HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Coliseum Video: Supertape II

- The HITMAN383 Rant for WWF/Coliseum Video Supertape II. This came out around 1990, and has some WWF action, including a ton of stuff from a MSG house show in late 1989. (This was originally written in 2001)

- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent, **** - Great, *** - Good, **- Okay, * - Decent, DUD - Awful.

- Ad for “Battle of the Superstars.” Dear G-D, that looks like a bad tape. The ad promises lots of Jake Roberts, Dusty Rhodes and Bushwhackers matches. Would YOU rent that?

- Your Host is Sean Mooney in WWF Studios. The set for this looks like something right out of Nickelodeon, and Mooney acts like it is. He even plays with his WWF action figures! You go, Mooney!

- Opening King’s Crown Match: Randy Savage vs. Jim Duggan: Savage was the “King” at this point, and Duggan wants a shot at it. Commentator Alfred Hayes: “It’s pretty obvious that Savage is on a quest to win tonight!” Really? I love watching Hayes work, he’s hilarious. This looks like it’s from an episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event, or something, in late ‘89/early ’90. (January 1990) Savage poses on his throne, so Duggan tips it over, allowing Savage to bump before the match even starts! Inside, Savage clotheslines him down, and chokes him with his boot. Duggan clotheslines him back off a criss cross, and works him over in the corner. Shoulder block gets two, and an atomic drop follows. Sherri distracts him long enough for Savage to knee him out, and then hit an axe handle onto him. Savage destroys him out there, and dumps him back in for another axe handle. That gets him a two count, so he hits a neck snap on the top rope for two. Nash rope choke spot misses, but Duggan misses an elbow. Savage charges him, but Jim backdrops him to the floor. Back inside, Duggan slams the hell out of him, and splashes him. He covers, but Sherri distracts the ref. long enough for Duggan’s cover to only get two. Jim complains about it, prompting Savage to do a Pearl Harbor job, but Duggan hits three clotheslines to put him on the floor. He gets a hold of Sherri, and starts to beat her, but Savage saves. He gets her loaded purse and bashes Jim with it, but it only gets two. Duggan hulks-up, and small packages him (bad one, too) for two. He eats him up with clotheslines, and goes for the 3-point stance. It connects, and Savage hits the floor. Suplex back in, but Sherri trips him up and holds the leg, and the WrestleMania V spot allows Savage to get the pin at 9:11. Afterwards, Duggan gets revenge with the 2x4. Decent. * ½.

- Rocker’s profile! Shawn and Marty go through random comments in front of a WWF logo. Good for them.

- The Rockers vs. The Powers of Pain: This is from that MSG House Show in late 1989 that gives us a lot of matches for this tape. (Actually, January 1990)  Shawn and Barbarian start, and Barbie tosses him ¾ the way across the ring a couple times. Shawn out runs the big guy, however, and hooks a headlock. A criss cross leads to a shoulder block by Barbarian, and another leads to a slam attempt, but Jannetty comes off the top with a cross body to allow Shawn a two. The Rocker’s work the arm in their usual fashion, and then use double superkicks to put both heels on the floor. Warlord and Shawn go now, and Warlord’s biceps eclipse Shawn altogether. A dropkick/school boy combo gets the Rockers a two, but when Marty tries a rana, he gets powerbombed! 50-foot backdrop follows for two, and he follows with another one, this time putting Marty flat on his face. The 123 Kid would later steal that sequence with Bam Bam Bigelow at Royal Rumble 1995. Barbarian gets tagged in, and Barbie superkicks him to the floor. He follows out, and helps Fuji get his cane shots in, then follows by ramming Jannetty into the post. Back in, Marty does the 360-clothesline sell for a two count, and Warlord gets in to hit an axe handle. Marty has a slugfest with him, and actually wins, but Barbarian stops THAT effort. Barbie tags in, and hooks a bear hug. Not totally bad, however, as they hurt his back earlier on, and in context, it’s a good hold. It’s a short one anyway, as he slams him but misses a 2nd rope elbow. Shawn gets the hot tag, and does the 10-punch count on Barbarian, and sunset flips Warlord (the illegal man) for two. Cross body for two, and we have a 4-man brawl. The Rockers get taken out, and Barbarian slams him for the win at 9:57. Sure, show them job in the PROFILE MATCH. Smart. Afterwards, the Powers kill Marty, but Shawn clears the ring with a chair. Fun match, actually. ** ¼.

