WWF Monday Night RAW (March 7, 1994)

Original Airdate: March 7, 1994 (Taped February 21)

From Poughkeepsie, New York; Your Hosts are Vince McMahon and Ted DiBiase.

Opening Match: The Smoking Gunns v Owen Hart and Crush: Owen is just in his full, bratty heel glory here - yelling at everyone, and ripping the sunglasses up in peoples' faces. Bart Gunn starts with him, and they get right into a shovefest. Bart with a hiptoss out of a criss cross, but Owen rakes the eyes to escape an armbar, and tags. Crush with a bodyslam, but he gets his neck snapped across the top rope, and Bart throws a flying bodypress for two. Tag to Billy Gunn for a headlock, and a sunset cradle for two. Crush rakes the eyes, as Nikolai Volkoff (sitting at ringside, in his only suit) leads a 'USA' chant against the Hawaiian. I guess it's mainland or bust for Nikolai. Billy tries a hangman’s clothesline off the middle rope, but Crush rakes the eyes yet again to escape an armbar, and tags Owen. Billy catches him with a powerslam coming in, but runs into a spinheel kick during a criss cross, and Owen snap suplexes him. Crush with a flying axehandle and a savate kick as they cut the ring in half, but Owen can't stop a tag. Bart is a barn of fire, but Crush clips his knee to save Owen from a powerbomb, and Hart slaps on the Sharpshooter at 9:08. Good little tag match here, actually! Too many damn eyerakes, but well paced, and well worked. * ¾

WrestleMania X Report! They're still really pushing Sy Sperling's appearance hard. Harder than any of the matches, even

Jeff Jarrett v Virgil: Vince: 'Virgil is a man without any money!' Yeah, yeah, he meant that he doesn't work for DiBiase any longer, but holy shit, talk about hitting close to home. Jeff stalls, but ends up caught in a hammerlock, and takes a sunset flip for two. Armdrag into an armbar, as Vince hypes the usual, horrible sounding USA Network Movie of the Week. The more of these we hear him pimp during this period, the more thankful we should all be that USA shows ACTUAL movies now, and not the crap they were pumping out in the mid-90s. Anyway, Virgil keeps working the arm, but it turns into a slugfest, and Virgil hits an inverted atomic drop. Backdrop, but Jarrett counters with a DDT, and gets the pin at 4:45. Really dull stuff here. DUD

Sy Sperling, President of the Hair Club for Men, gives us a demonstration of what Mr. Fuji would look like with hair. Jesus, more of him? Were they planning on putting the Intercontinental Title on him, or something? For fucks sake...

Hot RAW Girl Sign of the Week: Get Ready, Get RAW

Doink v Mike Sharpe: Doink outwits Sharpe early, and dropkicks him, before armdragging him out of the ring.  Sharpe tries a sneak attack while Doink messes around with Dink, but misses a cross corner charge, and takes the Whoopee Cushion at 2:33. Man, the quality of these Doink squashes has plummeted since the face turn, and subsequent change from Matt Bourne playing the character. DUD

Vince McMahon brings the Chief of the Lumbee Nation, Wahoo McDaniel, and Chief Jay Strongbow out to present Tatanka with a ceremonial headdress. I wasn't allowed to stay up to watch RAW yet when this aired, but I remember seeing this on one of the Saturday morning shows (Mania, probably), and my mom (who has no interest in wrestling whatsoever) thinking it was the greatest thing, because it obviously meant so much to Tatanka. The tears in his eyes really sold it - it was like he was wrestling an Iron Man with Bret Hart out there. Next week: the Chef of the Lumbee Nation will be here to present Tatanka with dinner!

IRS v Mark Thomas: IRS immediately reminds Tatanka that he owes a gift tax on that headdress, with Howard Finkel shooting him a hilariously dirty look as he does. IRS controls with a headlock early, but misses a cross corner charge, and Thomas schoolboys him for two. IRS dumps him to the outside in response, and rolls him in for a rope-assisted abdominal stretch. IRS switches to some brief, token leg work, then finishes with the Write Off at 3:40. Nothing of note. DUD

Jim Cornette brings The Heavenly Bodies to ringside to hype Sundays March to WrestleMania special, where Lex Luger faces Jimmy Del-Ray. And, of course, WrestleMania itself, which Cornette compares to buying an American car versus a Toyota. Well, can't argue with him there

BUExperience: Nothing of real consequence this week, though the opening tag match is good, and the Tatanka segment was well done. Not a bad episode, necessarily, but nothing to tell momma about