HITMAN383 Rant for WWF Coliseum Video: Wham, Bam, Bodyslam

- Next up on the Coliseum Video hit list: Wham, Bam, Bodyslam, from 1995. This looks somewhat promising, too. (This was originally written in 2001)

- BTW, I use this system: ***** - Excellent,
**** - Great,
*** - Good,
**- Okay,
* - Decent,
DUD - Awful.

- Your Host is Ted DiBiase.

- Lex Luger vs. Tatanka: This seems like it’s shortly after SummerSlam ’94. (October ’94, in fact) Lex chases Tatanka to start, and hammers the hell out of the turncoat. He shoulderblocks him to the outside, where Tatanka stalls for a while. A long while. Lex chases him outside, but to no avail, as he gets away and stalls some more. Tatanka FINALLY gets back in, and works on the head. Gorilla says that’s good strategy, since Lex doesn’t have much up there. You can say THAT again. He proves that point by no selling, and hammering away. He tries the ten-punch count in the corner, but get atomic dropped out. He lariats Tatanka in response, but gets tossed to the outside. Tatanka abuses him out there, and then rolls him in for chokes. Lots and lots of chokes. Slam and an elbow drop get two, and another elbow drop gets another two. Chinlock applied, as the crowd continues to die. Then again, they STARTED out dead, so I guess this hold isn’t KILLING the crowd, is it? Lex powers out, but takes a knee to the gut off a criss cross for two. More chinlock. He powers out once again, but takes a lariat for two. Back to that damn, damn chinlock. Tatanka always worked better as a face, make no mistake. Lex escapes with a side suplex, but can’t capitalize. Tatanka pounds on his back, and then chops away on his chest. He eats boot off a corner charge, however, as we inch towards the time limit. Lex kicks him in the gut, and hits a knee lift to wake the crowd up. Bulldog connects, and he hits a series of clotheslines to dump him outside. The slug it out on the floor, and go to a double countout at 13:51. What a poor ending. Way, way, way, way too long, and a big, fat DUD. Lex challenges Tatanka to come back in, which makes me groan by reflex. Tatanka runs back in, and gets racked right away, but the match is officially over, so it goes no where. At least the crowd popped for it, but I know I sure didn’t.

- Bret Hart and Davey Boy Smith vs. Owen Hart and Jim Neidhart: This should be pretty good. I don’t think Bret and Davey even can stand in the same room together today, let alone team up. (Well, today they certainly can’t do either) Times change, times change. This is probably the same show as the above match, and must be only a short time after SummerSlam. Bret and Owen start, and they play mind games with eachother. They trade holds on the mat, and Bret gets a crucifix for two. He works on the arm (Hart’s favorite thing to work), but Owen elbows his way out. A criss cross allows Bret a reverse monkey flip, and he clotheslines the Rocket to the concrete. Owen comes back in, but Bret wants a piece of the Anvil instead. He taunts him in, and they do a criss cross. Jim hooks in a bear hug, but Bret quickly escapes, and tags. They trade shoulderblocks (with no one moving) to establish that they’re both big, and Jim tags Owen in. A criss cross allows Davey a solid clothesline, and a backdrop follows. Bulldog hits the hanging vertical suplex for two, and hooks a chinlock. Crap, why did ya have to do that? Another criss cross allows the Anvil a cheap shot, and Owen goes to work. He hits a great spin heel kick for two, and brings Neidhart in. They double clothesline Davey Boy Morton, and Jim hooks a chinlock of his own. Owen gets in, and leg drops him for two. Enzuiguri (sold with a 360 by Davey!) gets two, and the heels choke Bulldog in the corner. Atomic drop hits, and the heels make a wish with Davey’s legs. Neidhart hits a hair slam (hey, leave that to Alundra!) (With that haircut, he deserved it), and Bret chases Owen on the floor. In the confusion, Owen hits the Hart Attack on Davey for two, and they continue to hammer him. Owen hits a neckbreaker for two, and puts the dog in the house with a chinlock. Davey breaks the choke chain, and a double shoulderblock knocks both men out. They inch towards their respective corners, and thanks to the Anvil, Davey makes a blind tag. The heels fumble the advantage, however, and Bret gets the REAL tag, and dropkicks Neidhart right away. He takes Owen out, and rams their heads together for extra points. He continues to clean house, and hits a Russian leg sweep on Owen for two. Backbreaker and the 2nd rope elbow get two, and a snap suplex connects. He hooks the Sharpshooter, but Jim quickly breaks it up. Davey tags in, and tries a press slam, but Neidhart stops it again! Everyone brawls, and they do the “small package roll over” spot to end the match. For those that don’t know, the face does a small package (Davey on Owen), and then Jim pushes it over so Owen is on top, but Bret pushes it back to let Davey get the pin at 14:28. Great match! **** ¼. (I knocked this way down to ** when I did the BUExperience on this tape. My enthusiasm for it here kinda makes me want to rewatch it though.)

- Doink and Dink cause havoc in the WWF offices. As funny as you would expect. That means it wasn’t funny, BTW.

- WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett: Razor has some scoutmaster as a manager. This is during the period when the WWF would take a fan from the audience, and let him/her be a wrestlers manager for the evening. (They would also let little kids be ring announcers (on TV, no less), leading to introductions like, ‘Fro Miami, weightin two hundehd fourie five poun, Raza Raman!’) Jeff isn’t much of a contender yet, but would win the title some four months later. Major stalling to start, but Jeff gets an arm drag. He does another, as this one doesn’t want to get underway. More stalling. Razor catches him with a right hand off the ropes, which causes Jeff to stall some more. What have I done to deserve this? Ramon hits a fallaway slam for two, when Jeff gets his foot on the ropes. Razor goes into an arm bar, but Jarrett hits a series of dropkicks to take over. Double J hits the you-know-who rope choke spot, and side suplexes him for two. Slam, and Jarrett hits a top rope cross body, but Razor rolls through for two. Jeff gets a lariat for two, and hooks a chinlock. Jeff tries a hip toss, but Ramon turns it into a backslide for a two count. Jeff whips him hard into the corners, but misses an enzuiguri. Razor sells it like it hit, however, so Jarrett goes back to the chinlock. Ramon side suplexes out, and gets a two count out of it. Slugfest won by Razor, but he gets tossed out to the floor off a charge. That busts him open, too. Razor kicks his ass out there, but Jeff rams him into the apron, and gets the countout win at 11:21. Not really a good match, but decent. *. (See, and this one I actually upgraded to **, so who knows)
- Afterwards, Jarrett challenges Ramon to come back in, and he does. See, this was a test for Rumble ’95, only Ramon would win at house shows, and Jeff would win at the PPV.
- WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett: Jeff kicks his ass to start, but quickly gets caught in the Razor’s Edge, and pinned in :37. DUD.

- The Bushwhackers vs. Well Dunn: At least on “Smack Em, Whack Em” the Whackers didn’t have to wrestle. The Whackers endlessly stall to start, as usual. They finally start (by biting the heels’ asses), and then hit a double atomic drop. They clothesline both heels out, and do their lame form of posing. The heels get Butch alone, and hammer. Nothing more inspired than stomps. Butch comes back with a terrible bulldog, and the faces take down both heels with clotheslines. More posing. Steve chokes Luke, just for the hell of it, but gets kicked in the face off a charge. Again, everyone brawls, and the faces use the clotheslines. We, thankfully, cut to later in the match, because this is killing me. The heels work Luke’s back, as the fans take a collective nap. Sooooo booooring. Luke finally makes the tags, and Butch kills them with his usual crap. They hit the battering ram on Tim, but Steve stops the cover. Luke responds by hammering Tim, and butting Butch on top for the pin at 7:57. Wow, that was TERRIBLE. - **** ¾. Seriously, I didn’t see ONE good thing about this whole match, except some sweet D-lo-like leg drops by Tim.

- Six Man Tag Team Match: Lex Luger & The Smoking Gunns vs. Tatanka, Diesel & Shawn Michaels: This is joined in progress, as Shawn and Luger go. Lex takes him down with a clothesline, and press slams him onto Diesel. The Gunns run in, and everyone brawls, with the faces easily clearing the heels out. Diesel goes with Bart now, and easily works the cowboy over. Tatanka is tagged in to abuse Bart some, but Gunn hits a cross body for two. He slams him, and dropkicks the Indian. Sidewinder hits, and Luger comes in, which causes Tatanka to tag Shawn. Lex wins that confrontation, and Bart tags in. Shawn cheats to win, but misses a Stinger Splash. A criss cross allows Diesel to tug down the top rope, and Bart to bump to the outside. Tatanka throws him back in to Shawn, and the heels work him over in the corner. Diesel gets in, and chokes the cowboy in the corner. Tatanka hits a slam and an elbow drop, and Bart Morton is in big trouble. Shawn gets back in, and hooks a chinlock. That’s not like Shawn at all. (In the early-90s, hell yeah it was) Bart escapes, drops Shawn on his head, and makes the hot tag to Billy. Shawn takes a high backdrop, and Billy knocks the other heels off the apron! He bulldogs Shawn from the top for two, and a 6-man brawl breaks out. Luger and Tatanka fight on the floor (to mammoth pops, actually), as Diesel powerbombs Billy to let Shawn get the pin at 9:19. Fun match, ***.