- The Rockers vs. Greg Valentine and Dino Bravo: This is off of Superstars, and BOY are the Rockers over! They even get the Hardy Boyz treatment, as they get a big teenage-girl pop when they take their shirts off. Dino starts with Marty, and throws him around to start. Criss cross leads to the Rocker’s double teaming Dino, and dropkicking both heels out. Man, this is JUST LIKE the previous match, so far. When they come back in, it’s Shawn and Bravo, but Greg gets tagged in quickly. Valentine kills him with axe handles, and works the arm. He misses a corner charge, however, so Shawn works the shoulder. Marty gets tagged, and splashes the bad shoulder. Back to Shawn, who knee drops the arm, and they double chop him for two. Greg rakes the eyes and tags Bravo, who comes in with chops. Marty takes him down with a monkey flip, but gets atomic dropped off a 2nd attempt. Valentine tags in, and suplexes Jannetty for two. Abdominal Stretch hooks in, and he tags Bravo while holding it in. Dino hammers the abs, which lures Shawn in, and that allows the heels to double-team Marty Morton. Gutwrench suplex gets two, and a Valentine elbow leads to the figure four! Marty flips out of it, but can’t tag, so Greg elbow drops him for two. Dino tags in, and holds a front facelock, but Shawn is able to tag in anyhow! It’s blind, of course, as the ref. doesn’t see it, and Valentine gets back in to drop more elbows. Dino misses a big elbow, and Marty finally makes the hot tag! Shawn backdrops Dino, and a cross body gets two. He dodges all of Bravo’s punches, and snap suplexes him! They dropkick Valentine out, and both guys drop in on Dino with top rope fist drops! It gets two, and the crowd is going CRAZY! Greg lays Shawn out, and puts Bravo on top for two, as Jannetty saves. Marty gets the hot tag, and rolls up Bravo, but there is too much commotion to get a count. Valentine comes in and clotheslines Marty, allowing Dino to roll through and get the pin at 11:34. Great, another job. Afterwards, ref. Ronnie Garvin reverses the decision, and the Rockers win. Okay. Couldn’t they just get the clean pin? (On TV?! In 1989?! ARE YOU DEFECTIVE?!)  Eh. Take what you get, I guess. Huge pop, however. Another fun outing. ** ½.

- A Hawaiian WWF Fan requests to see Hercules vs. Akeem. Sure, the WWF is glad to oblige THAT one, but when we beg for Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, we get NOTHING. I think Vince must be a sadist, or something. Or maybe it’s Pat Patterson’s doing, I don’t know.

- Fan Favorite Match: Hercules vs. Akeem: Damn you Hawaiian girl! DAMN YOU!! This is off Superstars as well. Akeem stalls to start, but gets taken into the corner by Herc. 10-punch count goes down, and another punch knocks Akeem to the floor. Slick comforts him, so Herc decks him too, and Slick tries to fight him. Funny stuff, actually. Back in, they have a boxing match, and Hercules easily wins. Criss cross leads to ANOTHER series of punches, and this is ALL Herc has done in this match. He dumbly tries a slam, so Akeem kicks his ass. Slick gets the tag rope (remember those), and chokes Herc with it. It makes me wanna yell “Michael Corleone say’s HELLO!”, but I resist. Akeem misses a charge, so Herc rams him to the corner, and knees him down. He starts going nuts with clotheslines, so Slick pulls down the top rope to put Herc out, and cause a DQ at 4:59. Afterwards, Hercules slams Akeem. It could have been A LOT worse, but it wasn’t THAT bad. That doesn’t mean it was good, however. It was still a big, fat DUD, just like Akeem.

- Sean Mooney tells us that commentating in the WWF isn’t easy because us common folk don’t know all the intricate moves being done by the WWF wrestlers today, and we need a lesson in it. Yeah, because G-D KNOWS that leg drops, clotheslines and body slams are WAY hard to call for us plebeians.

- We see random clips of the Orient Express doing some moves such as “forearm,” and “reverse Irish whip,” and “Leapfrog” and “backdrop.” But none compare to the “jumping karate kick!” Gee, I’m glad I’ve had the great Alfred Hayes (the best commentator EVER) to teach me these intricate moves.

- The Orient Express and Demolition fire random pre-recorded comments at eachother regarding their match.

