breath of fresh air here, too. ** ¼

Main Event: No Disqualification WCW World Title Match: Bret Hart v Goldberg: Both guys go through their extended stretching routines to sell that this is an epic, and they start with a handshake. First lockup goes to a stalemate, but the second goes Goldberg's way when he shoves Hart hard across the ring. Another tie-up goes Bret's way with a side-headlock, and he wrestles his challenger down to the mat in the hold, but Goldberg powers out with a shoulderblock. Press slam and a pair of short-clotheslines hit, allowing Goldberg to slap on a grapevine. Hart tries countering into the Sharpshooter, but Goldberg blocks, and Bret takes a breather on the floor. Goldberg follows, but ends up getting whipped into the referee out there as they brawl. Another referee runs out as Goldberg slams Hart across the rail, and they head back in for Goldberg to hit a big boot. Hiptoss bumps the second referee, and allows Hart to dodge the spear, and slap on the ringpost figure four as a third referee runs out. He takes a pretty nasty fall onto his head out there, too, as Goldberg forgets to support his ankle while he applies the hold. Back in, Hart targets the knee with some basic stuff, and hooks a figure four. Goldberg reverses, but Bret is in the ropes, and he tries for the Sharpshooter, but Goldberg blocks again. Hart keeps after the knee, and the third referee goes down. The distraction allows Goldberg to reverse an Irish whip and superkick Hart (in a spot that severely injured Hart, forcing the end of his career the next month), setting up the spear. Roddy Piper joins us to takeover as referee (complete with referee shirt - what luck!), but Goldberg doesn't know what to make of it, and Hart sweeps him into the Sharpshooter - Piper calling for the bell before Bret even gets it locked at 12:07, in a reference to the Montreal Screwjob two years earlier. Bret bitches (man, you can't win with that guy!), but the referees decision is final, and Hart remains the champ. Wow, what a piece of shit way to end the biggest show of the year. The match was junk before that, too, but it's certainly historically significant as what would essentially be the end of Bret Hart's legendary in-ring career. ¾*

BUExperience: Man, take your pick – there’s plenty to hate here! Three inter-gender matches, ten gimmick matches, eight matches with significant run-ins, and nothing over twelve minutes! But, hey, only one negative-star match, and when we’re talking 1999 WCW, that’s the number to focus on.

Other than a good (albeit forgettable) Ladder match between two guys that the WWE will never highlight with a DVD release for, and Bret suffering a career ending injury, there’s nothing here. But hey, they’ve screwed up Starrcade before! I’m sure they’ll have plenty more chances, don’t worry! DUD