- WWF Title Lumberjack Match: Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart: This has potential. Slugfest to start, won by Bret, and he kills Owen in the corner. Atomic drop hits, and a DDT follows. Leg drop by the champ, and Owen bails, but the Bushwhackers toss him back in. Owen rakes the eyes to take control, and chokes the Hitman. He dumps Bret out, and Jarrett tosses him back inside. European uppercut by the Rocket, and he hooks a camel clutch. Bret fights out, and gets a wristlock, but Owen tugs the hair and gets a chinlock. Criss cross allows Jarrett to trip Bret up, but he still is able to hook the Sharpshooter! Well Dunn distract the ref., however, and Neidhart clobbers Bret to give Owen the pin, and the title, at 3:05! Oh my G-D! Owen celebrates, while being hoisted up by the heels, but more refs. come in to sort it all out. They finally decide that the match MUST continue! Owen misses a charge to the post right away, and Bret slams him. Elbow drop connects, and Bret gives him a rope burn. Chinlock applied, and a criss cross leads to a Bret cross body for two. He rams Owen’s head to the canvas, and goes back to the chinlock. Criss cross allows Owen to knee Bret in the gut (sold with a flip by the champ!), and Owen kicks him while he’s down. Bret gets thrown out to the heels, and they beat on him before rolling him in. Owen covers for two, and hits the enzuiguri for two. Owen uppercuts his older brother a few times, and then dropkicks him to the floor. The heels beat on him again, and throw him back in for Owen to finish the job. “Let’s Go Bret” chant breaks out as Owen suplexes him for two. Chinlock hooked in, but Bret breaks, only to get tombstoned by Owen. Owen heads up, but misses a suicide splash, and Bret hammers him. Owen takes Bret’s sternum first bump, and Bret drops a leg for two. Russian leg sweep for two. Inside cradle gets two, and a backbreaker hits. 2nd rope elbow gets him two, but Neidhart grabs the Hitman for Owen to hit. It screws up, of course, and Bret rolls Owen up for the pin at 11:24. It’s Bret vs. Owen … do you THINK I liked it? *** ¼.

- Pettengill gives us Video Game tips. Oh Boy! Get a pen and paper! This waists like ten minutes of valuable wrestling time, which pisses me off.

- WWF Women’s Title Match: Alundra Blayze vs. Bull Nakano: Stalling to start, and once they start Blayze kicks away on Bull. She misses an enzuiguri, however, and Nakano hits some VICIOUS hair slam spots. Ouch. She smacks Alundra on her head a few more times, and a leg drop gets one. I’ve always liked Nakano’s wrestling ability. She’s light years ahead of Chyna, anyway. Double chokeslam gets two, and Alundra comes back with a neck snap on the ropes. She heads to the top, but Bull slams her off, and piledrives her for two. Bull hooks a vicious anklelock, and then a reverse figure four. Again, I like Bull. Surfboard follows, and then the wrench back Sharpshooter is applied. Suplex for two, and a butt splash gets another two. Nakano bulldogs her from the top, and then throws her into the ring steps. Nakano is the Vader of Women’s wrestling in terms of stiffness. (Though, she never gave me a stiffy. Loose old Stacey Keibler sure did) She chokes her out there, and slams her back inside for two. Alundra comes back with her own hair slam spots, but Luna trips her up. Bull hits a crazy DDT for two, as Blayze makes the ropes. Criss cross allows Alundra a crucifix for two. She tries a sunset flip, but gets butt splashed for two. Bull with a powerbomb for two, and she heads up, so Alundra tries to superplex her off, but gets pushed off. Nakano misses a top rope ass splash (good one, too), and the champ hits a series of dropkicks. A 2nd rope version gets her two, and the German suplex finishes at 10:19. I’ve always liked these two together. *** ¼. (This is pretty much the only match on the tape where my rating essentially hasn’t changed. Everything else is either wildly over or underrated)

- 20 Man Battle Royal: Everyone gangs up to dump Yokozuna out, but he takes Fatu with him. Everyone brawls for a good stretch, in typical battle royal fare, and Nikolai Volkoff gets tosses. Bart Gunn dumps Jimmy Del Ray, and Backlund dumps Tom Pritchard. Oh, Jim Cornette’s gonna have a fit! Holly dumps Bigelow (by luck, as he ducks a charge), and Backlund gets rid of Bart. Kwang and Adam Bomb eliminate eachother, as IRS atomic drops Billy Gunn. Diesel tosses Mabel (to a big face pop, and a “Diesel” chant), so everyone gangs up to dump him out. That pissed the crowd off, but they cheer him on all the way to the back. Jarrett rids us of Holly, and then tosses Droese. IRS is out, and for some reason Del Ray is still in there. I thought he got dumped earlier. He gets dumped now, either way. Billy Gunn dumps Samu, and we’re down to Bob Backlund, 123 Kid, Jeff Jarrett and Billy Gunn. It’s either Jarrett or Kid, I think. They pair off and fight, and Double J tosses Gunn. BYE BYE BILLY. He tosses Kid next, but he skins the cat, and dumps Jarrett to a big pop. Man, they are LOVING the guy. Backlund gets him in the chicken wing, however, but a “123” chant busts out. It doesn’t help, however, as Bob tosses him shortly after at 12:22. Afterwards, Bob snaps a little, and gets that crazy look in his eyes. I’m not crazy about battle royals, but this was decent. **.

- Bottom Line: What a fun tape! The family feud tag match was excellent, excellent stuff, and the Bret/Owen, Women’s title, and six-man tag matches were all good stuff. The rest is decent stuff from the period, and if you skip that damn, damn Bushwhackers match, you have a really great tape.

- Recommended.