- Demolition vs. The Orient Express: Another one from that MSG show. We learn the date, as Gorilla says that they are two weeks away from WrestleMania VI, and facing the Colossal Connection. Okay, so it’s March 1990. They also make a big deal over how record breaking three tag title reigns would be, should they win at WM. Yeah, and Edge and Christian have held the gold HOW many times, again? Tanaka and Smash start, and Smash over powers him. They move around at super slow speed, as Smash clotheslines him into the mat. Ax gets tagged in, and lives up to the name by chopping at him. Snapmare leads to a headvice, but Fuji’s distraction allows Tanaka to tag. Ax dominates that confrontation, so Sato bails. The heels use Evil Japanese Tactics™ to take over, but Smash comes in with a backbreaker for two. He arm bars Tanaka, and then tags Ax, who does the same. Great. The Demos hit a double backdrop, but Smash gets punched in the nose. Sato comes in with chops, but Smash powers out of the heel corner, and slams him. He shoulderblocks him down, but Tanaka cross bodies him to stop the effort. The camera guy misses the spot, however. Smash is dumped out, and Fuji gives him a gentle tap with the cane. Smash, to his credit, sells it like he was shot. Smash IS Ricky Morton now, as the Orients work him over. Nothing more inspired than punches, however. Ax gets the hot tag (but the crowd isn’t hot!), and he cleans house. Powerslam gets two on Tanaka, and a big brawl breaks out. The Demos get rid of Sato, and try the Decapitator, but Fuji stops it. Ax chases him out, but gets powder thrown in his face, and then gets counted out at 11:00. Yeah, have the next Tag Champs job. The Orients would then, of course, go on to beat the Rockers at WM VI, another undeserved win. Match sucked, and the ending didn’t help it any. DUD.

- Bret Hart vs. Rick Martel: Another MSG match, and it should be a good one. Big pop for the Hitman, but it would be another year and a half before he’d get a singles title. Oddly, he’d do it in this very building. The announcers discuss the time limit before we even start, which gives away the ending RIGHT THERE. Nice move, Hayes! Anyway, Rick was on MAJOR steroids at this point, as he is SUPER inflated, way beyond his normal levels. Rick works Hart over in the corner to start, but takes a lariat after gloating. Bret gets a small package for two, and Martel bails. He re-groups, and comes back in, but misses a corner charge, hurting his arm. Bret works on that (because he’s THE GAME), and hooks a mat based wristlock. Hey it’s a HOUSE SHOW. What did you expect? (Yeah, fuck you, paying customers!)  Criss cross gets Bret a backslide (for two), as Hayes tries to decide which guy is better looking. That’s just wrong. Back to the arm bar. Oddly, the crowd stays hot for it, showing how great Bret was. Another criss cross gets Bret dumped out, and it’s VERY clear that they are pulling the time, so they can go to a draw. Martel does some weak pounding out there, and takes time to do jumping jacks. It’s Big Poppa Pump, 10 years early. Suplex back in for two (but at least he hooked the leg), and Rick stomps on the back. Why did they used to keep these HS buildings SO dark? It’s a pretty big crowd, I think they could light the joint up. Either way. More back pounding by the Model, and he goes into an abdominal stretch. He uses the ropes for leverage, however, which redeems it. What I don’t get is why the ref. would always run over (after he’s let off the ropes), and see the ropes shaking like crazy, and look over to the heel and go “did you use these?” The heel, of course, shakes his head no. “Oh, the draft made the ropes shake that way! I swear!” This is why people looked down on wrestling so much in the early 90’s. Ref. finally catches Rick in the act, and Hart is able to escape. He’s still hurt, however, so Martel keeps hammering. Bret gets an atomic drop, and stalks Martel into the corner to big pops. Snap suplex, and an elbow drop get two. Slam and the 2nd rope elbow get two. Russian leg sweep (called a “neckbreaker” by Monsoon) for two, and Rick bails. The crowd is just INTO Hart now. Bret drags him back in, and a backbreaker gets him two. The Model bails again, so Bret drags him back in again! Rick begs off, but takes a dropkick. Stomp to the groin for two, and Rick runs again! Damn it! This time, he rakes Bret’s eyes when he tries to pull him back in, and they slug it out on the floor. Bret wins THAT contest, and atomic drops him, as the bell rings at 11:46. Apparently the time limit has expired, but I never heard of an 11:46 time limit. Oh well. Why not just do a double C/O since they’re already on the floor? Anyway, Martel attacks him after, so Bret kicks his ass. Fun match, but I could have done without that ending. ** ¾.

- Manager Profile on Slick. Hey, they play Jive Soul Bro, so I’m happy.

- Cage Match: Rick Rude vs. Roddy Piper: Sean Mooney says that this is “undoubtedly one of the best matches in WWF history.” We’ll see about THAT one! This is also in the Garden. Both guys draw excellent heat, as the crowd despises Rude, and LOVES Piper. Rude attacks him as he enters the cage, and hammers on the Hot Rod. He tries to ram him to the bars, but Roddy blocks, and tosses the Ravishing One into the cage. Piper takes off his pre-ring attire, and beats Rude with his belt. He bites the head, which gets Rick to blade. He dumbly tries to climb (despite getting his ass kicked the whole match), so Piper tugs his tights down. He throws him into the cage, and tries to climb, but Rude crotches him. Rick works the crotch (yeah, you read right), and goes for the door, but Roddy hangs onto him. Rude is totally into the “RAW-sell” at this point too, as four minutes in, he looks like Flair after 30 minutes with Steamboat. He goes to the door again, and nearly makes it to the floor. Piper uses all his strength (AND another Rude-ass shot) to keep him in, and then he pounds. Gee, pull your tights up, Rick! He waits to hit a Rude Awakening, AND crawl around for three minutes before he does, and then Piper tugs ‘em down again! Come on now! They both collide off a double clothesline, and both men try to climb out. They brawl at the top (with Rude’s tights STILL down!), and they both climb down to reach the floor at the same time at 8:08. Well that was cheap. Rushed, but still … wait … what? Oh, the match MUST CONTINUE! Rude bops him with a chair outside, and rolls him back in. He goes to the VERY TOP of the cage, and hits a knee drop from up there in a great visual. Wow. The tights still remain down, however. That big move gets two (it’s pin/submission or escape here), and then piledrives Piper. He goes to the very top again, but Piper shakes the cage to crotch Rude up there. Piper pushes him off, and Rude hangs upside down from the top, in another great visual. Roddy tries to climb out the door, but Heenan throws the door in his face to give Rude a two. Damn it, if your tights don’t come up, I’m quitting this match! Rude side suplexes him, and gets some knux from The Brain. Piper decks him, however, and steals the knux to get a shot of his own in. He goes for the door and gets to the floor in 12:00. Very good for a house show match, but Rick’s ass ruins it a little. *** ¼.

- We get some assorted bloopers from WWF TV. It’s just a compilation of cute moments off of different WWF shows. Not super exciting or anything, but fun enough.

- Final Match: Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect & The Genius: (Not sure why I was doing ‘opening’ and ‘final’ on a compilation tape, but whatever) Another MSG match, which was the main event of that card. The Cage Match definitely should have been the main event of the tape, however. Hogan starts with Hennig, as the tape starts to get REALLY jumpy. I hope we can get through this one kids. Then again, do I? Hulk over powers Curt to start, but gets caught in the corner. Thankfully, Heenan has taken over for Hayes on Color, which helps the quality by 1,000,000 points RIGHT THERE. Hulk kicks Curt in the face (which he sells by flying over the top), and he tags Beefcake. The Barber runs out to attack Perfect and Genius, as Bobby gets in a classic: “Here’s Beefcake’s favorite: from behind.” BURN! Back in, Beefcake hammers away on the ambiguously over-selling duo. Tag to Hogan, who’s clothesline nearly kills Curt. Back to Beefcake (but not before some back scratches by Hogan) for a double back elbow. High knee hits for two, as Gorilla comments that Beefcake has gotten a lot bigger over the last month or so. I wonder how THAT happened? Hulk gets in to make Perfect oversell some more, and even punches Genius off the apron now and then, when he’s not satisfied by the amount of overselling already being done. Clothesline puts Curt out, but he is able to catch Hogan with a shot with the steel scroll (but according to Heenan, it’s iron. Just incase ya wanted to know.) Genius gets tagged in, and plays it TOTALLY gay as he hammers Hogan. The heels double team Hogan in the bad guy corner, as the Genius gaily prances around. Genius moonsaults him (but hits knees), so he oversells by flipping over. Now THAT’S overselling. Both guys tag, and the Barber pounds Hennig. He IS Triple H at this point, using non-stop knee shots. Sleeper gets hooked in, and Hogan takes the Genius out for good measure. This isn’t over, sadly, as Genius is able to bop Beefcake with the iron scroll for two. Brutus Morton gets pounded by Hennig, as Heenan and Hillbilly Jim have a HILARIOUS conversation about Hillbilly’s Grandpappy, and his magic goodluck horseshoe. You have to hear it to believe it. It’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in weeks. They keep working homo-cake over, while they taunt Hogan at every turn. Criss cross allows Beefcake to kick Hennig in the head (sold with a back flip!), and he gets the hot tag to Hogan! It’s blind, however, as the ref. missed it. Aww, shucks. Genius gets back in, and chokes Beefcake, keeping him in the heel corner. This is SUCH a formula tag match. Perfect-plex hits, but Hogan saves at two. Both guys make the tag, and Hogan forces both guys to oversell for him at the same time. Big boot and the leg drop finish the Genius at 15:06. Decent match, but it’s HOGAN AND BEEFCAKE so what do you expect? *. The haircut follows. Gee, in early 1990 the Genius got like 1,000 haircuts by this duo, didn’t he?

- Mooney closes the tape.

- Bottom Line: Pretty okay-ish, no? I mean, nothing was blow-away great, but it was solid enough for the most part. I enjoyed the Piper/Rude, and the Hart/Martel match, and the rest isn’t too bad. The Rocker’s profile was weak though. I mean, ** matches? Come on! Show the Brianbuster’s one, or the Hart Foundation one or something. Then again, it’s 1990 WWF, so what am I expecting?

- Mildly Recommended.